'Theatrhythm: Final Fantasy' Is the Actual Name of a Game That Actually Exists

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Posted by Alex (2021 posts) -

There are, at last count, somewhere in the neighborhood of a quarter million words in the English language, and that doesn't even count all the stuff currently contained within the hallowed pages of Urban Dictionary. And yet, this does not stop Japanese developers from actively going out of their way to dig into the annals of obscure language, and even recombine words in inexplicable fashion, as if words were some malleable form, just waiting to be reshaped by the right set of hands. And thus, we find ourselves with games like Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together, Ar tonelico Qoga: Knell of Ar Ciel, and now, Theatrhythm: Final Fantasy.

Images! Depicting things happening!

What in the Sam Hell is a Theatrhythm: Final Fantasy, you ask? Totally reasonable question. According to the announcement of the game featured in Japan's weekly magazine Jump (thankfully translated by Andriasang), it is a "theater rhythm" game. What in the Sam Hell does that mean? I. Don't. Know.

What Andriasang was able to ascertain from the info-lite announcement story is that the game will feature battles similar to the side-view battles in older Final Fantasy games, and that multiple popular characters from the series, including Cloud and Lightning, will make appearances--albeit in a decidedly cuter, "Chibi"-inspired form. Other stories covering the announcement have made note of the gameplay resembling something like Patapon, with rhythmic tapping tying into the game's battle system.

Whatever the heck it is, we will supposedly learn more about Theatrhythm: Final Fantasy when more info pops up in next week's Famitsu. In the meantime, I'll just go back to developing my Final Fantasy-themed cooking simulator, Final Fantasy Epicuriosity: Can This Sandwich Be a Dream?

Staff
#1 Posted by Alex (2021 posts) -

There are, at last count, somewhere in the neighborhood of a quarter million words in the English language, and that doesn't even count all the stuff currently contained within the hallowed pages of Urban Dictionary. And yet, this does not stop Japanese developers from actively going out of their way to dig into the annals of obscure language, and even recombine words in inexplicable fashion, as if words were some malleable form, just waiting to be reshaped by the right set of hands. And thus, we find ourselves with games like Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together, Ar tonelico Qoga: Knell of Ar Ciel, and now, Theatrhythm: Final Fantasy.

Images! Depicting things happening!

What in the Sam Hell is a Theatrhythm: Final Fantasy, you ask? Totally reasonable question. According to the announcement of the game featured in Japan's weekly magazine Jump (thankfully translated by Andriasang), it is a "theater rhythm" game. What in the Sam Hell does that mean? I. Don't. Know.

What Andriasang was able to ascertain from the info-lite announcement story is that the game will feature battles similar to the side-view battles in older Final Fantasy games, and that multiple popular characters from the series, including Cloud and Lightning, will make appearances--albeit in a decidedly cuter, "Chibi"-inspired form. Other stories covering the announcement have made note of the gameplay resembling something like Patapon, with rhythmic tapping tying into the game's battle system.

Whatever the heck it is, we will supposedly learn more about Theatrhythm: Final Fantasy when more info pops up in next week's Famitsu. In the meantime, I'll just go back to developing my Final Fantasy-themed cooking simulator, Final Fantasy Epicuriosity: Can This Sandwich Be a Dream?

Staff
#2 Posted by drowsap (680 posts) -

what the hell

#3 Posted by Zeninnnnnnnn (176 posts) -

still not worse than dissidia duodecim 012

#4 Edited by Jonathan (654 posts) -

...but why? Who is this being made for?

#5 Posted by coakroach (2490 posts) -

I'd love to see the boardroom meeting at squareenix that lead to this

#6 Edited by Elazul (1327 posts) -
#7 Posted by Animasta (14667 posts) -

@Jonathan said:

...but why? Who is this being made for?

Theatrhythm enthusiasts

#8 Posted by BD_Mr_Bubbles (1700 posts) -

O kay then

#9 Posted by Hailinel (24284 posts) -

Apparently, Alex didn't understand the musical reference in Tactics Ogre's subtitle.

#10 Posted by MeatSim (10818 posts) -

Finally that theater rhythm game everyone's always wanted?

#11 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

You're working on a Final Fantasy cooking game? What a surprise! I'm working on a Final Fantasy rail shooter! It's called Railockon: Final Fantasy.

