As a year is coming in anniversary since the exodus of the three, It makes me look back on that feeling and overall week and even just that year. I know so much has changed since, even reading my previous blog I know it was one of my first posts on here and at a time where I was going through a lot personally and then having a place of peace go through such a change was something I wasn’t ready for. But looking back I know it didn’t end, it merely transformed and continued.
Looking back at this time reminds of that week where it felt like everyone was in the chat. It was one of the first times I was not only on that site that often but also engaging every time. Seeing the endless posting and scroll of the chat from the last UPF, the final Beastcast to the last We Be Drummin’ stream by Alex. It truly felt like a communal moment, seeing a motley of people going through the same event with similar emotions. I remember entering in chat “o7” or “<>” along with other references and either getting replies or simply joining in all was an experience I never had before to that scale and with that distance that still felt like you were in the audience at a show. Even telling my partner who has sat through endless videos, heard my references (and heard the context) could see how it was important and was encouraging when I told her what was going on. I still have the email notification for the One last Game and I know it will stay in my inbox for as long as I have my email.
The initial hit was the assumption people you watched for years and overtime knew like a friend were leaving the line of sight and would not be able to be reached again. That was the feeling for a while till we heard of Nextlander and then it was just having to know that yes things won’t be the same but at least these friends can still be seen. I know many have joined and left even before I knew what GB was, but this time felt harder since it was three initial pillars that even with the cycling of staff that they’d never leave. A face that you could depend on being there no matter what time has passed is something we all want; some have it at home and others look for it elsewhere. I know a lot of my initial wound from the news was just that, feeling like a constant will change and maybe even end.
It was a selfish response, looking back wanting everything to stay the same is outlandish. In my original post I talked about how this site with its personalities were my company on my insomnia filled nights/mornings, this was the foundation of getting to know them. Having company let alone ones that will make you laugh was something I always appreciated. I never had another show, let alone a site, that I enjoyed like this before. I never had a constant with actual people, learning about their lives and interests, before it was just reruns of cartoons and old sitcoms. This time it felt a bit more tangible knowing it was ever on going and personalities I related to and knew weren’t staged. Wanting this to never change is against the real people that we appreciated at first.
As I mentioned in the original post, I don’t think it fair to abandon ship over some shift that you don’t give a chance to or stay and complain because here we are a year and though you may not like some shows added, it is still GB. Jeff G. is still at the wheel and if anything we learned and got to see through adapting why he holds the position. I may not be someone who has been down since ‘08 but the time I have been here I enjoyed the past and present people we got to see grow. I know for those in attendance that’ve been here since inception or even before, it's been a ride where they rode the waves and watched people like me join in the years where they seen faces they adored come and go. Such faces someone who joined later may not ever know, unless we go watch old streams, and I feel like its something that will continue. Much like school, or a neighborhood, people may come and go and its a natural flow but in this day and age, no one is ever completely gone/out of sight which I see as a bright side in this instance.
Seeing what is now Nextlander, doing their thing and carving their own space is inspiring. I am happy to see them happy, and obviously gonna miss their content they had on GB and interacting with the cast there but at least they are still creating and still in sight. I know like a lot of people we thought it was a retirement where we’d say goodbye to these three we saw and spent time with for years and I am happy it wasn’t. Seeing them take a chance and try something new is inspiring, that even in a harsh time or a comfortable one, there is never a “too late'' for ambition. Like I said, I'm going to miss all the banter and collabs with the east coast and west coast crew but I know not only is there an endless archive of videos to go watch if I miss it, there is always a chance of seeing them together in some form again in the future. Till then they will still be my insomnia show on top of going back to see old UPFs and shows I never got around to watching in full. I finished the endurance runs and immediately in response to the initial news started making my way through all the east coast shows. I know it will be an ever encompassing fun task on top of the new content but I know it is always going to be a place I am a part of.
Reading the past post was quite a retrospective on myself. I remember mentioning my current health situation and how it was all a lot to take in. It is funny looking back at something like that knowing it was only the beginning of something I face and have more of a grasp on now. Still paying off that ER debt though (jajaja), but that is life in america. I look back at this event and think that is just how life hits you, serendipitous. I recall Vinny talking about how the pandemic made him really evaluate things and which could be a part of the departure and in that I know sometimes It is just how that pressure can stack up on you or just hit you for a different perspective. I know after that departure it just made me want to appreciate all the different types of creators I watch/read/listen to. Before then I wasn’t online much sharing my thoughts that weren’t in music form but this made me feel so full of thoughts I made that first blog post. Looking back I am happy I did whether no one or everyone read it, it was for me. For me, someone who has always been alone, a recluse, and all those synonyms, to get some thoughts and feelings out that those whose appreciation I was writing to might be read and others can see and know someone else was going through it too. It was always just about being brave to share.
I wrote this as a response to myself remembering that feeling a year ago to just encapsulate how, in a year so much can change or even just continue. I am happy it all continued.
(also thought it was cool Rorie responded to the last one)
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