Remembering the Day We Lost Ryan Davis

It's been exactly one year since Ryan passed. I remember that day for something horrific happening in proximity to me. I take two buses to get to work and on that day at the 2nd bustop the stoop that I typically wait on was occupied by some teenage girls talking to a friend of theirs' who was standing on the sidewalk. I didn't think anything of it at the time so I just sat somewhere else. Without warning a 3 car accident happens right in front of me. I was miraculously unscathed and the girls on the stoop were nearly pinned by a car, but one of the drivers and the girl standing on the sidewalk died shortly thereafter. Had I been where I normally sat at the stop my legs surely would have been crushed or worse I may have died.

Sufficed to say there was a heavy weight hanging over me for the next day or so. I felt as though I was spared but that my karma had to claim something from me. I needed something to take my mind off of what I had seen so I went to Giant Bomb that Monday, stoked to see what they had planned, and that's when the news hits. Now I don't feel responsible for it going down the way it did and this could just be me trying to look for meaning in something so senseless as death. But it really instills how impossibly tragic a day like that is. You have a girl who hasn't even gotten the chance to become an adult and a man who was beloved and who reached an apex of happiness by his last dying breath.

So how can I find hope in something so dismal? Well I keep coming back to Giant Bomb and there was still content being made. I mean say what you will about the quality or quantity but these guys were making it happen. I kept having a smile on my face when I come to this website every week and every time I think about Ryan Davis I have a smile on my face. I'm never going to forget that dude because he helped build an awesome website where I can see all his greatest work both on and off camera. It may not be the same without him but it's always got something to keep me coming back. It's an experimental phase that's happening right now but I have to believe that dudes like Vinny and Jeff have some great ideas on how to make things bigger and better.

Today I plan on watching some videos and listening to podcasts featuring Ryan. I'll probably just be listening to Pretty Angry. If I had the know-how I'd totally make a tribute video for Ryan to that song.

Shit, dude. That's straight up terrible. I couldn't imagine even being in that situation...

I think I'll listen to that Ryan tribute cast by those... podcast year... in perspective... guys....

Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

This Year podcast.

Man, that sounds horrible...

I think the podcast is called "This year".

I remember I checked the site on my phone in between sessions, saw Rorie's post, and my brain just shut off. I didn't know what to think. The rest of that day I sort of coasted through my sessions, letting my clients do all the talking and not doing any interpreting, and obsessively checked this site and twitter to get more info. It led to a really weird week. I grieved his loss and felt terrible for people who knew him professionally despite never meeting them in person. The internet leads to such weird, one-sided relationships and it was a bit shocking to me how much those relationships meant to me. But Ryan's passing woke me up to that fact.

I can only hazily recall fragments, like reading Rorie's announcement for the first time with shaking hands or struggling to watch the Harmonix live-stream, but the feeling of immense loss is still fresh in my mind. I remember being taken aback by just how profoundly sad I felt, like I'd lost a dear friend. It only struck me how utterly common that was when I read @jennatar's heartbreaking obituary:

My heart also breaks for Ryan’s many, many fans and listeners, some of whom have taken to Twitter to wonder whether it’s strange or indecent to feel so shattered. No, it isn’t. Ryan’s colleagues are also at a loss—we are fans, too.

This has been a long, long year. Long and surreal.

That day was so rough for me. I was going through a terrible time in my life and then was told by my girlfriend that she's pregnant and it wasn't mine. She left me that night. I was totally crushed and went on to here in an attempt to get my mind off it and saw Ryan passed away. I just looked at it and went "wha....? Are you kidding me?". I was certain for a few hours it was a dumb prank and Ryan would pop up in a video laughing like a super villain and a new feature of the site was announced. But it wasn't. Fucking awful day. The thing is a year later, Ryan's death stuck with me more. I realized him and this site was an escape for me, a place to come and find happiness and goofiness and a good time. I never met him in my life but he was someone a knew for years and enjoyed seeing. I was so excited to buy him and Jeff a beer at Pax Australia and just to shake their hand and have a chat for a minute or two. He's still remembered and won't be forgotten, not by me.

"Site's down, I hope CBSi didn't do something horrible." -> "Oh it's up, yay--huh? No, that's not. I. Where's the punchline? Oh god, no." Then telling my roommate, who was listening to an old Bombcast at the time. Then soaking in the outpouring on twitter and twitch and seeing those who knew him, closely or from afar, openly mourn.

