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#1 Posted by SLowRiderD (3 posts) -

I use to be a very succesful man in the city of Los Santos. Some very kind people gave me something about $200 000 000. So, I can buy anything I want: food, cars, cigarettes and a big fancy crib. I got my photo ^_^:

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But later everything changed! Completely! It was started after latest update. Some rude guys take everything from me, ALL MY MONEY. Now I got nothing. I got no food, no clothes, no big apartment.

That's me today. That's my home under the bridge and my car, that I found on the street.

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It is really hard to get a life like that. I'm collecting bottles, and rob some people to get a little bit of money, that I immediately waste on fuel, or food, of may be drugs, I don't know...

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Rockstar, you are monsters. No one can live without millions of cash in Los Santos! Even my stupid some kind of rich friend got a, I think, house with walls and a roof. I don't know where this little... not so nice man GET A MONEY

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You know what, I'm starting to use to it. I think. On fridays I'm hanging out with my friend from under another bridge. But most of them dead. No money, no food, so they are dead.

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So I sell they bodies to someone and get a little bit of vodka. Alcohol give me a idea to leave the town, but my way wasn't long. My car overheated I think.

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I think I'm gonna be dead, I got only $5.

ROCKSTAR PLZ GAVE BACK OUR MILLIONS!!!

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#2 Edited by alwaysbebombing (2397 posts) -

What just happened

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#3 Edited by jimmyfenix (3941 posts) -
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#4 Posted by Demoskinos (17325 posts) -

This is brilliant.

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#5 Posted by Bollard (7557 posts) -

Why is this a question.

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#6 Posted by face15 (1377 posts) -

This is stupid on so many levels that it kinda works.

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#7 Posted by HatKing (7269 posts) -

Welcome to the nouveau poor, street urchin.

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#8 Edited by Legend (2717 posts) -

Oh man, they better not have touched MY millions. I worked hard for those!!

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#9 Edited by bigjeffrey (5282 posts) -

this is brilliant

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#10 Posted by Grilledcheez (4066 posts) -

I LIKE THIS

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#11 Posted by Flappy (2415 posts) -

Put this in the showcase, please

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#12 Posted by BisonHero (10496 posts) -

Selfies are truly the dumbest and greatest addition to that game.

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#13 Posted by Capum15 (5694 posts) -

Selfies are truly the dumbest and greatest addition to that game.

Agreed. This was pretty great.

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#14 Posted by Ghostiet (5832 posts) -

Best First Post of 2014.

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#15 Edited by mlarrabee (3849 posts) -

This is basically just fan fiction, and those are locked pretty much immediately.

That said, I've never enjoyed any fanfic and I enjoyed this more than I expected.

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#16 Edited by TheHumanDove (2520 posts) -

This is basically just fan fiction, and those are locked pretty much immediately.

That said, I've never enjoyed any fanfic and I enjoyed more than I expected.

I think you're looking a little too far into it. NO FUN ZONE

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#17 Posted by Scampbell (506 posts) -
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#18 Posted by mlarrabee (3849 posts) -

@thehumandove: I'm all for dumb stuff, but one has to earn one's place before one is entitled to spread dumb stuff.

It's far too common for users to create a profile, post one to five joke threads and then disappear forever.

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#19 Posted by Nodima (1971 posts) -

I really love how much fun people like Danny and the WEAZL News people are having with this game. I wish I was as creative as them, even in GTA Online I just do the missions (granted, PS3 player so of course I don't have a mic).

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#20 Posted by crithon (3979 posts) -

hehe cute

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#21 Posted by ShaggE (8393 posts) -

@thehumandove: I'm all for dumb stuff, but one has to earn one's place before one is entitled to spread dumb stuff.

It's far too common for users to create a profile, post one to five joke threads and then disappear forever.

Pish posh, funny is funny. I say bring on the creative first posts!

Also, do I really have to be the first person to say "that's million bucks" in this thread?

Online
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#22 Posted by Hailinel (25787 posts) -

@thehumandove: I'm all for dumb stuff, but one has to earn one's place before one is entitled to spread dumb stuff.

It's far too common for users to create a profile, post one to five joke threads and then disappear forever.

Your point being? If more people responded to such threads as you are here, why should these newcomers feel welcome enough to stick around for more than a few posts? I'd say that this is an amusing first post, myself.

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#23 Edited by Slag (7349 posts) -

From Penthouse to the Outhouse.

Maybe Rockstar should get in the insurance business. Gettin' robbed sucks!

