Coming out...

So today I came out to the gaming community... As a girl :O

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNN...

Ok, so it's not all that dramatic. No one is really overly fussed. Which is nice.

One thing which did strike me is being told not to be 'shy' because there are plenty of girls here.

You know what? I like that... Most of my friends are guys, I don't really mix with other girls often but for a community/industry which is so publicly listed as being 'difficult' for woman to integrate into it's nice.

I can do two things in this scenario. Get offended that the presumption (unintentional, I'm sure) is I'm going to be intimidated by all of the manly men knocking around and shy away unless I find a group of feminine figures to mingle with.

OR be humbled in the fact that someone has made the effort to highlight how diverse the community is.

Let's go for the latter. Smiles all round.

Thank you for making coming out so underwhelming. It's refreshing. XD

Whenever I meet a girl that talks about games when meeting up friends, I'll admit that it catchs me off guard. But then seconds later, it's "oh, cool, when did you first beat Resident Evil 2?" And that's that.

Good on you. People shouldn't have to hide who they are just to be apart of the group.

Yeah, this community is pretty awesome and welcoming. Bring on the diversity, I say! =)

Isn't like 51 % of the human Civilization Female :P. So there's a bigger chance of you being female then being male ! Anyway welcome, also i am glad were getting out off the Video games is for dudes stigma.

I definitely agree with Devil240Z.

I've met and befriended a few women throughout my years of playing games and while a couple did hide their gender originally, there were some that didn't. Sure they were a bit on the older side, usually around my mother's age (who still plays games as well), but each one were and still are fierce competitors. One emails me quite often about her adventures through Skyrim which is always a fantastic read.

Basically just keep being you and don't let anyone try to discourage you. It's great that you've found a place that you feel comfortable enough that you don't have to hide who you are.

@csl316: Haha yeah I've witnessed that effect :) I've never minded that, I mean something that someone doesn't encounter often is bound to. The awesome bit it's how it's so soon easy past that point to just jump in and carry on. If that makes sense.

@devil240z: I absolutely agree! It happens everywhere in all walks of life. I think the most important part is to remember that regardless of what you're doing or how well intended your actions are. Not everyone is always going to be comfortable/understand/be interested in what you're doing. And that's ok! There's plenty of other people who ARE so build positive relationships with those. Everyone else will either slowly grow use to things and agree to disagree, or they won't. We're all different.

And now I'm curtailing the conversation :')

@positivelypudding: That's awesome!

I need to get back into Skyrim, being an adult sucks sometimes! NOT ENOUGH TIME IN THE DAY! *Sheds a tear*

I think it's pretty great too. I never expected a hostile environment but I definitely do appreciate the openness and the welcoming attitude of everyone. It's only gone to affirm my opinion of the community after watching from the sidelines for the last year.

@keirgo: WOOHOO! Diversity ftw. I've already been sent sooooooo much stuff to catch up on. EEP!

@soulcake: Haha! Women live longer but men are born more often... Generally speaking. It's an interesting set of statistics to look into!

Geeking aside thank you!!!

It's making me very happy. I think it's kind of like a certain online adult entertainment industry to be honest. Women DO play video games, THEY REALLY DO! A lot just don't admit to it or don't pursue it for whatever reason... Just the same as women really watch... Well you get the idea :')

Video games are for everyone.

@phlis Cool!

I hope more women who aren't already open about their gender follow your example.

On a purely personal level, I've always felt a pang of not liking being lied to when someone I knew online turned out to be the opposite gender than what they professed to be when I met them. It's happened both directions (girl persona -> guy, guy persona -> girl). After thinking about it even for a second, I realise that they had a reason for doing so, and that's kinda the real problem - not their dishonesty. I can't blame someone from wanting to protect themselves from total assholes on the internet. Still, the whole thing kinda leaves me melancholy when it happens.

I hope we can get to a place where all that nonsense can go away. I don't know if we ever will, but I think we should keep striving for it.

In a nice and supportive way, I have to say that I really wish this wasn't even a thing.

