Cracked list of 5 Ways to tell You're Too Old for Video Games

I've read the article today and I thought "Holy shit! It's true!". Of course, Cracked is obviously a humorous website, and as such, it concentrates on parody, exageration and ridiculousness. The author just gives the another example of pink, nostalgia mist of our childhood, and I'm fully aware of it, but the points given are still horryfingly valid. These are my thoughts on the subject:

#5. You Think Multiplayer is Bullshit

As I've mentioned many times - I don't give a fuck about multiplayer experience. I toy with it, I might even play it for a week or two, but that's it. I'm a single player guy to the bone and focusing on multi by developers is not gonna sell such title for me, no matter how good the reviews are or how far my friends go to advertise it during conversation. I grew up with single player style of gaming and I'm used to it. Of course I'm not counting the "hot seat" or "two players single couch", it's totally different element. It's also a multiplayer component, but it's allowing me to play with someone I like for a change, and even friend list management in multiplayer title won't give me the same experience as sitting next to a guy or gal, elbow to the ribs or kicking the ankle to distract him\her and the overall atmosphere of playing side by side. Internet connection is not gonna give you that.

To make my point clearer - I love zombie games. But the most infuriating thing with L4D or Dead Island is the fact that to fully enjoy the game, I have to team up with a bunch of strangers (in most cases) who I have never seen, and who are (again, in most cases) a collection of dicks, 13-year olds (or both) and I loathe playing with them. Really, I don't have anything against shooting morons in the head, but teaming up with them to have any fun? And making it the selling point? Come on.

#4. You Think Games Are Suddenly Too Long

Case in point - The Witcher 2. I love the franchise, I love the setting, I've read the books, I've enjoyed the game. But I've enjoyed it once (on Roche's side, if anyone asks), for 40 hours or so. And I don't feel like coming back for more. And it's annoying that I've probably missed half of the game just because I've made a choice of siding with the guy I liked the most. I'll probably be back for some more witchering in the far future, I like replaying good games as any other gamer. But for fuck's sake, I don't have so much time on my hands to sink it into one title, especially when I'm still behind with a lot of other great games (believe it or not, I've just played through Arkham Asylum, despite the fact I love Batman comic books). When I was younger, I used to buy even 5 games a month and enjoy every one of them, just because I had so much free time on my hands, I didn't know what to do with it, so I played them to death (Fallout 2? Finished about 30 times, no joke). Now? No way. Make me a 10 hour, but absorbing story, and I'm happy. If You can't amaze me within that time frame, It's just bad storytelling. And yes, sidequests are fun. But if you make the main quest line shorter and simplier than a Call of Duty campaign and make your whole game a set of side missions (and none of them affects the outcome of the ending) , you should not focus on making RPGs, Bethesda.

#3. You Miss Game Storylines That Were Actually Compelling

Oh hell I am, as I've mentioned above. Maybe now I have 2hours a day to play video games, but it doesn't mean I don't care about the story at all and giving me something to shoot or slice is not going to work. Yeah, I like to entertain myself with dumb things as any other person on this planet, that's why I watch Transformers movies and enjoy a short session with Torchlight, but, just as a multiplayer component - loot and blood are not selling points for me anymore. I want something short, but amazing story- AND gameplay-wise, like, let's say, holyfuckingchristawesome Halo CE campaign, Arkham Asylum, Portal or Uncharted. It's doable, as those titles exemplify, you just have to fucking try for once.

#2. You Think Originality is Dead

And it wouldn't be so bad, because if somethings good, why not to copy it? Moreover, blending of genres gave us great games, which are not simply classified as RPGs or Action-Adventure anymore. I fully realize, that games were never original, one in a million, stand alone wonders of human imagination, but I like something I've seen before, used in unconvntional ways. Cover system? Kill.Switch introduced it in the form we know nowadays, but the game was so shitty nobody remembers it. Gears? That's what I call a good use of known patent. But 100th time someone uses GoW cover system? Boring as hell.

Another example of great blending of seemingly unoriginal ideas into one, awesome game? Deus Ex. Nothing is new here - we've seen stealth, we've seen hacking, we've seen RPG elements, but everything mixed together makes a game I always have on my HDD. It's not the lack of originality that's bad, it's recycling the ideas without any thought that's ruining the game for me.

