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Social Gaming and the Fear of Missing Out

Destiny's loot cave has come and gone, and if you weren't there, you missed out. The game is counting on our anxiety.

The loot cave has been stressing me out, and it's not because Bungie patched a fruitful exploit for many Destiny players disappointed at the game's regular (or not-so-regular) drop rate. It's because I hadn't experienced the loot cave, and I never will. This has been a running theme with me and Destiny.

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This touches upon an idea I was recently kicking around regarding multiplayer-centric video games that pretend to include robust single-player options, despite evidence to the contrary. I suggested these games would do better to ditch the concept of solo play entirely, as it better represented the design goals. It would ease the mislead frustration of some players.

What's happening here is a bit different.

In my social circle, we have a few friends we jokingly refer to as individuals with a rabid case of FOMO -- fear of missing out. The rest of us, especially as begin to systematically close out our 20s, have no problem spending a Friday night inside with a good movie and some beers. These other people cannot fathom it. Stuff is happening, and taking a break from the world's events is to miss out on potential fun. I'm okay with stuff passing me by because keeping up with stuff can be an exhaustive affair.

This has never really been the case with my video games--well, mostly. To some extent, my job demands I'm keeping up with the steady drip of new game releases, as my readers are looking for me for insight and commentary about them. This means I'm often forbidden from, say, playing a game a second time.

But until very recently, the majority of my game library has been static. This is fueled by my general avoidance of MMOs and multiplayer-centric games, experiences I've purposely dodged because of the time investment required to make them worthwhile. While I pride myself on constantly trying new things, there are some game types I've drawn the line on, simply because reality won't allow for it.

Destiny is weird, though. It's wrapped in the familiar, but it's different. And though we're technically talking about Destiny right now, I suspect these feelings are only the beginning of a common thread coming for many more games. Destiny is the first game where I've felt the gaming equivalent of FOMO, a tangible level of anxiety derived from knowing I'm not participating in events that won't exist in the future.

It's not just about the loot cave, though. When Destiny came out, my first weekend was already booked up. So was the next weekend. My nights have been full of social, work, and familiar engagements. I've been able to squeeze in a few nights when my wife has gone to bed, but when I'm looking for someone to mess around with for an hour or two, my lowly level 17 warlock just can't hang. That's what matchmaking is around for, but matchmaking in Destiny is there as an alternative. It's a second-class experience.

With an hour to spare last week, I hopped online and started completing some bounties, one of the easiest ways to stack experience while playing. Two friends joined up, and helped me grind through what amounted to little more than fetch quests and shooting galleries for an hour. Even though our actions were hardly engaging, the act of doing them together was tremendous fun, if only a glorified chat room.

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Once the bounties were cashed in, though, my friends were debating the next move. All of them were well past level 20, though, which meant the content I was playing through couldn't help them meaningfully advance their equipment. Even though I was the party leader, I was the one who had to leave, forced to venture out on my own again. I hopped into a nearby strike, got myself assigned to a few random players, and went to it. We won. Some stuff dropped. But it wasn't the same. There was only silence.

Granted, none of this is Destiny's fault. To the contrary, it's what Bungie wants, what these games thrive on. You could argue the existence of a loot vault, a void in which players shot mindlessly for hours, says more about what Destiny gets wrong than what it gets right. But that would be missing the point. These collective experiences, even when driven by exploitations of code, are entirely the point. These marks in time wouldn't be possible in single-player. Individualized watercooler moments from the night discussed at the office the next day become shared experiences given more power from the group ownership.

There's a genius to this, of course. If there's a chance a player might miss a one-time event, it generates FOMO. Who wants to be the person who reads about it on Kotaku the next day? Don't you want to say you were there, too? By designing a game around these moments coming and going on a regular basis, you create players who want to keep hopping back in, desperate to become participants, not observers.

How Bungie humorously responded to the loot cave in a patch update shows they recognize this:

"The Hive of the holy 'Treasure Cave' have realized the futility of their endless assault on Skywatch and have retired to lick their wounds and plan their next attack."