Mostly I remember a lot of dizziness, numbness, etc. I directly interacted with Ryan one time, ever, on the internet, and it was devastating for weeks if not months. It still doesn't feel completely real. It took me a week or two to even cry about it.

@conmulligan: I read that the other day and it floored me just like it did the first time.

I remember that day very well. I had been asking myself where are the funny tweets, wheres the new content. When I saw the tweet, I'm sure I must have turned white, I was so devastated. Much like JasonR86, I was sort of blindsided by the death of a podcaster i had been listening to religiously. I never thought it would make such an impact on me. That said, I'm glad to have experienced his work during his prime. Thank you Ryan. We love and miss you man.

I remember it was raining here in Toronto, and getting home and while putting on dry clothes was confused why the Giant Bomb front page was nothing but old Quick looks. Wasn't till I read Rorie's post in the forums did it all sink in, and then kind of sat in the dark for about an hour till my girlfriend came home. She knows I spend probably most of my internet time on the site, and was absolutely shocked that someone as young as Ryan was just gone that quickly.

I would go back and listen to the memorial podcast, but I'm not sure I can ever go back and listen to it again. It's the one Bombcast I have never listened to more than once, and I think I prefer to have the memory of it versus listening to it again.

I was at work, remember that I checked twitter between costumers and saw the news. The rest of the night passed in a haze...

The Hotline Miami quick look is featured on the home page. Thank you Giant Bomb.

I wish I had been more specific with my post. There seems to be a dissonance between the day he actually died (July 3rd, the day at the bus stop) and the day we all heard about it (July 8th). Still, it doesn't hurt to get everyone's perspective from that general time frame. It was a truly sad time for all of us and it indeed hit us on the 8th.

@olqavtoras: same, I was at work when I heard and was shocked and saddened. He is missed.

The day they announced it, I was floored. I couldn't really explain to my friends or family why I was grieving so much for a man I'd never met. My family thought it'd be a good idea to go see a movie, so I met them for This Is The End. Mild spoilers follow for that movie I guess.

Turns out, I love that movie. And it was weirdly therapeutic to watch a bunch of my favorite celebrities suffer gruesome deaths on screen. And the crazy scene at the very end... that's what I imagined Ryan was witnessing. It was all super absurd. Looking back on that day is a weird combination of sadness for the man I never met, who influenced my life in so many ways, mixed with the hilariously weird way I ended up trying to cope. I'm smiling sheepishly just thinking about it.

Thanks Ryan.

I don't really visit the main GB page, just the videos page so even though I had been on Giant Bomb a few times that day checking for new content I actually heard it from Greg Millers post on IGN, I'll never forget the article title "Fare Thee Well Giant Bomb's Ryan Davis". I thought "Hahahaha, Ryan leave Giant Bomb? Where did this joke come from, I don't remember this reference, lol" then I clicked the article, read it, thought to myself "meh, not a particularly funny joke...." a little disconcerted I headed over to Giant Bomb, the video page again. Then went to the home page and saw Rorie's post and devastation hit, followed by a genuine full on panic attack and uncontrollable sobbing.

As a 21 year old man the only time someone close to me had died was 2 distant grandparents that I never really saw, my uncle who I saw once a year and was generally a dick, my granny who had been hospitalized with Alzheimer for 10 years anyway and my childhood dog of 13 years. My dog was by far the worst of those since she was the only one who I actually knew and had regular contact with. So I wasn't really accustomed to dealing with loss at the time, I'm still not I guess, maybe I never will be, maybe no one ever is, or even should, but this was basically a first for me.

Even as someone I didn't actually know Ryan is the single most important person to me that has ever died. For that reason alone, that is to say, without mentioning the myriad of other reasons, Ryan "Taswel" Davis will always be a very important person in my life. Him, and Duck Dodgers.

Can barely believe it's already a year without him. Still feel like I'm going to hear his voice on a new Quick Look one of these days.

I was at work. I think I checked twitter during my break and saw something from Rorie. My first reaction was haha very funny but a little of out taste? And then I just couldn't help but go check the site. That's when it hit me. Seeing that post on the front page with hundreds of comments made it all too real. For the rest of that work day, I was completely out of it. I couldn't think straight and still couldn't wrap my mind around it.

