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Avatar image for ejiehi
#1 Edited by ejiehi (176 posts) -
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Gentle Bombsfolk, I come to you today to announce a contest... THE EPIC KLEPEK CHALLENGE (For those of you who didn't read the title). Now you may be wondering "Why should I care about this you jerk" to which I respond "Firstly you're the jerk, secondly THERE ARE TWO YEAR LONG PREMIUM SUBSCRIPTIONS UP FOR GRABS". Now that I have your attention here are the rules.

1. You must create a food or drink "worthy" of GiantBomb. This mean you must make something that in some ways pays tribute to the site, for example; you could go as easy as a Snack Packtrick Klepek (An open Snack Pack pudding) or as elaborate as a Porktirck Klepchop drizzled with some Ryan Davis Keyboard Gravy, and a side of Snider Sprouts (MAKE A DUMB GIANTBOMB RELATED PUN OR JOKE AS A NAME TO GO ALONG WITH YOUR FOODSTUFF.)

2. You must take a picture of the resulting abomination creation along with a piece of paper with your forum name, and the phrase I'm on TV. IF YOU DON"T INCLUDE THIS YOU WILL NOT BE ELIGIBLE FOR A PRIZE.

3. DON'T BE A JERK, SERIOUSLY.

I will be awarding one of the prizes, and celebrity judge Patrick Klepek is also going to be awarding a prize. The contest is open from now until December 10th. so get to work.

LIKE THIS JOHNNY VIGNOC-TEA

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Avatar image for baillie
#2 Posted by Baillie (4708 posts) -

This is weird, but cool?

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#3 Posted by 49th (3639 posts) -

Bookmarked thread. Prepare yourselves. Probably.

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#4 Posted by Gaff (2655 posts) -

Are they going to prepare / eat this on a livestream? CBSi HR is going to love this.

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#5 Posted by Brenderous (1244 posts) -

Kleppin' your troubles away with the klepchop.

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#6 Posted by ShadowConqueror (3413 posts) -

Hamburger sandwich.

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#7 Posted by obcdexter (938 posts) -

I'll prepare a Salata Caravella with that extra ounce of Gerstmonnaise that is going to blow this board away.

Online
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#8 Posted by procrasturbate (297 posts) -

Awesome. Got something in mind already.

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#9 Posted by jeffrud (562 posts) -

The Chrono Crust Pie. It might be a Whopper Burrito in a Chicago-style pizza. Who can say.

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#10 Posted by Kerned (1185 posts) -

@obcdexter said:

Gerstmonnaise

No, no, no, no, no, no, no...

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#11 Posted by Zuldim (302 posts) -

I'm not sure, but I think this might be the best forum thread ever made.

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#12 Posted by mistersamman (376 posts) -

Best thread. Bookmarked.

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#13 Posted by MeAuntieNora (1111 posts) -

Duders, despite durger duds' delicious design, don't devour dat, dingus.

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#14 Posted by TaliciaDragonsong (8734 posts) -

While reading this I looked down to my cup of noodles and I decided they kind of look like Patrick's hair.

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#15 Posted by Scrawnto (2555 posts) -

The Epic Klepek sounds like a sex move.

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#16 Posted by Gaff (2655 posts) -

Mystery Food X

Avatar image for ejiehi
#17 Edited by ejiehi (176 posts) -

@Scrawnto said:

The Epic Klepek sounds like a sex move.

DO NOT TAKE A PHOTO OF THIS!!!!!

Alcobooze is welcome

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

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#18 Posted by captainanderson (263 posts) -

I'll see if I can concoct some suitable Giant Bomb themed cocktails. Alcohol counts, right?

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#19 Posted by JohnLocke (703 posts) -

Not going to enter but kudos on the idea, I look forward to seeing the results.

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#20 Posted by l4wd0g (2373 posts) -

Introducing, the “Funky Barn Aftermath.”

After Jeff’s four-hour marathon of Funky Barn on the Wii U I think a dish needs to be named "The Funk Barn Aftermath"

I mean, really, how do you not have a delicious dish named after that disaster of a game?

Here it is, and I must say, it’s pretty good.

****I really don't want to be considered for the premium membership. I just hope you enjoy my dish.****

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I really don't want to be considered for the premium membership. I just hope you enjoy my dish.

