Review a game in 5 words.

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Sweep

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#1  Edited By Sweep  Moderator

Game reviews are getting too convoluted. Elaborate scoring graphs, more stars than the solar system, pages and pages of text. I think the true test of a good writer should be their ability to keep things concise and to the point. So, here's a little experiment. Review a game in 5 words. Like so:

Starcraft 2

You must construct additional pylons.

Arcadia: Gothic 4

Looks pretty. Plays pretty shit.

Dead Rising 2

They got rid of Otis.

...

Now you.

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DetectiveSpecial

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#2  Edited By DetectiveSpecial

Sonic the Hedgehog 4 ; Nostalgia glasses can't work forever.

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natetodamax

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#3  Edited By natetodamax

Modern Warfare 2

Spawn Die Spawn Die Spawn
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GilbertMordinAndSullivan

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Geometry Wars (any version, any mode)

 Fuck! I'll play one more.
 
 

Comic Jumper

 Unfortunately, it's not all cutscenes. 
  

Demon's Souls

Fuckity fucking fuckhead shiteating AWESOME.
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MooseyMcMan

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#5  Edited By MooseyMcMan

Deadly Premonition

 
Great story, bad everything else. 
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CptChiken

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#6  Edited By CptChiken

Gears of war

 
Chainsaw dudes in the face.
 

Halo: reach

 
More of the same halo. 
 

FIFA 11

 
Football, but much more footbally
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#7  Edited By foggel

Halo: Reach
It's a Halo game alright

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Berezov

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#8  Edited By Berezov

Super Street Fighter IV 
 
Guile theme fits with everything.

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gingertastic_10

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#9  Edited By gingertastic_10

Red Dead Redemption; Not my cup of tea.

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#10  Edited By Sweep  Moderator
@CptChiken said:
"

FIFA 11

 Football, but much more footbally "
This is great news. Pro Evolution Soccer just isn't footbally enough, you know?
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MooseyMcMan

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#11  Edited By MooseyMcMan
@CptChiken:  

Gears of War 2

 
Chainsaw dudes up the butt. 
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SomeGuy

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#12  Edited By SomeGuy

 MineCraft 
 
Crazy shit built with blocks.    

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Jack268

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#13  Edited By Jack268

world of warcraft is cool

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GilbertMordinAndSullivan

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Mass Effect 2

 "Shepherd." 
"That's all for now." 
 

Rock Band

OKAY BUT I'M ON DRUMS 
 

ico

 The only good escort mission.
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#16  Edited By Sweep  Moderator

Red Dead Redemption 

"I'm a nice guy, really"

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#17  Edited By EpicSteve

Medal of Honor

 
 
I want to play Battlefield
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penguindust

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#18  Edited By penguindust

Battlefield Bad Company 2 

Precise Shooting Mechanics. 
Fucking Helicopters!!!!
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#19  Edited By RobotHamster

POKEMON

 Gotta Fucking Catch Them All!
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#20  Edited By CptChiken

Fable

 
Never lives up to hype.
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#21  Edited By Bobby_The_Great

Quantum Theory: Piece of terrible fucking shit. 
 
Enslaved: Good game, won't sell well. 
 
Castlevania-Lords of Shadow: Starts slow, gets much better 
 
Dead Rising 2- Zombie killing, damn the clock. 
 
Halo-Reach: Like Halo? Then buy Reach.  
 
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@Ne0teric said:
" This thread shows why most reviews are as "convoluted" as they are.
Sometimes, you need to go into detail.   These are not reviews, as much as they are statements.
Example:
"Dead Rising 2 

They got rid of Otis."

"
Yeah, I think a lot of these are actually jokes. A lot of mine are. But you know what? That's okay. Humor can be fun!
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Sweep

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#23  Edited By Sweep  Moderator
@Ne0teric said:
" This thread shows why most reviews are as "convoluted" as they are.
Sometimes, you need to go into detail.   These are not reviews, as much as they are statements.
Example:
"Dead Rising 2 

They got rid of Otis."

"
If you had played the original Dead Rising then you would understand how the absence of Otis is reason enough to purchase Dead Rising 2.  
 
