The Giantbomb Community Text Adventure

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Drebin_893

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#51  Edited By Drebin_893

I fucking love you sweep, this is biblical.

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MattyFTM

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#52  Edited By MattyFTM  Moderator

>> Use genitals on man.

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End_Boss

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#53  Edited By End_Boss

>>Find my bike, 'cause I'm the goddamned road captain, goddamnit.

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mracoon

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#54  Edited By mracoon

>> Use genitals on self.

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Drebin_893

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#55  Edited By Drebin_893
MattyFTM said:
">> Use genitals on man."
This thread is over.
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jakob187

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#56  Edited By jakob187

>>Use genitals as key

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sweep

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#57  Edited By sweep  Moderator
You ask the man politely for directions to the nearest village. The man stares at you aghast, then jabs at you with his umbrella. As you jump in surprise the man rushes through the rain back into the house in a rage. He is screaming incoherently. You wish you had some pills to help with the pain but unfortunately you gave all your pills to your friend Bill. You wish Bill were here now...

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crunchUK

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#58  Edited By crunchUK

>>communicate beyond the grave with bill

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jakob187

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#59  Edited By jakob187

>> Use genitals to search for Bill!!!

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sweep

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#60  Edited By sweep  Moderator
After the man has gone you return to looking at your genitals. They are still in-tact, though they seem somewhat smaller than you remember. You try to use them, rubbing them against the door, but this seems to have no effect. You put the genitals away, wondering why you are acting so strangely.

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MattyFTM

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#61  Edited By MattyFTM  Moderator

>>Use genitals as compass. Walk East.

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End_Boss

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#62  Edited By End_Boss

>>MY BIKE. NOW.

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jakob187

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#63  Edited By jakob187

>> Check self for hypothermia while singing "Gonads and Strife" in hopes that the actual key is a beautiful song.

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mracoon

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#64  Edited By mracoon

>> Breakdance to alert Bill's attention.

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sweep

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#65  Edited By sweep  Moderator
You wonder if you could use your genitals to find East, but then remember they aren't magnetic so dismiss this idea. You search around wondering if there is a bike you could use to escape but the garden is now empty. The only choice you have is to follow the strange man through the door into the house.

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End_Boss

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#66  Edited By End_Boss
Sweep said:
"
The only choice you have is to follow the strange man through the door into the house.
"
GOD, THIS GAME IS SO LINEAR. WHERE ARE MAH MORAL CHOICEZ? -2 out of 5.

EDIT: So out of here.
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MattyFTM

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#67  Edited By MattyFTM  Moderator

>> Use genitals on strange man.

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mracoon

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#68  Edited By mracoon

>> Lick strange man.

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jakob187

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#69  Edited By jakob187
MattyFTM said:
">> Use genitals on strange man."
DAMN LOGIC!!!  Grrr...why didn't I think of that?!

Also:

>> Ask man his name and pray it's Brad Shoemaker or Drew Scanlon
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sweep

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#70  Edited By sweep  Moderator
You take a deep breath, then push the door open and follow the man into the house. You find yourself in a kitchen full of strange objects. The room is empty, silent except for a ticking clock on the mantelpiece above a large stone fire - which is not currently lit. There are several cupboards and a large wardrobe on the far side of the room. There is an open door on the far side of the room, leading off into darkness.

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MattyFTM

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#71  Edited By MattyFTM  Moderator

>> Use strange objects on genitals.

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fr0br0

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#72  Edited By fr0br0

>>Light strange man on fire and throw him into fireplace

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jakob187

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#73  Edited By jakob187

>> Stick head in stone fire


>> Ask man his name
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sweep

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#74  Edited By sweep  Moderator

ok fuck, i need to walk home, its 11:30 and uni is empty (so much for revision). I will be back in 5 minutes to continue the adventure. in this short interlude i would like to remind you that you still have the following objects:

  • Glass Bottle
  • Garden Gnome
  • Rock
  • Empty Box Of Matches
  • Genitals

;)

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Gizmo

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#75  Edited By Gizmo

Start masturbating, orgasm, put the semen in the empty match box, throw it at the wall.

