Not Sure If Serious: Dark Souls edition

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#1 Posted by Sweep (10197 posts) -

From the hours of Dark Souls streams, articles and general HYPE that's been surrounding this website lately, I decided to drop back in and finally brute force my way through the Capra Demon, so I could get back to "playing" it. And I'm having a good time again, finally! Although the one thing I've learned from this copious over-exposure of the inner-working of Dark Souls, is that this shit is basically nonsense, and they are basically just creating any old thing, their justifications balancing on the edge of a knife; lore on one side, insanity on the other.

To test this revelation, I decided to start making up stupid shit about the game. These rumours, while obviously fake, when placed in a Dark Souls context very nearly seem legitimate, to the extent that even veterans of the game questions their legitimacy:

So my new favourite thing to do online is making up random shit about Dark Souls in the hope that somebody, somewhere, hears about them and actually decides to give them a shot. Because even though they are obviously fake, the crazy thing about Dark Souls, and this is important, is that you can never be sure.

Feel free to contribute. x

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#2 Posted by groin (869 posts) -

This kind of trolling would have been more effective shortly after the launch of the game. Save your material for Dark Souls 2.

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#3 Edited by Sweep (10197 posts) -

@groin: When Dark Souls 2 is released there will be no need for actual trolling. People will drive themselves mental looking for secrets.

Besides, this was more commentary on the ridiculousness of the Dark Souls canon. With inverted commas.

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#4 Posted by ShaggE (8418 posts) -

My uncle works at From Software and he says if you backstab every enemy in the game without dying you can unlock a remake of Demon's Souls that uses the features from Dark Souls and also my uncle is making Dark Souls 3 and its the hardest game in the series and I beat it already but you can't see it because I'm not allowed to show it to anybody but it's super cool because you can play as Master Chief and I asked my uncle why Master Chief was in it and he said because it's an alpha and he's a placeholder model and nobody else will get Master Chief in Dark Souls 3 so they can suck it and I said "Cool, I'm glad you're my uncle and also Spiderman" and he told me to shut my face before somebody hears and then we laughed and played Demon's Souls 2 together because it's a fighting game that ties into Dark Souls & Sonic At The Olympics for the Wii U in which you race Sonic in a marathon and if you win it says "You Da Feeted".

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#5 Posted by cloudymusic (1914 posts) -

If you hit the boulder in the Undead Asylum just right as it's rolling down the stairs you can save Oscar, and he'll fight alongside you for the rest of the game. You also get a secret ending where his armor comes off and it's Samus underneath.

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#6 Posted by Capum15 (5720 posts) -

@cloudymusic: "and you can summon him for every boss battle." would make it pretty much perfect. I'd try it if I was new to the game.

Also Oscar totally is Samus. Just got sucked through a dimensional portal.

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#7 Posted by SarcasticMudcrab (310 posts) -

@shagge: funny thats exactly what happened to me after I defeated capra demon I thought it was a glitch so I reset the game... ALL PROGRESS LOST :(

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#8 Posted by BaneFireLord (3230 posts) -

If you choose the Black Firebombs as your starting gift and throw them all at the bars separating you from the Stray Demon in that first hallway, the bars break and you can fight the demon early. If you defeat him then, you unlock Big Head Mode.

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#9 Edited by Sterling (4130 posts) -

At the start of the game, if you kill Petrus of Thorolund (the miracle guy at firelink shrine) after you join the way of the white. It is important that you join his covenant first before killing him. He will not be around later in the game to trick Reah of Thorolund, selling her out to Patches. Then when you see her and her goons (Vince and Nico) in firelink, you must not speak to the goons. Go straight up to her and bow to her 10 times in a row without speaking to her also. This means she will not be found in the hole in the tomb of the giants. You next find her just outside the entrance to grave lord nito, dying. Her and her goons tried to take him on and lost. She is trying to crawl to safety. If you speak with her she will give you a special ring called The Way of the White. This increases the covenant strength +5 and allows you to recover estus flasks every 5 enemy kills. You also gain humanity from resting at bonfires.

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#10 Posted by MarkWahlberg (4714 posts) -

Some friends of mine would play this game where, whenever they were at the zoo, they would make up fake, absolutely ridiculous, but just plausible enough facts about whatever animal they were looking at, just to fuck with whoever was standing near them, especially little kids. Considering how fucking weird animals are anyway, it could be surprisingly effective.

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#11 Posted by Aetheldod (3914 posts) -

So a moderator is trolling .... ¬_¬ double standards anyone?

