Hey, Remember When Netflix Was Going to Rent Video Games? Yeah, That's Not Happening

The protracted bad acid trip that has been the last six months of Netflix's existence appears to finally be coming down, returning to a normalcy that seemed all but abandoned when CEO Reed Hastings posted his haphazardly recorded YouTube testimonialvery professional and serious video announcement of the company's plans to split it into two distinct brands: Netflix for video streaming, and a new brand, Qwikster, which would handle all disc mailing services, including the new addition of video game rentals. Somewhere along the line, Hastings presumably must have awoke, dry-mouthed and generally unaware of his surroundings, his body laid atop a mountain of recently produced Qwikster t-shirts strewn about his office, and realized all of the sudden what his ill-advised decision to run a company while high out of his goddamn mind had wrought. And with that, the Qwikster experiment came to a swift, brutal end just as quickly as it began.

However, there were a few details left dangling, like that whole video game thing, which nobody even seemed interested in talking about anymore. As it turns out, like everything else related to Qwikster, the LSD-induced fever dream of video game rentals coming to Netflix appears to have been dismissed as the lunatic ranting it apparently was all along.

Specifically, those hopes were dashed during yesterday's Netflix earnings call, in which Netflix pronounced itself to be doing just fine, proclaiming no ill effects from whatever Hastings was probably on. When asked about the previously mentioned video game rentals, the response was simply that Netflix has "no plans" to do video game rentals any time in the foreseeable future.

Instead, the company will be focusing on the usual stuff, like wooing back subscribers who were perhaps a bit put off by the crazed decision making of last September, and maybe developing 3D streaming technology, because somebody probably wants that. Presumably, a number of you out there might want video game rentals too, but seriously, stop asking about that. It brings up too many bad memories.

It's an unsurprising, if disappointing development, given that Netflix's highly efficient (and rather costly) mailing system seemed like it would probably run circles around the company's nearest potential competitor, Gamefly. Now the folks at Gamefly can rest easy knowing that the drug-addled Netflix behemoth won't be showing up on their doorstep with a machete and a wild look in its eye any time soon, and they can continue providing the sort-of-okay-given-that-nobody-else-is-even-bothering-to-do-this service they're so well known for.

Yeah, Win!

Well, damn. I was kinda hoping they were gonna do the game rentals. 

Renting N64 games at the Blockbuster 2 streets down is still the highlight of my gaming experience

As someone who forgot to cancel his subscription after the free month and now has another month of Netflix, I am "disheartened" by this.

@fusrodah: Oh man, I totally rented a Genesis at some back alley rental shop. Played through Alien 3, Forgotten Worlds and Kid Chameleon. I think my mom must've bought me a console a month later. Ahh, simpler times for rentals.

Alex, your funny. I like you.

i would love to dig deeper into drugs, why thank you.

Awww shucks. But with the amount of time I get to play games nowadays, I would probably end up paying more in monthly rental fees over buying new, just to hold on to one game for the six months it takes me to get through it. So I guess I can wipe my tears of disappointment away now.

Hey, remember when Alex Navarro was gonna cool it on the snark a little bit? Yeah, that's not happening.

Seriously, Alex, at least TRY to cool it with the sub-amateur comedy hour.

Eh I canceled my Gamefly, but if Netflix would let me check out games, I'd do it. I only use it for streaming, which means I only watch old movies. -_-

They made such a bad move with Netflix. Completely underestimated the power of redbox.

I have Steam. I can have games now for the same price it would cost me to rent them, and right now, on a machine that makes them look prettier. Look at these discounts! How can they afford to give them away at these prices?!

@YukoAsho: I don't recall ever making any such announcement.

Some real libel up in this article against hastings

@Zabant: If this sort of thing amounted to libel, The Onion would get sued weekly.

no surprise there! Man I love Alex's style of writing.

Well this means I'll have to keep my LoveFilm account then, assuming this was going to come to the UK anyway. Would love to have it all just in one package but oh well.

@Zabant said:

Some real libel up in this article against hastings

How ya doin', Hastings?

im not a winner :(

He tricked Whiskey Media to keep paying him while he lives in New York for this? They must have had some ac!d trips too.

So the net result of (not) spinning off their physical media shipping division is that video game rentals are not even being considered? I feel that's a loss to gamers (if perhaps not game developers) as a whole, and it continues to make the Netflix service not quite worth the cost of admission in my (admittedly frugal as fuck) eyes.

@Nate said:

Alex, your funny. I like you.