#1. You Miss When Games Used to be "All About Fun"

All right, this is the point in the article, when even an inbred mouth-brathing analphabet realizes the whole thing is explaining the old truth of "Things were better when I was young". And I get it, which doesn't automatically mean I don't think that nothing has changed. I was happier when I was a kid. I could be irresponsible, I could sit till 5AM to finish a game, I could eat Icecream mixed with potato chips doing it, and I didn't give a fuck about anything but pure, untainted fun. But, to be honest, playing with sticks and pretending they're guns was also fun. Oh, and destroying cities bulit in the sandbox was also fun, especially, when someone else built them. It's just the fact I'm more demanding when I'm older. Which doesn't mean game developers can ignore my moaning and throw out all those points above. I'm paying them to have fun, and I'll be paying them, when I'll make a fun-loving kid of my own.

I've read the article today and I thought "Holy shit! It's true!". Of course, Cracked is obviously a humorous website, and as such, it concentrates on parody, exageration and ridiculousness. The author just gives the another example of pink, nostalgia mist of our childhood, and I'm fully aware of it, but the points given are still horryfingly valid. These are my thoughts on the subject:

#5. You Think Multiplayer is Bullshit

As I've mentioned many times - I don't give a fuck about multiplayer experience. I toy with it, I might even play it for a week or two, but that's it. I'm a single player guy to the bone and focusing on multi by developers is not gonna sell such title for me, no matter how good the reviews are or how far my friends go to advertise it during conversation. I grew up with single player style of gaming and I'm used to it. Of course I'm not counting the "hot seat" or "two players single couch", it's totally different element. It's also a multiplayer component, but it's allowing me to play with someone I like for a change, and even friend list management in multiplayer title won't give me the same experience as sitting next to a guy or gal, elbow to the ribs or kicking the ankle to distract him\her and the overall atmosphere of playing side by side. Internet connection is not gonna give you that.

To make my point clearer - I love zombie games. But the most infuriating thing with L4D or Dead Island is the fact that to fully enjoy the game, I have to team up with a bunch of strangers (in most cases) who I have never seen, and who are (again, in most cases) a collection of dicks, 13-year olds (or both) and I loathe playing with them. Really, I don't have anything against shooting morons in the head, but teaming up with them to have any fun? And making it the selling point? Come on.

#4. You Think Games Are Suddenly Too Long

Case in point - The Witcher 2. I love the franchise, I love the setting, I've read the books, I've enjoyed the game. But I've enjoyed it once (on Roche's side, if anyone asks), for 40 hours or so. And I don't feel like coming back for more. And it's annoying that I've probably missed half of the game just because I've made a choice of siding with the guy I liked the most. I'll probably be back for some more witchering in the far future, I like replaying good games as any other gamer. But for fuck's sake, I don't have so much time on my hands to sink it into one title, especially when I'm still behind with a lot of other great games (believe it or not, I've just played through Arkham Asylum, despite the fact I love Batman comic books). When I was younger, I used to buy even 5 games a month and enjoy every one of them, just because I had so much free time on my hands, I didn't know what to do with it, so I played them to death (Fallout 2? Finished about 30 times, no joke). Now? No way. Make me a 10 hour, but absorbing story, and I'm happy. If You can't amaze me within that time frame, It's just bad storytelling. And yes, sidequests are fun. But if you make the main quest line shorter and simplier than a Call of Duty campaign and make your whole game a set of side missions (and none of them affects the outcome of the ending) , you should not focus on making RPGs, Bethesda.

#3. You Miss Game Storylines That Were Actually Compelling

Oh hell I am, as I've mentioned above. Maybe now I have 2hours a day to play video games, but it doesn't mean I don't care about the story at all and giving me something to shoot or slice is not going to work. Yeah, I like to entertain myself with dumb things as any other person on this planet, that's why I watch Transformers movies and enjoy a short session with Torchlight, but, just as a multiplayer component - loot and blood are not selling points for me anymore. I want something short, but amazing story- AND gameplay-wise, like, let's say, holyfuckingchristawesome Halo CE campaign, Arkham Asylum, Portal or Uncharted. It's doable, as those titles exemplify, you just have to fucking try for once.

#2. You Think Originality is Dead

And it wouldn't be so bad, because if somethings good, why not to copy it? Moreover, blending of genres gave us great games, which are not simply classified as RPGs or Action-Adventure anymore. I fully realize, that games were never original, one in a million, stand alone wonders of human imagination, but I like something I've seen before, used in unconvntional ways. Cover system? Kill.Switch introduced it in the form we know nowadays, but the game was so shitty nobody remembers it. Gears? That's what I call a good use of known patent. But 100th time someone uses GoW cover system? Boring as hell.

