In Defense of Mr. Caffeine

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#1 Posted by ch3burashka (5073 posts) -

Ubisoft had a lot of stuffing going on this year: retro intro videos, dancing, some French dudes, some more dancing, some "bros" making shadow puppets and finally, dancing. However, they kicked things off with a bang with the introduction... of Mr. Caffeine. 
 
Personally, I had never heard of Mr. Caffeine and had assumed he was some kind of stand-up comic. Seeing as how his Twitter feed is less than a day old, I'm assuming he's a manufactured personality by Ubisoft to spice shit up. And guess what? For the first time in marketing history, they were right.  
 
Mr. Caffeine was amazing. All the hate is reminding me of the "Butt Out!" team from South Park, the "cool" guys who did an anti-smoking assembly. Mr. C was nowhere near as cheesy or shitty. 
  

Butt Out! =/= Mr. Caffeine 

I will secede only one aspect of Mr. Caffeine, and that's his actual existence. In retrospect, it's completely weird that, instead of bringing out developers (which, granted, they did), they decided to invent an intermediary as opposed to getting Joel McHale again or... Stephen Colbert or something. However, once they went through with the decision to build him (they had the technology, you know) it appears they made the right choice.    
    
Butt Out(tm) is also a "field dressing" tool, which means you stick in deer's asses to "disconnect the anal alimentary canal".  

The E3 conferences have run the gamut, from Microsoft's hipster 360 reveal to Sony's spreadsheet conferences to Konami's "mirrion twoops". Most times it's either genuinely exciting, boring, or just plain embarrassing. Amazingly, by some strange magic I don't fully understand, Mr. Caffeine managed to completely avoid the "embarrassing" spectrum, and I think I know why: he himself was excited for the products he was pimping, not in a marketing, I'm-getting-paid-for-this way, but in a much more genuine way. Calling random strangers, even podcast personalities, friends is always awkward and slightly embarrassing, but that was exactly what he was going for: he was joking around, having fun and being pleasant overall. The doodly-doodly parts were funny to me, because it seemed like a natural thing to do: your friend would make a similar joke, and you'd believe it. All of these descriptions can be summed up in one word: personality. Unlike every other presenter during E3, he brought a personality with him, one that was simply relaxed and free.
 
Regardless of all y'all haters say, I loved Mr. Caffeine, and I honestly want him back for next year. Ubisoft, you've accidentally discovered magic in your marketing lab; don't squander it. 
Stay Golden, Caffeine Boy. 
#2 Posted by GlenTennis (3145 posts) -

I was laughing the entire time, but not for the reasons he wanted.

#3 Posted by DeathByWaffle (636 posts) -

He was firmly planted in the embarrassing spectrum.

#4 Posted by BeachThunder (11941 posts) -

Oh, never heard of him, I guess I'm glad I didn't watch the Ubisoft conference...=/

Online
#5 Posted by RockinKemosabe (619 posts) -

Jeremy disapproves of Mr. Caffeine.

#6 Posted by Gumby (229 posts) -

I'm trying to watch it now but i have to pause constantly because it's so awkward to watch. Like 3-4 people out of an entire room full of people are laughing at his jokes. I don't think that's a good sign... : /

#7 Posted by sixghost (1679 posts) -

People watched the Ubi press conference?

#8 Posted by PillClinton (3291 posts) -
#9 Posted by ch3burashka (5073 posts) -
@sixghost said:

People watched the Ubi press conference?

They were hoping for some BG&E2 news. 
#10 Posted by Animasta (14691 posts) -

@DeathByWaffle said:

He was firmly planted in the embarrassing spectrum.

HE SAID EPIC FAIL ONSTAGE.

I don't know how many times I can bring this up

#11 Posted by Bismarck (430 posts) -

I liked him, some jokes were ok, some not. But I liked him.

#12 Posted by Jaize (46 posts) -

As with almost all of the Ubi conference... he was just so... French.

#13 Posted by Jolt92 (1551 posts) -

Great Wii-dick joke, just 5 years too late. I hated that fucker. I liked the EA stuff, Nintendo, and Tim Schafer.

