Powerlessness at the end of a one-way friendship.

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figurehead00

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#1  Edited By figurehead00

This news is brutal. No two ways about it. The blunt force of it literally made me sit down and cry, as I'm sure it did for a lot of people. But it's made me think about the nature of a longtime one-way friendship.

I immediately wanted to call his friends and family on the phone, tell them how sorry I was, commiserate with them, I wanted to help. But obviously, I don't actually know these people, I've never met them, I'm just a fan. It's a weird, powerless feeling. I want to take some kind of action, but there's none to take. Can anyone relate to this? My impulse was to feel a bit silly being so sad over someone that I've never even met, but I think that's an impulse worth rejecting. Even if a friendship is one-way, it still absolutely has value and meaning. The Bomb Crew will never know how many depressing, long hours at work they've gotten me though, as they've done for countless other people.

But, I guess that's where the Giant Bomb community comes in. To be honest I've never been very active, more of a lurker than anything else, but every interaction I've had here has been a cut above every other site. Just because I've never joined in much, Giant Bomb is still my website, just like it's all of ours. It's a community unlike work, or school, in that it's one we sought out, and choose to be a part of. So I guess our place in this is to commiserate together. To remember our buddy Ryan.

Anyway, I guess I'm just bummed out and wanted to throw all this out there. My heart absolutely goes out to his family and his friends, whether they ever met him or not.

P.S. I upgraded my account today just to show my support for Giant Bomb. If you happen to stumble across this, why not do the same?

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randiolo

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This couldn't be truer to me if i wrote it myself, i completely agree. Shortly after hearing about it i started to breakdown as it sunk in that he was gone. I couldn't tell you how many times i was at my lowest and ryan helped me..One night in particular i was so depressed i left my house thinking i wasnt going to return, only thing i had was my iphone so i started listening to the bombcast and its was the "my balls" episode that week, i cant help but feel it was ryan than got me back home, and that something he will now never know.

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LiquidS

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#3  Edited By LiquidS

Well said.

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Weebs

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#4  Edited By Weebs

This is the only post I have ever made but I wanted to say you totally captured how I have been feeling today. I too couldn't help but feel a little weird knowing I have never met anyone from Giantbomb and yet be so deeply effected by this tragedy.

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figurehead00

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@randiolo: I love this story (not the fact that you were depressed, of course), perfect illustration of what I'm talking about. During one of my lowest points I was working overnights at a depressing old factory, and back episodes of the Bombcast absolutely got me through it. I never knew the words "Hey everybody it's Tuesday" would be so meaningful. Jeff said on twitter that the Bombcast will live on, and I'm glad.

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mclargepants

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#6  Edited By mclargepants

You are not alone, brother. It feels weird, as community members I'm sure we all have stories about how Ryan enriched our lives in some way or another, but how do you deal with the death of a friend whom you never met?

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figurehead00

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#7  Edited By figurehead00

Thanks guys, I'm glad we can relate. It's a weird feeling. This isn't the same as some actor or musician dying, we've spent more time with Ryan every week than we do with some people we know.

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SquirrelCheese

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Well Said

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Brushie_Tundra

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First off, my sincere and deepest condolences to his wife, family, friends and the whole GB crew. Our loss is nothing compared to yours. I am so sorry for your loss.

Thank you for putting into words exactly how I feel. You perfectly encapsulated how i have felt since i read the post. As the realization set in, I started going through exactly what you described. It felt like a punch in the gut and I still have a lump in my throat.

RIP Ryan. You did so much more for me than I can ever say.

Thank you.

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TheSouthernDandy

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#10  Edited By TheSouthernDandy

Yeah I know what you mean. I talked about it in my blog, even though most of us haven't met the dude we've still in a way spent a ton of time with him and the rest of the guys. When you spend that much time with people who put themselves out for your entertainment, you do sorta get to know them. They may not be a personal friend but they're still a friend in a way that's meaningful.

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RoyaleWifCheese

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There are many other people who feel the exact same way. Those of us who aren't game industry professionals, never ran into him at E3 or PAX (or never had the opportunity to go) know what you're going through right now.

Regardless of whether or not you knew him or even got to meet him, Ryan was a buddy to everyone in this community. We'll all miss him.

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mikemcn

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#12  Edited By mikemcn

Many of us have spent hundreds of hours listening and/or watching that guy. Its only natural to feel upset as if you lost some very close to you. At least those hours were awesome.

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AkihikoSenpai

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That headline made me tear up all over again, a good way of summarising the relationship we had with him.