The studio made this more explicit in a blog update:

"The social experience of a cave farming run is amazing: the herding to get a team of Guardians all behind the line and firing in the right direction, the rush to grab the loot, the scramble when the panic wave starts, the beckoning glow from inside the cave. The speed at which the community organized around this activity was inspiring and humbling to us.

But shooting at a black hole for hours on end isn't our dream for how Destiny is played. Our hope is that social engagement in public spaces is only one part of the Destiny experience. Expect changes soon which decrease the efficiency of cave farming and correspondingly increase engram drops from completing activities."

It still bums me out. It feels like huge parts of Destiny have passed me by--FOMOrealized. It feels like a whole game, one that I want to enjoy but can't because life's getting in the way, is passing me by. That's an exaggeration, but it feels true. In other words: I can't imagine what this will be like when I have kids.

Patrick Klepek on Google+

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S3V3N

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Edited By S3V3N

Good article, however, with FOMO there are two things to understand:

- most of the events people find they are missing out on, are fabricated as well (concerts, flashmobs, party, etc...)

- the fear of "not getting enough" is starting to become a worldwide phenomenon. In the real world there are restrictions (e.g. to obtain real money/goods), in the virtual world these restrictions don't exist, unless they are fabricated into the game design and game code.

So, Destiny is actually emulating some real-life features of one-time-events. They are just as fake and orchestrated as a Miley Cyrus concert, yet they trigger the same emotional response as a real-life social event. In a way games make things feel meaningful that aren't, because they have no real value outside the game world. However, in games that trigger such responses they feel much more like the real thing (like how the world should function) than how it actually does. We should start by soul-searching ourselves to tone our reactions to such trigger mechanics down. That's the dilemma of the consumer. The consumer always has expectations that make him feel like he's actively searching for something in the game/product he buys. Just what he'll find out when he finishes the game; if he can.

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Dan_CiTi

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Problem with Destiny is that it is usually very bland and kind of drains the wonder out of you that video games should give. Vault of Glass has some of that, but still not as much as like...Assassin's Creed, Zelda, or even the anticipation of Animal Crossing or Civilization.

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vengeance64

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*Dons his "That Asshole" cap*

"The rest of us, especially as begin to systematically close out our 20s" I think there's a missing "we" in that phrase.

Otherwise, great read.

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pyrodactyl

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@bipa said:

Is this the way of thinking now that people have played their first MMO? I've seen people talk about Destiny like it is some new thing but it is simply taking things MMORPGs have done for years and simplified them.

Don't be so patronizing. I could easily say that destiny is taking things MMORPGs have done for years and puting good gameplay around it so people who normaly don't care about babysitting cooldowns can enjoy the experience.

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muffinsaka

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Edited By muffinsaka

People, as they do too often, make it seem like you're supposed to come down on one side or the other with things like this.

The truth is, some people value the zeitgeist more than the game. Some gamers enjoy being part of the big moments with everyone, making new friends in a new game, exploring all the things that haven't been documented like with games that are decades old.

On the flip side some people are looking for a fun video game to play. They aren't looking for much of a social experience outside of their group of friends, or, if they are it is not the most important factor. The game and it's fun come first. These people likely find their socializing elsewhere.

And in the middle-ground are those jumping from zeitgeist to zeitgest who are actually looking for something. Many find their game along the way and stop jumping as much or at all.

It's just different types of people. Not a right or a wrong. Not a problem that needs fixing.

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bgdiner

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Great points, Patrick. I think the feeling of FOMO is, as a commentator above put it, a symptom of our always-on social lives, and while I may sound like an old man, I think it's for the worst. This kind of hyper-attuned visage we have to put up in order to appear "in-the-know" is detrimental to our happiness, as we do things we probably wouldn't otherwise do in order to appease some perceived societal conscience--a kind of digital Big Brother, less the tyranny.

