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Avatar image for sparky_buzzsaw
Posted by sparky_buzzsaw (8817 posts) -

Hey folks!

I have a copy of Dark Souls III (and some piece of DLC I can't be bothered to go look up) I'm looking to give away to one lucky member of the Giant Bomb community. But I'm not just interested in doing a random drawing. Oh no. You're going to entertain me. Dance for my entertainment! DANCE!

Actually, no, don't dance. Write. Stop with the groaning already, it's simple. Assuming you have 200+ posts, I want you to write me a seven word short story. That's it. You can use any combination of punctuation or sentence structure you like. Just tell me an ORIGINAL story in seven words, and you're entered. Here's the rules in a simple bullet point style, because the Internet hates reading anything longer than a goddamned - you've already nodded off, haven't you? Fuck.

-Have 200+ posts. Don't be a dillweed and go posting a bunch of spam to bump your count up.

-Short story, seven words, be original. I used to hunt down plagiarism as a job, and also IT'S ONLY SEVEN WORDS, YOU LAZY CHEATS. So don't, Chester Cheatoh.

-You are limited to ONE entry. That's (1), minus the parenthetical marks. Do you know the number of fingers you use to flip off that asshole who always starts off every conversation with, "Sure is a hot/cold/mild/smoldering ruin of a day, huh?" Yeah. That's the number of entries you get.

-Spelling, proper punctuation, and an adherence to the English language are nice, but I'll allow for creative punctuation and form given the short nature of the beast. That said, if you misuse any contractons, you're fuckin' out. That's some third-grade bullshit and third-graders shouldn't be hanging around these forums and they damn well better not be reading my curse-filled diatribes.

-Contest will close... I don't know, man, sometime Sunday night. All right, you want an exact time? Fine. I live in GMT time in the States, so we'll call it at 9:00 P.M. on Sunday my time. If you want to know what time that is, use the damn Google machine. Also see my previous comment about middle fingers.

Good luck! Wow me, entertain me! I love you all. Platonically. Don't get your hopes up.

Also, this is Steam-only. Don't whine at me about not winning a copy for your goddamn Game Gear.

Avatar image for tobbrobb
#1 Posted by TobbRobb (6568 posts) -

In search of wings

Many broken bones

Avatar image for a_e_martin
#2 Edited by A_E_Martin (615 posts) -

A story in seven words? Life, infinite.

Avatar image for planetfunksquad
#3 Posted by planetfunksquad (1543 posts) -

this is too hard, he thought, sadly

Avatar image for newfangled
#4 Posted by Newfangled (302 posts) -

it's $12

on Humble

buy it

instead

Avatar image for soylentgreen
#5 Posted by SoylentGreen (287 posts) -

I have Dark Souls III. It's ok.

Avatar image for sparky_buzzsaw
#6 Edited by sparky_buzzsaw (8817 posts) -

When the hell did I become the grumpy old man of these forums? Eh, never mind, I don't care. Keep 'em coming, folks!

Avatar image for slag
#7 Posted by Slag (8155 posts) -

Scientists Ask- Is Juice a Late-Night Snack?

Avatar image for kingbonesaw
#8 Edited by KingBonesaw (1356 posts) -

I do not have a Steam account.

Avatar image for shagge
#9 Posted by ShaggE (9213 posts) -

Turns out, seven word stories are difficult.

Avatar image for mrslaphappy
#10 Posted by MrSlapHappy (234 posts) -

"But what about Switch?" Asked Dr. Zoidberg.

Avatar image for ajamafalous
#11 Posted by ajamafalous (13812 posts) -

giantbomb.com: it's a website about video games

Avatar image for millaj
#12 Posted by MillaJ (287 posts) -

You are an inspiration for birth control.

Avatar image for frodobaggins
#13 Posted by FrodoBaggins (1955 posts) -

Castle built. King cometh. Justice served, beheaded.

Avatar image for citizencoffeecake
#14 Edited by citizencoffeecake (1535 posts) -

The deer wrestled wildly and finally won.

(I already have the game this was just for funsies)

Avatar image for upperdecker
#15 Posted by UpperDecker (572 posts) -

Robocop Good Man. Wendy's Burgers Suck Balls.

Avatar image for relkin
#16 Posted by Relkin (1128 posts) -

Sublimity and horror in one, bile rose.

(Also already have the game)

Avatar image for darklingscribe
#17 Posted by darklingscribe (55 posts) -

To link, usurp, or end the fire...

I’m not entering, just like writing stories.

(My post count is well under 200.)

Avatar image for sammerguy
#18 Posted by Sammerguy (11 posts) -

Remember when Robocop shot that dude's dick?

Avatar image for onemanarmyy
#19 Edited by Onemanarmyy (4173 posts) -

The dance ends. Fingers bow towards Enter.