One of the first piece of content with Ryan that I encountered was a clip from the Bombcast about "durgers" (hot dog/burger hybrids).

As such, I thought it was strangely fitting to see this posted today of all days.

Going Beyond The Tongs: The Ham Dogger, Pizza Oven Box And Other Grilling Gadgets

@zevvion said:

In the back of my mind I sometimes catch myself thinking he's still just on that break for his wedding and all the awesome shit happening in his life, and one day he'll be back.

Yep. At no point do I actually believe it, it's just one of those semi-thoughts that slips in and out of your head. Maybe it's wishful thinking. Maybe it's coping with the facts. Or maybe it's just wondering for a second how things could be different.

I've never wanted something to be an extremely horrible and insensitive joke than that. I really thought it was a joke. It made no sense. Hell, I remember the freedom stream from last year when he was out of the office but in the chat. I remember him saying that the freedom stream was free because it was the day before 4th of July.

I was at work that day, fourth out of ten late-shifts in a row, so was feeling pretty tired. It was the middle of the summer, we had no customers at all and I could not close shop until 2300. So I was walking around, nothing to do, I oddly remember how I was next to the spices when a friend sent me a link. I saw the words Ryan Davis and some number I reckoned had to be at least a birthdate and I froze once I saw 2013.

After half a minute of just staring at the link I started lying to myself. "Nah, that would never happen, it's probably a funny tweet or an amazing video from his recent wedding, nothing to get alarmed about. I'll just go to the office and check it out". Then I opened the link and my stomach fell. This couldn't be, he just got married, he's just on his honeymoon. And sadness consumed me. Thank god there was nothing to do the rest of the day, because I had checked out for the day. I could not do a single thing. I locked the doors at 2245, and walked home, a 45 minute walk, listening to an old podcast (GRIN episode, DJ Ungelvral and whatnot), got home, poured myself a whiskey and raised a glass for the great man that had passed.

I never met the man in person, but we played seven games of words with friends together and he replied twice to me on twitter. He was a great man. He will not be forgotten.

And I know this is supposed to be the 3/4-2013 but I honestly don't remember what happened then.

It really doesn't feel like it's been a year. Feels like he was just on the friday show and helming the podcast yesterday.

The Internet Archive took a screenshot of Giantbomb on the day he passed (at least for early adopters for daylight, US/EUR duders may find it says July 2 instead). It's weird, you look at it and it looks like business as usual.

Like patrick, I thought it was some tasteless joke of some kind at first. Like, it couldn't be fate wouldn't be this cruel right? The man JUST got married. I was at work on my break and saw the news. Stunned I went to the bathroom and locked myself in one of the stalls so I could sit there and try to process what I had just read.

Honestly, its still weird sometimes. But honestly, if anything things like this remind me you really don't know what you have until its gone. That family member you constantly bicker and argue with? They might not see tomorrow and you won't realize how much you actually wished they would be alive. I listened to the first podcast they put up after his death. Honestly, I think that podcast is the most fitting tribute to Ryan. A bunch of his friends sitting around telling dumb stories about him.

Was working at my summer job (cleaning dishes/tables/floor at the cafeteria on a campground). Between meals I booted up my Kindle to see if anything special was going on and saw the post. At first I thought the title was a strange joke (like others have said) but as I read I was dumbstruck. I just went through the motions for the rest of the day, not really spouting out any humorous jokes or anything to co-workers like I usually do to make our fairly tedious job go by a little bit better.

Pretty much this entire comment is how it went for me, with small differences of course. Even worse, though, I didn't think it was a joke; I saw the title of Rorie's post and actually briefly assumed Ryan had quit the site after getting married. Those of us who remember those months leading up to his death will recall him having a significantly decreased presence on the site (probably justly, with his wedding and all), so my first assumption was "oh, wow, that's selfish. Finally got tired enough to quit, eh?" Then of course I read the article and it hit me, and I felt like a tremendous dick. (Not to mention that after getting married you're typically in the need of money, so it was dumb to think he'd quit at a time like that in the first place).

Like you, I've been lucky enough not to have anyone real close to me pass away. A couple kids I knew of from high school, a coworker I barely ever saw, my grandparents that I didn't know at all, and some pets. Nothing has affected me quite like Ryan's death. It has definitely changed my perspective on life in profound and good ways, so I have Ryan to thank for that. I'll always love TANG and all the content Ryan was in. My heart goes out to all those who knew him like I did, as just a casual fan, and all those who knew him better.