#12 Posted by bkbroiler (1616 posts) -

WE WILL KILL SEPHIROTH WITH THE POWER OF DANCE

#13 Posted by Faint (833 posts) -

It's official. The company that has made me pursue a dream of designing games for more than 10 years, currently studying games at university even - is officially dead to me. They have no clue what they are doing anymore. Someone save the once mighty JRPG genre. I'm begging you.

#14 Posted by fox01313 (5069 posts) -

Yet another FF franchise to drive in the ground along with the other FF games instead of giving the rabid fans of the KH franchise a new game or other non-FF games. Maybe all their games now are going to be created with whatever Scrabble tiles lying around instead of being creative.

#15 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
@Hailinel said:
Apparently, Alex didn't understand the musical reference in Tactics Ogre's subtitle.
That was a musical reference? I thought it was just advertising how gay the game can be :P.
#16 Posted by VarkhanMB (159 posts) -

I would play Final Fantasy Epicuriosity.

#17 Posted by MEATBALL (3159 posts) -

This is one Alex Navarro-ass headline.

#18 Posted by Kaigan (274 posts) -

Transfarhythm.

#19 Posted by The_Moorasaurus (88 posts) -

Who's got two thumbs, is a pirate, and has seemingly has no relevance to the rest of the picture?

Japanese-pirate-man, that's who.

Clearly he is an advertisement for their next game, an open-world, sea-exploration game designed to teach Japanese children how to write.

Nauticalligraphy: Final Fantasy

#20 Posted by ShiftyMagician (2129 posts) -
@bkbroiler said:

WE WILL KILL SEPHIROTH WITH THE POWER OF DANCE

Prepare the god-tier magical dance, THE SALSA-GA!
#21 Posted by DougQuaid (1274 posts) -

Square-Enix, get your fucking shit together.

#23 Posted by mosespippy (4103 posts) -
@Jonathan said:
...but why? Who is this being made for?
Shareholders who say there isn't enough Final Fantasy games in development.
#24 Posted by JetForceGemini (174 posts) -

Looking back at what Square used to be and what they are now, it's just... sad :(

#25 Posted by cravins90 (118 posts) -

I've heard rumors about a combination FPS/brain teasing puzzle game. It's called Shootzle: Final Fantasy: Will the Scream of Bullets Ever Let Me Concentrate?

#26 Posted by nERVEcenter (172 posts) -

The difference between this and Tactics Ogre: LUCT? TO was a quality experience and a worthwhile investment into Square-Enix's published properties. 
 
Whatever the hell they're doing with this stupid rhythm game is completely beyond anyone outside of those weird-ass SE boardroom meetings.

#27 Posted by GalacticPunt (1039 posts) -

@Video_Game_King said:

@Hailinel said:
Apparently, Alex didn't understand the musical reference in Tactics Ogre's subtitle.
That was a musical reference? I thought it was just advertising how gay the game can be :P.

It's a Queen song title, so it's totally rock and roll AND flaming at the same time!

Alex knows his rock, so I think he's referencing the grammatical weirdness of "Tactics Ogre." WTF is "Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together" supposed to convey? "Ogre Battle: March of the Black Queen" works as a Queen reference and a video game title. You get the sense that you will be in medievel times fighting ogres and royalty and shit. But a "Tactics Ogre"? Is that a game where an ogre sits alone in a room drawing on maps, and you have to hug him to cheer him up?

I'm being facetious, I know all of Matsuno's games. But Japanese game titles are often incoherent word-salad.

#28 Posted by buft (3315 posts) -

Man! make a real final fantasy game you douches!

#29 Posted by DarkbeatDK (1262 posts) -

Rhythm game? Sure why not.

I wonder if it all will be classic Final Fantasy tunes though...

#30 Posted by JackSukeru (5908 posts) -

I always thought that the characters bouncing around during the turn-based battles in certain RPG's made it looked like they were dancing. I also always thought that, that was totally cool so I say bring on the dance fighting!

#31 Posted by lokilaufey (249 posts) -

Who knows if this will even be localized - it's very clearly catering to the tastes of the Japanese audience. It's only getting coverage because it's Final Fantasy. People need to remember that Square-Enix is a Japanese company, and generally make games that cater more-so to their own demographic and sometimes not at all to the American one. Honestly, I'm also kind of surprised that this isn't just a mobile game. Guess they wanted to bank on the success of a new system.