Indeed, there will be times when I'm enjoying a Saturday inside, catching up on sleep and bumming around the house, only to go on Facebook, see someone at a rave or club, and feel bad about my choice. Is there a good reason I should feel bad? No--I live a pretty active and social life most of the week. But they're "enjoying" their Saturday--they must be, they're smiling in a photo!--and I'm "not". I get to thinking, "How many Saturdays will I have to go clubbing before I have a family and greater responsibilities?" And it just kind of spirals until I decide I should at least get out of the house, even if I don't want to.

Granted, this is partly a symptom of living in New York City, and partly my own lack of the ability to say, "Hey, I'm doing nothing right now, and that's just fine." But I believe the problem is exacerbated by our thoughts of, "How would this look to others right now?" that are brought on by the FOMO and catalyzed by Facebook.

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Bipa

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Edited By Bipa

@pyrodactyl: Didn't mean to come off patronising, I'm sorry, but no need to insult an entire genre of games and people who enjoy them.

I'm enjoying Destiny a lot, just found it strange that these kinds of discussions are happening now when games, not just mmos, have been doing these things for years.

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BloodyRoar

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It's a weird thing, but it's definitely a thing. It's probably the only reason I keep going back to Warframe. "Oh, but one day they'll make this game super fun, and when that time comes, I'm going to need to have all these event mods or i'll regret it!"

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Gazoo

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NEONBEAR

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Edited By NEONBEAR

Loot cave was fun while it lasted. I'm glad it was patched though, since then I've been able to ween off my exploit addiction and make more productive use of the game time, going on strikes, gathering bounties, working on faction rep and upgrading armor and weapons. Instead of standing on that mound for a couple hours shooting off rounds and going up to the cryptarch to cash in and see if anything paid off.

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Mr__Nobody

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Edited By Mr__Nobody

I think the question to put forward is what exactly are you missing out on?

From an external standpoint without FOMO, the event in question is people standing around endlessly partaking in extremely basic and mostly mindless shooting gameplay farming a spawn point.

So what exactly is making it so compelling that people experience FOMO? It's the social hooks.

Destiny's not the first game to fabricate events and exploit FOMO and certainly won't be the last. It's just getting a lot more attention for it.

Other commentators have already said it better than I can, but I feel it's a sort of side effect from the saturation of social media. Most people can barely function outside of a state of hyper connectivity and it's almost becoming mandatory. Living in a way that's completely disconnected is becoming increasingly difficult, or downright impossible.

I can't help but imagine a future of lifeless people with various devices they keep on them at all times checking them compulsively throughout the day, true human connection on any deep or intimate level all but extinct.

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sikdude

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Edited By sikdude

So that's what them clowns were doing shooting at a corner for hours.

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strainedeyes

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Edited By strainedeyes

The Loot Cave was a good, I'm remote playing on the couch while my girlfriend watches The Voice activity.

I just hope Bungie does make good and continue improving the game. The changes they have announced for the loot system are already a step in the right direction.

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Rasrimra

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Edited By Rasrimra

I had something similar with some games. Though it wasn't a fear... It was incredibly frustrating. I stopped playing GuildWars2 for a while and when I came back there were all sorts of things I could not do and could not get anymore. It wasn't a social issue for me. It was simply having parts of the game locked away while I loved the game. It wasn't fair and I got very angry with the game.

The same happened with Warframe, in which I ::just:: missed every f'ing thing they did. By like a day, or a week. I missed the special pistol you could get when you 'pre-ordered', even though I did pre-order. I missed the special sniper, the special shotgun, all the things that I would have liked to have and they said 'nope, there is no other way to obtain them'. Why? Because.

In a way it's similar to pre-order incentives that never release thereafter. Limiting digital goods makes no sense to me in terms of customer service. Let players play a game how they want to play a game. Don't lock them up inside an incomplete game.

You're giving me an incomplete game (experience), and it pisses me off.

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spctre

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Edited By spctre

@dorkymohr said:

The Destiny loot cave seems a smidgen over-covered.

Indeed.

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Honkalot

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Wonder if increased drop rates is in effect now because I got more than usual when I played today.

But I feel I've had enough Destiny now anyway. Finally got reputation up to 2 in a faction and bought two armor pieces. Then realized the final armor piece would be another 30 hour grind away, sort of depleted my interest all at once.

