Change 'culture of violence' Teach boys that abusing women and degrading others will not be tolerated. |
You and I began life as a being without a propensity to harm others. All of us, yes even the mass murderer on death row, began life as a child who would never think of harming another human being.
However:
* Some 18 percent of women in the United States have been victims of a completed or attempted rape.
* Riverview Center in Dubuque served 1,100 children and adults this year related to violence.
Who is performing this violence?
* Some 64 percent of women who reported being raped, physically assaulted, and/or stalked since age 18 were victimized by a current or former husband, cohabiting partner, boyfriend, or date.
* Typical perpetrators are not aliens or misfits. They are your neighbors, your relatives, your co-workers.
What happened?
Jackson Katz, noted expert on gender violence, says, "Most men who assault women are not so much disturbed as disturbingly normal ... they are influenced by broad cultural beliefs about manhood that shape their psyches and identities. And ours. They not only learn to be violent, they learn that violence is manly."
Yes, all of us together have created a "culture of violence" and live with its logical outcome, a society racked with pain and suffering inflicted upon each other by acts of violence. Violence is a learned behavior and all of us have been its teachers.
What can we do?
Like any skill or learned trait, we can learn to approach gender violence from a different perspective. We can all be teachers of a new approachFirst, it requires all of us to believe that WE have the responsibility to change our culture. It's not just the perpetrators or "them" that have to change, it's all of us.
Next, reject the idea that violence is inevitable and that some men abuse women. Hold yourself to a higher standard. Boys learn how to be men from observing other men. In Dubuque, let's make sure they observe that degrading women and abusing others is not part of manhood and will not be tolerated.
Take a look inside yourself. Men, do you believe that men should be in control in a relationship? Do you act as if males are "the stronger gender"? Do you treat and talk about others as if they were objects rather than fellow humans?
Show our children how to respect others even when you disagree with them or they have hurt you in some way.
Take advantage of those teachable moments. Let's say your 12-year-old boy asks you to buy him the wildly popular video game "Grand Theft Auto." Tell him, "I don't want GTA in my house because it is disrespectful to women. It teaches boys to think that violence against women is just a big joke. As a man, I will not spend my money on this and I don't want it in my house."
Moothart is a manager in Supply Management at John Deere Construction and Forestry Division. He is involved in various local causes, including Boy Scouts, Resurrection Church, Dubuque Mentoring Partnership, Rotary and End-It.
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