Avatar image for theht
#20 Posted by TheHT (15797 posts) -

Elegies tore their hearts, and Unseen laughed.

don't want the game, but i enjoy little creative activities like this.

Avatar image for jesus_phish
#21 Posted by Jesus_Phish (3765 posts) -

Yo cuphead should have been higher son

Avatar image for cikame
#22 Posted by cikame (2702 posts) -

Prove identity quick, show me nudie pic.

Avatar image for bongchilla
#23 Posted by BongChilla (358 posts) -

Lordran, Drangleic, Lothric. We’re going in circles.

Avatar image for super2j
#24 Posted by super2j (2136 posts) -

Life tomorrow, without thought and invention yesterday.

*no game needed, own it.

Avatar image for acura_max
#25 Posted by Acura_Max (744 posts) -

FFX is better than FF XV

Avatar image for thefakepsychic
#26 Posted by TheFakePsychic (265 posts) -

I can do it in one. It's--

Avatar image for rejizzle
#27 Posted by Rejizzle (1082 posts) -

My soul flunked out of high school.

Avatar image for militantfreudian
#28 Edited by militantfreudian (674 posts) -

Brown and grey, a world in decay.

Seven is fewer words than I thought. Also, I have the game.

Avatar image for valjean9430
#29 Posted by ValJean9430 (189 posts) -

Joyous eruptions of dream and flesh, halted.

Avatar image for sparky_buzzsaw
#30 Edited by sparky_buzzsaw (8817 posts) -

Don't forget, folks, 200+ posts are needed to qualify for the prize. Love the entries so far, though.

Avatar image for ripelivejam
#31 Edited by ripelivejam (13101 posts) -

I have this game but entered anyway

edit since mine is horribly unoriginal now

garf ate lasagna until he burst disgustingly

seriously skip mine sorry could not resist

Avatar image for thursday1977
#32 Posted by Thursday1977 (119 posts) -

The knight pursued, but failed his princess.

Avatar image for beachthunder
#33 Posted by BeachThunder (15113 posts) -

Not my kind of game, so I'm not in, but I thought I'd write something anyway:

"Nighttime...another argument...hit hard. Doctor: 'aphasia'".

Avatar image for peezmachine
#34 Posted by PeezMachine (451 posts) -

I don't know why I ate that.

Avatar image for floydeo
#35 Posted by floydeo (451 posts) -

I woke up in time to fall

Avatar image for tycobb
#36 Posted by TyCobb (2036 posts) -

Timmy cried. Hands bloody. Timmy lifeless. Peaceful silence.

(7 unique words. Deal with it!)

Avatar image for ntm
#37 Edited by NTM (11568 posts) -

Don't want the game. Thank you though.

---

Okay, that was seven words. Ha. It's a game I'm currently playing anyway. Well, more like determining when I should get the DLC.

Avatar image for redhotchilimist
#38 Posted by Redhotchilimist (2946 posts) -

It was my mother's boyfriend all along.

Avatar image for ericjasonwade
#39 Posted by Ericjasonwade (377 posts) -

The man relieved himself upon the balcony.

Avatar image for iron_tool
#40 Posted by Iron_Tool (295 posts) -

Go Fudge yourself!

Avatar image for diz
#41 Posted by diz (1394 posts) -

The floccinaucinihilipilification of antidisestablishmentarianism occured at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.

(I couldn't help but write a bit of a novella)

Avatar image for soulcake
#42 Posted by soulcake (2636 posts) -

Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman .com

Avatar image for viking_funeral
#43 Posted by viking_funeral (2881 posts) -

She burned. They drunkenly laughed. Irish pyre.

(I already own DS3 on Steam and wouldn't accept the prize - I just felt like trying.)

Avatar image for sparky_buzzsaw
#44 Posted by sparky_buzzsaw (8817 posts) -

Good stuff so far, people. Still a day and change left, so get your entry in!

Avatar image for deactivated-5a923fc7099e3
#45 Posted by deactivated-5a923fc7099e3 (534 posts) -

A dark soul finds friendship at last.

Avatar image for arbitrarywater
#46 Edited by ArbitraryWater (15666 posts) -

I already own Dark Souls. Thanks though.

Avatar image for counterclockwork87
#47 Posted by Counterclockwork87 (1180 posts) -

I’m prepared to die. In a game!

Avatar image for 49th
#48 Edited by 49th (3886 posts) -

I’m only writing this because I’m pooping.

Avatar image for sparky_buzzsaw
#49 Posted by sparky_buzzsaw (8817 posts) -

I already own Dark Souls. Thanks though.

I see what you did there.

Just under twelve hours left, folks!

Avatar image for countmacula
#50 Posted by CountMacula (263 posts) -

Dance for Dark Souls? China don't care!