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#1 Posted by personandstuff (647 posts) -

Fun little exercise to do while we wait for Hitman 2. Or in my case, I am finally playing through the 2016 Hitman. Be as detailed or not detailed as you want.

First idea: Map(or at least part of it) is a gorgeous Hollywood Forever esque cemetery where Helmut Kruger is about to be buried. Helmut is open casket, with semi private viewings. You clear the room, disguise yourself as Helmut, ditch real Helmut and get in the coffin. Helmut's dear friend Hans Kranz, who is distraught, enters and proceeds to pour his guts out. Weeping hysterically and apologizing and eventually revealing "I'm so sorry I had to kill you." Then your eyes open and you knock him the fuck out. Disguise yourself as Hans, throw him in the coffin, close the lid and (as a pallbearer) carry him out to the grave. And proceed to deliver a fantastic eulogy before personally lowering him into the ground.

Alternate kill for this same location:

1. Slam his head with the coffin lid.

2. Plant a bomb in coffin. Blow them all up.

3. Weight of Your Grief: Dump unconscious Hans in the grave then drop Helmut's coffin on him.

4. Really No Evidence: Burn up both targets in the crematorium without anyone noticing a crime or body.

Second Idea: Brooklyn Slices Stadium. Don't have as detailed of an idea but a baseball game would be cool. And replicate as much of The Naked Gun as possible. I want to disguise myself as a famous opera star and, as I'm really nailing a high note in the national anthem, I trigger a remote explosive that kills the target.

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#2 Posted by TheFlamingo352 (349 posts) -

College party full of college jerks. You could deliver an explosive pizza, or offer poisoned alochol to the targets. Maybe disguise 47 as a cop to scare away everyone except the target so there's no witnesses. It could be fun.

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#3 Edited by gkhan (1085 posts) -

It's an outdoors rock festival, you're supposed to kill an asshole rock-star. The environment is basically Woodstock, a big stage with an audience, some outlying fields and hills and shit, and a couple of trailers for the bands. Cool ways to kill the rockstar:

1. Snipe the motherfucker in the middle of his solo from one of the outlying hills.

2. Rig the stage to collapse over him.

3. Sabotage the audience barriers, let the audience rush the stage and kill him in a LSD frenzy (you'll probably have to dose them somehow).

4. Sabotage the microphone so that it electrocutes him.

5. (My favorite!) Dress up as a groupie, join him in his trailer. Poison the condom.

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#4 Posted by Robinson (241 posts) -

Cruise Ship, target is part of a wedding. must be eliminated without the wedding party finding out. I want 47 to perform the ceremony as an easter egg

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#5 Edited by ShaggE (9273 posts) -

Hitman: Ab Solution.

You're sneaking onto the set of a live infomercial for some sort of Total Gym type product called the "Ab Solution", and the host needs to die because reasons. The snag is, of course, that everything's being broadcast.

1. Sabotage the product so that it falls apart and the weights land on the target, crushing him.

2. Snipe the target from the audience and get the hell out. (bonus for running off with the product during the mayhem)

3. Hide an explosive on a volunteer and wait for them to get on stage before detonating.

4. Sabotage the stage lights to fall on his head.

5. Kill the host before he gets on stage, disguise as him, and get paid based on how well you pitch the product. (requires microphone and camera)

6. Helmut Kruger. Just... Helmut Kruger.

Edit: B-b-b-bonus kill! (QVCQC): Sneak over to the adjacent studio, which happens to be the knife show from QVC. Get, like, all of the knives. Sneak back, and do cool guy knife stuff at the target.

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#6 Posted by poobumbutt (960 posts) -

Not gonna lie, I lost it at the "eulogy" part. That would be hilarious and right up Hitman's alley.

A 50-storey office building wherein your target is a toxic, self-aggrandizing jerk of a CEO. Some highlights:

1) can impersonate a valet and steal his car, then tell security to call him, which brings him down to ground level. Options now include killing him while he's alone in the parking garage; planting a bomb on his car for when he finds it; or returning heroically with his vehicle and being offered a reward for doing so. He insists on taking you to his office. The ride in the elevator during this provides a kill opportunity.

