(Edit: This is my first post ever on here, and quite honestly, Im in no mindset to be typing right now, for various reasons, so I apologize for all the grammar and spelling errors,I just cant be bothered by that right now.)
I didn't know the man. Didn't need to. When I saw my first quick look, 3 years ago, that's all I needed to know. I love Giantbomb. The crew, the coverage, everything. But one thing always stood out,and that was my utter respect and appreciation for Ryan. I first heard of him in the Quick Looks, and searched for the name of the funny guy doing the commentary in the background all day, and when I actually found his name, I instantly started looking through and watching all the QL with him in it.
But you see, heres the thing. When I first started watching all the wonderful content they have on here, I was going through (well,still am) a very dark time in my life. A girlfriend of mine who I had falled head over heels for (stupid, stupid teen love) ended up cheating on me, and doing a few other horrible things to ruin my sense of pride, and image of myself (being who I am, and even before her having a very horrible outlook on myself and my life.) This was just the tipping point, the straw that broke the camels back,only one of the...well,just messed up shit that's happened in my life, to make me who I am today. I take full responsibility for all of it, mind you, Im not trying to make this into a pity party, just giving some perspective.
This lead to years and years of constant drug-abuse, and not your little "Oh,I smoke pot to much" situation. No,I was dealing with something that could kill me after just trying it once, and something that can do extreme damage to yourself over long periods of time, with continued use. I wont go into specifics or anything, but lets just say that it went from "recreational" to "fending off a bigger problem" real quick, and it turned me into an even more extremely depressed person, who kept to himself, spending days on days inside my house, only to go out to get a little more "Artificial Happiness"
But then, I found these people, and more importantly, I found Ryans videos. Those videos made me laugh harder and feel happier than any drug ever would, will ever, or did. I would stay up into the late hours of the night, with a podcast or video in my ear, grinding out hours in WoW and other various MMOs. I can't explain to you how happy they made me (although, I'm pretty sure most of you know the feeling, although its so hard to explain.) For once, they showed, or more so, Ryan showed, that video games are just freaking awesome. Something that wasn't drugs, and that wasn't harmful to my body (well, that can be debated, but lets just keep going) that this person right here was so passionate about, and was so fun, that it playing them really just took all the worries of the world away. Some of those days that when I would wake up, feeling so dope-sick to even move, the only thing that would make me get out of bed would be to hop onto GiantBomb and see if my source of such happiness posted a video for me to enjoy,and watch over and over again. I found the Chrono Trigger and Deadly Premonition Endurance runs, and watched them all in a matter of weeks.
They made me so happy, and as cheesy as I know it sounds, gave me a reason to get up in the morning. Gave me a source of happiness that wasn't going to kill me. Gave me some damn hope, something that I had lost almost all of in the course of that horrible year.
Fast forward a few years, and here I am. Got my GED, have money set away to go to a community college in my state, and will be going to get my journalism career started. I've always been good at writing, even at a young age, but seeing Ryan on Giantbomb only made me want to follow my dream more. Lastly, something almost as important as all those things put together, is my drug use. Over the past 3 years, its gone down enormously. I'm still battling it day to day, as any addict will tell you, and am still weaning off to get 100% clean, but Ryan and everybody at Giantbomb has made it so much easier to do, giving me something that brings me just as much happiness and laughter as any drug ever could.
So, taking all that into perspective, when I heard that he passed away today, I can bet that all of you know and feel how I did. I live with somebody that really just....wouldn't understand how or why I feel so strongly for a person that I never meet, so I instantly went to the bathroom, ran a bath, and cried my damn eyes out for a good hour. I am crushed, and am feeling more depressed than I've felt in awhile, but I atleast wanted everybody on Giantbomb, and all the community members, know how much GB has helped me...well, just "live" and "get through the day".
All of you community members on here give me hope. Seeing everybody join together on here and help each other out in these hard times has made me feel so much better than how I felt earlier when the news broke. You are all the reason I love video games so much. The community, the helping, the tips, the funky little threads with gnarly little stories inside, its all just freakin' great. I know that we have all had a great loss today, and I know it feels like a member of our family has been stripped away from us, but it will get better. We will move on, and laugh again, be happy again, and continue to enjoy the hell outta the best gaming website to ever exist. I know we will mourn for awhile, as we should, but we should always remember what kind of an impact Ryan had on so many of our lives. To always remember how many people loved this man, and called him a friend, without ever needing to meet him in person. You are all part of the best community for video games on the internet, and I feel foolish for only lurking til now, and having something so horrible being the reason for me to make my first post. I really would like to get to know all of you more, and am always willing to have a nice chat on any of the systems, pc, or whatever, especially now in these sad times.....
So,say what you will about me. Say I'm a troll just making things up. Say that I'm a junkie, a depressed fool,but in the end,it doesn't matter. I wanted to tell my story on how Ryan impacted my life so greatly, and now I have, meaning nothing any troll can say to me will change.
Ryan, and everybody at Giantbomb, If you somehow see this, I want you to know one thing: You've changed my life for the better. You've given me goals as a person, and a grown adult, and you've given me pure, un-adulterated happiness, and I will always be grateful for it.
Stay gnarly, duder. I hope in another life, I can shake your hand, the hand of a legend, a gentle giant, and one of the best video journalists to ever live.
R.I.P buddy.
(And P.S: If anybody on here needs anybody to talk to, to play some games with, or just needs somebody who they've never known to get some things off their chest, I'm right here. All of you on the forum community are so chill and gnarly people, and like I stated above, would love to get to know more of you. Have a relaxing night,everybody.)
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