Video game shame

So I was introducing myself to a girl I met in one of my classes today and asked to take her out to lunch. Luckily, she agreed and I think everything went well. The conversation was flowing and we had some chuckles here and there.

But then when I was asked about what I do with my free time I hesitated and ultimately rejected the thought of saying "I play video games" which is hypocritical on my part as I firmly believe that the stigma that people who play video games are no less different from people who enjoy movies or books yet there was not a single word uttered about anything related to video games at all. In the end I found some other hobby of mine which became a common ground for our conversation.

So duders, have you ever find yourself in a situation where you have to deny (or not disclose) that one of your hobbies is playing video games?

There's times where I've been hesitant, but most people my age (early twenties) seem to get it more than older age groups. Sometimes I'll just say fuck it and talk about it if the conversation is going that way. If someone is a dick about it then, hey...I guess they're dicks?

When I began seeing my psych I hesitated a bit about it, but when I finally decided to say to hell with it and mention that video games have been a huge part of my life, to my surprise he was pretty stoked about it AND turns it he's played and enjoyed a lot of the games I do as well.

I've never denied it, but I might have done so when I was young and met a girl I liked. You believe more in yourself when you get older I suppose, but the stigma is still there for a lot of people.

Nowadays it is much more accepted because so many people play video games, but I understand why you wouldn't open with it. Talk about stuff that you both like. You can name it in one of your future conversations if it happens to come up, but just don't make a big deal out of it. If she doesn't know anything about it and isn't really interested in it, nothing is lost, just carry on and focus on stuff you both like (movies, sports, whatever). And if she is interested to hear more about it, you have something new to talk about. Just remember that it's not important if she doesn't care for it, because if you two are interested in each other, you need to focus on combined interests anyway.

And regarding the title: it is nothing to be ashamed of to do something you like. Just don't steer the conversation in the direction of games if you are with people who aren't interested in them. It's not rocket science that that doesn't help either of you having a good time.

Best of luck!

I sometimes downplay the amount of video game playing that I partake in. Never actually avoid admitting it though.

I wonder if she felt the same way. Finding a more "acceptable" hobby to mention when in-fact she enjoys videogames in her free time. People seem to still be a bit cagey about that, and it's a real shame. I mean, if you want to be with someone who wants to be with you and not just a version of you, they'll see that you're a fan of videogames eventually anyway.

Fortunately, I haven't had that issue in my own life, as the kind of women I dated were almost always relatively upfront about liking videogames.

I constantly do that very same thing. People ask me what I do in my free time and all I say is something to the affect of "I'm just kinda at home doing stuff" I honestly hate that I do it.

To the guys who are saying they don't mind saying it - For most girls it makes a huge difference to whether or not you play games. Better off not saying it unless they are a gamer themselves. Most non gamer girls look at gamers as people who do nothing but play games all day so why would they want to be with them when they want an actual partner that hangs with them all the time. I know more girls who think this way than not. No shame in it, trust me there's lots of things the girl isn't telling you that would turn you off too.

If you need to lie or be duplicitous in your relationships then you've got bigger problems than playing video games. Just be yourself. All you end up doing otherwise is having to hide or make up excuses when you want to play games.

Read the OP. He's not in a relationship....

Yeah I did, and relationships all start somewhere. Its like an earlier poster said, you want people to like you, not some other version of you.

If all you are trying to do is get laid, then skip mentioning it.

If you are trying to build a relationship then embrace it. In the long run you want someone who can relate to you and enjoys the things you do.

I might back in the day, but now I think it's more important to me to find someone who is equally excited about video games.

In my younger, slightly less confident days, I used to either downplay it or hide it completely. Nowadays I don't really feel the need to do that, since many people play video games in some form or other, whether it be iPhone games, Facebook games, sports games, shooters or other stuff. Sure, you'll meet the occasional judgemental douchebag who will ask things like "why don't you spend all that time saving starving kids instead?" (which actually happened not long ago), but I just ignore those people.

Nope. I'm not ashamed of it and few people are going to seriously look down on me for it. Even if they did, I wouldn't be that desperate for the approval of somebody who'd do that.

I'll mention that I play games. It's a part of who I am. If someone puts me down because of it, then they aren't worth my time.

My boss would always make fun of the gaming "culture", if you want to put it that way, as just a bunch of unemployed, lazy men children in their parents basement. Then I came in wearing Cog Tags I got from a friend for my birthday and stamped my name and birthday on the back at work (I work in a factory that has that kind of stuff.). He thought they were pretty cool and noticed that I loved videogames, yet I was always at work, did my job, lived on my own in my house that I bought, and busted my ass to get everything I currently had. He changed his tune shortly after that.