2) Sabotage the elevator cable by explosive device and blow it while he's inside. In the case of the trip to his office for your "reward", he will receive a text or phone call which will keep him preoccupied for just long enough for you to exit the elevator and blow the trap. (Accident kill)

3) Impersonate a window cleaner - after obtaining a glass cutter from... somewhere... Fuck it, its Hitman, right? Cut out a neat section from his office window. After this, I would imagine another gameplay sequence would be required where you would need to orchestrate a phone call from his wife - or mistress, because of course he has one - and during the call, he'll lean on the window, which pops loose and he falls 50 storeys down. Definitely the "trailer" kill of this level. Bonus points if the achievement for it is "Death Comes Calling." (Accident kill)

4) CEO has big meeting with important client on day of assassination. He is also at risk for heart disease and takes blood thinners such as aspirin or heparin to relieve symptoms, especially during high stress. First thing is to steal those and replace them with sugar pills, so as not to arouse immediate suspicion. Then there would be a few - I would say three - objectives centered around getting him angry. Steal his lunch, cause his computer to malfunction and/or leak information of his mistress to his wife, prompting a phone call. Finally, intercept, pacify and impersonate the "Important Client". Go to meeting with already perturbed CEO. 47 makes no bones about how he is unimpressed with his recent dealings with this company as of late, stating the CEO himself as the major offender: "unprofessionalism, disrespect, there's no end to it! Was that a picture of a farting pair of testicles I saw on the wall?!" As a result, he decides to cut ties with the company entirely. This increased level of stress is the breaking point and he suffers major heart failure. I have no idea if taking blood thinners away for mere hours would do anything this quickly, but again: it's Hitman. (Accident kill)

Huh. A lotta accident kills. Oh, well. This was fun. Good creative exercise idea.

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#7 Posted by burncoat (558 posts) -

A poisoned wedding cake or an explosive cake topper.

A poisoned pizza delivery, but only one person is your target so you have to either stop people from coming to the party or get everybody but the target to leave the party.

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#8 Posted by TheChris (524 posts) -

@burncoat: Poisoned Wedding cake has been done in Blood Money. Probably one of the easiest kills too.

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#9 Posted by personandstuff (647 posts) -

Really more of a challenge or opportunity but I like the idea of incapacitating or killing all the guests of a birthday party, before they get to the party. So the birthday boy thinks no one wanted to go to his party.

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#11 Posted by kdenicolo (56 posts) -

@theflamingo352: oh man that would be great. You could poison the punch bowl or something and then kill like everyone at the party. It would be terrible for your overall score but would be hilarious to see the whole party collapse

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#12 Posted by devise22 (736 posts) -

The level would be an actual castle complex, with a fortified armory and bunker underneath. The owner of all this would be a CEO/Gov Tycoon character who is basically a psuedo Tony Stark ripoff but far more villainous. Leveraged his fame to basically control his own country and manufacture new technology grade weapons in sad armory underneath crazy castle. Level would take place he is hosting some big public galla acknowledging how awesome he is. Other targets would be his head of security, a named femme fatalle assassin that would be trickier to kill but of course like anyone you can impersonate.

Other types of costumes and things you'd be able to equip could be medievil themed towards the nature of the castle. Tons of opportunity for castle dungeon shenanigans, an alligator in the moat, lean into the castle dynamic heavy. Then of course whatever toys/gadgets you want to throw in the higher tech armory setting in the underground area.

The main opportunity though would consist of working you way up through a elaborate tier of costumes until your enabled to become the journalist responsible for interviewing said CEO. He of course takes you to his private office for an interview up some tall medievil style tower. But of course, inside you use an elevator that seems to take forever. All the while your asking him questions and his distinctly lacking in self aware personality overwhelms you, and the actual challenge of this part of the opportunity is to be able to endure his rambling without straight up killing him before you get to the office. Once you get to the office, you continue your conversation on a balcony, where eventually he turns your back to you and can kick him hundreds of feet from the office tower plummeting to his death in the open courtyard below.

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#13 Posted by mach_go_go_go (207 posts) -

Assassinate a target while they're in VR. Extra points if it's contextual (you shoot them while they're playing a shooter, for example).

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#14 Edited by BicycleHam (1391 posts) -

Kill an entire private cabin during a snow storm, except you have to leave one person alive. One kill involves shooting down an icicle and impaling someone.

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#15 Posted by HalidYusein (88 posts) -

I've always loved the idea of a more caustrophobic location for Hitman.

Like a double decker airplane. Ways to get out would be like taking the place of one of the pilots or even jumping out with a parachute.

