My Aphrodite, Azeroth

Posted by Vermisean (154 posts) -

My dear, sweet, sweet love,

We have been over this before. It will never work out between us.

Sure, we will see eye to eye for a while: We’ll flirt with the idea of a long-term relationship; We’ll wink at each other across the table, slyly brushing the other’s foot while passing the year-long subscription contract; We’ll even spend a couple passionate nights together, completely engrossed in the wild throes of our love, neglecting those closest to us.

But it will never work out – It never does.

It will start as a whisper – a nudge – that maybe things aren’t what they used to be.

Where I used to have rows upon rows of hotbars dedicated to you, I now have two.

Where I used to carefully form strategies over which traits I desired, I now have a simple path to take.

Where I used to agonize over the toughest of quests, I now have an ugly blue rash on my map, indicating exactly where to go and what to do.

I want you to know that these additions (and subtractions) aren’t all bad. It’s just that you’ve changed. I guess I just don’t do well with change.

I still remember the first time I saw you. It was early September, in 2001. I watched your gruff CGI trailer and I sighed. I wanted to snatch you from the crib Blizzard so delicately laid you in.

It was in 2004 that we officially met. I dressed myself in the fashion of an orc warrior hoping to impress you with my shiny armor, and set out to explore the beautiful curves of your landscape.

Before you, I had only known the world of Norrath, and believe me when I say that she was nowhere near as beautiful.

I clambered through the starting zone, desiring to see all you could offer as quickly as possible. The wilds of Kalimdor proved to be a challenge but after varying degrees of HP loss, question (and exclamation) marks, and determination, I finally stepped into the bustling city of Orgrimmar.

Creatures of every race bolted past me as I nervously glanced around, unsure of myself in my ugly boiled leather pants. Messages flashed across my screen and demon horses jumped around me as I spammed /dance on top of a mailbox for you.

But now… Now I step into Orgrimmar and see empty stalls, aggressive gold sellers, and a small community of people feeling the exact same way I do.

Sure, you brought some new ideas in to battle the waves of other frustrated lovers leaving you. Cross-realm zones repopulated areas and brought a little life back, but there was a distinct lack of Chuck Norris jokes in the Barrens, and it hurt me.

I won’t lie to you. I left for a long time. I sampled all the alternatives. But you knew I would come back. I always did. While something was missing from my more recent adventures, at least I had the familiar embrace of your world to fall back into. No matter what you changed, you always had your character, and with it, my e-heart.

Maybe the problem doesn’t lie within your streamlined nature or so many hated changes. Maybe the problem lies within me.

A lot of worlds have come and gone since your birth year. I have explored underwater cities, war-torn remains, and the darkest horrors of the mind. I have traveled through arid deserts and I have braved perilous jungles. I have done it all now. Maybe I am just greedy. I want something new... I think?

I understand you. I really do. I know what you are and I know your potential. It’s why every time there is a lull in my virtual life I scramble back into the safety of your arms. It is why when I jump into other worlds, I can’t help but compare them to you. I know it’s wrong, but I really can’t help it. You may not have been my first, but you are my fondest.

World of Warcraft, I need to unsubscribe (again). It isn’t you – it’s me. Hey, please don’t look at me like that. Please don’t be mad.

Goodbye, my love.

(See you in two months.)

#1 Edited by Alick (10 posts) -

what

#2 Posted by bwheeeler (453 posts) -

whelp

This edit will also create new pages on Giant Bomb for:

Beware, you are proposing to add brand new pages to the wiki along with your edits. Make sure this is what you intended. This will likely increase the time it takes for your changes to go live.

Comment and Save

Until you earn 1000 points all your submissions need to be vetted by other Giant Bomb users. This process takes no more than a few hours and we'll send you an email once approved.