So yeah, not ashamed in the slightest.

Playing "serious" video games is a rarity in my age group. Most of the time it's described as "kid's stuff". Usually, I obscure it and say I'm into computers. On the occasions where I have openly discussed my enjoyment of the hobby, people reply "My son loves that" or "my daughter's boyfriend is into that stuff." At the same time, I know that my peers enjoy causal games like Angry Birds, Facebook Scrabble and online poker, so it's not as if they're complete Luddites. Still, it tends to be looked down on as a time waster and childish.

Having said all this, I have never denied that I play games. I just do not volunteer the information. No one really wants to hear about my adventures in Tamriel or Steelport. I'm sure we've all been in situations were someone goes on and on about some movie or book we've no interest in. I don't want to be that guy.

In love, talking openly about video games is something for later in the relationship after she's gotten past the initial stay-or-go phase. Similar to casually mentioning that you like being spanked, video gaming should be saved until she's committed.

Well put, what I was trying to say but you worded it better.

Usually the girls I date expect me to play videogames. One I told that I played videogames thought I was the biggest nerd in the world for doing so. I didn't know I was stuck in the 90s again. I left her shortly afterwards, but not before sex. Highfive

Pretty much this. I tend to only bring it up if its the immediate topic of discussion.

I'm a Movier myself. I'm also a Reader, Runner, Walker, Swimmer and avid Breather. Don't hit on me, you silly girls.

Some of the responses in this thread are troubling. Why would you care about impressing a person that would think less of you because of one of your interests? The only situation where I think it should be a reasonable issue to worry about is when it's very important to maintain a good relationship with that person, such as a boss or family member. You shouldn't be worrying about it if the person you're talking to is somebody that you think is a potential friend or significant other.

If I had to be honest yes I have done it.

One time I told a girl that I played video games, but it didn't benefited me at all, to summarize the whole experience.

Instead of getting a piece of the cake. I could have gotten the whole thing, but I didn't play my cards right and fucked up. Somebody else had the right deck of cards and stole the cake from me.

To get your dick wet...duh

Was this some strange kind of card game where you bet cake instead of money?

Edit: Yes, this is a joke.

In the end I was defenseless, and left with so much sorrow..

I use to feel weird when something like this came up in a conversation. Nowadays I have no problem telling someone that I love video games. Furthermore I'm thinking of doing a video game related thesis for my masters degree. Also this:

If you're just looking to get laid and worry that mentioning your hobby would prevent it, stop worrying. And just mention your fucking hobby. If she wants to fuck you she has already made up her mind, vidja games don't matter. If she doesn't, it never mattered in the first place.

Also, maybe I'm just lucky, but I've never even had the urge to hide things I like from anybody (Spanking included). Being yourself is what makes you interesting as an individual. Hiding an aspect of yourself just makes you that much more dull.

I'll just throw it in the middle of five other hobbies, no big deal. Then start going into detail about whatever grabs her interest. But I wouldn't just go "I AM A VIDEO GAMESMAN" like it's all I have going for me.

Not really. I don't avoid mentioning that I have a big passion for gaming, but I never say that its all that I do. I'll make sure to mention other hobbies like drawing, tennis, reading, etc. I also try to avoid more than just a brief mentioning of video games unless she shows some kind of interest in pushing the conversation in that direction. The most negative reactions don't come from being a gamer, but more from sounding like you're not well rounded or from carrying on about something a person has no interest in. If you're a avid gamer, I say own up to it. You are who you are, and the most interesting people are the ones who are comfortable with putting themselves out there without hiding anything. In my opinion at least. Plus, whats it really going to change. If you're looking for a fun night and nothing else then your hobbies won't really matter to her. If you're looking for a longer relationship then she'll have to find out eventually unless you never want to game again.

I used to, but not so much anymore. Sometimes, though, when I'm talking to an older person who doesn't know what the fuck video games are, I'll say I enjoy something else to avoid explaining the history of video games to them.

I wasn't necessarily afraid of girls rejecting me as soon as they heard I played video games (this was like, 10 years ago, mind you), but I didn't want them to think I was the "hey gurl, let's not doing anything tonight and you can watch my buddy and me play Madden instead" or the guy who would rather play WOW 10 hours straight and eventually jerk off at 4am while eating cold pizza and drinking warm Mountain Dew than have any sort of intimacy with his girlfriend.