Another example of great blending of seemingly unoriginal ideas into one, awesome game? Deus Ex. Nothing is new here - we've seen stealth, we've seen hacking, we've seen RPG elements, but everything mixed together makes a game I always have on my HDD. It's not the lack of originality that's bad, it's recycling the ideas without any thought that's ruining the game for me.

#1. You Miss When Games Used to be "All About Fun"

All right, this is the point in the article, when even an inbred mouth-brathing analphabet realizes the whole thing is explaining the old truth of "Things were better when I was young". And I get it, which doesn't automatically mean I don't think that nothing has changed. I was happier when I was a kid. I could be irresponsible, I could sit till 5AM to finish a game, I could eat Icecream mixed with potato chips doing it, and I didn't give a fuck about anything but pure, untainted fun. But, to be honest, playing with sticks and pretending they're guns was also fun. Oh, and destroying cities bulit in the sandbox was also fun, especially, when someone else built them. It's just the fact I'm more demanding when I'm older. Which doesn't mean game developers can ignore my moaning and throw out all those points above. I'm paying them to have fun, and I'll be paying them, when I'll make a fun-loving kid of my own.

Looks like I'm too old at the age of 19.

ditto. I'm 19 and 4 of those 5 apply to me. I haven't even hit the average gaming age yet....

Man sometimes cracked i just dont have time to finish games. I need to practice street fighter.

And what's the "average gamer" nowadays? Still 30 year old male?

#4 and #3 applies, #5 to some extend, but mostly because they are shoving MP into nearly all games released today.

I have never fallen for #1 and #2 and consider them as complete and utter bullshit. It's a change in attitude, not in the games.

That is fucking stupid.

@Mr_Skeleton said:

That is fucking stupid.

Cracked is still going?

Huh.

Good for them.

None of those really apply to me at all.

• Multiplayer isn't always the most compelling part of a game to me. I'll always prefer a good single player narrative over a the multiplayer of a game, but there is still good deal of fun to be had with it, and it certainly isn't bullshit.
• I hardly ever finish games, and I could certainly do with some of the lengthy RPG's out there being shorter. But I've always thought that, so the "suddenly" part is totally negated. I also understand that this all has more to do with my attention span issues than the games themselves.
• I totally disagree with the storylines one. While there were certainly some good narratives in games years ago, there are plenty now too. Narratives in video games are quickly evolving as developers discover new ways to present the story to the player. Stuff like Portal is amazing. And while you could argue that storylines as good as that are a rarity, good storylines were a rarity years ago too. Nostalgia tends to overshadow the reality and we view older games through rose tinted glasses. There were a lot of shit storylines in games years ago, just as there are now. Simiarly there were a few great storylines years ago, and there are a few great storylines now.
• Originality is not dead. Sure, the big companies often focus on rehashing old idea's into a new package to make people pay $60 again. But they did that years ago too. And once you delve a little deeper and go past the Activision's and EA's of the world, you get to some really cool, innovative stuff from indie devs. Of course things innovated quicker years ago. Gaming was a new medium. Everything revolved around innovation. And then later on you introduced 3D graphics and needed a whole new set of innovation in these new 3D video game worlds. Now the industry isn't brand new. And there hasn't been a big technology shift. Of course it's going to be less innovative. But we haven't reached stagnation yet.

But then I'm only 22. Maybe in 10 or 20 years time I'll see things differently.

I'm not convinced #3 applies to age, or that it's even true. 
 
Good stories were just as rare back in the day as they are today. Nostalgia combined with lower expectations and selective memory  tend to, as Matty stated, overshadow the reality of yesteryear's gaming landscape.

None of these apply to me.

I just read that article and now Im depressed because I realized video games suck lol.

No but seriously, that was a great article and some of what he is saying is true, but at the same time games have been getting stale, even in the last 5 years I feel like games have just gotten pretty shitty and repetitive and same old same old. I really think its because we need a new generation of consoles.

@MattyFTM: You've got valid points, and we have some common thoughts. In #1 I've blatantly stated, that the whole article is just making fun of nostalgia and "Everything was better when I was a kid". But that doesn't mean some points in the article are not valid. I've mentioned (in #2) that lack of originality is not the problem, as games borrow most of the ideas from other media to construct gameplay and story (Uncharted, for example, could be simplified to Tomb Raider mixed with Indiana Jones plot). It's just the fact that some developers lack creativity to use well estabilished mechanics in some compelling way and use the "gimmick" (like cover system) without any thought, just copy-pasting the whole concept without adding own ideas or twisting it in some interesting way.

