So Both the Main USB Ports on My 360 are Broken...

Seriously, how could this happen?
 
First one broke a while ago, but the second one went yesterday when I was trying to plug in an external hard drive to play some videos on my 360. So now the only one that works is the one at the back where the wireless adapter goes. This isn't a problem that I've heard happening too much, but it is remarkably annoying, especially since I mostly use a wired controller, and now can't use it without sacrificing being online.
 
So two questions here: first one, has this happened to anyone else? Second, what should I do about it? Can they be repaired easily, and can I do it myself for free, or should I just buy a USB hub to use from the one that does work?

That sucks, I haven't heard of this happening.  Also sucks with the upcoming update to allow USB sticks as memory drives.

Yeah, the USB port in the back is broken, which is frustrating for me, because that's the one I had both the HD-DVD drive and the wireless adaptor plugged into. I do use a wired controller, due to me just being used to the weight and lack of bump in the middle, so that's one port int he front, and now the wireless adaptor is plugged in the front too, which looks stupid, and is hell when I want to play the songs I bought on rockband, whilst staying online. I luckily now have mostly wireless plastic instruments. 
 
Anyway, other than sympathy, I have no real solutions to offer. That pretty much sucks. If you still are under warranty though, ship it out, by all means. 

Try gutting a set off a dead 360?  Dunno, that's kind of a wacky issue.  
 
Worse comes to worse you can try contacting MS and see how much they'll charge for you to send it in for repairs.

Sounds strange. If you were willing to try it, you could maybe rip 'em off a red ringed console, and see if they work. But that'd mean opening your 360 up, and personally, I would stay as far away as possible from that method for that reason alone. Call Microsoft and see what they can do to help you. Tell them that that your Xbox 360 console's USB ports have burned out, and make sure to tell them all the stuff they'll ask. Odds are you're not in a one year period of time since you got that console, so you likely will have to pay. The three year warranty only covers you against E74 errors, from what I know. Also, if the console is a Premium / Pro (read: not made anymore), you might be able to argue for an Elite. But keep your own hard drive because it has all your files on it.

Maybe, as a cheap fix, you could get a USB hub for the back port? Would that work with controllers?

I know Rockband shipped with a USB-hub kind of thing that added a few more ports. You could probably find one of those on ebay.