The Giantbomb Community Text Adventure

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sweep

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#1  Edited By sweep  Moderator

Ok kids, heres the deal. OmegaPirate did such an awesome job creating a text adventure for the folks hangin' in the IRC that i'm determined to create an equally awesome adventure in this forum which everyone can get involved in.
Please send submissions in the following format -

>>USE HAT ON GOAT


will result in the following progression:
You place the novelty hat on the bedraggled goat.

Let The Adventure Begin:


You awake in complete darkness, with a sharp pain in the side of your head. The stone floor beneath you is cold to touch. As you sit up your arm grazes a table to your left. Standing up, you feel a box in your pocket. Reaching inside you discover a box of matches with 3 matches inside. Lighting the first match reveals you are in a damp basement room. The only door is a wooden trapdoor on the far side of the room, above your head. There is a small bare table to the left, and a shelf above with a strange assortment of objects scattered across it. The walls, floor and ceiling are all stone. Before you can move the match goes out, leaving you in pitch darkness. What do you do next?


Objects:
  • Box Of Matches
  • 2 Matches
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thordain

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#2  Edited By thordain

Save the game.

>>Save the game


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Disgaeamad

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#3  Edited By Disgaeamad

>Punch a hole through the ceiling

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#4  Edited By sweep  Moderator
You look around, searching for a way to save yourself, but it is too dark to see.

(thordain is a bitch)
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OmegaPirate

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#5  Edited By OmegaPirate

Nice one sweep :) glad something came from that inate rambling :D


Anyway - 

Light match >> Look at whats on table
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DanielJW

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#6  Edited By DanielJW

Light another match.

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WallacetheGreat

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#7  Edited By WallacetheGreat

>>Shit your pants

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MattyFTM

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#8  Edited By MattyFTM  Moderator

>> Use Match on Table

Table is set on fire

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sweep

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#9  Edited By sweep  Moderator
You attempt to punch the ceiling, desperate to escape, but it is out of reach. You light another match and decide to search the table for alternate way to escape, but find it is still bare. You don't have much time before the second match goes out...

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#10  Edited By sweep  Moderator
You try to shit your pants, but you can't. You keep telling yourself you need to remain calm.

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OmegaPirate

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#11  Edited By OmegaPirate

>>> Look up at shelf

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thordain

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#12  Edited By thordain

>Use match on hair

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#13  Edited By sweep  Moderator
You glance at the shelf, searching for objects that might be of use. Amongst the debris you find a glass bottle, a rock, a small bronze key, and for some strange reason, a garden gnome. You decide to take all the items, but as you move away from the shelf the second match goes out. Once again you are left in pitch darkness.

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OmegaPirate

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#14  Edited By OmegaPirate

>>smell bottle

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#15  Edited By crunchUK

>>throw gaarden gnome at trapdoor

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#16  Edited By sweep  Moderator
You decide in an act of desperation to set your hair on fire. This will give you light for a longer period of time, though at the cost of melting you face. As you light the match your hand trembles in anticipation, but once you have set your hair alight it isnt as bad as you expected. Finally you can see what you are doing, though you are slightly blinded by the intense pain..

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#17  Edited By thordain

I gotta do this.
>Throw rock

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#18  Edited By jakob187

>> Light match

>>Press lit match to clothes
>>Set self on fire

The end.
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#19  Edited By sweep  Moderator
You cautiously smell the bottle, but it has clearly been empty for some time. As the pain on your head grows you find yourself acting irrationally. You pet the rock gently, then throw the garden gnome at the trapdoor in a random act of aggression. Neither of these actions progresses your escape from the room.

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sweep

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#20  Edited By sweep  Moderator
You use the light from your burning hair to check out the trapdoor. You wonder if you could somehow manage to climb down it, but the trapdoor is in the ceiling and besides, it's out of reach. You quickly realize that was a fucking moronic idea. Are you dumb in the face?

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#21  Edited By thordain

>THROW THE ROCK AT THE TRAPDOOR!

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MattyFTM

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#22  Edited By MattyFTM  Moderator

>>Yes, I am dumb in the face. How else would my hair be on fire? Climb down the fucking trapdoor!!!!!!!!!!!!