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bunnyjump

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Edited By bunnyjump

"I can't imagine what this will be like when I have kids."

In my experience it means you pick and choose what your time goes into even more. I think you'll find a balance that suits you :)

In my case I stopped watching a lot of tv series in favor of playing games instead. I like games more than tv and your free time as a parent is pretty limited, so... games won.

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elektrixx

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Edited By elektrixx

If it wasn't enticing enough to play, then it wasn't worth your time.

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Pazzazzz

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"I can't imagine what this will be like when I have kids" - Simple, pretend Destiny doesn't exist like me, it's easier that way.

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beef_melody

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I never heard of the loot cave, and I'm okay with that.

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xrayzwei

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@patrickklepek I missed out on the bulk of this conversation because I didn't read the article until Monday. 118 comments, virtually none were conversations, and I didn't see you hop back in. Even the articles written are like the games we're talking about, nobody seems interested beyond a day or two.

I think Polygon is trying to get out ahead of this kind of thing by re-advertising pieces on Twitter and Facebook 30 days later. Just like Destiny there has to be an angle to keep people interested.

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Sinnott147

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Farming the cave was the first time I bothered to use voice chat on my PS4, sad to see it go.

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grimmie92

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Edited By grimmie92

@vn1x: Its actually Federation of Māori Authorities. I live in New Zealand.

The Lootcave was actually really sweet for social interaction, since theres nothing really to do for a group of 4 other than PvP or raiding with 2 extra randoms my mates and i spent a considerable amount of time shooting into the void over the weekend before it was shut down. With it gone, one of those friends has quit Destiny, which is a pretty major bummer with the total lack of good coop games recently.

The loot cave brought people together of all levels, Patrick should have just joined his friends instead of going off solo.

As for Bungie's dream of how people should play their game, the fact that ive done something like 5 Public Events by myself today shows that people don't care about their dream, but they just removed the most social part of the game other than perhaps playing with the big fan at the tower.

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I've never had FOMO regarding games; I almost always pick things up late. I'm not sure if I've ever played a game in the same year it was released. That applies even to things like Fez and Demon's/Dark Souls, which supposedly have a big "social discovery" component--playing those games a year or more after release, I didn't feel like I had missed out on anything. TBH, I would rather play games like that after they've been fully explored, so that when I need to I can use a guide and avoid wasting the precious little time I have for video games on things like an impossible monolith puzzle.

On the other hand, I think Patrick is absolutely right that publishers want you to feel FOMO as much as possible. More FOMO means more day-one purchases, more DLC purchases, basically more money in the bank. I've often thought that this is how Valve/Steam is aiming to avoid the Steam Sale Slippery Slope down to permanent near-zero pricing: by building a community that makes every release an event that can't be missed. Everyone with FOMO will pay full price on release day, even if they know they can get it for much cheaper later, just so they don't miss out.

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ashkev

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Edited By ashkev

This is why I've at least tried every single MMO that came out after WoW. I didn't want to miss the "next big thing".

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Jayzilla

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So Destiny at launch is the equivalent of replacing my perfectly working phone with a new iPhone?

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Lord_Anime

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Hi Patrick, being a late 20-something I feel you exactly. My FOMO has driven to be to travel far, seek out a lot of crazy events, and deplete my coffers. Planning and events is a guilty pleasure of mine, and it's been very interesting how my FOMO got burned out entirely in the past 9 months. After 3 weddings, 1 bachelor party, 3 big music festivals, driving near 3k+ miles extra than regular this summer, having traveled a ton, and worked out planning and tweaking so many things..I'm done. Couldn't be more happy to sit at home with a fire pit a few brews and just perhaps a video game. There is so much going on all the time, at all times, you have to at some point hide away and switch off from it all otherwise doing such amazing adventures turn salty. Kids sound awful time wise, and I want em too! But, to what the future holds!

