Sonic The Hedgehog Review

The full minute of Taking Back Sunday made me cut it off. Armature youtuber mistakes galore.

 I love Sonic as much as the next guy, and I agree with you that Sonic games in the past few years have been terrible....
 
But your blatant and unwarranted hatred of Mario games, and the fact that you are clearly not even old enough to have remembered the original Sonic or Mario games completely invalidates your opinions to me.  You spend the majority of the review explaining to the viewer arbitrary reasons why you think that Mario games are apparently vastly inferior to Sonic games instead of praising the original Sonic the Hedgehog for being the masterpiece that it is.
 
What bothers me the most about this is you think that Mario is terrible as a character because he is an Italian plumber who chooses to rescue peach in every game for no reason, but you apparently think that Sonic is a great character despite the fact that he is a hedgehog who for some reason is able to run extremely fast and fights Doctor Robotnik in every single game. Now I am not trying to suggest that Mario is a superior character to Sonic, because let's be honest here, story wise they are extremely boring. The thing that makes the old Mario and Sonic games classics is the super clean and polished gameplay. Your criticisms of Mario games feeling "off" is completely wrong as the old school Mario and Sonic games are essentially the pinnacle of what 2d platforming should be, they are both fantastic games, but for entirely different reasons. The fact that you are unable to see this really shows how young and immature you are, and how little you understand about video game history. Not to mention the fact that Nintendo is still to this day putting out solid Mario games, and Sega? Not so much.

Why would you review the original Sonic the Hedgehog?  And why would you do it by filming yourself playing it?

Oh my god, that has to be the worst review I've ever seen. I mean sorry, but when you threaten to rape me at night if I don't buy Sonic, well that's just not good.

" Oh my god, that has to be the worst review I've ever seen. I mean sorry, but when you threaten to rape me at night if I don't buy Sonic, well that's just not good. "

"  I love Sonic as much as the next guy, and I agree with you that Sonic games in the past few years have been terrible....   But your blatant and unwarranted hatred of Mario games, and the fact that you are clearly not even old enough to have remembered the original Sonic or Mario games completely invalidates your opinions to me.  You spend the majority of the review explaining to the viewer arbitrary reasons why you think that Mario games are apparently vastly inferior to Sonic games instead of praising the original Sonic the Hedgehog for being the masterpiece that it is.   What bothers me the most about this is you think that Mario is terrible as a character because he is an Italian plumber who chooses to rescue peach in every game for no reason, but you apparently think that Sonic is a great character despite the fact that he is a hedgehog who for some reason is able to run extremely fast and fights Doctor Robotnik in every single game. Now I am not trying to suggest that Mario is a superior character to Sonic, because let's be honest here, story wise they are extremely boring. The thing that makes the old Mario and Sonic games classics is the super clean and polished gameplay. Your criticisms of Mario games feeling "off" is completely wrong as the old school Mario and Sonic games are essentially the pinnacle of what 2d platforming should be, they are both fantastic games, but for entirely different reasons. The fact that you are unable to see this really shows how young and immature you are, and how little you understand about video game history. Not to mention the fact that Nintendo is still to this day putting out solid Mario games, and Sega? Not so much. "

" @JJWeatherman said:

" Oh my god, that has to be the worst review I've ever seen. I mean sorry, but when you threaten to rape me at night if I don't buy Sonic, well that's just not good. "

Hahahahahahaha what the fuck is this? "

It's a good thing you reviewed it because I spent the past 19 years debating whether I should buy it or not.
 
P.S.
Can you review Pong next?

"  I love Sonic as much as the next guy, and I agree with you that Sonic games in the past few years have been terrible....   But your blatant and unwarranted hatred of Mario games, and the fact that you are clearly not even old enough to have remembered the original Sonic or Mario games completely invalidates your opinions to me.  You spend the majority of the review explaining to the viewer arbitrary reasons why you think that Mario games are apparently vastly inferior to Sonic games instead of praising the original Sonic the Hedgehog for being the masterpiece that it is.   What bothers me the most about this is you think that Mario is terrible as a character because he is an Italian plumber who chooses to rescue peach in every game for no reason, but you apparently think that Sonic is a great character despite the fact that he is a hedgehog who for some reason is able to run extremely fast and fights Doctor Robotnik in every single game. Now I am not trying to suggest that Mario is a superior character to Sonic, because let's be honest here, story wise they are extremely boring. The thing that makes the old Mario and Sonic games classics is the super clean and polished gameplay. Your criticisms of Mario games feeling "off" is completely wrong as the old school Mario and Sonic games are essentially the pinnacle of what 2d platforming should be, they are both fantastic games, but for entirely different reasons. The fact that you are unable to see this really shows how young and immature you are, and how little you understand about video game history. Not to mention the fact that Nintendo is still to this day putting out solid Mario games, and Sega? Not so much. "

Okay, I am going to give my absolute opinion on your review and the Sonic series and the direction its been going in.
 
You said that since Sonic has made the jump to 3D, not a single good game has been produced which has actually been 3D, and I actually agree with you on the most part. Sonic 3D, Sonic R, Sonic Heroes, Sonic 06', Sonic Unleashed, Sonic and the Secret Rings and Sonic and the Black Knight sucked ass.
 
However, let me say that you were wrong in the respect that two decent 3D Sonic games have been made previously, and those are Sonic Adventure and Sonic Adventure 2. I agree that Sonic Adventure isn't as great now as it was back then but Sonic Adventure 2 is still a freaking awesome game in its own right.
 
I think you were wrong about speed making the old 2D Sonic games brilliant and saying it was speed that makes Sonic good is just making you sound like a Sega fanboy. As Sonic Rush proves, too much speed is more of a hinderence than an asset. Often, you will end up running uncontrollably into walls or enemies because you are going so goddamm fast.  Sonic did go very fast in Sonic 3 but it felt quite fluid because some of the levels were designed for such speed. Take for instance Hydrocity Zone. Now that is an absolutely brilliant speedy level, whereas other levels such as Marble Garden or Chemical Plant Zone were designed more for platforming than speed. I think its this which modern Sonic games are missing.
 
With Sonic Rush, half the time you'd be holding down the X or Y button. The same went for Sonic Unleashed. There was a huge lack of actual "platforming" in the game. And even when there were paltforming sections, the controls were so poor that you'd often leap off a platform to your death due to how Sonic controlled in mid-air.
 
You claim that the 3D Sonic games were not fast enough. They were.  The problem with those games were that the controls were so horribly piss-poor that controlling Sonic the Hedgehog is about as easy as balacing on a tightrope while you have razor sharp knives thrown at you. The daytime levels in Sonic Unleashed, the oversensitive controls in Sonic Heroes and the really fast Egg Carrier chase sections in Sonic 06' were notorious for their terrible controls. It would often be near impossible to get Sonic to walk in a straight line or dodge things because Sonic Team had done a half assed job at perfecting the control scheme. It also explains why the Light Dash rarely worked in Sonic 06' too.