@ProfessorEss: The plot is always a subjective thing, and if you don't like some storytelling devices, you won't like the game, even if others say it's the greatest story ever. For example, I'm not jRPG guy and (for me) most japanese productions are full of bulshit fillers and overally try to look "deep" and "ambitious" by telling a simple story in convoluted way, making the obvious solutions way harder than they should be. Some people love such plots, I don't. But it's just my thing, I loved Final Fantasy VI and VII when they came out, but now they seem silly in many ways. Again, point goes to the author of the article, because it was the whole idea behind it - you don't have so much fun with many games, because you get older and your beliefs and feelings towards some mechanics change greatly.

Im 28. I'm too old to even be on this website. You are too old only if you have kids and it takes away from your time with them. Other than that, shut up article. Oh and fuck multiplayer.

You guys remember Pac-Man, it was originally Puck Man but they changed it top avoid it being called Fuck Man..

...telling a simple story in convoluted way

The title is hyperbolic but most of the points are good. Anyway multiplayer is fun if everyone is either respectful or quiet, thank god for the mute option.

Of course you're going to hate gaming with unrealistic expectations like these. Feels like every 2nd post these days is simply about how "mainstream" gaming trends suck... I disagree.

3 of these apply and im 19 but I hope to game until im a Grandpa!

I like Multiplayer. It has evolved to include Co-op and I like it. MW is still a game I enjoy, hell I even go back to Counter-Strike once in a while.

Too Long? No, but I would have thought it would be about them being too short. Since you look back and say, back in the day, a game would last me 6 months or more because you only got games on your birthday or X-mas. Hell, it took me years to finish all of Super-Mario world and TMNT4 was hard as fuck for me as a kid because I wanted to see the whole end credits.

Everyone has their own opinion but reading text in a cartridge can only make a story so compelling. Mass Effect, The Lore of the Elder Scrolls, Uncharted... yeah, stories in games have only gotten better... but maybe another opposite, back in the day, stories weren't this good.

Video Games are like life, there is only so much shit you can actually do that is fun and not retarded. It is all about refining the experience with different objectives or ways to keep you engaged.

All about fun... I don't miss that. Games have evolved.

None of those apply to me. There are always exceptions to those rules. If any apply to you, you most likely are cynical in some really bad ways, or are just plain close-minded.

Im 28. I'm too old to even be on this website. You are too old only if you have kids and it takes away from your time with them. Other than that, shut up article. Oh and fuck multiplayer.

@ProfessorEss: The storytelling in gaming is such serious business, that even mentioning with one word that Final Fantasy or Metal Gear Solid are simple stories and there's nothing deep about them, seems to attract more hate than saying that somone's mother was a loose woman and her nether regions stink (to say it lightly). It's like arguing about music and I understand a point of view of both sides of the argument - if you like this or that, have it your way.But don't tell me it's the best story ever told and bash it with a hammer into my head, because I like something completely different. I agree with the author of the article from my own, subjective point of view - good stories are hard to find. But, as the article states, it's not that the stories are worse, it's me getting older. Which does not mean I don't see any future for game storytelling.

@Giantstalker: It's not the problem of "mainstream" gaming. Indie market is not so different, because there is only a handful of options to stay original. And indies try to be so unique that it's not fun anymore, it's tedious. Games don't have to be brakthrough productions changing the way we think about the whole market, they don't have to be the lone, shining beacons in the world of Call of Duty \ GTA \ PutAnyOtherAAATitleHere bandwagons. They're suposed to be fun. And if a game can't satisfy my need for good fun and good plot in a short span I have to play video games nowadays, why should I spend my hard earned money on them?

By the way - I've got ACII: Brotherhood and Deus Ex: HR today. And as far as I know, they are so long I won't be playing much of the new titles which will come before christmas. And I will probably feel bad about it. God damn my game addiction.

@Axxol said:

@morrelloman said:

Im 28. I'm too old to even be on this website. You are too old only if you have kids and it takes away from your time with them. Other than that, shut up article. Oh and fuck multiplayer.

You're not even close to being the oldest member of the site.

Considering how old the Bombsquad guys are, I would say you are a ripe young pup.

Those seem more like 5 ways to tell you're playing shitty games and need to pick better the next time.

@TheHBK:

All about fun... I don't miss that. Games have evolved.

Of course they did and I'm glad they did. Looking back at some of my favourite titles from 10-15 years ago, without nostalgia glasses, could make me a bitter, sad, sad man.