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r3dt1d3

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I feel very similarly about Borderlands 2. With the first game, I started playing later but I followed all the developments (nerfs to certain loot chests, nerfs to character builds, new DLC) and I was extremely active during it's prime. I had almost every weapon and killed the main raid boss with every character regularly. With Borderlands 2, I played it a lot but I was never at the forefront of new glitches being found and I've been playing the DLC's later and later after they've been completely figured out.

It's a weird feeling like you missed the excitement or patches that changed the game forever. My favorite was probably "The day it rained orange" in BL2 where an update messed up the loot tables and every other weapon was the highest rarity. It only lasted until you ended the session and it could update but man was that one day of infinite oranges fun. They've since done official events but they weren't quite the same scope.

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davegoestomayor

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Not to be flippant Patrick, but you're going to "grow out" of this FOMO. As a 20 something with lots of time and less responsibilities, you have the opportunity to do everything and when you don't you get mad for missing out. As you age, and family/responsibilities pile up, you quickly realize you cannot do everything even if you tried. At that point you no longer stress over missing something, you may miss it, but it doesn't linger. You'll likely stop completing games 100% and care less about seeing every detail in favor of ensuring you're getting more enjoyment of the games/activities you do participate in, rather than simply Not Missing something.

Plus with blogs and youtube, it's pretty easy to experience the Zeitgeist of these events without actually being part of it. Sure it's not the exact same, but a Grind for loot is a Grind for loot, and you can usually relate.

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DJ_Lars

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I can't imagine what this will be like when I have kids.

As a father of a 4 month old meat bag I can confirm this fear.

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Sydlanel

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Destiny has got me profoundly conflicted, not only because of the Fear of Missing out on it, because quite honestly, once you do get to that final 20+ there is not much more to it (nothing, really), only enemies with more HP that hurt you more, and the dream of acquiring some marginal upgrade out of sheer chance.

And the conflict is exactly that. In many ways, Destiny is a rushed game. It feels like they had a lot of art budget but not enough time thinking the systems through. But at the same time, Bungie's to make the game a glorified slots machine seems terrifying and brilliant in equal measures. I don't know if people have a social fear of missing out on a casino but if you've already spun the roulette this many times, why don't you just do it again?, you might win this time.

This game has nothing to do with the game they pitched once. This game has very little content, and instead of "crafting their own story" it has the players rolling a loaded dice over and over again in the off chance something seemingly meaningful will result of it. Sure, it was all hard to get, but for all the wrong reasons.

And the fact that they are trying to hide the Slots Machine nature of their game that the loot cave made SO evident makes me laugh... I even wonder if the game was intentionally released in such way to make you feel like you are loosing something, to make you think that you can cheese it into winning (particularly when the odds of actually getting anything useful out of it were still bordering zero)

In any case, I feel attributing Destiny such cunning scheme would be overestimating it. The number of badly implemented features, and seemingly broken mechanics (outside the admittedly excellent actual shooting) go directly against this social aspirations.

  • The almost non existent matchmaking.
  • The general lack of variety in the actual scenarios (beyond the cool art).
  • Random everything hiding the limited content replacing actualprogression.
  • The underwhelming world building and narrative (I'm sure at some point there was more to it).
  • The fact that in game Clans serve NO purpose, as clan members are nowhere to be seen in the game UI unless they are also in your console's Friend List.
  • The lack of options for general audio chat (Not even in Fire-teams unless friended).

...and many others

It all gives me the impression that they simply made a lot of cool components, but never really though about how they'd fit together. It is lazy, and dated and overall, it feels almost dishonest.
But the saddest part, is that I'm pretty hooked, I've played way more hours than I'm comfortable confessing, and I salivate at the thought of Ascendant Shards.

Yeah.. I'm conflicted.

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TheTerribleFamiliar

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As a 30 something year old male who loves video games and loves my growing family, I was thrilled to avoid Destiny. This article just affirms my belief that big budget multiplayer-centric games are a thing of the past for me.

I don't think I'm missing much.

Oh and @patrickklepek: When you have kids, you'll feel like you're missing out on time with THEM when you are spending it playing video games. FOMO starts to apply to those familial spaces more than digital ones.... at least in my experience.

