The 7 Commandments All Video Games Should Follow

Presented by Cracked.com

Presented by Cracked.com

This article is great, but you linked to the 7th page! You meant to link here!

1. Yeah, that one's ok. Nothing really to argue about there. Although split-screen in gaming needs to go away forever. It's stupid, nearly unusable and pointless.

the guy disses Shadow of the Colossus. what a douche.  Yeah, Jayge, that list is retarded. 

I thought there was only one rule for a game:

It should be fun.

I still like parts of the list but I hate to say this but it's been posted already.

I stopped after I seen that retarded final fantasy video on the first page. No matter how much those other pages may of had a point it's not worth going through that torture again.

It's what I like to call a "shitty list".

I actually enjoyed the list...

Yeah, Cracked is pretty wicked.

Sean Baby's doing shtuff there now/

I love these. If I ever go into game development I will make sure and follow these. They are common sense but developers fail to follow them over and over again.

Lots of these are sort of stupid, at least how they went about it.  The ideas are right, but the arguement just isn't.   Interesting list either way
The only thing I just had a major gripe with is loading.  I have yet to experience a game this generation with loading that was bad unless it was a 7 second one that you'd have to see constantly going in and out (which I haven't experienced).  I sort of had a PS1, so yea....

And one that, not that I disagreed with, I just thought they were wrong about completely with their arguement was the last one.  The wii isn't really home to a huge amount of innovative titles.  Some, sure, but not more than other consoles.  And a game doesn't need to be innovative to be good.  Rather weird they use Gears as an arguement for this, that game did sort of innovate, or at least refine, the cover mechanic greatly, essentially putting forth a gameplay mechanic for other games to use.

Okay this post pisses me off to no end. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! Whoever wrote this article... I'm at a complete loss for words. This guy is fucking retarded. I could barely read the first page you linked us to because of how wrong it is.

All games should have beautiful woman to look at.

Thou shalt make a more complete list starting with this one and spread it through out the internets. Thee 7 commandments art a good start.
Thou shalt start a gamers wiki that we can all change as needed and add new things that others have missed.

1) Better graphics do not equal innovation and/or creativity
    Game Sales (Wii is more popular that both PS3 and 360)
        Gears of War vs Mario Kart DS (sales)
    Hire Real Writers
        Portal was great b/c of great writers
    Hire competent Voice Actors
        EX:Final Fantasy X bad voice acting scene
    Put some work into the ending
        EX:short Metroid esc endings (congratulations...)

2) Thou shalt make sure your game actually works
    Porting games after 5 minutes of beta testing
    Release games that actually run before selling them
        don't wait until your fans are screaming on forums
        stutter and slow down is inexcusable
    Load Times
        break up the action
            "This is going to being the Achilles heel of this generation. It utterly breaks the spell of an immersive game to freeze the action while a "Loading ... " bar comes up. This would be like going to the theater and having the lights come up between every scene, so they can put more film in the projector. "


3) Thou shalt admit when enough is enough
    No one likes escort missions
        "So you've spent the first half of the game accumulating weapons and hit points and turning yourself into a zombie-killing machine. How does the game reward you? By forcing you to escort a completely helpless and unarmed dumbass through the war zone, and making so that you instantly lose if they get a scratch on them."
    CPU controlled squad teammates
        usually unhelpful (defeating the purpose)
    First Person Jumping puzzles
        "There is no possible freaking way to jump accurately from a first person perspective. All of the things that would let you do it in real life (sense of balance and momentum, awareness of your body) are gone. Also, you can't see your fucking feet. "
    World War II games
    The grizzled space marine
        Doom 3
        Gears of War
        Haze
        Turok
        Killzone II
        Aliens: Colonial Marine

4) Thou shalt make killing fun
    Don't start us out with a bullshit weapon
    We don't want games full of tiny rodent enemies (small weak, annoying enemies)
        Hard to hit, no satisfaction to kill them
    Bullets that have no visible effect
        "If we shoot a zombie in the arm, we want his arm to blow off. If we shoot him in the knee, we want him to limp. And if we shoot him in the head, we want his head to explode."
    Swords that actually hack off limbs instead of merely inflicting damage
    Filling the game with hordes of cookie-cutter bad guys
        variation of faces, skin tones
        "We want to know, deep down, that there are hundreds of grieving mothers out there, lamenting the terror of our dreaded blade."

5) Thou shalt not force repetition on the player
    game checkpoints
        having to replay levels due to limited save points
            People have busy lives.
            People could stop playing at ANY moment to go to bed, go to work, eat...etc
            You should be able to save anywhere in new games
        Force us to watch cutscenes repeatedly
            Instant failure quicktime events

6) Thou shalt not pad the length of your games
    Adding an Arbitrary way to pad the length of a game
        Putting huge stretch of land between objectives
        Adding pointless, mandatory fetch quests
        

7)Thou shalt let us play your game with real friends
    Game Sales (multiplayer games sold the best in 2007)
        Wii Sports
        Wii Play
        Guitar Hero III
        Super Mario Galaxy (yes it does)
        Madden NFL 08
        Guitar Hero II
        Mario Party 8
    Split screen
        They did it in Golden eye (why get rid of it now?)
            "You're dropping it because four players on a split screen are playing off one $60 copy of the game. Four players playing online need four copies ($240). "
        Splitscreen>Online Multiplayer for some things
            "So when she comes over, do you think he's going to put on his GTA IV headset, or pop in Mario Galaxy? Here's a hint: The second choice gets him closer to touching boob."

I realize now that I read this almost a year ago.

Not a big fan of this list. If Grand Theft Auto, Oblivion, Resident Evil and God of War fail these commandments, then maybe it's more of a list of rules to BREAK, but break well.

Well I linked to the 7th page because, personally, it was my favorite.

And uncomfortable and bad are two different things. Final Fantasy 10 was bad. Pure and simple.

What else was there, oh yeah, Gears of Wars was not revolutionary, it was just more mass marketable. And it was also a bad game full of terrible design philosophies. You can argue whether a game is fun or not, and in the end that's all subjective anyway. But there are clear cute good and bad design philosophies, and in every case he's more or less spot on. For example: I like Board Game: Top Shop. On just about every level, it's a poorly designed game. It was definitely made by like two people, neither of whom were capable of fully translating it to English, resulting in a game that's partially broken. But it is fun as fuck to play with friends regardless, at least for me. Subjective.

He wasn't saying these are necessarily all bad games, obviously. Half Life 2 is anything but a bad game. But it wasn't perfect, and the reason he listed was fairly valid. Not the best example when Oblivion was right next to it, and Twilight Princess... but a point none the less.

Also just because you disagree with a list doesn't make it poorly written or poorly argued, and trying to sell it as such just makes you come off as childish and lazy, and completely invalidates your opinion because clearly you don't know what the hell you're talking about. Just remember that next time you make an argument, kay?

You mixed something awesome (games) and something stupid (religion)...I dont like the result.

"All games should have beautiful woman to look at.

  

"