None of those things applies to me! Hooray! I get to play games!

@Hizang said:

You guys remember Pac-Man, it was originally Puck Man but they changed it top avoid it being called Fuck Man..

I saw a movie once, also.

@Axxol: Ohh your are too sweet. I was really just fishing for compliments.

MattyFTM communicated my thoughts pretty well. Except, I tend to finish games. And I would add that games didn't used to be about fun, they used to be about making you hate yourself, the game, and anything within punching distance because the games cheated. Games now are way more about fun. Sure, there's some more cinematic and self-serious games. But a story you enjoy is a brand of fun, you don't need the simplicity and light-heartedness.

@Axxol: Ohh your are too sweet. I was really just fishing for compliments.

This writer of this article must be a "bro" gamer.

Im 29 and none of this applies to me you old timers :3

lol at that. i don't think games are too long to beat. i think they are too short. i could beat a lot of games now in a week because of how short they are.
 
multiplayer is kind of cheap because every games it now. some games don't even need multiplayer, like the game was just put in the game.

None of those apply to me. I'm glad too, because it'd suck to be jaded and find fault with everything like people who relate to all of those. Seriously? "Originality is dead"? Maybe if people who actually relate to this point would actually look past all of the AAA games everyone talks about and seek some smaller, unique titles, they could realize how dumb that sounds.

Of course, this is Cracked so I'm probably taking this too seriously.

Im 30, married, and no kids. While the job, wife, dog, and home ownership takes up quite a bit of time, I still find myself able to play often. I think your never too old, just too many responsibility can get in the way of game time. So to all you younger GB's out there, avoid responsibility.

Oh shit. I've just read the article and now I know what it's actually about. I feel dumb.

Frankly the original article struck me as something from somebody who was really out of touch with modern games

It was cowritten by David Wong fellows, and judging by the article, he pretty much wrote the whole damn thing too. David Wong is a troll AT BEST. He hates video games and hates advancement in the medium. Just look at some of his articles if you want proof.

Also the hate for the MGS series is... stupid, the games have a really good storyline you do have to pay attention to because every part of the plot is important to the overall plot. basically, everything in the games storyline is important to the whole. Same with KH too really. although that series is just average to good depending on which games we are talking about.

Yes! I like KH series story, and no, we will not discuss anything about this.

@Daiphyer said:

@Mr_Skeleton said:

That is fucking stupid.

Agreed.

Why do people always say they never have time to play games? Unless you work 12 hours, sleep 8, eat for an hour of the day and the last 3 are you in the bathroom or driving, you should have time. If you can watch tv, you can play games. If you have a family, spend time with em but it does not mean you have to always spend time with them. Make your kids sit there and read while your playing a game. Spend time away from your wife so your relationship can last longer instead of being together 24/7 or to the point looking at each other makes you depressed. Also none of those apply to me. 21 years old and iv rarley finished a game throughout my life. I still do the same thing, where i play a game to about 1/2-3/4ths of the way and stop, saying to myself i will come back tomorrow, but tomorrow never comes. I think I actually have 2 files in ffX where im at least 55hours in each, ff9 has 3 files where im on the third disk and legend of dragoon is sitting on my table of games staring at me, asking my why did i buy it all those years ago but have yet to touch it in the last 6 years.

From the looks of it, w/out reading cracked, it looks like MP. I just never do it.

I'm ancient and none of this applies to me.

In one thread, posters berate the OP for defending shorter running times of higher quality; in this thread, we witness the antithesis. 
 
Yay, internet!

@McShank: Good luck with making a toddler sit still for a second, not to mention giving him a book to read. Ever had contact with a little kid for an hour? I don't have kids of my own yet, but my fiancee is a godmother and spends a lot of time with her niece, and I have to take care of her too. And it's great, but if making almost 2 year old kid interested in one thing and relatively content for more than five minutes is a full time job, and I'm not even her parent, I can't imagine how short my timespan for games will be in the nearest future. Add job responsibilities (thank god, I work at home, that's 2 hours a day not wasted on driving), home responsibilities so simple, yet so time-consuming, simlutanious studying to exams... Damn, I don't even watch TV, probably thanks to it I still can slice an hour or two a day to play video games. I don't think I should get a medal, but maybe a commendation?

Aaaw man, I was too old for games when I was 14?! That sucks :( damn me and my need for games that are more than one-sitting long and also for games with a story! Maybe I should stop playing fun games too since that's not what they're about anymore it seems.