danieljw's Calvin Tucker's Redneck Jamboree (Wii) review

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Redneck Jamboree Didn't Do it for Me.

Box Art
Box Art

Coming into this game, I didn't expect much. Really, who would with a name like Calvin Tucker's Redneck Jamboree, and an $18 price point. However, this game surprised me by shattering my pre-concieved notions of how terrible this will be, by being absolutely horrifically bad. This game offers very little to the player(s), a total of six mini-games, with five unlockable games, and one incredibly annoying "Cow Lottery" in between every, single, game. The motion controls were sketchy at best, and in the case of Mower Racing, often did the opposite of what was expected. Every game was horribly unoriginal and poorly executed. The music was beyond unbearable, the unlockable content was laughable, and the ten "different" characters were just a male and a female model reskinned with different clothes or hair. 

The mini-games were a constant annoyance. The time limits on these games are way too high. Often times in the middle of a game you'll find yourself just wishing it would finally end only to see a minute still remaining on the clock. Every game can be played on either Wuss, Fair, or Crazy level. Motion controls were used very standardly, mostly just flinging to throw something or moving back and forth to turn or saw something. Often times these controls are nothing but a frustration. During Mower Racing I often found myself going left while leaning the wii-mote right and vice versa. The controls in Mower Racing were so slow and unresponsive, that if you found yourself on the far right or left lane, it is impossible to make it over to the opposite side to avoid two incoming obstacles, you will always be hit by the middle one. Which brings up the lack of a grace period after being hit. Usually you'll recieve a bit of time where you can't be hurt after you hit something, but not here. You are penalized by having to take three seconds to get your motor running again, and on top of that, if there's another obstacle directly ahead, you often don't have time to get out of the way of it either.  The game includes a standard point and click target shooting game, that while responsive and functional, has nothing original or fun to offer to the player. I feel that the unlockable games are almost a completely useless feature, as most players will not have the patience to play this game long enough to accumulate 50-150 bottle caps from victories in Jamboree mode to unlock them. For the sake of this review I thought I should unlock at least one incase they get any better. With my 50 golden bottle caps in hand I purchased Quick Saw Contest. I was greeted with a very non-responsive, unlimited time game in which you have to saw five logs in half. This takes an incredibly long amount of time due to the very poor response and becomes a tedious wii-mote flailing failure in a matter of seconds. This was often a repeating theme within all the mini-games, all of which were plauged with either a glaring unoriginality or shoddily implemented motion controls. What takes the cake, however, is the Cow Lottery game that is triggered after the points are tallied 
Riveting right? Who wouldn't want this in a game.
Riveting right? Who wouldn't want this in a game.
after every game, in which you place your marker on a grid, and hit next to let the cow loose. This game is entirely based on chance, and offers no user control. This means you place your stone on the grid, and you watch the cow walk around and poop on a square in the grid, with no control over the cow, or anything whatsoever. Often times the cow's dung doesn't even land on any of the players chosen squares, and just ends up being a gigantic, zero-point, waste of time.

The unlockable items are a joke. Literally. You can unlock joke packs. Guess what they do. For a measly 25 bottle caps (or one full play through of every single game on Wuss mode) you can purchase one of four Joke and Fact packs. These packs will add new jokes and facts to the randomly chosen list of unfunny garbage that will pop up during a loading screen. Now if that isn't worth your half hour getting, you can always unlock some new characters. The term new is used loosely here, as the game only offers a male and a female model skinned in different ways and given a new stereo-typical down-south name. Blond haired Billy Bob not doing it for you any more? Try out the black haired Jefferson for the exact same experience, only with black hair. As I mentioned before, there are five unlockable games, however if you can actually stomach this game long enough to unlock them all, you have earned my respect, for that is truly a fate no man should be subjected to. 

The music is a delightful meddley of obnoxious washboard, banjo, and other various hill-billy style instruments. This lovely tune will be played for you on a loop constantly, without break or pause while on every loading screen, menu, and during most mini-games throughout your play experience. Incase that doesn't float your boat, I highly suggest the handy little button on your T.V. remote labelled mute. Did wonders for me.

In closing, I just have to say I cannot stress enough the horrendousness of this game. I would slightly consider slapping down maybe five dollars for this title, if I had three other wii-motes so my friends and I could having something to play together on the Wii, you know in case we get tired of the plethora of other excellent multiplayer games available for the Wii, Xbox 360, and PS3. If your a big fan of lacking controls, annoying mini-games, and mystery man Calvin Tucker, you may want to check out your local Wal-Mart's bargin bin and pick up this delightful little mess. To all you others out theres, flail your wii-motes widly to try and avoid running into this terrible game. 

Also, while playing the Outhouse Hunt game, where you have to point a flashlight with very restricted movement 
...wait, what?
...wait, what?
around to try and find the Outhouse which is inthe same place every time, I swear I saw a tiger. Why are there tigers in happy little Redneck County? I'm not entirely sure, but one can only hope peace will soon be restored. 

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