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CaptCommando4

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This whole situation has reminded me that even if you don't necessarily get responses from people who impact your life like the guys at Giantbomb it certainly can't hurt to let them know they are appreciated. In all these years of watching these guys passionately talk about games and fuel my love of it I've never really dropped them a email or twitter message to tell them how much it means to me.

Wish I could go back a few weeks and let Ryan know that his enthusiasm and optimistic spirit always made my day look better and made me hope that someday I'd get to work in and better the industry that means so much to so many of us.

So in the coming weeks maybe throw Jeff, Vinny, Brad, or anyone else that has helped you through difficult parts of life a quick reminder that their work is important and meaningful. I know I will.

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ManlyBeast

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There have been many nights I laid in bed completely feeling like shit and worthless, only to be forced into laughter because of Ryan and the boys.

Thank you.

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linuxscouser

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@brushie_tundra: That's the thing that gets to me. I feel like I'm hurting really hard right now, but it cannot compare to what they're all going through. The closest I can imagine is losing my uncles and aunts as age took them. Losing someone you interact with daily, and losing them so early, must be so much more painful. As the original poster stated, it does feel like a one-way friendship. These guys have been in my life for what must be near a decade now and they're pretty much there every day with some new podcast or video for me to laugh my way through. Knowing one of them is not going to be around any more just fucking sucks.

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figurehead00

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#17  Edited By figurehead00

@captcommando4: I couldn't agree more. They put in a lot of overtime making all of this, and we should take the time to say thanks.

@linuxscouser: I absolutely agree. That's a big part of what I can't shake. They've got to be torn up on a level that I can't even comprehend.

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thornie

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I'm so torn up right now, it's crazy. I left work early when I heard the news and have just been in utter shock all night. My wife is away for the week visiting her family so I'm all alone and it's just really hard to deal with. I made sure to call everyone I loved and tell them I loved them. I feel exactly like the OP. I just want to hug someone and be there and grieve with everyone who has been affected by Ryan's passing, but all we have is twitter and this message board. The whole thing is just surreal and so strange.

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pweidman

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I totally relate TC. As many others obviously do as well.

Such a testimony to Ryan how many of us feel this loss without ever having met the dude in person. He just totally resonated with so many people regardless.

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Dagbiker

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#20  Edited By Dagbiker

I dont have much to add to many of these posts, which is very odd. Im not used to seeing so many emotion filled posts with people agreeing with each other.

Most of these threads I feel like Just posting a +1 in.

Also: +1.

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Clarkers

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This thread perfectly sums up how I, and many of us, feel right now. It's a bit sad that this is my first post, but I suppose that in and of itself speaks to the value of the Giant Bomb community. As much as we all want to reach out to the rest of the Bomb Squad, and their loved ones, in this case I think the best we can do is support each other and remember all the laughs that Ryan gave us. I have been listening to the Bombcast and visiting the site for years, and in that time I feel like I've become part of this amazing community in the house that Ryan and Jeff built.

So, to sum up, you guys are the best, and Ryan will be sorely missed. Let's stick together, and if you can, maybe put together a meet up in your area.

And, most of all, always remember... China Don't Care.

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Simplexity

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In the same boat, I wish there was something I could do, anything at all.

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sdharrison

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#23  Edited By sdharrison

Nicely said. I feel the same way. What a surreal day

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asinyne

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I just wrote my thoughts down and posted them on my tumblr but I feel like they could have a home here as well.

How do you determine the impact a person has on your life?

Today I found out that Ryan Davis, a man I’ve never met, a man I’ve never actually talked to, passed away. And yet, despite our lack of personal interaction, I feel totally crushed. Because this man, even though we’ve never been in the same room or held a conversation, was a major part of my life.

For the past five years, I have spent, on average, three hours a week, every week, listening to this gem of a man bullshit with his friends and coworkers about video games and the video game industry. Through the Giant Bombcast, Jeff Gerstmann, Brad Shoemaker, Vinny Caravella, Patrick Klepek and Ryan himself have recorded their conversations, often serious, more often not, and invited game enthusiasts from around the world to join in. Hours upon hours, days upon days, these men have provided knowledge and entertainment. And in all that time, I really feel like I got to know them. That, even though thousands of miles separated us, they were my friends. Maybe not in the same way they were friends to each other, but, on some level, still friends. Weird? Maybe, but it’s how I feel.

You see, I was there when Jeff parted ways with GameSpot, when Vinny welcomed his son into the world, and yes, even when Ryan got married last week. Okay, I wasn’t there there, but I was privy to that information because they invited thousands of us into their lives.