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melodiousj

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@patrickklepek

Um, Patrick. You do realize the thing you "missed out" on is standing in front of a hole, shooting into a hole, walking into a hole to collect stuff, then standing outside the hole again so you can rinse and repeat, right?

If you're gonna regret missing out on something, shouldn't you at least try to regret missing out on fun things?

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ltwood12

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@patrickklepek

I share your FOMO, and especially in regard to Destiny. At the end of the piece, you say you can't imagine how much worse it will be when you have children. All I can say is that the FOMO you feel about Destiny is nothing compared to the FOMO on time spent with your kid. I know that's hard to imagine right now, but it has been absolutely true for me.

I was playing Destiny yesterday afternoon when my son woke up from his nap. I don't ever play games in front of my son (he's 2), but he's picked up on the fact that Daddy uses the controller to play something. When I brought him pack into the den, I went to turn the game off. I think he thought I was sitting back down to play, so he said one of my favorite things in the world, "Daddy, will you play trains with me?" In ten years, I won't give a damn about the time I missed out playing Destiny. But I know that in ten years, when my son would rather hang out with anyone except his lame old parents, I'll think about these times right now; and I won't having any regrets about putting down the controller.

As a sidenote, I can't tell you how many people joked about me giving up playing games once I had a kid. I can honestly say that I've probably played games MORE since having a kid than before. Obviously, it's nowhere near the amount of time I spent as a child or college student, but as a professional adult, my time with games was already pretty limited. But having a kid just meant that we spend a lot more time at home than we did previously. The time we would have spent previously going out is now spent at home in the evening while our kid is in bed asleep. Hope that is at least a little encouraging to you.

Keep up the great work!

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LiquidPrince

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@patrickklepek

Um, Patrick. You do realize the thing you "missed out" on is standing in front of a hole, shooting into a hole, walking into a hole to collect stuff, then standing outside the hole again so you can rinse and repeat, right?

If you're gonna regret missing out on something, shouldn't you at least try to regret missing out on fun things?

It was actually surprisingly fun. Massacring the Hive, then rushing in to get your loot all while chatting with your friends was a weird experience, but it was entertaining. The tension from thinking you saw a legendary engram drop, to running into the cave and picking up a billion things were all experiences that can't really be replicated outside of the loot cave experience.

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ZokuGojira

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Edited By ZokuGojira

The Loot Cave was only really good for one thing, and that's leveling up the Cryptarch for his rewards decrypting tons of engrams. And his rewards were generally just more of this game's notoriously stingy engrams.

Apart from that, it was a colossal waste of time with the very rare exception of someone who lucked out with a good Legendary or even Exotic weapon. But they could just as easily have had a lucky drop from playing the game normally, or straight-up been gifted one for leveling Vanguard or completing a Weekly Heroic mission.

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waldy

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@pateickklepek as a father of a twelve year old and a 2year old (!!!) I can tell you that yes, unfortunately it only gets worse, my lowly level 17 hunter is woefully behind all my friends (and seemingly else's) characters and it makes it difficult to really enjoy the game as intended by Bungie.

I still enjoy the game whenever I can, but I just fear it's nowhere near the level of enjoyment i imagine other people get out of it.

saludos! From Guadalajara, Mexico

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Pfhorlol

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Edited By Pfhorlol
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bquintero

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FOMO is real. Age makes it bad, kids make it worse. Assuming you have a kid at some point just accept that the next decade of your life will consist of diapers and Nick Jr programs.

FOMO will only pass when you've given up the dream to know everything. Staying in on a Friday is a sure sign that you are halfway there. Welcome to 30 something...

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StoutLager

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This game is such design by committee. It's very depressing.

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Majkiboy

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Edited By Majkiboy

When I asked my friend why he was getting Destiny day one, he answered: I want to partake in something everyone is talking about.
I thought to myself, why are people so weak minded? Can't people think for themselves?

I asked him: can't you wait for a week or so, when you know a bit more about the game?

He answered: No, then I might not want the game, even if it costs me money and even if I will regret it later on.