Nah. Get both facts printed on the front of a tshirt and save yourself a whole lot of wasted time.

I am always very open about how much I love games and have never felt any shame in discussing my hobby. If I'm trying to ingratiate myself with someone, not talking about a past time which makes up a significant portion of my personality and lifestyle isn't going to work out well for anyone involved.

It's not intimate, but it's still a relationship. And as long as he hides his private life he's going to have problems with involving into an intimate relationship.

I sometimes rock video game themed shirts, so I can't really get around it. However, I don't think I'd ever deny it. It's such a huge part of my life that not telling them or lying seems disingenuous to me. I also feel like most dudes I know personally or have heard of play video games and many of them have girlfriends. So if I ever meet a lady that thinks I'm a loser for playing them, I know there's plenty out there that won't and I can stop wasting my time.

I'm always willing to admit I play games. Now, I don't really give em' the full extent but whatever, does anybody do that when explaining any hobby? I find that as long as you're confident about it when you say it, the other person won't really give a shit; if you sound ashamed of it (and trust me, it definitely comes across), they'll think it's weird.

I used to wear several video game themed shirts but dropped the habit after deciding to wear more subdued clothing in general, but also because some of the conversations with strangers I got in wore thin pretty quickly (i.e. I had a Portal shirt and cringe when people say "the cake is a lie").

Sometimes I feel a little embarrassed about it if another person has a range of interests that I'd consider a little more respectable, for instance if they're in a band that plays all their own music or if they're constantly reading really dense russian books. But at the same time I've come across people who decried video games because they "like to actually *do* things" with their time, and I've found out afterwards that by doing things they mean watching appallingly generic television.

So, you know, apples and oranges. Maybe.

Everyone who knows me knows that I like video games. It's no secret to anyone.

I don't talk to people thus avoiding this problem altogether. Smart, right?

I have absolutely no reason to be ashamed of playing Video Games in my spare time. If someone thinks less of me for doing so then that's their problem. What's most important is to not define yourself by any one thing.

I can actually relate to this. There's still a social stigma when it comes to games, so the only time I ever bring it up whether I'm with a girl or a group of people I've just met is when they start talking about it first. Even then, I tend to tone it down - you don't want to scare them away! However, I do agree with people who say that you DO have to tell them if you are serious about the relationship, since in the grand scheme of things, it's not that big of a deal as long as you play video games in moderation.

I don't disclose, unless I know that the other person/s also play teh games. I can accept criticism from someone as long as they do not solely enjoy spaghetti westerns, romantic comedies, and other drivel. Eventually the medium will expand beyond time-wasters, shooting, and "oh here comes the bloody dragon!" Not everyone plays because of the shooting etc. Some of us just enjoy interactivity beyond the constraints of our own reality. People call that escapism. That's what most people do when they are consuming entertainment. People tend to enjoy the mundane aspects of games like Personas, so I can see genres that resemble more everyday-life appearing. Escapism outside of murder-fests does not have to mean taking on superpowers or being a more successful character than yourself. Once non-gamers see that there is more to the medium, they will accept it. Which means we can all go back to our murderfests because our choice of entertainment doesn't necessarily mean any particular distasteful genre, we just like movies.

All about how you say it:

"I enjoy games, reading, swimming, and bathing in the blood of my enemies" is nice and casual, non-confrontational

If you go "I am a hardcore gamer, I spend all my time pwning dudes online, just yesterday I went on a massive kill streak until some nub..."

That's painful, and will make even someone enthusiastic about games get put off by how full on you are being. Hell, forget girls, that'd put anyone that wasn't equally as into it off.

No because I look at it like this if you can't accept me for who I am dumb hobbies included then I don't want to hang around you so fuck off. Ain't go no shame.

To this day I sometimes still hesitate to say I game because some people I meet still stereotype and/or are dismissive of it. I'm more open about it nowadays as it's a more commonly accepted hobby but it still depends on the people I talk to.

Everyone I know already knows I play games and the few times I've talked to people that don't know me that well I don't believe hobbies were ever a point of discussion, so I've never had to hide it.

I'm pretty open with it at this point. As far as "Nerd Culture" is concerned, video games are pretty high on the totem pole of social acceptability (the bottom being furries and people who collect naked anime figurines). Do I couch it between other interests in order to soften the impact sometimes? Yes.

The biggest problem for me is that videogames are still grouped in with The Big Bang Theory and perceived in a similarly outdated and exaggerated manner. That show doesn't help to dispel the stereotype either, because apparently anyone into science or computers is automatically autistic.