#14 Posted by Gumby (229 posts) -
@RockinKemosabe said:

Jeremy disapproves of Mr. Caffeine.

So does Tom Calancy...
#15 Posted by Azteck (7449 posts) -

That dude was really energetic..

#16 Edited by Slaker117 (4842 posts) -

Nothing about Mr. Caffeine was defensible.

#17 Posted by probablytuna (3664 posts) -

I really didn't like him. At all.

#18 Posted by BeachThunder (11941 posts) -
@Laketown said:

@DeathByWaffle said:

He was firmly planted in the embarrassing spectrum.

HE SAID EPIC FAIL ONSTAGE.

I don't know how many times I can bring this up

Wait, he actually said epic fail? That's so epic f...I mean, that's...um...bad.
Online
#19 Posted by faustyn (615 posts) -

@CH3BURASHKA said:

Microsoft's hipster 360 reveal (...)

wait what? can you explain that?

@CH3BURASHKA said:

Mr. Caffeine managed to completely avoid the "embarrassing" spectrum.

HE IS THE EMBARRASSING SPECTRUM. YOU CAN'T BE ANYMORE AWKWARD AND EMBARRASSING THAN THIS GUY. IT'S A SCIENTIFIC FACT.

@CH3BURASHKA said:

The doodly-doodly parts were funny to me, because it seemed like a natural thing to do: your friend would make a similar joke, and you'd believe it.

no. if your friends are into this kind of 'jokes' then...well have fun. and say hi to them for me.

ps. you're trolling right?

#20 Edited by ShadowKnight508 (659 posts) -

At first, Mr. Caffeine was bearable to watch, since I had the Rayman Origins gameplay demonstration to watch and be distracted with, but around the time Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon: Future Soldier aired, Mr. Caffeine became almost unbearable to watch. I nearly turned off the TV because of his lame deliveries and old, stale jokes.

Come on, UbiSoft...I'm sure there is someone else who can do better?

#21 Posted by BraveToaster (12589 posts) -
@DeathByWaffle said:

He was firmly planted in the embarrassing spectrum.

Indeed.
#22 Posted by FCKSNAP (2299 posts) -

Sure I won't be mad about seeing him again.

#23 Posted by DeeGee (2125 posts) -

I completely agree with you. People who were bitching about him really need to lighten up. Instead of "Urgh, dick jokes, I am too cool for this unfunny nonsense" you need to be all "Dick jokes? At a press conference? By some totally hyper manchild? What the fuck is going on, this is great!"

#24 Posted by natetodamax (19206 posts) -

Let's just say I wanted to violently assault the man with a kitchen fork five minutes into his appearance.

#25 Posted by ch3burashka (5073 posts) -

Man, gamers are a bunch of jaded motherfuckers. Do you guys not remember press conferences of yore? They were infinitely more awful than what he was doing.

#26 Posted by natetodamax (19206 posts) -

@DeeGee said:

I completely agree with you. People who were bitching about him really need to lighten up. Instead of "Urgh, dick jokes, I am too cool for this unfunny nonsense" you need to be all "Dick jokes? At a press conference? By some totally hyper manchild? What the fuck is going on, this is great!"

I watch E3 to see announcements and upcoming games. I don't watch it to see an idiot acting like my high school math class. I get enough of that immature garbage every day.

#27 Posted by PeasantAbuse (5138 posts) -

 
If any of my friends said a "doodly doodly" joke, I would murder them with my bare hands, and then commit suicide...Also with my bare hands.

#28 Edited by warxsnake (2650 posts) -

There is no deffense for Mr Caffeine. The FarCry3 team watching the e3 livestream at work started booing him after a while. Room full of ~200 facepalms.

If you think it sucked for you, imagine what it feels like having him lead-in a game you've worked on for 2 ~ 3 years.

#29 Posted by RandomInternetUser (6789 posts) -

I liked him more than a dead-serious executive talking numbers.  He was easy to laugh at.

#30 Posted by Slaker117 (4842 posts) -
@warxsnake said:

There is no deffense for Mr Caffeine. The FarCry3 team watching the e3 livestream at work started booing him after a while. Room full of ~200 facepalms.