+1

HA! Joke's on you I cancelled both my netflix and gamefly accounts!

Good to hear, by now gamefly is so well established (with me) that I'm sticking with that for games while getting movies through netflix. At least they came to their senses on this being not a great idea for them as I feel they'd run out of games quickly considering how many customers they have that'd be switching as they can quickly see who is watching netflix using a game console & do the math.

@YukoAsho said:

Hey, remember when Alex Navarro was gonna cool it on the snark a little bit? Yeah, that's not happening.

Seriously, Alex, at least TRY to cool it with the sub-amateur comedy hour.

Why the fuck would he do that? If you want boring news, go to literally any other fucking game site.

Nope. Chuck Testa

@Zabant said:

Some real libel up in this article against hastings

Public figures aren't able to sue for libel. Or rather, as the law stands, no public figure would ever win a libel suit.

The snarky-ness is through the roof, and I love it.

A shame netflix won't bother with that business though, I might have had some interest in it.

Netflix should've just pretended like that never happened. I completely forgot about the game rentals until now. It's likely I would have never remembered it unless someone brought it up, but even then, I'd think they were talking crazy.

Finally! We've answered the question of how far in to the ground one can beat an analogy.

@Alex said:

@Zabant: If this sort of thing amounted to libel, The Onion would get sued weekly.

Keep doing what your doing Alex. Snark is not a crime. Just hilarious.

@Makoma said:

no surprise there! Man I love Alex's style of writing.

I think Patrick's articles are okay, but Alex is something else. It's a shame he's in NY now.

There were myriad other reasons to cancel your gamefly account.

Now how's about they add some continuous play for instant stream TV series and we'll be good to go.

This kind of sucks because my short experience with Gamefly was pretty much dogshit. I'm not too disappointed, though, because I've taken to actually buying the games I want to play. I support the industry. Some games (Bastion, Super Meat Boy) I even buy more than once.

I tried GameFly, it was god awful. I miss renting N64 games at Hollywood Video for $6 a week. Ah, 1997-2004, those were the days.

Also, Alex, this article is a masterpiece.

Yeah, this fucking sucks =(

Thanks Alex. As usual, a good read and informative.

Great article Alex got a laugh out of it multiple times, AND Holy shit what another goddamn surprise Alex writes an article People Bitch Bitch Bitch. Alex and Patrick are like the scapegoats of this communities anger management problems.

The drug joke was funny the first time, the rest just annoying.

They still need to fix their terrible terrible website, or at least set it back tot he previous one, and make a decent app for the xbox =(

Boo. Well, if the rumor that the new Xbox won't allow for used games - a rumor I find hard to believe - then the service wouldn't be viable for more than a year or two anyway.

I want 3dto streaming!

Personally I don't understand the resounding hatred for Netflix splitting into two services.

Or really, anything they've done as a business these past few years.

The price increase is logical. Their customer base has grown, and in response, so has their employee base. They need money for that.

7.99 USD for streaming is nothing. If you can't afford that maybe you shouldn't be watching movies and instead getting a job.

I'm all for sticking it to the man, but there's absolutely nothing about the service that deters me from using Netflix.

Sure, if you want a deal you can get Blockbuster Total Access for 9.99 USD, awesome if you're going to use more than just streaming.

For me, I only pay for what I use. Instant / commercial free streaming of hard to find movies and tv shows. 7.99 a month is worth that to me.

As for all the rage, I think this is just another case of over privileged suburbanites bitching about nothing. That, and also people feel a strong sense of entitlement these days because they all know they can pirate these movies easily in a matter of a few minutes.

"A price increase? Really? You know I don't have to pay for any of this, right?"

And if your convictions are really that strong and you're that butt hurt over... dvd rentals, take a Xanax and write the dude a letter. Complaining over this echo chamber we call the Internet isn't going to do much unless you direct your frustrations intelligently to the people that matter.

Still don't get the Reed Hastings hate.

@Alex Fuck the haters, the subtitle of that Hastings picture was a goddamn masterpiece.

Ever get the feeling Alex is a frustrated novelist saddled with writing articles about video games and movies? Humor is good until it overshadows the information itself.

As for the Netflix news, well I am disappointed since I still have a Netflix through-the-mail subscription, but since it's not something I signed onto Netflix for in the beginning, I'm not actually losing anything. They can't take away something I never had. It's an "oh well" situation.

I need to start making major life decisions while flipping out on acid.

@Evilsbane said:

Alex and Patrick are like the scapegoats of this communities anger management problems.

A great way to put it.