Kills - the predictable drink poisoning or toilet massacre. You could throw him out the plane or even better, jump together with him and keep the one parachute to yourself. This idea is probably too limited, because planes are usually packed.

Another idea is a train. You start in the middle and the more you want to move to either sides of the train the harder it gets to do so. Different rooms with their own purposes (baggage, rich people, vehicles, lower class, staff. You could get a limited time to do the whole mission before the train has to stop.

But I think the best idea is the ship one. It just screams Hitman to me. Multiple floors, crowds, variety in areas and disguises. Lots of shenanigans with ways to escape and rig accidents. Put a banana slip in there, fuck it. Escape with a life raft, why not? Or a chopper.

An airport could be an interesting location, but transforming that into a murder sandbox would be immidietly misunderstood by the mainstream media. Imagine sniping your target as his plane is taking of, a very hard but satysfing kill (like the cannon shooting the escape plane for Caruzo). You could plant illegal objects into your targets baggage and then have some alone time with him. But yeah, the airport theme is pretty dark and this should probably never be done.

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#16 Posted by sparky_buzzsaw (8893 posts) -

A big Costco-esque store, with shoppers streaming through the aisles at inconsistent times, as well as a food court, the parking lot, loading docks, and break room areas. One of the opportunities involves taking on the insufferable manager's identity and having security pull aside your target for shoplifting. Kills could be pretty creative, but what would be really fun are the places you could hide bodies, like in the milk and cheese coolers or hidden among bags of potatoes.

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#17 Posted by breq (107 posts) -

The audio cuts out while whatever level loads in. The game starts as normal. Half way through the level you lose control of agent 47. He starts controlling himself. The character model turns to look at the camera, and AGENT 47 SHOOTS YOU, THE PLAYER! Your console erupts in a volcano of smoke and blood as the video cuts out, rendering your console destroyed. Do you get it? YOU were the target. YOU, THE PLAYER. Kojima has nothing on IO. WOW!

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#18 Posted by soulcake (2786 posts) -

I know we already killed fake Silvio Berlusconi. But the dude has a huge mansion with a fake volcano in it, I mean this is asking for" a your getting tossed into a fake volcano death." You can even do a variety on his mansion with some of his infamous "Bonga Bonga" party's Where he get's killed by a dominatrix or something. The Possibility are endless, him dying after a OD of Viagra i don't even know if this is possible.

Anyhow Silvio Berlusconi's mansion it totally makes sense.

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#19 Posted by Sergiy (52 posts) -

I've always wanted a kill that let 47 replace a stripper hiding in a massive birthday cake and kill the victim with a flamethrower.

I thought this is where the Bangkok mission was going but couldn't help but feel disappointed when i saw the cake

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#20 Edited by Shindig (4944 posts) -

@sergiy Yeah, that sounds appropriately dumb. Maybe he sings Happy Birthday before pulling the trigger.

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#21 Posted by BooDoug187 (494 posts) -


TARGET: Stephen Devroe Piel

BACKGROUND: Mr. Piel is a man who came into his money during the tech boom in the early 00's. He was able to avoid to net bubble burst and had his hand in several very lucrative business. Recently it seems that Mr. Piel has not only embraced the new "bit coin" boom but also has his hand in some Deep Web sites that aren't considered on the up and up. He runs a special server farm that host everything from a silk road alternative, human trafficking and other things the deep web is known for. Piel has been under investigation by the FBI, CIA, Homeland Security, Interpol and other world wide law enforcement agencies but thanks to his ability to exploit loopholes and the army of powerful lawyers under his disposal he has been able to escape jail and still running these servers with no sign of stopping... that's where you come in Agent 47.

Piel is throwing a massive party in his mansion to celebrate what he is calling a "victory for free speech" as he has once again beaten the law. We secured a invite for you. Some things to consider:

1) Piel has something of a bad heart. He likes to party but is very careful as to what he drinks. He also isnt too fond of extreme surprises and often plans everything very carefully.

2) The island the mansion sits on is man made, sitting on top of a massive steel anchor our research shows that maybe some time has passed since the anchor had been maintained. It would be a shame if say a large explosion in the power generators blew out the side of the wall, causing the whole place to break apart and sink into international waters.

The client would like for Piel's death and the shut down of the servers to seem more accidental as to not get people thinking this was a government hit.

