In Defense of Mr. Caffeine

  • 75 results
  • 1
  • 2
Avatar image for ch3burashka
#1 Posted by ch3burashka (6087 posts) -

Ubisoft had a lot of stuffing going on this year: retro intro videos, dancing, some French dudes, some more dancing, some "bros" making shadow puppets and finally, dancing. However, they kicked things off with a bang with the introduction... of Mr. Caffeine. 
 
Personally, I had never heard of Mr. Caffeine and had assumed he was some kind of stand-up comic. Seeing as how his Twitter feed is less than a day old, I'm assuming he's a manufactured personality by Ubisoft to spice shit up. And guess what? For the first time in marketing history, they were right.  
 
Mr. Caffeine was amazing. All the hate is reminding me of the "Butt Out!" team from South Park, the "cool" guys who did an anti-smoking assembly. Mr. C was nowhere near as cheesy or shitty. 
  

Butt Out! =/= Mr. Caffeine 
Butt Out! =/= Mr. Caffeine 

I will secede only one aspect of Mr. Caffeine, and that's his actual existence. In retrospect, it's completely weird that, instead of bringing out developers (which, granted, they did), they decided to invent an intermediary as opposed to getting Joel McHale again or... Stephen Colbert or something. However, once they went through with the decision to build him (they had the technology, you know) it appears they made the right choice.    
    
Butt Out(tm) is also a
Butt Out(tm) is also a "field dressing" tool, which means you stick in deer's asses to "disconnect the anal alimentary canal".  

The E3 conferences have run the gamut, from Microsoft's hipster 360 reveal to Sony's spreadsheet conferences to Konami's "mirrion twoops". Most times it's either genuinely exciting, boring, or just plain embarrassing. Amazingly, by some strange magic I don't fully understand, Mr. Caffeine managed to completely avoid the "embarrassing" spectrum, and I think I know why: he himself was excited for the products he was pimping, not in a marketing, I'm-getting-paid-for-this way, but in a much more genuine way. Calling random strangers, even podcast personalities, friends is always awkward and slightly embarrassing, but that was exactly what he was going for: he was joking around, having fun and being pleasant overall. The doodly-doodly parts were funny to me, because it seemed like a natural thing to do: your friend would make a similar joke, and you'd believe it. All of these descriptions can be summed up in one word: personality. Unlike every other presenter during E3, he brought a personality with him, one that was simply relaxed and free.
 
Regardless of all y'all haters say, I loved Mr. Caffeine, and I honestly want him back for next year. Ubisoft, you've accidentally discovered magic in your marketing lab; don't squander it. 
Stay Golden, Caffeine Boy. 
Stay Golden, Caffeine Boy. 
Avatar image for glentennis
#2 Posted by GlenTennis (3272 posts) -

I was laughing the entire time, but not for the reasons he wanted.

Avatar image for deathbywaffle
#3 Posted by DeathByWaffle (779 posts) -

He was firmly planted in the embarrassing spectrum.

Avatar image for beachthunder
#4 Posted by BeachThunder (14509 posts) -

Oh, never heard of him, I guess I'm glad I didn't watch the Ubisoft conference...=/

Avatar image for rockinkemosabe
#5 Posted by rockinkemosabe (647 posts) -

Jeremy disapproves of Mr. Caffeine.

Avatar image for gumby
#6 Posted by Gumby (236 posts) -

I'm trying to watch it now but i have to pause constantly because it's so awkward to watch. Like 3-4 people out of an entire room full of people are laughing at his jokes. I don't think that's a good sign... : /

Avatar image for sixghost
#7 Posted by sixghost (1716 posts) -

People watched the Ubi press conference?

Avatar image for pillclinton
#8 Posted by PillClinton (3509 posts) -
No Caption Provided
Avatar image for ch3burashka
#9 Posted by ch3burashka (6087 posts) -
@sixghost said:

People watched the Ubi press conference?

They were hoping for some BG&E2 news. 
Avatar image for animasta
#10 Posted by Animasta (14903 posts) -

@DeathByWaffle said:

He was firmly planted in the embarrassing spectrum.

HE SAID EPIC FAIL ONSTAGE.

I don't know how many times I can bring this up

Avatar image for bismarck
#11 Posted by Bismarck (453 posts) -

I liked him, some jokes were ok, some not. But I liked him.

Avatar image for jaize
#12 Posted by Jaize (51 posts) -

As with almost all of the Ubi conference... he was just so... French.

Avatar image for julmust
#13 Posted by Julmust (1640 posts) -

Great Wii-dick joke, just 5 years too late. I hated that fucker. I liked the EA stuff, Nintendo, and Tim Schafer.

