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    Achievements

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    Achievements are extra challenges added into video games that sometimes carry a point value or unlock bonus material, and are sometimes solely for bragging rights.

    I Love You But I've Chosen Points

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    jeff

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    Edited By jeff
    AVOID SPIKES
    AVOID SPIKES
    I suppose it says something about me that I keep getting instant messages from various friends that say "HEY HAVE YOU SEEN THIS FLASH GAME ABOUT ACHIEVEMENTS?"

    The game, called Achievement Unlocked, is a clever meditation on the pointlessness of points, packing 100 achievements into a game about an elephant... who jumps around... and colors the stuff he touches. It's sort of like a ghetto version of Miner 2049'er, but the metagame is the real game.

    The achievements are appropriately ridiculous, with on-screen pop-ups telling you that you've "found the main menu" or found "a way to move westward." There's even a hint page that tells you how to get all the achievements... aaand there's an achievement for viewing the hint page, too. The real game is seeing how quickly you can bust out all 100 of the goals. I think my best time was 365 seconds.

    The crazy thing is that it totally works. It's a proper mix of stupidly easy goals and weirdly obscure stuff that you'll probably have to look up. Even as I knew my occasionally creepy love of points was being mocked, I still felt that I had to get them all.

    Then I realized that this wasn't an Xbox Live Arcade game, and that playing it wasn't getting me any closer to 70,000. Still, it's a solid piece of humorous commentary on the points craze that has emerged over the past few years.

    Check it out at Armor Games. Oh, and watch out, because the music will get stuck in your head. I keep humming it, and now it's spread to Ryan and Vinny, too. It's a good thing Brad is already out for the holidays. He's safe... for now.
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    jeff

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    #1  Edited By jeff
    AVOID SPIKES
    AVOID SPIKES
    I suppose it says something about me that I keep getting instant messages from various friends that say "HEY HAVE YOU SEEN THIS FLASH GAME ABOUT ACHIEVEMENTS?"

    The game, called Achievement Unlocked, is a clever meditation on the pointlessness of points, packing 100 achievements into a game about an elephant... who jumps around... and colors the stuff he touches. It's sort of like a ghetto version of Miner 2049'er, but the metagame is the real game.

    The achievements are appropriately ridiculous, with on-screen pop-ups telling you that you've "found the main menu" or found "a way to move westward." There's even a hint page that tells you how to get all the achievements... aaand there's an achievement for viewing the hint page, too. The real game is seeing how quickly you can bust out all 100 of the goals. I think my best time was 365 seconds.

    The crazy thing is that it totally works. It's a proper mix of stupidly easy goals and weirdly obscure stuff that you'll probably have to look up. Even as I knew my occasionally creepy love of points was being mocked, I still felt that I had to get them all.

    Then I realized that this wasn't an Xbox Live Arcade game, and that playing it wasn't getting me any closer to 70,000. Still, it's a solid piece of humorous commentary on the points craze that has emerged over the past few years.

    Check it out at Armor Games. Oh, and watch out, because the music will get stuck in your head. I keep humming it, and now it's spread to Ryan and Vinny, too. It's a good thing Brad is already out for the holidays. He's safe... for now.
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    MasterSplinter

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    #2  Edited By MasterSplinter

    I played Doritos Dash of Destruction last night for points... I feel sick.

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    TheGTAvaccine

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    #3  Edited By TheGTAvaccine

    Yep, played and beat this yesterday. Fun stuff.

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    Crono

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    #4  Edited By Crono

    ohh this is awesome idea, funny too!

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    MattyFTM

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    #5  Edited By MattyFTM  Moderator

    I saw this the other day. It's an awesome idea.

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    MisterSpiffy

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    #6  Edited By MisterSpiffy

    Did you just beat it?  Or get all of the achievements?

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    artofwar420

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    #7  Edited By artofwar420
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    DECA555

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    #8  Edited By DECA555

    wow surprised to see this mentioned 

    i just discovered it on newgrounds, logged on to GB and her it is 

    strange 
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    TheKing

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    #9  Edited By TheKing

    Finished in 1164 seconds. I'm not sure if I should feel proud or ashamed...

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    SuperMooseman

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    #10  Edited By SuperMooseman

    Did in 712 seconds on my first go.

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    Death_Burnout

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    #11  Edited By Death_Burnout

    Haha seems awesome, i'll try it for sure. I'm not surprised you like it, even if it is slightly mocking you.

    And Brad is never safe!...wait...no, he's always safe! Brad's Brad!

    Edit: yeah that was fun

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    insane_shadowblade85

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    Points, Trophies or whatever else is out there, it's all pointless.

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    AURON570

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    #13  Edited By AURON570

    haha, Armor Games is awesome! i encourage everyone to check out their 2-D flash version of Portal.

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    Snail

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    #14  Edited By Snail

    The meaning of life, 42.

    WIN!