I was recently admiring a department store ad for a father's day sale, and on a page devoted to father's day gifts, there was a PS4. I never saw that growing up, because "games are for children" was the mentality. It was a very cool thing to see "hey, you know that fully grown adult male in your life? He might want a game console for father's day!"

But then, I'd never see an ad for a PS4 for mother's day. I didn't consider that until now, and it's just sad. It's sad that video games ever became so gendered in the first place.

Anyhow, welcome to Giant Bomb.

@selfconfessedcynic: Thanks!

I hope so too :)

I can completely see why you'd feel that way. It's difficult but considering the reaction this post has had, I only hope that it goes to show that there's enough openness there for it not to matter.

It's like I said before, it doesn't matter what you're doing or how awesome it is not everyone is going to like it. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, it's human nature. I think we all need to get better at prioritising mental energy when it comes to people. Far too many of us spend so much time trying to argue for something which doesn't really actually effect us directly. It just builds up a whole lot of tension and frustration which isn't needed. You then end up with so much anxiety about approaching social groups due to the amount of pettiness and bickering that goes on that people stop bothering. After that you're only left with people who bounce off of other people's very strong, domineering opinions.

As hard as it is, the door is only going to open if you keep sticking your foot in it. Thankfully you guys all seem awesome and have helped me to give it a massive shove. That's not to say that I thought it was closed in the first place but look at how easy it's been!

Once you're in it's becomes so easy to build yourself up around other people and take on new viewpoints. You've just got to listen and learn that no matter how hostile you think a situation might turn out, there's virtually always going to be someone on your wavelength.

This is Giantbomb, a website about video games.. welcome to the community!
But in all honesty: Why should anybody care about your gender? I always found this "gaming is a boys club stigmata" to be mostly BS.

In the 20+ years I've been playing games online, most people usually react very favorable to female gamers. The couple of negative reactions usually come from either the very elitist crowd (but those people are disregarding everybody as a scrub, regardless of gender) or the pubescent virgin boys who want to be edgy on purpose and think it gets them a "gaming girlfriend".
None of those two are a big surprise, considering gaming has always been about competition and actually started out as the original "social recluse club", before social media became an actual thing.

Then there's also the exact opposite: Female gamers getting special treatment for being.. female. Very popular in MMO games, in fact I have yet to see a single case in an MMO where anybody got "attacked" for being a girl. Instead they usually get lots of free goodies and preferable treatment in certain situations (even works when just playing a female avatar), which sometimes can lead to lots of drama.

So overall I really don't see the big problem that, supposedly, exists? As all things in life, it's a trade-off. You sometimes get shit for who you are and sometimes get goodies for it, happens to everybody all the time, regardless of gender.

@phlis:

All I've got to say to that is: :D

On a related note, I've found as I've gotten older (not that I'm effing old, just 27 atm), that people are just people in the end. Very few are actually set in stone, and in the end, most people are actually nice and open at heart.

Sure everyone will clash at some point, but I think it's just part of our species to be decent at some level. To be fair, there ARE a lot of jerks out there - but considering there's 6.5-7 billion of us humans, that's kinda inevitable.

Wrapping that back around, I really do agree that most people think too hard about what others may perceive them as. If a person is worth your time, they'll be open to you and your sex/nature/quirks/craziness, no matter who you are, haha.

@spaceinsomniac: I think that's perfectly reasonable.

There are a lot of 'things' which aren't going to stop being a 'thing' until people stop making them a 'thing'

I think the unfortunate happenstance is that, for that to happen it has to be talked about enough to become a natural conversation. OR it has to have a direct influence from societal changes.

For example the whole age and gaming thing, a lot of people who grew up with PS1's and earlier consoles will now be starting their own families and will have grown up with video games throughout the years. The marketing ploy there is to offer a level of nostalgia for the target markets audience whilst selling a contemporary, adult package. Games very much were for children when they publicly boomed and those children are now all grown up. Of course there are some exceptions, I don't mean to generalise.