#32 Posted by Dixavd (1331 posts) -

Wow you lot are so inconsistant - you strive for innovation in the gaming industry and then as soon as someone does eomthing different with a franchise you flame because it isn't "a real final fantasy game" - God seriously you should all be ashamed of yourselves, it is consumers like you that stop new IP's appearing and dig franchises to the groudn with repetition. If you want to play an older Final Fantasy game then play one of them then, they still exist and you can't honestly expect them to release the same game every time but with different characters. It's all fine to make a joke about what they do (I am not condemning people who do that) but condemning the creators or Square for not making a game in the bias that you have put in your own mind is insulting to everyone inclusing yourself. You don't own the series, you don't have to buy any of these games and there is no reason why you can't play an older game if that's the kind of game you want to play - just stop halting evolution in games.

#33 Posted by Kyle (2323 posts) -

Wow, is it April 1st already? Good one, Square.

#34 Posted by BasketSnake (1184 posts) -

Kevin James. Potato. This summer.

#35 Posted by lokilaufey (249 posts) -

@Dixavd: BUT GAMERS ARE ENTITLED TO HAVE WHATEVER THEY WAAAANT.

No really, I agree. It's a big problem with the Final Fantasy fanbase, and just fanbases in general. They cry about how they want innovation or change so the series doesn't become stale and the second that it happens? The fans shit all over them. Sadly a lot of people operate on a "this game isn't made for my tastes so it's shit." Nevermind that there are a lot of demographics that Square likes to appeal to, not just adult male Americans.

#36 Posted by gla55jAw (2687 posts) -

@The_Moorasaurus said:

Who's got two thumbs, is a pirate, and has seemingly has no relevance to the rest of the picture?

Japanese-pirate-man, that's who.

Clearly he is an advertisement for their next game, an open-world, sea-exploration game designed to teach Japanese children how to write.

Nauticalligraphy: Final Fantasy

Japanese-pirate-man is my favorite type of pirate-man.

#37 Posted by Kyle (2323 posts) -

@Dixavd: Not that I care at all about this game, but to be fair, trotting out old FF characters to tap into nostalgia is not innovation. It's cheap and lazy.

#38 Posted by Pop (2617 posts) -

I would totally buy a final fantasy cooking simulator.

#39 Posted by sirdesmond (1234 posts) -

I feel like I would definitely play Final Fantasy Epicuriosity: Can This Sandwich Be a Dream? before this game. Maybe they'll show off something cool, but it sounds like a big WTF right now.

#40 Posted by craigymail (193 posts) -

You've got to love those crazy japs! Square Enix knows how to draw attention to themselves!

#41 Posted by MisterMouse (3545 posts) -

I am struggling to even say that word... Theatrythm...

#42 Posted by pakattak (199 posts) -

@The_Moorasaurus: That's the Shonen Jump Mascot.

@craigymail: You might want to re-think the use of the word "jap".

You know what? I'm in. I like colorful art design, I like Final Fantasy characters and I like rhythm games. Do it, Squeenix.

#43 Posted by Soulblitz (349 posts) -

I would play that game on my iPhone.

#44 Posted by Brodehouse (9778 posts) -

@Soulblitz: Same, though with their pricing policy it'll come out at 15 bucks.

#45 Posted by Sunspots (185 posts) -

Sounds retarded.

#46 Posted by Zaxex (582 posts) -

Change the title to "Threat-Rhythm" which is what I thought it was, and I'm sold.

Theatrhythm makes no damn sense. Given they are a Japanese company, but I imagine they have someone on staff who speaks English and could tell them that Theatrhythm is unpronounceable and generally awful.

Again;Threat Rhythm would have saved this.

#47 Posted by Vexxan (4618 posts) -

No.

#48 Posted by Ryoman (9 posts) -

Kinda excited for this . Not trolling. Final Fantasy Patapon sounds fucking awesome to me even if it doesn't to anyone else.  Hopefully they put a bunch of the lesser characters in along with the obvious ones. 

#49 Posted by Vendetta (438 posts) -

Hey guys, you say you would buy a Final Fantasy VII remake by the millions? Same with a Chrono Trigger/Chrono Cross sequel? You're eager to play a Final Fantasy Tactics game not made for 10-year olds? Want us to fix our broken ass MMO?  Well, too bad! You'll have this rhythm game, and you'll like it! Also, please buy FFXIII-2, the sequel that nobody asked for.

#50 Posted by 49th (2722 posts) -

Stop making games T_T

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