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#13 Posted by LastThingYouSee (16 posts) -

If you choose the Black Firebombs as your starting gift and throw them all at the bars separating you from the Stray Demon in that first hallway, the bars break and you can fight the demon early. If you defeat him then, you unlock Big Head Mode.

I just tried it, and bam, it worked!!!!! Big head mode is so much cooler than it was in GoldenEye.

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#14 Posted by Immortal_Guy (203 posts) -

If an important NPC turns hollow, don't despair! If you use the pyromancy "undead rapport" to make them not-hostile, you can stand right next to them so that when you use a humanity, your hand clips through them and they get revived. It might take a few tries, but it definitely works.

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#15 Edited by crithon (3979 posts) -

the Chaos Witch's Sister is all sad because her classy clothing got stolen

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#16 Edited by TheManWithNoPlan (7088 posts) -

There's a painting in Anor Londo that, if you picked up a certain item earlier in the game, will take you to an optional area with an optional boss. What most people don't know is that if you use pyromancy to throw a fireball at the painting 10 times, it will begin to burn away.

What happens here is that the optional boss Priscilla will escape the painting and immediately take you on in an transformed state. She's half as hard to fight as she was in the painting, one reason being you're burning away her life force, and if you beat her before the painting is burned away completely she'll drop her weapon (Priscilla's Scythe). It scales with both dexterity and intelligence, and effectively trivializes the game up until right after the 4 kings. (Note - You can still go into the painting, get all of the items scattered across the level and walk right past the boss to leave before attempting to do this)

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#17 Edited by GERALTITUDE (5744 posts) -

@aetheldod said:

So a moderator is trolling .... ¬_¬ double standards anyone?

This is trolling?

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#18 Posted by BaneFireLord (3230 posts) -
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#19 Posted by MikeLemmer (1426 posts) -

The final boss can be crippled by a Firebomb. You have to toss it at him just as he grabs for you; he grabs the firebomb instead and blows off his own hand, making the fight much easier.

If you drop both the Peculiar Doll and the Soul of Gwyn into Snuggly's nest, when you leave the Asylum the giant crow will take you to the Isle of the Sun, where you can fight the real Gwynevere.

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#20 Edited by dudeglove (12669 posts) -
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#21 Posted by Zevvion (5219 posts) -

That is the fun aspect of Dark Souls though. Not knowing what is all possible. I wouldn't say that is nonsense. That's really great. I'm all for diversity and while I can enjoy game design where I can know what to expect, never being stuck because of tutorials and constant hints during the game, I am also very grateful that there are still games like Dark Souls that say 'no' to all that stuff.

It's essentially a puzzle game. That's what a lot of people don't get. All these guys playing the game with a walkthrough or FAQ on the side haven't played Dark Souls.

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#22 Edited by Fattony12000 (8284 posts) -
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#23 Posted by Shirogane (3637 posts) -
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#24 Posted by golguin (5278 posts) -
Loading Video...

Most people don't know this, but you can manually break the seal to the Kiln of the First Flame if you become a Dark Wraith before ringing any Bell of Awakening. Simply collect 99 soft humanity by successfully invading 99 people and you'll receive a special animation for your Dark Hand. Equip the Dark Hand on your right hand press the heavy attack. You'll destroy the ground level where Frampt would normally emerge. Once you fall down simply go up to the door/seal and break it apart with the Dark Hand heavy attack.

Once you get through the Kiln of the First Flame you'll see the ultimate Dark Souls boss. His name is Undead King Jar Eel and he is the true Dark Lord. Don't believe me? Watch the video.

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#25 Edited by Popogeejo (622 posts) -

After becoming Egg burdened and feeding it enough souls so you get the special kick animation you can infect Mushroom Big brothers. They will treat you as a little brother and attack anything that harms you. They don't follow you to different areas though but can be a strong ally in the forrest.

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#26 Posted by dudeglove (12669 posts) -
No Caption Provided

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#27 Posted by LiquidPrince (16875 posts) -

As someone who started playing Dark Souls for the first time, I feel pretty happy that I didn't die at a boss until the Gaping Dragon. Then I only died because I was cursed.

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#28 Posted by Turambar (8009 posts) -

If you get cursed 50 times without taking any damage and without turning the game off, you get to fight a blue shiny gaping dragon, and capture it as your pet. True story.

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#29 Posted by Akeldama (4359 posts) -

Completing the game as a SL 1 deprived with the pendant will get you laid in real life. That's the secret power of the pendant that the devs alluded to.

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