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    sdauz

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    #15  Edited By sdauz

    idk achievements can be fun to get and the sign on the dashboard is ohhh soo satisfying to get, sadly im still at 3500

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    ThomasP

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    #16  Edited By ThomasP
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    rateoforange

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    #17  Edited By rateoforange

    This is pretty dull, and it's predicated on one joke that's crusty, ancient, and not all that funny to begin with. It's the flash game version of a full-length movie based on a SNL skit.

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    OneEyedNinja7

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    #18  Edited By OneEyedNinja7

    It was pretty fun. My time was embarrassing though.

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    Lies

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    #19  Edited By Lies

    Pretty fun. Neat idea.

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    TwoOneFive

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    #20  Edited By TwoOneFive

    im more into trophies now. they seem more...meaningful to me. 

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    sparky_buzzsaw

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    #21  Edited By sparky_buzzsaw

    I'm sorry... Jeff, did you say getting closer to 70,000?  Holy balls... and here I was all proud about getting over 6,000!

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    jakob187

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    #22  Edited By jakob187

    I'm gonna play Doritos: Dash of Destruction tonight for points.  Jeff, there is absolutely NO shame in being a points whore.  You know that.  Unfortunately, I've got a lot longer to go before I start getting close to you or even Vinchenzo.  However, I'm about to break 17k...and man, Banjo is so much fun!


    You forgot to mention how fun Banjo is, Jeff.  That should be, like, a required thing...that you guys have to find a way to mention Banjo in a relative manner in EVERY story until the end of the year...lol.

    Alright, stalker mode off.  -_-
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    darthzew

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    #23  Edited By darthzew

    Wait a second! Elephants can't jump! 

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    TomboDemon

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    #24  Edited By TomboDemon

    i couldnt move my elephant....

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    Kiemoe

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    #25  Edited By Kiemoe

    I've been addicted to Newgrounds lately, and this game has been one of them that I loved. Achievements make me feel dirty..

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    jakob187

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    #26  Edited By jakob187

    I would suggest that everyone checks out Hunted Forever if you haven't already.  That game is a great time-killer as well.

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    MordeaniisChaos

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    #27  Edited By MordeaniisChaos

    Jeff. I have decided you are the most appropriate entity to have my child. You have the achievement winfulness gene, the only gene of winfulness I don't have. Together, we shall forge the perfect child who just happens to have about 10 winjillion achievement points. And several creepy passions. If you choose not to accept however...
    Well...

    Lets just say you accept.

    Also, lol. Its pretty hard o.o Like, getting 10 corpses in the pit...

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    FalcomAdol

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    #28  Edited By FalcomAdol

    YES! .. but I've Chosen Darkness.

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    Karmann

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    #29  Edited By Karmann

    AH! GOT 100%!, ...what a waste of time. hehehe.

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    dsplayer1010

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    #30  Edited By dsplayer1010

    I ha like four left, then got bored.

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    StaticFalconar

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    #31  Edited By StaticFalconar

    stop mocking us.......lols

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    pikadeth

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    #32  Edited By pikadeth

    Once upon a time Jeff seemed so far beyond me. Now I'm within 10k of his score and all he has to show for it is this site!

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    PitifullPete

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    #33  Edited By PitifullPete

    how the hell do i change color?

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    Relys

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    #34  Edited By Relys

    I thought the game was fun...

    Did I just defeat the whole purpose of the point the game was trying to get across?

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    toadstule

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    #35  Edited By toadstule

    Pretty fun timewaster.

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    StarFoxA

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    #36  Edited By StarFoxA

    I started playing and then couldn't stop until I accidentally quit Firefox.

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    Wright

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    #37  Edited By Wright

    randomly call brad, hold the phone to the speaker playing the song for about a minute, then hang up.

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    sweep

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    #38  Edited By sweep  Moderator

    365 seconds? One second for every day of the year.

    Creepy...

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    Light_Bahamut

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    #39  Edited By Light_Bahamut

    After a couple of run throughs, I got my time to 247. It's actually a very fun game if you race the clock.

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    hazzard4123

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    #40  Edited By hazzard4123

    284 seconds. Phew. That was intense

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    Media_Master

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    #41  Edited By Media_Master

    o' boy, hearing of peoples point scores and trophies gets tiresome...

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    albedos_shadow

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    #42  Edited By albedos_shadow

    I refuse to acknowledge my problem. I can stop anytime I want. Seriously. I could.

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    Chopstix

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    #43  Edited By Chopstix

    WOOHOO! 313 sec... errrr......... is this coming to Xbox Live Arcade anytime soon?

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    Duckbutter

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    #44  Edited By Duckbutter

    before PS3 trophies and before i had an Xbox, i thought achievements earned you discounts on DLC. when i found out they didn't i said "whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?" how pointless. i understand achievements add more 3rd-legs to a game but i hope the video game culture in general ain't replacing more game content with achievements. i'd hate to see a good idea be used as a crutch for lazy ass uninspired non-improvising sucka ass developers.

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    lamegame621

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    #45  Edited By lamegame621

    I can totally stop anytime I want.

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    ssargentshooter

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    #46  Edited By ssargentshooter

    GOT THEM ALL!!! :)

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    Geno

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    #47  Edited By Geno

    Took me 30 Minutes first try ><

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