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#24 Posted by Patman99 (1650 posts) -

Just do some race missions or something... I don't know.

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#25 Edited by Bollard (7557 posts) -

@ghostiet said:

Best First Post of 2014.

I doubt there will be 10 better first posts this year.

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#26 Posted by mlarrabee (3849 posts) -

@hailinel said:

@mlarrabee said:

@thehumandove: I'm all for dumb stuff, but one has to earn one's place before one is entitled to spread dumb stuff.

It's far too common for users to create a profile, post one to five joke threads and then disappear forever.

Your point being? If more people responded to such threads as you are here, why should these newcomers feel welcome enough to stick around for more than a few posts? I'd say that this is an amusing first post, myself.

Because if this is a showcase of what we can expect from a new user, I hope they don't stick around. I make some really stupid jokes around my close friends; I find those same jokes to be ill-suited for good first impressions, however.

If people had to set aside their idiotic Internet false enthusiasm, they'd admit that sonic_hedgehog wasn't actually "the best thing ever," and that this thread, while slightly amusing, isn't actually the "best first post of 2014."

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#27 Edited by Hailinel (25787 posts) -

@hailinel said:

@mlarrabee said:

@thehumandove: I'm all for dumb stuff, but one has to earn one's place before one is entitled to spread dumb stuff.

It's far too common for users to create a profile, post one to five joke threads and then disappear forever.

Your point being? If more people responded to such threads as you are here, why should these newcomers feel welcome enough to stick around for more than a few posts? I'd say that this is an amusing first post, myself.

Because if this is a showcase of what we can expect from a new user, I hope they don't stick around. I make some really stupid jokes around my close friends; I find those same jokes to be ill-suited for good first impressions, however.

If people had to set aside their idiotic Internet false enthusiasm, they'd admit that sonic_hedgehog wasn't actually "the best thing ever," and that this thread, while slightly amusing, isn't actually the "best first post of 2014."

The OP has made one post and has not gone out of his way to make a nuisance of himself. Comparing him with the likes of sonic_hedgehog at this point seems unnecessary.

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#28 Edited by Random45 (1726 posts) -

@mlarrabee said:

@hailinel said:

@mlarrabee said:

@thehumandove: I'm all for dumb stuff, but one has to earn one's place before one is entitled to spread dumb stuff.

It's far too common for users to create a profile, post one to five joke threads and then disappear forever.

Your point being? If more people responded to such threads as you are here, why should these newcomers feel welcome enough to stick around for more than a few posts? I'd say that this is an amusing first post, myself.

Because if this is a showcase of what we can expect from a new user, I hope they don't stick around. I make some really stupid jokes around my close friends; I find those same jokes to be ill-suited for good first impressions, however.

If people had to set aside their idiotic Internet false enthusiasm, they'd admit that sonic_hedgehog wasn't actually "the best thing ever," and that this thread, while slightly amusing, isn't actually the "best first post of 2014."

Wow, I bet you'd tell your children that Santa doesn't exist, that life sucks, and that their dreams will never come true.

Stop being a jerk, dude.

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#29 Posted by PeasantAbuse (5098 posts) -

This is pretty advanced.

And sonic_hedgehog was cool.

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#30 Posted by jkz (4169 posts) -

This made me laugh. I needed that. A+ post. Ignore anyone offended by the fact that you're having fun on the internet.

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#31 Posted by mrpandaman (955 posts) -

I, for one, thoroughly enjoyed this post.

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#32 Posted by AlecOfTheWest (293 posts) -

Anyone else think the poor grammar makes this like a thousand times funnier?

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#33 Posted by I_Stay_Puft (5568 posts) -

Anyone else think the poor grammar makes this like a thousand times funnier?

Yeah, this is pretty brilliant.

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#34 Posted by ThatOneDudeNick (1453 posts) -

lol. I came into this expecting something totally different. If GB had up/down votes (luckily they don't), I'd upvote this.

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#35 Posted by laserguy (550 posts) -

The poor grammar made me laugh more than I should have.

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#36 Posted by MethodMan008 (1008 posts) -

fantastic. funny!

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#37 Posted by TheSouthernDandy (4107 posts) -

I would love to know where to get a money. I'm sick of being broke. This is pretty great.

Also some of you people need to get the stick out of your ass.

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#38 Edited by ShadowConqueror (3413 posts) -

This could be a PSA about the dangers of neck tattoos.

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#39 Posted by mlarrabee (3849 posts) -

@random45: You should read my original post, Duder.