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StarFoxA

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#23  Edited By StarFoxA

>plugh

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#24  Edited By Steve_C

>>push table under trapdoor

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#25  Edited By sweep  Moderator
You throw your only rock at the trapdoor, but as it bounces harmlessly away you realize that you could stand on the rock to reach the trapdoor. Positioning the rock beneath the door, you can finally reach the handle. However the door won't budge. Whilst you stand on the rock, you notice a keyhole in the trapdoor.

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ZombiePie

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#26  Edited By ZombiePie  Staff

Make sure there are no grues in the area. Otherwise I will get ATE!
>>Search for grues

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#27  Edited By Karmum

> Climb down the trapdoor.
> Remove the rock inside the trapdoor to reveal yet another trapdoor.
> Climb down the second trapdoor to pick up the Pink Nintendo DS.

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Disgaeamad

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#28  Edited By Disgaeamad

>Punch the keyhole

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#29  Edited By sweep  Moderator
You climb off the rock and push the table beneath the trapdoor so you can reach the handle.

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thordain

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#30  Edited By thordain

>Use the hair flame to craft the rock into a key shape to fit into the door, hanging onto the door by one hand.

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MattyFTM

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#31  Edited By MattyFTM  Moderator

>>Use Imaginary Lockpick on Trapdoor.

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#32  Edited By sweep  Moderator
You use the small key you found on the shelf, and miraculously it clicks into place. With all your remaining energy you punch the keyhole and the door slams open. The wide open trapdoor releases a shower of water, and you realize the door leads to the outside world, where it is currently raining. The fire on your head goes out, but you still can't see what is outside until you climb out the basement.

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ZombiePie

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#34  Edited By ZombiePie  Staff

>> SEARCH FOR GRUES!!!!

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#35  Edited By sweep  Moderator
You search for "grues", but you are still standing on the table in the basement and you can't see outside properly. The basement below you is empty. You are safe, for now...

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MattyFTM

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#36  Edited By MattyFTM  Moderator

>>Jump

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thordain

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#37  Edited By thordain

>Save the game, then begin traveling what looks like east.

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#38  Edited By sweep  Moderator
You jump and grab the ledge of the opening, managing to pull yourself into the outside world. The wind and rain fights against you, but you find it pleasantly cooling upon your burnt skin. Looking around you find yourself in a large garden, with a high brick wall running around the edge. There is a man standing beneath an umbrella, next to a door in the side of the building. He doesn't seem to have spotted you yet.

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#39  Edited By sweep  Moderator
You decide to travel east, but you have no compass and no idea what time it is. You need to come up with a new plan.

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SmugDarkLoser

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#40  Edited By SmugDarkLoser
">Save the game, then begin traveling what looks like east."

You see a cave.  There appears to be a sign above.
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MattyFTM

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#41  Edited By MattyFTM  Moderator

>>Use smouldering skin on man

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#42  Edited By sweep  Moderator
You sneak towards the man, but his head is bent down towards the ground and he appears to be smoking a cigarette. You clench your teeth and silently tear the smouldering skin from your poor head, then proceed to rub it across the strange man's face. Your screams are loud enough to drown out his cry of surprise.

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thordain

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#43  Edited By thordain
Sweep said:
"
You decide to travel east, but you have no compass and no idea what time it is. You need to come up with a new plan.
"
Thordain said:
">Save the game, then begin traveling what looks like east."

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#44  Edited By crunchUK

>>resist arrest

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#45  Edited By Absurd

>>Look at your genitals

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MattyFTM

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#46  Edited By MattyFTM  Moderator

>> Say "I love you Sweep, because this thread is totally hilarious and epic" to the man.

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End_Boss

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#47  Edited By End_Boss

>>Die because of prolonged exposure to FIRE APPLIED DIRECTLY TO SKULL.

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#48  Edited By sweep  Moderator
You are determined to survive, to find your way home. Nobody is trying to arrest you, though the man in front of you seems to be shouting and shuddering as he wipes your scalp from his face, brushing bits of skin from his mustache. You check your genitals, to make sure they are still there. They are. This pleases you.

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Absurd

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#49  Edited By Absurd

>>Ask the man for directions to the nearest village

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jakob187

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#50  Edited By jakob187

>>Give pills to Bill