Ingredients:

12 boneless skinless chicken tits (err breasts) halves

2 (8 oz) cartons chive and onion cream cheese

12 slices of bacon

Instructions:

Step 1: Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

Step 2: Spread 3 tablespoons of cream cheese over each chicken sweater bunny (err breast).

Step 3: Wrap with bacon

Step 4: Bake uncovered for 35-40 minutes (or until juices run clear, or the chicken jugs (breasts) reach 170 degrees Fahrenheit).

Step 5: Turn on the broiler and broil six inches from the heat for 5 minutes or until the bacon is crispy.

Avatar image for shortbreadtom
#21 Posted by Shortbreadtom (1009 posts) -

@l4wd0g: The name Funk Barn Aftermath made me think that you had somehow managed to recreate Jeff's slow descent into madness in food form.

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#22 Posted by ejiehi (176 posts) -

@l4wd0g said:

****I really don't want to be considered for the premium membership. I just hope you enjoy my dish.****

Not following rule 2 makes sure you won't be, food looks good though.

Avatar image for harpell
#23 Posted by Harpell (204 posts) -

Was going to make the "Horse Meat Rider", but have no idea how to procure any horse meat. Not around here, anyway.

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#24 Edited by SmilingPig (1370 posts) -

I call it "Carbonated Giant bomb chiken avec ketchup".

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#25 Posted by Colourful_Hippie (5742 posts) -

@SmilingPig: But you're not on TV.

Disqualified.

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#26 Edited by I_smell (4219 posts) -

"Snider" rhymes with "slider". I am just saying. "Carravella" already sounds like a food.
 
Someone please make something unapologetically debaucherous and call it "Deadly Premonition".

Avatar image for l4wd0g
#27 Posted by l4wd0g (2373 posts) -

****Not associated with Jeff Gerstmann in anyway. Jeffy G being gangster and Denny's were the only way I could make it Giant Bomb related****

****Nor do I condone the abuse of alcohol or eating at anytime ever!****

3 AM Denny’s

What is more gangster than Jeffy G? If you’re thinking Denny’s at 3 AM, you’re right!

When you’re out at a club drinking and partying too hard, and you find yourself drunk and alone; if you’re like me, you’ll find your way to Denny’s. Maybe you’ll order a steak you can’t afford, but bought it anyway too make yourself feel better. Then you find yourself unable to eat the steak anyway because you’re crying to hard, and the fat, middle-aged, waitresses are laughing at you. You get a taxi home and you quote your favorite Mario quotes to yourself like, “It’s a me, Mario.” Those quotes don’t make you feel better and you go to bed. You wake up, swimming in your own vomit, with only ten minutes to be at your job at GameStop. The only thing you have to eat is your leftover steak that you didn’t refrigerate.

Then the Denny’s 3 AM is for you.

Turn that son of bitch, salty with your own tears steak into a delicious sandwich.

Cut that steak up, throw some mayonnaise on a fine slice of wheat bread, and fill it with yummy overly salted steak.

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#28 Posted by Hunter5024 (6702 posts) -

I thought of a pun, now I just need to figure out how to turn it into food.

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#29 Posted by JOURN3Y (244 posts) -

Do drinks count? I'm not much of a cook but I can sure come up with a drink.

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#30 Posted by ejiehi (176 posts) -

@JOURN3Y: YUP

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GET THAT CHICKEN TO AN ICU!!!

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#31 Edited by mosespippy (4751 posts) -

Great. I just left town to go to a rural area. I can't just go pick up some Tostitos Scoops and energy drinks.

Edit: Doritos and Mountain Dew are probably easily accessible here though. Maybe I'll go make a Games Journalism.

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#32 Posted by OneKillWonder_ (2404 posts) -
@ejiehi said:
Ryan Davis Keyboard Gravy
 
This is something I definitely don't want anywhere near my mouth.
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#33 Posted by DrFlapjack (317 posts) -

This reminds me of the Question of the Week where users invented an alcoholic drink for Giantbomb. Haha, good times!

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#34 Posted by SexyToad (2939 posts) -

My food looks terrible! I kind of don't want to post it...

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#35 Posted by Scroll (629 posts) -

How about a Ice cream Bombe of some sort?

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#36 Posted by jakob187 (22940 posts) -

You are offering a cooking challenge?

How do you know I'll just now be preparing it and not pulling one of the tons of photos I have on my Facebook since I cook all the goddamn time? O___o

Avatar image for sexytoad
#37 Posted by SexyToad (2939 posts) -

@jakob187 said:

You are offering a cooking challenge?

