I fucking love you sweep, this is biblical.
The Giantbomb Community Text Adventure
You ask the man politely for directions to the nearest village. The man stares at you aghast, then jabs at you with his umbrella. As you jump in surprise the man rushes through the rain back into the house in a rage. He is screaming incoherently. You wish you had some pills to help with the pain but unfortunately you gave all your pills to your friend Bill. You wish Bill were here now...
After the man has gone you return to looking at your genitals. They are still in-tact, though they seem somewhat smaller than you remember. You try to use them, rubbing them against the door, but this seems to have no effect. You put the genitals away, wondering why you are acting so strangely.
You wonder if you could use your genitals to find East, but then remember they aren't magnetic so dismiss this idea. You search around wondering if there is a bike you could use to escape but the garden is now empty. The only choice you have is to follow the strange man through the door into the house.
You take a deep breath, then push the door open and follow the man into the house. You find yourself in a kitchen full of strange objects. The room is empty, silent except for a ticking clock on the mantelpiece above a large stone fire - which is not currently lit. There are several cupboards and a large wardrobe on the far side of the room. There is an open door on the far side of the room, leading off into darkness.
ok fuck, i need to walk home, its 11:30 and uni is empty (so much for revision). I will be back in 5 minutes to continue the adventure. in this short interlude i would like to remind you that you still have the following objects:
- Glass Bottle
- Garden Gnome
- Rock
- Empty Box Of Matches
- Genitals
;)
"ok fuck, i need to walk home, its 11:30 and uni is empty (so much for revision). I will be back in 5 minutes to continue the adventure. in this short interlude i would like to remind you that you still have the following objects:Man, with our community...this is about to turn into one of the most pornographic threads on the planet based on those objects alone!!!;)"
- Glass Bottle
- Garden Gnome
- Rock
- Empty Box Of Matches
- Genitals
The firey hair was put out by the rain!!! Keep up with the story Jakob.">> Set wardrobe on fire with firey hair"
Also, I totally don't know what to do now, I am tired, and really should go to bed, but I totally want to see what happens in this text adventure.
"jakob187 said:DRATS!!! That's what I get for not reading stuff.The firey hair was put out by the rain!!!Also, I totally don't know what to do now, I am tired, and really should go to bed, but I totally want to see what happens in this text adventure."">> Set wardrobe on fire with firey hair"
Well then, there is only one real option left:
>> Put on wardrobe
>> Use rain to lube bottle
>> Stick bottle in rectum
>> Play with genitals
>> Jizz in pants
"jakob187 said:You're inside the house though at this point, out of the rain.The firey hair was put out by the rain!!! Keep up with the story Jakob.Also, I totally don't know what to do now, I am tired, and really should go to bed, but I totally want to see what happens in this text adventure."">> Set wardrobe on fire with firey hair"
"MattyFTM said:I can't go back outside?"jakob187 said:You're inside the house though at this point, out of the rain."The firey hair was put out by the rain!!! Keep up with the story Jakob.Also, I totally don't know what to do now, I am tired, and really should go to bed, but I totally want to see what happens in this text adventure."">> Set wardrobe on fire with firey hair"
"MattyFTM said:That doesn't mean your hair is just going to spontaneously combust. The fire is already gone because of the rain. Unless you can find another item to light it again, it stays out."jakob187 said:You're inside the house though at this point, out of the rain."The firey hair was put out by the rain!!! Keep up with the story Jakob.Also, I totally don't know what to do now, I am tired, and really should go to bed, but I totally want to see what happens in this text adventure."">> Set wardrobe on fire with firey hair"
"Steve_C said:Don't you DARE tell me what my hair can and cannot do!!! THAT'S BETWEEN ME AND GOD (in this case, Sweep) TO DECIDE!!!"MattyFTM said:That doesn't mean your hair is just going to spontaneously combust. The fire is already gone because of the rain. Unless you can find another item to light it again, it stays out.""jakob187 said:You're inside the house though at this point, out of the rain."The firey hair was put out by the rain!!! Keep up with the story Jakob.Also, I totally don't know what to do now, I am tired, and really should go to bed, but I totally want to see what happens in this text adventure."">> Set wardrobe on fire with firey hair"
"Steve_C said:Touche. I was thinking the burning wardrobe resulted in the fiery hair, though infact it was vice versa, and the firey hair was from way earlier."MattyFTM said:That doesn't mean your hair is just going to spontaneously combust. The fire is already gone because of the rain. Unless you can find another item to light it again, it stays out.""jakob187 said:You're inside the house though at this point, out of the rain."The firey hair was put out by the rain!!! Keep up with the story Jakob.Also, I totally don't know what to do now, I am tired, and really should go to bed, but I totally want to see what happens in this text adventure."">> Set wardrobe on fire with firey hair"
"MattyFTM said:"Steve_C said:Touche. I was thinking the burning wardrobe resulted in the fiery hair, though infact it was vice versa, and the firey hair was from way earlier.""MattyFTM said:That doesn't mean your hair is just going to spontaneously combust. The fire is already gone because of the rain. Unless you can find another item to light it again, it stays out.""jakob187 said:You're inside the house though at this point, out of the rain."The firey hair was put out by the rain!!! Keep up with the story Jakob.Also, I totally don't know what to do now, I am tired, and really should go to bed, but I totally want to see what happens in this text adventure."">> Set wardrobe on fire with firey hair"
TO END THIS DISCUSSION i would like to remind you that you no longer have a scalp.
You decide to pursue the man deeper into the house. You take the bottle you found in the basement and angrily smash it against the kitchen surface. It's time to get to the bottom of this. You run through the door into the dark corridor beyond, only to find yourself in a large hallway. A staircase leads to the first floor on your left, whilst the right side of the room has 2 doors. The room is empty, but you sense someone is watching you.
Your bottle is already smashed into a rudimentary weapon, and you rub blood from your head onto the sharp edges. You search for a stone fireplace but there is none in the hallway. In your frustration you stab the garden gnome with the glass bottle shards, but this has no noticeable effect.
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