Avatar image for gumby
#14 Posted by Gumby (236 posts) -
@RockinKemosabe said:

Jeremy disapproves of Mr. Caffeine.

So does Tom Calancy...
Avatar image for azteck
#15 Posted by Azteck (7416 posts) -

That dude was really energetic..

Avatar image for slaker117
#16 Edited by Slaker117 (4873 posts) -

Nothing about Mr. Caffeine was defensible.

Avatar image for probablytuna
#17 Posted by probablytuna (4831 posts) -

I really didn't like him. At all.

Avatar image for beachthunder
#18 Posted by BeachThunder (14509 posts) -
@Laketown said:

@DeathByWaffle said:

He was firmly planted in the embarrassing spectrum.

HE SAID EPIC FAIL ONSTAGE.

I don't know how many times I can bring this up

Wait, he actually said epic fail? That's so epic f...I mean, that's...um...bad.
Avatar image for faustyn
#19 Posted by faustyn (658 posts) -

@CH3BURASHKA said:

Microsoft's hipster 360 reveal (...)

wait what? can you explain that?

@CH3BURASHKA said:

Mr. Caffeine managed to completely avoid the "embarrassing" spectrum.

HE IS THE EMBARRASSING SPECTRUM. YOU CAN'T BE ANYMORE AWKWARD AND EMBARRASSING THAN THIS GUY. IT'S A SCIENTIFIC FACT.

@CH3BURASHKA said:

The doodly-doodly parts were funny to me, because it seemed like a natural thing to do: your friend would make a similar joke, and you'd believe it.

no. if your friends are into this kind of 'jokes' then...well have fun. and say hi to them for me.

ps. you're trolling right?

Avatar image for shadowknight508
#20 Edited by ShadowKnight508 (774 posts) -

At first, Mr. Caffeine was bearable to watch, since I had the Rayman Origins gameplay demonstration to watch and be distracted with, but around the time Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon: Future Soldier aired, Mr. Caffeine became almost unbearable to watch. I nearly turned off the TV because of his lame deliveries and old, stale jokes.

Come on, UbiSoft...I'm sure there is someone else who can do better?

Avatar image for bravetoaster
#21 Posted by BraveToaster (12636 posts) -
@DeathByWaffle said:

He was firmly planted in the embarrassing spectrum.

Indeed.
Avatar image for fcksnap
#22 Posted by FCKSNAP (2338 posts) -

Sure I won't be mad about seeing him again.

Avatar image for deegee
#23 Posted by DeeGee (2192 posts) -

I completely agree with you. People who were bitching about him really need to lighten up. Instead of "Urgh, dick jokes, I am too cool for this unfunny nonsense" you need to be all "Dick jokes? At a press conference? By some totally hyper manchild? What the fuck is going on, this is great!"

Avatar image for natetodamax
#24 Posted by natetodamax (19462 posts) -

Let's just say I wanted to violently assault the man with a kitchen fork five minutes into his appearance.

Avatar image for ch3burashka
#25 Posted by ch3burashka (6087 posts) -

Man, gamers are a bunch of jaded motherfuckers. Do you guys not remember press conferences of yore? They were infinitely more awful than what he was doing.

Avatar image for natetodamax
#26 Posted by natetodamax (19462 posts) -

@DeeGee said:

I completely agree with you. People who were bitching about him really need to lighten up. Instead of "Urgh, dick jokes, I am too cool for this unfunny nonsense" you need to be all "Dick jokes? At a press conference? By some totally hyper manchild? What the fuck is going on, this is great!"

I watch E3 to see announcements and upcoming games. I don't watch it to see an idiot acting like my high school math class. I get enough of that immature garbage every day.

Avatar image for peasantabuse
#27 Posted by PeasantAbuse (5098 posts) -

 
If any of my friends said a "doodly doodly" joke, I would murder them with my bare hands, and then commit suicide...Also with my bare hands.

Avatar image for warxsnake
#28 Edited by warxsnake (2720 posts) -

There is no deffense for Mr Caffeine. The FarCry3 team watching the e3 livestream at work started booing him after a while. Room full of ~200 facepalms.

If you think it sucked for you, imagine what it feels like having him lead-in a game you've worked on for 2 ~ 3 years.

Avatar image for randominternetuser
#29 Posted by RandomInternetUser (6805 posts) -

I liked him more than a dead-serious executive talking numbers.  He was easy to laugh at.

Avatar image for slaker117
#30 Posted by Slaker117 (4873 posts) -
@warxsnake said:

There is no deffense for Mr Caffeine. The FarCry3 team watching the e3 livestream at work started booing him after a while. Room full of ~200 facepalms.

