2020 was a terrible year to be alive but a surprisingly great year to be playing games. From Hades to The Last of Us Part II, this year saw the releases of some of my favorite games of the past generation. However, glutton that I am, I was not always satisfied with the bountiful feast before me. There were times when my better instincts faltered, overtaken by some depraved part of me that enjoys spending money more than it enjoys playing good games.
1. Spelunky 2
If I were at the state fair and saw a sign that said "set your dick on fire for $20," I would pass. But Spelunky 2 doesn't just set your dick on fire; it does it over and over again. And I guess that makes it a good deal.
Usually, after I drop $60 on a game, I at least try to make myself like it. I'll overlook obvious flaws, or even make excuses for them. But with Ghost of Tsushima, I couldn't fool myself. As soon as I got into the open world and popped up the map, my eyes rolled so far back into my skull that they never came back out and now I have to type on a braille keyboard.
I wanted to like this game, I swear. But none of the charm of the premise translates into the game, which is boring and repetitive and way too luck-based to be fun. Not even the art can save the game because 95% of the screen is taken up by the fugly UI.
Maybe this game's fine on other systems but on the Switch it's like staring at a cyberpunk-themed Deadly Premonition through cum-smeared glasses.
The only explanation for this game's writing is that it was written by a thirteen year-old rich kid who has no actual concept of nostalgia, the 1980s, or what it's like to be an "outcast." Maybe it was for a class assignment or something, in which case they probably got a C.