I think the most marketing for video games I've ever seen towards woman was the sale of the Nintendo DS. Which is frustrating in a sense because all of the games marketed with it were to do with fluffy puppies and brain training (Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with fluffy puppies... Or super smart people)

It is sad, definitely. Hopefully we can get to a point where it shouldn't matter. Sooner rather than later. Perhaps an indie marketing campaign which is gender neutral? Anyone up for the task?

Would be interesting to see how effective it would be against your standard categorised marketing strategies.

@nethlem:

No I completely agree :) Hence thanking the community for making everything so underwhelming. My point being that although people push the idea that it's difficult, it really isn't. Like one person said further up they've felt let down when someone has lied about their gender but understand that they've done it because they felt that they had to. That's not necessarily the fault of the community. Someone has presumed that they will received a negative reaction and thus chosen to hide who they are. But, one does have to question where it presumption comes from. I definitely think that it's media and propaganda fuelled a LOT of the time. Which means that someone somewhere needs to put out the fire so that we can get to a point where we can all just get on with it. If that makes sense.

In my mind it seems more sensible to get frustrated at the media for pushing a particular image/reaction/influence then the people who fall for it. It becomes much easier then to say "Ok, so you thought that this was going to be a standoffish environment because that's what you've been fed BUT come and take a look. It's not like that."

A lot of it is definitely BS but someone's responsible for spreading it. And I'm standing, waiting with my shovel :)

I completely agree with the trade off stand point. The world is never going to be perfect.

@selfconfessedcynic: To be honest I'd be inclined to agree. Also, the jerks are a crucial part of the world. No one would ever feel the need to be nice/change things for the better if there wasn't some horrid people/things going on. We'd all kind of just be floating around in a non directional daze.

I don't think I can stress the final point enough. Stop over thinking and start doing.

I don't want to offend anyone, but I haven't experienced the gamer community to be full of a type of person that aptly fits this description.

I'm also guilty of being surprised when a girl is into videogames. Which is weird, because I don't think I've dated a girl in 6 months that wasn't into them. Yet I'm surprised every single time. More pleasurably surprised to be sure. Still, I think a lot of girls just don't come out for liking them for some reason. Which I understand. I always don't say I'm into them myself. It's still viewed as childish, so it's not something I try to lead a conversation with. Once someone knows me, it's okay to bring it up because they already know I'm not immature at that point.

@zevvion said:

I SAY my good sir, I am offended!

We here are all the manliest of men - especially the ones with breasts!

You take that statement back or we shall have words!

@zevvion: Haha That was the sarcastic irony of the statement. But also, on that note my friend is going to start running a blog on their hobbies outside of Video games which include Martial Arts, Aerial Arts, Weight Lifting and General Fitness. It's actually gotten quite a good reception as a concept and he's starting the first post soon:

http://www.giantbomb.com/forums/off-topic-31/giant-beef-1795106/

This is the original discussion. @pandapower care to comment?

It's really, really interesting that your perception is based around the fact people still see gaming as childish. I wonder how many other people have a similar outlook and how that influences their comfort levels when it comes to disclosing Video Games as a hobby.

On a side note, I know that my statement of 'All the manly men' was intended as a statement of sarcastic irony. BUT I do find it interesting that this social group seems to be a very small element of the community as well.

Interesting, I suspect it's not as smaller group as it first seems.

@selfconfessedcynic said:

Haha!!! See! Told you there were no girls on the internet :o ;)

JK :)

It seems sensible to me. It's a giant presumption on my part, but I think that while the audience for videogames is very diverse, you see the - for lack of a better term - 'nerdy' gamers less in other social groups which may make them appear more present in gaming. Something like, you may see someone who is into combat sports love videogames as well, but the other way around might be less likely.

Like I said, before I get flamed, I realize that's a huge presumption on my part. I just think there might be something to it.

Hmmmm, perhaps. I started dancing and playing piano at the same age I started sitting on my Dads knee to play the original Quake on PC and I love both equally. This theme has continued throughout my life so far. Although, I understand that not everyone is the same.