How do you know I'll just now be preparing it and not pulling one of the tons of photos I have on my Facebook since I cook all the goddamn time? O___o

You need to post a photo that has your forum name and "I'm on TV." written on a piece of paper, next to your food.

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#38 Posted by crusader8463 (14757 posts) -

I'm probably going to hell for making a pun of a pun, but this was the only thing I could think of right now. Sorry for the grainy photo but it's late and I have no real light source in my room. I call it:

Breaking Bread

Avatar image for aegon
#39 Posted by Aegon (7247 posts) -

I have a feeling that winning this thing would take spending an amount of cash greater than the membership cost.

Avatar image for sexytoad
#40 Edited by SexyToad (2939 posts) -

@crusader8463 said:

I'm probably going to hell for making a pun of a pun, but this was the only thing I could think of right now. Sorry for the grainy photo but it's late and I have no real light source in my room. I call it:

Breaking Bread

We might as well end the challenge here! THIS IS GREAT.

Well here is mine!

So here we have mine! (It's terrible, I know...) We have a nice grilled sandwich made with LOVE. The sandwich is called the CHINA DONT CARE TO MAKE SUCH A DELICIOUS SANDWICH.

Here's a closeup HD shot!

We have some Grandpa Taswell's berries on the side. So yea, there's my entry!

Note: the ketchup was suppose to look like the giantbomb logo, but I failed...

Note2: There's a refreshing cup of water on the side! With a straw for your convience.

Avatar image for crusader8463
#41 Posted by crusader8463 (14757 posts) -

@SexyToad: Did you just toast your bread and put the stuff inside or is it grilled? The reason I ask is because I have tried many times to make what is essentially a grilled cheese with other things inside like ham and other meats, but I can never seem to keep it together. The cheese melts onto the topping it has right on top of it, but when I go to flip it always falls apart. Thought you might have a suggestion to help if you grilled it. My only work around thus far has been lots of cheese on both sides, but that just makes the whole thing pointless because the cheese over powers the other toppings.

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#42 Posted by SexyToad (2939 posts) -

@crusader8463: I grilled it. I usually butter up the bread so it won't stick at all. To flip I usually place a spatula underneath and place my hand on top, so it wouldn't fall apart. As long as it's not to thick, it shouldn't fall apart. Cheese is usually messy, so I add that halfway so it will melt quicker.

Avatar image for ejiehi
#43 Posted by ejiehi (176 posts) -

@crusader8463 said:

I'm probably going to hell for making a pun of a pun, but this was the only thing I could think of right now. Sorry for the grainy photo but it's late and I have no real light source in my room. I call it:

Breaking Bread

As of this posting this is a winning entry. Hopefully this will be some consolation, owner of a Sony handheld system

Avatar image for ejiehi
#44 Edited by ejiehi (176 posts) -

Bumping this for the weekend, COME ON PEOPLE FREE ACCESS TO PREMIUM VIDEOS UP FOR GRABS!!!

Yep

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Avatar image for sexytoad
#45 Posted by SexyToad (2939 posts) -

@ejiehi: So far there's only two eligible entries, and mine, right?

Avatar image for crusader8463
#46 Posted by crusader8463 (14757 posts) -

@ejiehi: @SexyToad: NOOOO!!! Stop posting! The more you do the higher the chances that more people will see this and actually post something! I'm poor. I need this membership!

Avatar image for CoinMatze
#47 Posted by CoinMatze (549 posts) -

My wife is gone over the weekend which means I am able to use all my culinary might to do something special:

Vinny Caravella's Pile of Shame!

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It's half a baguette cut open filled with gyros and fries. Top with corn, beans, emmentaler and feta cheese. Melt it! I put some salad and onions on there because I'm not an animal. Eat with a can of tzaziki and ketchup. Bon appetit, you effers!

PS: I don't want the prize

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#48 Edited by mordukai (8506 posts) -

Dave's "Holiday" Cider. Still need to think about the recipe.

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#49 Posted by Carncarn (33 posts) -

@CoinMatze: man oh man, that looks good. The gyros really tie the whole dish together.

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#50 Posted by procrasturbate (297 posts) -

@CoinMatze: Sorry bro there's no other way to say it but that looks messy as hell. Not appetizing at all.