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jakob187

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#76  Edited By jakob187
Sweep said:
"ok fuck, i need to walk home, its 11:30 and uni is empty (so much for revision). I will be back in 5 minutes to continue the adventure. in this short interlude i would like to remind you that you still have the following objects:
  • Glass Bottle
  • Garden Gnome
  • Rock
  • Empty Box Of Matches
  • Genitals
;)"
Man, with our community...this is about to turn into one of the most pornographic threads on the planet based on those objects alone!!!
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Steve_C

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#77  Edited By Steve_C

>>Urinate in glass bottle

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jakob187

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#78  Edited By jakob187

>> Search cupboards

>> Set wardrobe on fire with firey hair
>> Throw on-fire-wardrobe into stone fire place
>> Throw rock at ticking clock
>> Play with genitals

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MattyFTM

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#79  Edited By MattyFTM  Moderator
jakob187 said:
">> Set wardrobe on fire with firey hair"
The firey hair was put out by the rain!!! Keep up with the story Jakob.

Also, I totally don't know what to do now, I am tired, and really should go to bed, but I totally want to see what happens in this text adventure.
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jakob187

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#80  Edited By jakob187
MattyFTM said:
"jakob187 said:
">> Set wardrobe on fire with firey hair"
The firey hair was put out by the rain!!!Also, I totally don't know what to do now, I am tired, and really should go to bed, but I totally want to see what happens in this text adventure."
DRATS!!!  That's what I get for not reading stuff.

Well then, there is only one real option left:

>> Put on wardrobe
>> Use rain to lube bottle
>> Stick bottle in rectum
>> Play with genitals
>> Jizz in pants
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crunchUK

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#81  Edited By crunchUK

>>smooch garden gnome's genitals

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Steve_C

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#82  Edited By Steve_C
MattyFTM said:
"jakob187 said:
">> Set wardrobe on fire with firey hair"
The firey hair was put out by the rain!!! Keep up with the story Jakob.Also, I totally don't know what to do now, I am tired, and really should go to bed, but I totally want to see what happens in this text adventure."
You're inside the house though at this point, out of the rain.
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jakob187

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#83  Edited By jakob187
Steve_C said:
"MattyFTM said:
"jakob187 said:
">> Set wardrobe on fire with firey hair"
The firey hair was put out by the rain!!! Keep up with the story Jakob.Also, I totally don't know what to do now, I am tired, and really should go to bed, but I totally want to see what happens in this text adventure."
You're inside the house though at this point, out of the rain."
I can't go back outside?
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BrickRoad

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#84  Edited By BrickRoad

Smash bottom of bottle, making it now a weapon. Walk into darkness whilst not screaming 'I'll do it! I'm crazy!'

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MattyFTM

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#85  Edited By MattyFTM  Moderator
Steve_C said:
"MattyFTM said:
"jakob187 said:
">> Set wardrobe on fire with firey hair"
The firey hair was put out by the rain!!! Keep up with the story Jakob.Also, I totally don't know what to do now, I am tired, and really should go to bed, but I totally want to see what happens in this text adventure."
You're inside the house though at this point, out of the rain."
That doesn't mean your hair is just going to spontaneously combust. The fire is already gone because of the rain. Unless you can find another item to light it again, it stays out.
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jakob187

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#86  Edited By jakob187
MattyFTM said:
"Steve_C said:
"MattyFTM said:
"jakob187 said:
">> Set wardrobe on fire with firey hair"
The firey hair was put out by the rain!!! Keep up with the story Jakob.Also, I totally don't know what to do now, I am tired, and really should go to bed, but I totally want to see what happens in this text adventure."
You're inside the house though at this point, out of the rain."
That doesn't mean your hair is just going to spontaneously combust. The fire is already gone because of the rain. Unless you can find another item to light it again, it stays out."
Don't you DARE tell me what my hair can and cannot do!!!  THAT'S BETWEEN ME AND GOD (in this case, Sweep) TO DECIDE!!!
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Steve_C