I do genuinely wonder if a lot of the apparent bias is based on people not being comfortable with opening up other areas of their lives because they feel it may have a negative impact on whichever side of life they thing puts them in the best stead socially. I also wonder if it realistically it's just because that's the way that it is and everyone is over thinking things.

I think the main thing here is regardless of how neutral we'd all like things to be. There's obviously pre determined ideas of social settings in virtually every context whether people acknowledge it or not.

@phlis: Your post just reminded me of this. :)

Anyway, this post is great. I will say there is an overall general cultural change I've witnessed regarding gaming over time. Like I'm in physical therapy right now, and just about every session I have is a combination half hour discussion of sports and video games. So we have two people a number of years apart in age in two very different careers discussing one "jock" hobby and one "geek hobby." Video gaming is definitely seen less as a children's thing than it once was, although there is still some amount of stigma surrounding it.

Oh. My. Word.

@cav829 That's made my day. I'm creasing!

Thank you! I was hoping that it wouldn't suck. Also, that's awesome! It definitely goes to show how diverse it's grown. I think the thought that gaming is for kids will always be around to some extent. But like I previously said, the kids that marked video games as a childrens thing when it exploded are now pretty much all grown up! So hopefully that'll continue to level out.

Within the digital domain of the internet folk only exist as information. We're all lines of text here.

@strathy: There is no spoon.

When I was little, Samus Aran turned out to be a girl, and I thought "Huh, that's different. Cool." And the Princess was the only character who could float in Super Mario Bros. 2, so I gladly played as her. And the badass protagonist of Alien and Aliens turned out to be the woman, and I literally thought nothing of it. Gender was absolutely no concern of mine with any of that "geek culture" back in the day.

But now, the internet has ruined all of that. Now the press has to find fault with white male protagonists, and people complain that female characters are only part of a game because of "social justice warriors," or people complain that a gay or black character is part of the "SJW agenda," and the press has to put a spotlight on these people who think that way, and the press has to attack and ridicule those people until they're even angrier, and the press has to conflate the worst of those people with anyone who disagrees with their opinions--outraging once moderate voices as a result, and the press has to talk about how ashamed they are to be gamers, and it all builds up into real hate, and anger, and resentment on all sides. Lines in the sand are drawn. "You're either with us, or against us," statements are made. All because of the internet.

On the other hand, the internet has also enabled me to play video games with a childhood friend of mine and his wife, who now both live in another state. I was once amazed to watch 30 minutes of video game related television a week, and now I can watch any game I can think of being played in its entirety, with or without commentary. And Mad Maze was pretty fun. So yeah, I guess I'll have to take the good with the bad.

That's actually a nice way of thinking about all of this. Sort of a "if it wasn't for the rain, you wouldn't appreciate the sunshine" kind of optimism.

Oh god yes. It's gotten to the point where you can't see the wood for the trees. I don't EVER remember felling oppressed in video games. I've never been ashamed to openly admit that my stack of consoles is ever growing as is my collection of games. People who I get along with and share the same interests will stick around. Those who don't won't, you can't please everyone and I never intended. Nor do I expect to be pleased by everyone. I love how different everyone is.

If there isn't drama then there's nothing to sell. Let's not all be objects for the media consume. The internet is a wonderful place and as much as it's had the power to outrage and play people off against each other it also has the power to do the reverse. Just got to put enough positivity into it.

It definitely helps bring people together! The Vlogbrothers are an awesome demonstration of that. There'll alway be bad, but then there wouldn't be anything to get passionate about or to push against. No one would have any motivation :)

I try to stay optimistic :)

Wouldn't the world be incredibly boring if we were all the same and we all got along perfectly?

@phlis: I just wanted to say as someone who is out in the lgbt community and likes to play games it's refreshing to see someone in the gaming community be comfortable and happy with who they are and can share your experiences with people! ^_^ where I live everyone is fairly closeted and conservative about everything, to the point of where I've heard people mock women who play video games. :/ anyway, I couldn't be happier for you and send you nothing but love and support! :D

@giantlennonx_x: Thank you very much!

That does suck. Not everyone is going to be comfortable with other people's lifestyle choices but it is so much about how you choose to conduct yourself in those scenarios.