MAP: Piel has a mansion on a small island on the west coast of the US that is skirting the border between international waters and US. The island is artificially made, with the mansion above a larger "underground" area running the servers and a series of power generators. The mission has two parts. 1) destroy the servers, shutting down the series of deep web sites that the various law groups couldnt take down and 2) Kill Piel.


Sink the island. This is a bit lazy and you would be killing a number of staff and party goers but placing explosives on the power generators and getting to the exit before the timer hits zero you get a cut scene of the explosions and the massive island sinking like the titanic!

Have you tried turning it off and back on again?: Set up a small emp device on the severs to shut down the system. Dressing yourself as a staff member you call Piel down to see if he can help fix the system. as he tries to flip the power breakers he electrocutes himself, killing him and his servers.

Have a closer look at the trash your hosting!: Smash Piel's head though the old CRT monitor he has in his office.

Exposed to the world: During the party while he makes his speech in front of some large video monitors you take control of the presentation behind him, logging into one of the vile sites he is hosting and profiting off of. As he is exposed as the monster he is, his weak heart (the poison you put in his drink before the speech) gives out, killing him on stage.

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#22 Posted by nutter (2145 posts) -

You need to infiltrate Anaheim Stadium during an Angels game to kill the Queen of England.

The only option for pulling this off is to hide a gun under a base, then disguise yourself as Ricardo Montalbán and activate a sleeper Reggie Jackson.

Sleeper Reggie Jackson will then fetch the gun and assassinate the queen.

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#24 Posted by bmccann42 (407 posts) -

Assassinate the CEO of an internet company in the middle of their giant rollout - think one of those huge Apple product rollout or E3 presentations.

Lots of blogger, youtuber, vlogger disguises to get up close.

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#25 Posted by TheRealTurk (527 posts) -

An asshole foreman/architect on the building site of some massive criminally funded casino/hotel.


* Construction worker

* Impersonating the owner of the building

* State inspector

* Demolitions expert


* Burying the guy in concrete (Achievement: A Solid Foundation)

* Pushing him down an empty elevator shaft (Achievement: Shafted)

* Blowing up the entire construction site (Achievement: Bringing the House Down)

* Various deaths by heavy construction equipment

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#26 Posted by SSully (5631 posts) -

Assassinate the CEO of an internet company in the middle of their giant rollout - think one of those huge Apple product rollout or E3 presentations.

Lots of blogger, youtuber, vlogger disguises to get up close.

I like the idea, but this was a mission in GTAV

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#27 Posted by dudeglove (13751 posts) -

I have long had an idea for a mission in a department store in Moscow. Please observe this place as inspiration.


This is "Smolensky Passage" which is just near the Arbat in Moscow. It's unfortunately quite difficult to get decent photos of the interior, though here's one at least

No Caption Provided

The reason for this is because - I shit you not - this place is crawling with security and they WILL forcibly prevent you from taking photos of the inside. Out of all the shopping malls I have ever been to in this city, this one has more flathead security jerks per square foot than most government facilities. If ever there was a hitman level IRL, this is it.

In addition, this is a shopping mall for actual rich ASSHOLES. The only reason I ever went into the place is because the supermarket in the basement sold food at surprisingly cheap prices (huh! funny that! almost as if rich people don't actually pay more for their food, but the places they buy them from are prohibitively restrictive to get in to). Elsewhere in the store are the usual gaudy tat of jewelry stores, makeup, clothing and other such overpriced cafes (with no labels of course, because if you have to ask - ha! - why are you even shopping here, sir?). There's a car park of course.

The place is notorious for being a frequent haunt of low/mid-tier civil servants and "legitimate businessmen", and the top floor is also a restaurant with a sky view, particularly of the ministry of foreign affairs right across the road

No Caption Provided

There are any number of scenarios I could think of (Russian mob boss, Ex KGB defector, spy secret exchange, and on and on, it literally writes itself), especially given its proximity to other foreign embassies in the area, as well as the mall containing pretty much every Hitman disguise you could want (private security, service staff, government spooks, etcetera). It has great verticality and it's flat out bizarre how appropriate this place would be. About the only downside would maybe be the lack of sniper opportunities.

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#28 Posted by personandstuff (647 posts) -

Bump because Hitman 2 is out and people are more likely to have new pitches.

Also, I wrote this as a joke. But I kind of want it.

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#29 Posted by Shindig (4944 posts) -

I want something really innocuous like killing a person through a round of applause or a heart-felt slap on the back.

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#30 Posted by Max_Cherry (1595 posts) -