There you go. Ubisoft employees agree, that man needs to be stabbed. Put him in AC: Revelations!
Avatar image for sgtgrumbles
#31 Posted by SgtGrumbles (1024 posts) -

He was a terrible presenter, and the doodle-ee-doo is stolen from Wayne's World so he's not even got that…

Avatar image for ahmadmetallic
#32 Posted by AhmadMetallic (19301 posts) -
@CH3BURASHKA:  You present an interesting point, but i disagree. I think he actually thought what he was doing was good stuff, and he was oblivious to the fact that he's a fucking laughingstock 
Avatar image for robothamster
#33 Posted by RobotHamster (4249 posts) -

  

Avatar image for epicbenjamin
#34 Posted by EpicBenjamin (722 posts) -
@RobotHamster
  
I could watch this all day.
Avatar image for thepickle
#35 Posted by ThePickle (4335 posts) -
  • Tom Calancy
  • Epic Fail
  • Charlie Sheen pre Tiger Blood
  • Poop on your toothpaste
  • Doodly doodly doodly doo
  • Joy wand

Nothing about this man is defensible.

Avatar image for penguindust
#36 Edited by PenguinDust (12986 posts) -
@CH3BURASHKA:  You are a much more understanding and courteous person than I, because I found him to be grating and uncomfortable.  It was like your dad trying to be hip by using a bunch of words and phrases he saw on some teen-centric sitcom.  Mr Caffeine was "Johnny Xtreme" made real.   I sort of dug the French guys being all weird and silly with their "Ubi or not Ubi" humor, but Mr C felt artificial and manufactured to appeal to the 14 to 25 demographic.  I do feel for him, though because I'm sure when he got off stage people said "you did great".  Later, I imagine he'd read the reviews of the show and find mostly ridicule.  Except for you, though so I think you deserve praise there, too. 
Avatar image for kingzetta
#38 Posted by kingzetta (4497 posts) -

I don't hate him, he was just embarrassing.

Avatar image for serpentinezero
#39 Posted by SerpentineZERO (3 posts) -
@kingzetta said:
I don't hate him, he was just embarrassing.
Agreed. I didn't think he was funny (at all), but i don't think he deserves all the hate. I almost feel bad for the guy, i mean after all, he was just trying to lighten up a generally boring environment. I wanted him to get off the stage,  for his own good.
Avatar image for apollobob
#40 Posted by ApolloBob (577 posts) -

If Mr. Caffeine allowed me to rear back and give him just one good solid window-rattling kick to the balls I would forgive him of all his crimes.

Avatar image for demonbear
#41 Posted by demonbear (1934 posts) -

Oh come on, you kids need to calm the fuck down about this. He did okay. He got onstage and try to do an upbeat presentation, got a few stupid jokes. I thought he was alright. Jesus....

Avatar image for nickystixx
#42 Posted by nickystixx (217 posts) -

Right on. i liked mr caffeine. time traveling and all.

Avatar image for bigrhyno
#43 Posted by Bigrhyno (509 posts) -

I've reached a point where I watch the press conferences to laugh at the embarrassing things that happen at each one. Therefore, I absolutely love Mr. Caffeine. I can get real information from show room floor demos and interviews.

Avatar image for freakache
#44 Posted by FreakAche (3049 posts) -

Did I ever tell you the definition of insanity? 
 
  

Avatar image for hot_karl
#45 Posted by Hot_Karl (3321 posts) -

Trying to defend Mr. Caffeine is equivalent to being a Hitler sympathizer. 
 
There. I said it.

Avatar image for brocknrolla
#46 Posted by BrockNRolla (1725 posts) -

There was no excuse for this. It was painful and embarrassing. 

Avatar image for ryno9881
#47 Posted by RYNO9881 (660 posts) -

People who say he did a good job can have their opinions but those opinions are also crazy and also wrong.

Avatar image for getz
#48 Posted by Getz (3764 posts) -

You need only watch this video to know what Mr. Caffeine is about.

Avatar image for auswin
#49 Posted by Auswin (72 posts) -

Mr. Caffeine is the William Shakespeare of his time. 
 
Only in death will his true genius be revealed.

Avatar image for bonbolapti
#50 Posted by bonbolapti (1728 posts) -

ubisoft getting a guy to show enthusiasm to cynical people (or trying to be) I guess doesn't go well for the masses of people.
 
but I have to admit that I was actually laughing near the end of it, because he kept going. He did his thing, and that's commendable.
But I was prepared to play a drinking game for every time Joel McHale said "..wow"

This edit will also create new pages on Giant Bomb for:

Beware, you are proposing to add brand new pages to the wiki along with your edits. Make sure this is what you intended. This will likely increase the time it takes for your changes to go live.

Comment and Save

Until you earn 1000 points all your submissions need to be vetted by other Giant Bomb users. This process takes no more than a few hours and we'll send you an email once approved.