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#87  Edited By Steve_C
MattyFTM said:
"Steve_C said:
"MattyFTM said:
"jakob187 said:
">> Set wardrobe on fire with firey hair"
The firey hair was put out by the rain!!! Keep up with the story Jakob.Also, I totally don't know what to do now, I am tired, and really should go to bed, but I totally want to see what happens in this text adventure."
You're inside the house though at this point, out of the rain."
That doesn't mean your hair is just going to spontaneously combust. The fire is already gone because of the rain. Unless you can find another item to light it again, it stays out."
Touche. I was thinking the burning wardrobe resulted in the fiery hair, though infact it was vice versa, and the firey hair was from way earlier.
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sweep

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#88  Edited By sweep  Moderator
Steve_C said:
"MattyFTM said:
"Steve_C said:
"MattyFTM said:
"jakob187 said:
">> Set wardrobe on fire with firey hair"
The firey hair was put out by the rain!!! Keep up with the story Jakob.Also, I totally don't know what to do now, I am tired, and really should go to bed, but I totally want to see what happens in this text adventure."
You're inside the house though at this point, out of the rain."
That doesn't mean your hair is just going to spontaneously combust. The fire is already gone because of the rain. Unless you can find another item to light it again, it stays out."
Touche. I was thinking the burning wardrobe resulted in the fiery hair, though infact it was vice versa, and the firey hair was from way earlier."


TO END THIS DISCUSSION i would like to remind you that you no longer have a scalp.
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sweep

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#89  Edited By sweep  Moderator
You decide to pursue the man deeper into the house. You take the bottle you found in the basement and angrily smash it against the kitchen surface. It's time to get to the bottom of this. You run through the door into the dark corridor beyond, only to find yourself in a large hallway. A staircase leads to the first floor on your left, whilst the right side of the room has 2 doors. The room is empty, but you sense someone is watching you.

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jakob187

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#90  Edited By jakob187

>> Break glass bottle to make bar shank and cut self

>> Rub blood on edges of bar shank
>> Use stone fire and mantel as sacrificial ground
>> Stab garden gnome with broken glass bottle
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sweep

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#91  Edited By sweep  Moderator
Your bottle is already smashed into a rudimentary weapon, and you rub blood from your head onto the sharp edges. You search for a stone fireplace but there is none in the hallway. In your frustration you stab the garden gnome with the glass bottle shards, but this has no noticeable effect.

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Keyser_Soze

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#92  Edited By Keyser_Soze

>> Rub penis on gnomes face.

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sweep

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#93  Edited By sweep  Moderator
For the third time today you take out your genitals and, for reasons unknown, rub them gently against the face of the garden gnome. You hear a muffled laugh from somewhere above, and realise someone must be watching you from the first floor.

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sweep

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#94  Edited By sweep  Moderator

it's amazing how a penis never ceases to be hilarious.

:|

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Steve_C

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#95  Edited By Steve_C

>>Use genitals on broken glass

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jakob187

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#96  Edited By jakob187

HEY!  When I typed all that, you hadn't finished saying we were at a staircase yet!!!  DAMMIT!!!  This thing moves too fast.

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thordain

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#97  Edited By thordain

>Search for stalker.

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jakob187

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#98  Edited By jakob187

>> Climb staircase to first floor

>> Search for person and/or paranormal beings
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KnifeySpoony

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#99  Edited By KnifeySpoony

>> Start singing Don't Stop Believin'

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Absurd

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#100  Edited By Absurd

>> Defecate on broken shard
>>Find Stalker
>>Throw feces-covered Broken shard at Stalker