So my first instinct may be to feel a little weird about being so dumbfounded and heartbroken over the death of this man, this … “stranger", but then I think about how much I’ve learned and laughed because of him and I realize that knowing someone isn’t restricted to the people in our immediate lives, but those that we find some way, on some level, to relate to.

So yeah, I’m not in the best of spirits right now, but then I remember everyone else. The rest of the Bombsquad, his friends and family … if this is affecting me this much, what must they be going through?

Ryan Davis, 34 years young and taken too soon. Cliche? Probably, but it’s the truth. So to everyone who knew him, to Jeff, Brad, Vinny, Patrick, Alex, Rorie, Dave, Drew and everyone else a Giant Bomb, to his new bride and to his parents, and to anyone else whose life he has touched, big or small, I send you my condolences. By the outpouring of support on the site, on Twitter — I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. Ryan, you will be missed.

To everyone who reads this and especially to those closest to Ryan, I really sincerely hope I haven’t crossed some line by writing this. I just had a lot on my mind and it seemed to me that many people shared my sentiments to one degree or another. If I have over-stepped my bounds, I apologize and will respectfully take this down.

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nivlet

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I know on many occasions that I've genuinely thought of the Giant Bomb crew as friends while listening to the Bombcast, a sentiment I don't think any of them would find in the least bit odd. They love their fans.

And I am 100% with the OP on this one. I don't think the passing of someone I've never met in person has hit me as hard as this. As I told some friends at work, I initially felt a little strange being so affected by it, but you know what? I've spent 2-3 hours a week with Ryan and the Bomb Crew. Even though we've never met, I don't think that invalidates our feelings. And if anyone thinks it's silly that we're affected in this way, maybe it's just because they've never experienced anything like it. Of course it would be foreign to them. I for one know that my life would be less without Ryan and the Bomb Crew.

Wherever you are Ryan, I hope you know you had thousands of friends that you never met, and every one of them will miss you.

Peace duder.

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Azurath

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I like to think that he had some sort of a personal connection with all his fans, even if only that he loved that we loved him. I definitely feel the same way about the odd relationship we have with these guys, it's weird, but it's sort of the good kind of weird....

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klinkcow

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@figurehead00: You put words to everything I've been thinking today.

At one point I walked up to a fellow work colleague and explained the entire situation, feeling kinda silly about how depressed I was. I realize now, it's not silly at all. It feels comforting to know there are tons of other people just like me that were positively impacted by Ryan.

Maybe it wasn't a two-way conversation, but it doesn't lessen the importance and impact.

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Cslaw

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I felt so confused, that someone i had never met had such a profound impact on my life to warrant grief equal to the loss of a close friend. Ryan Davis helped me through all my school years from Jr. high to college, it was nice to know i could go home and laugh along with Ryan and the gang, now that i graduated i guess I'll be facing "depressing, long hours at work" without that comfort. I hope Ryan Davis knew how important he was to each and every one of us.

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BlaineBlaine

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I listened to the motherfucker every single day. There are no radio stations programmed in my car. My phone is under specific instructions to connect via Bluetooth and immediately start playing the bombcast. It's incredibly selfish, but he didn't know me. There's no other way for me to relate. And we are the same damn age.

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figurehead00

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@thornie: I'm in the same boat. I'm home alone tonight and it was really hitting. To make matters worse the site was down, so I was basically just watching twitter.

Hopefully so many people coming out of the wood work to say they feel the same way, in hundreds of different topics, can help us all a little bit.

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ashkev

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@asinyne: Well said and nothing out of line. I feel the same way.

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ashkev

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@figurehead00: You and me both. I feel kind of stupid for being so upset, but it looks like I'm not alone and neither are my reasons. Thanks...

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figurehead00

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Right now I'm listening to the CHINA DON'T CARE episode of the Bombcast while Spotify syncs his Realest Summer Jams playlist.

I want the guys to take as much time as they need, but I for one can't wait for the Bombcast to carry on.

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bwmcmaste

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#34  Edited By bwmcmaste

Thanks guys, I'm glad we can relate. It's a weird feeling. This isn't the same as some actor or musician dying, we've spent more time with Ryan every week than we do with some people we know.

Indeed. I'm a rather stoic man, but I was absolutely stunned when the first thing I pulled up on my PC after rolling out of bed was the news that Ryan had died. Honestly, it's a strange kind of loss. I've had people I was close to die, which is an indescribable and relatable experience, and artists whose work I followed pass on, but today was a truly weird experience - it was somewhere between the two. I wasn't close enough to the man to feel grief, but I will miss him just the same.