@mezmero That's fucked, but it's good you weren't there during the crash. Honestly, there have been at least a couple times when I almost died, but some slight variance saved me, and I still get freaked out by it, so I can't help you get over that. I just try to cherish my moments alive that much more.

My thought at the time was with his new wife, and it still is. Heart breaking.

Imagine finding the person you love, professing to each other how much you are in love by getting married, and days later.... fuck.

I always check the site for posts or news and such at work and when i read the news my heart just collapsed. Its an odd feeling for someone who wishes a lot of people(politicians, kardashians, etc) very slow violent deaths. I mean he was the glue to this whole crazy VG thing for me and his personality(like Vinny) is something i wish a lot of us had but thats what makes draws us to them. Miss his infectious attitude and enthusiasm everytime i visit the site.

Shit. It was my first day off that week and I got up early, went to the gym, got home and reloaded the site. Or tried to. I kept trying to reload giantbomb.com while I made breakfast; still down. I checked twitter and evidently something was up, radio silence from the duders after a few ambiguous tweets. Finally I loaded it up and sat staring at the screen for minutes before I just started crying. I'm a grown ass man but to lose someone that big, someone who'd been very open with you week after week for years, it was overwhelming. It still hurts, especially considering he'd just married. I see @enemynanner's tweets and feel awful, wish I could do something.

Anyway, I've had "(remembering Taswell)" in my Steam name since that day and that shows no signs of changing. I'll keep missing you, big guy and taking solace in the fact that if there is an afterlife, you'll be reigning king jester; sitting on cakes and wearing white on white New Balance 574s like a troubadour pharaoh.

Damn dude, that's fucked up.

I remember for me I had decided to watch the movie Strange Days, which I always wanted to see. After it was done and while the credits were playing I loaded up Giant Bomb as saw the post by Rorie.

Immediately I was confused, but not in a sad way, more like I was curious about what this was really about, because it couldn't have been what it sounded like. I figured it was a prank or something by the staff on Ryan. As I read the post I was still in disbelief. I got to the part where Rorie mentions Ryan just getting married and thought to myself "oh okay, ha-ha, there's it is. Ryan got married, so now we're not gonna see much of him, har-har, very funny".

But as I finished reading and looked at the comments, a weird sort of panic set in. It wasn't a joke; he was just gone. Afterwards was just reading comments, tweets, blogs, and the surreal feeling that something important in the world was missing.

@development: Somehow comforting to know there's someone else who had a similar experience to my own. Ryan is the reason I started a journalism course last September, I never really noticed that there was a connection at the time, August came around and I just felt like doing something and this is what I chose. Looking at a whole lot of Ryan Davis videos this week has made me aspire to be a better person. I feel like I can have a certain level of cynicism with life but still enjoy it and treat people with more respect at the same time. Ryan taught me that.

So that's another similarity we share. Ryan changed our perspectives of life. The same way I'm sure he did for countless amount of people.

Fuck, Ryan Davis.

Me too, i find myself thinking "when will Ryan come back to the podcast?" or when im listening to the intro of the bombcast i begin thinking of how Ryan used to say "Its tuuueeesdaaay".

This all just feels so unreal, still. And im not a person that is very emotional towards other people but this really effected me, i don't know when im going to be able to shake this feeling that he is still alive somewhere. He must be, right?

I too had an emotional day when I read the news about Ryan. I had just flown back from my girlfriend in another country, knowing that we'd not see each other in a long time.
I then got home and tried to relax and read the news and simply couldn't believe it. It was as if I had lost an old friend, and it was something I really couldn't handle at that moment.

I was sitting in an accounting class (summer school...yayyyy) when my brother sent me a text message telling me that Ryan Davis had passed away. I was baffled and shocked and immediately went searching around to find info and couldn't focus the rest of the class/day. It was a really bizarre experience because I don't remember a time reacting so profoundly to the death of somebody I didn't know...I mean, even the passing of leaders of my church are sort of expected usually because it's incident to age. I still get bummed that Ryan's gone. He brought so much flair and life to the podcast and all the content on the site and really brightened some dark spots in my life.