There you go. Ubisoft employees agree, that man needs to be stabbed. Put him in AC: Revelations!
#31 Posted by SgtGrumbles (1024 posts) -

He was a terrible presenter, and the doodle-ee-doo is stolen from Wayne's World so he's not even got that…

#32 Posted by AhmadMetallic (18955 posts) -
@CH3BURASHKA:  You present an interesting point, but i disagree. I think he actually thought what he was doing was good stuff, and he was oblivious to the fact that he's a fucking laughingstock 
#33 Posted by RobotHamster (4171 posts) -

  

#34 Posted by EpicBenjamin (626 posts) -
@RobotHamster
  
I could watch this all day.
#35 Posted by ThePickle (4182 posts) -
  • Tom Calancy
  • Epic Fail
  • Charlie Sheen pre Tiger Blood
  • Poop on your toothpaste
  • Doodly doodly doodly doo
  • Joy wand

Nothing about this man is defensible.

#36 Edited by PenguinDust (12517 posts) -
@CH3BURASHKA:  You are a much more understanding and courteous person than I, because I found him to be grating and uncomfortable.  It was like your dad trying to be hip by using a bunch of words and phrases he saw on some teen-centric sitcom.  Mr Caffeine was "Johnny Xtreme" made real.   I sort of dug the French guys being all weird and silly with their "Ubi or not Ubi" humor, but Mr C felt artificial and manufactured to appeal to the 14 to 25 demographic.  I do feel for him, though because I'm sure when he got off stage people said "you did great".  Later, I imagine he'd read the reviews of the show and find mostly ridicule.  Except for you, though so I think you deserve praise there, too. 
#37 Posted by billnyethesciencepie (1335 posts) -
@shadowknight508: JADE RAYMOND 
 
WHERE HAS SHE GONE? :(
#38 Posted by kingzetta (4307 posts) -

I don't hate him, he was just embarrassing.

#39 Posted by SerpentineZERO (2 posts) -
@kingzetta said:
I don't hate him, he was just embarrassing.
Agreed. I didn't think he was funny (at all), but i don't think he deserves all the hate. I almost feel bad for the guy, i mean after all, he was just trying to lighten up a generally boring environment. I wanted him to get off the stage,  for his own good.
#40 Posted by ApolloBob (570 posts) -

If Mr. Caffeine allowed me to rear back and give him just one good solid window-rattling kick to the balls I would forgive him of all his crimes.

#41 Posted by demonbear (1859 posts) -

Oh come on, you kids need to calm the fuck down about this. He did okay. He got onstage and try to do an upbeat presentation, got a few stupid jokes. I thought he was alright. Jesus....

#42 Posted by nickystixx (184 posts) -

Right on. i liked mr caffeine. time traveling and all.

#43 Posted by Bigrhyno (505 posts) -

I've reached a point where I watch the press conferences to laugh at the embarrassing things that happen at each one. Therefore, I absolutely love Mr. Caffeine. I can get real information from show room floor demos and interviews.

#44 Posted by FreakAche (2953 posts) -

Did I ever tell you the definition of insanity? 
 
  

#45 Posted by Hot_Karl (3309 posts) -

Trying to defend Mr. Caffeine is equivalent to being a Hitler sympathizer. 
 
There. I said it.

#46 Posted by BrockNRolla (1702 posts) -

There was no excuse for this. It was painful and embarrassing. 

#47 Posted by RYNO9881 (625 posts) -

People who say he did a good job can have their opinions but those opinions are also crazy and also wrong.

#48 Posted by Getz (3013 posts) -

You need only watch this video to know what Mr. Caffeine is about.

#49 Posted by Auswin (66 posts) -

Mr. Caffeine is the William Shakespeare of his time. 
 
Only in death will his true genius be revealed.

#50 Posted by bonbolapti (1612 posts) -

ubisoft getting a guy to show enthusiasm to cynical people (or trying to be) I guess doesn't go well for the masses of people.
 
but I have to admit that I was actually laughing near the end of it, because he kept going. He did his thing, and that's commendable.
But I was prepared to play a drinking game for every time Joel McHale said "..wow"

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