Also, it's rude to wear a hat indoors. 

No Caption Provided
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gingertastic_10

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#24  Edited By gingertastic_10
@RobotHamster said:
"

POKEMON

 Gotta Fucking Catch Them All! "
The best one. Everyone just needs to stop at this point. Lock it down!!
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Izaak

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#25  Edited By Izaak

Dragon Age: Origins

 
Buy gifts to fuck Morigan 
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#26  Edited By FirePrince

Arcania:Gothic 4. 
Does not run for shit.

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#27  Edited By Sweep  Moderator
@GilbertMordinAndSullivan said:
" Humor can be fun! "
Take a bath, hippy! 
 
@Izaak said:
"

Dragon Age: Origins

 Buy gifts to fuck Morigan  "
 
I knew this thread was a good idea.
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deactivated-58c3985c661d1

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Civilization 5

 
One more turn isn't enough. 
 

Bioshock 2

 
Repetition at it's finest. Yep. 
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#29  Edited By vager

Minecraft

You make shit with blocks.
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#30  Edited By tebbit

Final Fantasy VII

 Their hands are grey cubes. GASP!
 

Super Mario Galaxy 2

 If SMG fucked its cousin.
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#31  Edited By ohnobruno

Trials HD: 
I think I hate myself.
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AnAmericanPatriot

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CIVILIZATION GAMES

 
C'MON, I'll suck YO [REDACTED].
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Bloodgraiv3

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#33  Edited By Bloodgraiv3
@DetectiveSpecial said:
"Sonic the Hedgehog 4 ; Nostalgia glasses can't work forever. "


This is so much win.
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penguindust

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#34  Edited By penguindust
@Izaak:   Ha-ha, that made my day.  So true, so true...
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#35  Edited By dubs

bayonetta: what is happening right now?

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#36  Edited By MikkaQ

Minecraft: 
When did I last eat? 
  
Civ 5: 
 When did I last sleep? 
 
Persona 3 Portable: 
I miss chie and teddie. 

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#37  Edited By SomeGuy

Hollywood Squares 
 
Brad Garrett can suck it!
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#38  Edited By Driadon

Persona 3 Portable: Persona with no cut scenes. 
 
Borderlands:  Mad loot that shoots well.
 
Assassin's Creed 2: UH UH UH UH UH

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deactivated-58c3985c661d1

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@Driadon said:
" Assassin's Creed 2: UH UH UH UH UH "
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#40  Edited By StaticFalconar

Halo reach

 
Apparently, I'm a gay  hermaphrodite. 
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Djeffers03

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#41  Edited By Djeffers03

Gears of war: 
Run to cover and shoot.

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#42  Edited By Robiin
@natetodamax said:
"

Modern Warfare 2

Spawn Die Spawn Die Spawn "
I endorse this review.
 
Also, maybe:

Modern Warfare 2

Four twenty for life, yo!
 -----

Final Fantasy XIII

Eventually it is almost enjoyable.
 -----

Mass Effect 2

The Mako is gone, awesome
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zeforgotten

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#43  Edited By zeforgotten

Nier

 
It's so boring and tedious
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GilbertMordinAndSullivan

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@Sweep said:
" @GilbertMordinAndSullivan said:
" Humor can be fun! "
Take a bath, hippy! 
   
Screw you, Mom! I'll never bathe again! And I'mma grow my hair out and start listening to rock and/or roll!
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BraveToaster

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#45  Edited By BraveToaster

Crackdown 2

 
A total waste of money
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Brenderous

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#46  Edited By Brenderous

Civilization V

 
Montezuma is a real asshole.
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GilbertMordinAndSullivan

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@Brenderous said:
"

Civilization V

 Gandhi is a real asshole. "
Fixed.
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Mjolnir

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#48  Edited By Mjolnir

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: The Game

 
The music makes the game. 
 

Cryostasis

 
Worth it in the end.
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ComradeKritstov

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#49  Edited By ComradeKritstov

Metal Gear Solid: Psycho Mantis blew my mind.

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jasta

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#50  Edited By jasta

Metal Gear Solid

Solid Snake, Tactical Espionage Action.