On a more uplifting note, today's events have left me feeling very proud of the Giant Bomb community. The internet can be a fickle and disconsolate place, but the GB community has shone like a warm beacon today.

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loudgeekjr

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@cslaw: I'm in the same boat. Between so many papers, articles, essays, research assignments etc throughout my academic career, just to grad a Subway and a coke, get home and relax with some Giant Bomb was life saving.

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figurehead00

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today's events have left me feeling very proud of the Giant Bomb community. The internet can be a fickle and disconsolate place, but the GB community has shone like a warm beacon today.

Absolutely. And let's not forget, the Bombcast will live on, and I'll still be there every single week. I hope the rest of the Crew knows that we're still 100% on board.

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Example1013

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Ryan Davis and the crew have been a large part of many of our lives, whether it was the bombcast on the morning commute, livestreams late at night (and sometimes even in the morning, depending on where you lived) hilarious quick looks, endurance runs, all the content the guys have put out over the last few years. And now a chunk is missing, and it's going to be missing forever. There's no replacing it, it's gone. There's no shame or silliness in missing someone, even if you didn't know them.

We're in a new age, where so much stuff is documented online. I'm sure I'm not the only one who looked back over Ryan's Twitter feed to read some of his last thoughts. That's how interconnected things are, I can go back and read what offhand topic Ryan was thinking about 5 days ago after breakfast. Now that page is never going to update again, and there's nothing to do but feel the pain.

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Player1

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#38  Edited By Player1

Feeling the exact same way buddy. Just feel for ALL friends and family...that includes the entire community.

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Shepuisat

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This really does sum up how I went through today, from the tears, to the empathy for the other Duders, and the feeling of silliness because I didn't know him. But who cares, I loved the guy. RIP, mate.

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WINDWAKER1

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#40  Edited By WINDWAKER1

It's absolutely strange, you nailed it. I loved Ryan just like everyone else and have spent so much time w/ him on a casual level through the podcast and site that it certainly feels like I knew him well. He wasn't acting, wasn't putting on a show, he was being himself and it felt like I knew him like a good friend. At the same time there's very few real life people I can grieve w/, and of course Ryan did not know me.

It just goes to show what a personable, funny, and overall lovable guy he was. Gifted writer too, that goes unnoticed sometimes I think. Many, many people will miss him dearly, and it's so hard to comprehend right now, but I'm way more affected by this than I would have expected. Glad to see the support coming in waves, he deserves it. Great guy

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Hoffafiles

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<> RIP

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spacezedbra

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#42  Edited By spacezedbra

I have never thought I would feel this way about someone I never met or was unlikely to ever meet. I cannot imagine what his family is going though right now.

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figurehead00

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Just looking at the forums or twitter just shows how universally loved and respected he was. It's really impressive. Justin McElroy wrote a really touching piece over at Polygon.

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TranceQuina

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I've cried multiple times, but I still don't think it's actually sunk in yet. I just....can't believe it. My thoughts will be with his wife and family for some time, and with the incredible Giant Bomb crew that along with him have essentially kept me warm on so many otherwise lonely nights. Particularly Jeff. I can't imagine losing my best pal of so many years, and I wish so badly that I could say anything to him that would help. Jeff, you'll never see this, but you have also been an incredible presence in my years growing up, and you have my deepest thanks for that. I am truly sorry, and for whatever it's worth, I'm pulling for you.

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NegativeCero

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Nicely put, duder. I'm sure many of us feel the exact same relationship with the staff.

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PhilESkyline

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It's so weird but everyone on the GB crew feel like close friends. I completely understand what you mean. No other gaming website has done this to me. Just the sound of their voices regardless of what they talk about puts a smile on face and joy in my heart. It's starting to sink in, I've lost a friend today.

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Aetos

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Duder, you captured my thoughts perfectly, right down to the powerless feeling. Well said.

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figurehead00

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@trancequina: That's exactly how I feel too. I know it's brutally hard for the rest of the Crew and everyone that knew him, my mind keeps coming back to his wife and Jeff, I just can't imagine how deep that pain is. Like you said, I just wish I could help. Ugh.

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DarkWaterSong

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It was weird...everyone had a bad day where I work...we have one lady that has been stressing about having major surgery next week, and she said that is less stressful than work today. I found out at lunch, and kinda just went Fuck. I am 32, and have been reading a watching Ryan for a VERY long time. I left Gamespot when he did, and found this sit when he joined. I guess this is what it felt like when John Lenin was shot.

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sdharrison

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Felt the same way, totally. Just upgraded my account and that's all I can think of to do.