This friend is 27 years old. I see it like this, he grasps for something he actually doesn't need. He just wants to partake in something, he has anxiety issues about missing out on something so utterly not needed. He is reminiscing about his younger days when he could play everything and I guess that's what gets him, the nostalgia of a better time, a time where there were no problems, no "have to's" no real life pressure and no work. Even though he knows that he won't even finish the game.

I sometimes think back as well, but not with wanting to go back. I think back and then to the future. We change, people change but often it seems, they don't accept the change. To bad that is driving some people to do less wonderful things with their lives, you don't need the stress!

Oh man, rambling on, but hey, those are my thoughts. Good night!

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ZokuGojira

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Well, design by committee is how Bungie ended up biting off more than they could chew, and releasing half the game just to get something on shelves. They've still got time to make this right, and bring out the rest of the story as updates alongside additional paid MP & Raid DLC. But if the gutting of the campaign turns out to be a cynical cash grab, then I'm out.

At least if they were going to get something right, then they focused on the combat to make sure it worked. Because the one positive thing I hear nearly all reviewers mention is that the game is fun to play, and I agree apart from the times when it seems that progress depends on luck and grinding. Bungie has bought themselves some time, what they do with it will determine if Destiny is the next (multiplatform) Halo or the next Titanfall.

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playastation

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Congrats to making it onto the front page of Digg! This would be a huge deal in 2004.

@patrickklepek

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TheTerribleFamiliar

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@ltwood12 said:

@patrickklepek

I share your FOMO, and especially in regard to Destiny. At the end of the piece, you say you can't imagine how much worse it will be when you have children. All I can say is that the FOMO you feel about Destiny is nothing compared to the FOMO on time spent with your kid. I know that's hard to imagine right now, but it has been absolutely true for me.

I was playing Destiny yesterday afternoon when my son woke up from his nap. I don't ever play games in front of my son (he's 2), but he's picked up on the fact that Daddy uses the controller to play something. When I brought him pack into the den, I went to turn the game off. I think he thought I was sitting back down to play, so he said one of my favorite things in the world, "Daddy, will you play trains with me?" In ten years, I won't give a damn about the time I missed out playing Destiny. But I know that in ten years, when my son would rather hang out with anyone except his lame old parents, I'll think about these times right now; and I won't having any regrets about putting down the controller.

As a sidenote, I can't tell you how many people joked about me giving up playing games once I had a kid. I can honestly say that I've probably played games MORE since having a kid than before. Obviously, it's nowhere near the amount of time I spent as a child or college student, but as a professional adult, my time with games was already pretty limited. But having a kid just meant that we spend a lot more time at home than we did previously. The time we would have spent previously going out is now spent at home in the evening while our kid is in bed asleep. Hope that is at least a little encouraging to you.

Keep up the great work!

This is well said. Thank you.

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wiegerthefarmer

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Great article. Let me tell you...it definately doesn't get easier with kids. I have three. And the time I can get in to play games are getting less and less. Seems like I'm very similar to you. Love single player and have never really had time or interest in mainstream multiplayer games. However, I LOVE/ADORE/WORSHIP the dark souls series. The perfect implementation of single player with a touch of multiplayer. Eagerly awaiting Destiny.... but I've made a commitment to myself to finish every game I start (and enjoy). :) FOMO is real. And its definately not limited to games... in fact, I would argue its even more evident in real life.

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nofzac

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Edited By nofzac

i dealt with FOMO after i had my first baby. it was rough, but luckily i discovered Dota 2. I don't have time or really need any other game - which may not be the case for everybody. I can tell you that kids def take you out of the gaming scene by at least 70-80%.

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mr_creeper

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Even though I found the Loot Cave to be boring as Hell, I was glad I took part in 10 or 15 minutes of hanging out there while it was a thing. I have a "fear of missing out" in games and try to do everything at least once, if I can. Still, there's never enough time...

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striderno9

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I'm sort of experiencing FOMO with Shadow of Modor. I am sort of interested in the world but I can't commit to the game yet but I love how the Nemesis feature has gotten people talking.