https://fundraise.pencilsofpromise.org/ArbitraryWater2022
Hi hello it’s once again time for me to put my body on the line to help Pencils of Promise raise money to build schools in the developing world. As always, my brand has become a garbage hell nightmare where I can only approach things in terms of randomized wheels of weird, questionable, and obscure video games. I will not apologize for this; it’s done pretty well for my charity endeavors and I’m glad folks seem to enjoy it. So, in “celebration” of two years of wheel-based idiocy from me, this year’s GBCER theme is:
THE WHEEL OF DUBIOUS WHEELS GREATEST HITSTRAVAGANZA EX PLUS ALPHA
That’s right lads, lasses, and non-binary masses, this high quality celebration of dubious games past, present, and yet to come, all on ONE wheel! You’ve got familiar favorites, greatest hits, other installments in dubious franchises. We’ve got old classics, future dubious hits, and most likely some garbage you’ve never heard of! You wanna see me play more Daikatana without the benefit of a co-op partner? How about the Lands of Lore game that stars Kane from C&C? What if I ruined my happiness by playing the most recent Heroes of Might and Magic game? ALL OF THIS IS UP TO YOU.
Like last year, my plan is to stream for a few hours each day, with a new spin of the wheel roughly every hour or so. However, any enterprising individuals who wish to offer me mercy (or extend my pain, I guess) can also pay a minimum of $20 to duplicate any one game’s entry on the wheel, doubling my chance of landing on that. If you really wanted to be a piece of shit, you could probably do that up to five times to quintuple my chances of landing on any one specific game. That’s right. $100 donated to help send kids to school could be used to drastically increase the chances I play Amulets and Armor for multiple hours, perhaps even consecutively. Just put it in your donation comment! I mean heck, if you really wanted to I’d probably let you pay $50 to remove a game from the list entirely… although someone could certainly pay $20 to put it back on. This is what donation comments are for.
Oh, before I forget, here are the games up for contention:
GAMES OF DUBIOUS PAST:
King's Quest: Mask of Eternity
GAMES OF DUBIOUS PRESENT
Black Geyser: Couriers of Darkness
Strangers of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin
GAMES OF DUBIOUS YET TO COME
Lands of Lore: Guardians of Destiny
Phantasy Star III: Generations of Doom
That’s right 16 games, more than half of which have never been streamed by yours truly. With your donations, you can tip the probability in your favor! Ruin my life! Or don’t!
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE.
On SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY I will be taking a break from chaos to revisit one of my least favorite games of the previous wheel! That’s right, on Sunday I will be playing the hit Xbox 360 launch title Perfect Dark Zero with my friend and fellow charitable miserymonger Joeku. You may recall that we played most of Hunted: The Demon’s Forge for Extra Life last year, and I’m very excited to continue finding the absolute center point of playable and deeply mediocre cooperative games.
There are also milestones!
$200 - Overtime: another hour on the clock, for whatever day this is reached, conditions permitting.
$300 - Positive Round Redux: For the next hour I am only allowed to say positive things about whatever game I am playing. Note that Mighty Number 9 is not on this new wheel for a reason
$400 - I do some pushups? Not as many as however much Jatzu is going to do, but I’ll do them. You won’t see me do them, but assume I’ll be sweaty afterward.
$500 - in complete opposition to whatever ZombiePie is going to do to his body with that Little Ceasar’s pizza, I will eat something relatively healthy in a reasonable portion size. Maybe I’ll get a salad.
$600 - Democracy: In this next round, nobody wins! I’ll spin the wheel a couple of times and have either my twitch chat (or the GB chat, if I’m currently being featured there) vote on the next game!
Donation Goal: $650
At $650 American Dollars I will stream through ALL of Perfect Dark Zero to completion with Joeku, perhaps in multiple sittings, beyond whatever we play on Sunday. I’ll even re-up my Game Pass sub if I have to.
BONUS GOALS:
$750 - Dubious Revisitations! If we reach here, I will once again offer myself up to play one of the games I’ve covered prior to completion, put up to a vote! I sure did play all of The Evil Within last year! I don’t recommend it!
$1000 - fuck it man, Duke Nukem Forever. I’ll play the entire thing on stream. At this point you’ve earned it.
$1250 - at this point I will actively bully my friends into playing at least some amount of Dungeon Lords with me on stream. Why is this so high? True Dubiousheads will know
Schedule (not including overtime and any potential other extensions):
Friday, April 8: 6PM - 11 PM PDT
Saturday, April 9: 9AM - 1PM PDT
Sunday, April 10 (PDZ with Joeku!): 8AM - 12PM PDT
So, what are you waiting for? The earlier you donate, the higher your chances of tipping the scales of fate in your favor! Check out https://fundraise.pencilsofpromise.org/ArbitraryWater2022 now, and you’ll see the fruits of your labor come this next weekend!
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