People will only listen and look at new opinions if they feel comfortable. Judging anyone for their point of view without discussing first is a sure fire way to affirm their wariness.

Love and support gladly accepted XD Same right back 'atcha :)

Good on ya. I'm glad you had the confidence to be yourself openly on the boards. As a manly man of men, I say welcome! And It's always nice to see new faces around the forum. :)

@themanwithnoplan: Thank you :) Appreciated! Confidence comes with support and hopefully this help dispel the illusion that women can't jump on in.

As a womanly woman of women, I say you're all awesome :) New faces are always welcome.

@marcsman said:

Ooo, Behave! ;) haha!

Based on that reaction I think I'm due another shave 0.0

@phlis: Sorry about the delay I was typing up said blog. That and skating....which is horribly boring in a flat town!

But yes that link is the original GiantBeef thread and the first blog post is now live :).

A link to the thread - http://www.giantbomb.com/forums/off-topic-31/giant-beef-1795106/

I know quite a few girl "gamers", so to me it's always weird that so many people treat it as a big deal. Welcome though!

@tothenines: Weird indeed. Nice to see two sides of the coin

Thank you!

I find myself thinking it is somewhat of a big deal, despite knowing many girls who play games myself. It's odd. I do like hearing it though.

I like hearing that this went smooth, since it's easy for someone like me who gets bummed out by shitty news easy, to develop a tunnel-vision perspective and think that all stories like these are horror stories. EDIT: Dammit, not that I'm saying the GB community would do that. Ah, never mind.

Anyway! Welcome to my favorite game community, duder! Hope you stay a while.

@poobumbutt: Haha I think we all knew what you meant :P

I'm pleased that it was a pleasant surprise for you!

Thank you, I intend to stay as long as I possibly can.

I'd like to say welcome to the community as well.

When I first played the NES as a kid, it was on my birthday, and to help celebrate that with me, was one of my female cousins. We played Super Mario Bros. and by the time she had to leave and go back home (we went to the grandparents for summer vacation), we got to world 1-4, the first Fire Castle. Even though that was many years ago, I am still reminded about it from time to time, and I think it's because I shared it with someone else who also has that memory. When I used to play FFXI a lot I found more female players there than many other games that I had tried. There was something about the online environment in the FF culture that seemed appealing to many of the women who I learned were avid players. I have no idea what it's like now, but I remember that as being a good time.

@phlis:

I was thinking about this thread a bit more today, and it reminded me of another woman "coming out" about playing video games:

How great is that?

If the gendered perception of video games is ever going to change, it's going to help matters quite a bit if more women come out as gamers. Not just online, but also to their friends, their families, their co-workers, their Hollywood interviewers, etc.

And honestly for the overall perception of video games to improve, that's not only true for women, but responsible and mature adults everywhere.

Thank you very much :) There does appear to be plenty of people who remember a time when not so many people cared about being open about it. I do think it'll come back around, it does look as well though that there's an issue of maturity being questioned when people admit they play video games. Which I hadn't even considered as a thing but it looks as though it's definitely influencing some people's decisions.

Yes to this thread. Video games are for everybody, yet some people seem to have these ridiculous notions that they're not. I mean, movies, music, art; no one gives a shit about your gender or age if you're into any of those forms of entertainment, but video games somehow have this ridiculous stigma attached to them.

I have to admit, as an almost-40 English teacher, I'm reluctant to tell my co-workers that I often go home and push pixels for hours, yet statistically, a significant portion of them are probably also doing the exact same thing. Especially in Korea where video games are huge business and people make a living playing them.

We should all follow @phlis's lead and come out as gamers! If only our hobby didn't have such a lame name.

Oh wow that's awesome!!! Going to look into this a bit more I think.

I definitely agree with the responsible, mature adults everywhere thing. It all goes back to people over thinking and presuming that people will make a judgement. It would most certainly help if more people stepped forward and I honestly am amazed at how easy this thread is making it look to just be yourself.

Thank you :)

good luck, and remember you can always reinvent yourself