Three Minutes of Hyperdimension Neptunia

Much against my better judgement, one of the games I decided to pick up in the Steam summer sale was Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth 1. This poor life choice stemmed from a discussion amongst myself and my fellow moderators and I'm not going to go into the boring details. Long story short, it's all @mb's fault. And @zombiepie's fault.

Despite the "ANIME ANIME ANIME!!!! ANIME!!!!" art style not being my thing, in theory, Hyperdimension Neptunia seems like a cool concept. It focuses on four characters, each representing a console manufacturer - Sony, Nintendo, Microsoft and Sega (yes, Sega) and focuses on the console wars. From what I had heard, it has a very self-aware, tongue-in-cheek sense of humour about the entire thing. So for better or for worse (spoilers: it was for worse) I decided to lay down six quid and give it a go.

After spending about half an hour trying (and failing) to get the game to display in 1080p without weird cloud borders filling up half of the screen (like this) I decided to just play at 720p and get on with the game. This is what I played:

AAaaaaand that's it. I'm done with this game. Within three minutes, these anime girls are comparing breast size. I've filled my anime quota for the decade. No more anime for me.

I could refund the game on Steam, but I feel like I need to be punished for making such a stupid purchase in the first place. Plus who knows, I might want to revisit it at some point to at least reach actual gameplay, so I can write another over-the-top hyperbolic blog about how terrible anime is.

Remember folks:

(For the record, I like a lot of anime. Hence my bonta-kun avatar)

You just don't understand Japanese culture!

ಠ_ಠ

keep that shit in your library so you never forget the mistakes you've made. make a new category for it or something.

What is up with mods and playing games that make them suffer these days?

I don't know if me watching three minutes of anime girls talk about fighting and breasts could be considered "playing" a game.

The reason why her eyes turn red part way through is because she somehow contacted some form of pink eye while talking.

Yeah, it always kinda bugs me that many of these sorts of games seem to just make a default assumption that the player is an undersexed 15-year-old boy, desperate for any sight of fan service and fan-service-related humor. I've generally got no problem with sex appeal in games, but dipping hard into it within the first three minutes is a bit over-eager. At least act like you think your audience is here for the gameplay.

Say what you want. I still admire the engineer or clothes designer that managed to defy gravity with that boob holding mechanism.

That's Hyperdimension Neptunia all right!

@cloudymusic: from what I gathered - or possibly self dictated - pretty much everything in this game is a parody of anime and jrpg tropes. And even if that isn't what the developers intended, it worked pretty well like it, lol.

Stick with it, man. The mission with the Sorceress at the end of the first disc can get crazy nuts, and the game doesn't... wait, I think I have the wrong blog.

Sad to see such filthy philistines unable to appreciate the glory of NepNep.

The game is pretty fun. Then again I am a simple creature.

I've been on an anime binge lately and I'll never understand why Japan consistently meshes together stylized animation, mature storylines, interesting and original premises and ubiquitous sexualization of minors. I want to enjoy the first three of those things a whole lot Japan, but the inclusion of the fourth really just fucking wrecks it a lot of the time. You can write a coming-of-age story without over-sized bouncing breasts and up skirt shots you know? WTF Japan, W.T.F.???

I will pay you upwards of one (1) GOG game code that I already have laying around if you continue playing this game, @zombiepie style.

@sinusoidal: You get a great big mod hug.

I see this and think of hyperlight drifter. When the hell is THAT coming out??

So what am I, chopped liver? Where's my free game?

I think I made a big mistake not buying this on the Steam Sale.

I made the mistake of thinking HDN could be something I'd play when it first came out, (secret shame, I even got the collectors edition >_>;;;). those games...not great.

On a side note: when I watched the anime is for jerks clips, one of the other clips that came up at the end was a 4 hour video of people reacting to the FF7 Remake announcement....who are the people who have the time to watch this video...and how can I get that kind of time ;_;

I absolutely love the concept of this series but the mediocre reviews always make me hesitant to pick one up. I'm not against grabbing something with meh reviews if I'm really interested in it but it's a lot harder when it's something with as big a time commitment as an rpg.

I've come to like some anime in my time, but that's...

I'll never understand why people are so uptight about stuff like that, it's just a boob joke, if you can't take such a mundane thing you shouldn't have bought an anime, doubly so a parody that would obviously poke at such cliches.

Guess what most kids going through puberty think about.

According to Steam I have 49 hours in this game. I will probably go for all the achievements.

Sounds like you've never Nepped before.

If super anime stuff isn't your thing, you should probably stay away from the Neptunia games.

You want a copy of Heroes of Might and Magic III? That can be supplied.

ANIME

This game is anime as fuck ( I know cause I got the platinum on the vita)

On a serious note I really like the Nep Nep games. Looking forward to Re;birth 3.

@viciousreiven: But it's funnier when you act like Jeff Gerstmann and think "lol japan cartoons hahahaha for jerks" though. You see, the joke is that "Japan is weird lol." See? Look how funny that is. xD

OH JEFF-SENPAI NOTICE ME TOO UGUU~ ^_____^

how dare they

Yuuup, Neptunia is pretty terrible. I haven't read such terrible writing in a long time and I'm someone who still plays quite a few JRPGs and VNs (Christine Love's stuff, Sunrider, YU-NO). And don't even get me started on the "gameplay" devoid of any kind of strategy other than "if the enemy is too strong just grind some more". Unlike something like Shin Megami Tensei where you overcome enemies by using the right elements, equipment and assorted spells you literally just have the option to hit harder than whoever you're fighting.

You should've played Akiba's Trip instead. I'm not even joking. It's way better than this.

For a series where video game consoles are personified and fight a holy console war the Neptunia games are some of the most offensively boring and lazy things I've ever played. Repetitive dungeons, reskinned enemies, boring dialogue and incredibly generic anime archetypes.

I am not interested at all in these games, or the kind of games really (the anime, not RPG), but my brother really likes them for some reason. I bought a Vita and two Hyper- games for him as a birthday present, and then he got another last week. He is right now playing Omega Quintet on PS4 as I type this, which is from the same developers. They seem kind of bad to me, but I don't mind that he enjoys them. Also, looking over at the screen from time to time, at least the frame rate for the Quintet game holds up far better than the Neptunia games on PS3, which is perhaps not saying much. I wanted to get him this game, but the store didn't have it. He bought it Amazon I guess; I just asked.

I'm pretty certain your next attempt at playing Neptunia will end, when you meet a certain blond character...

Just so you know, the gameplay is not any better, so you're not missing out. Technically, it is an indie game, but that doesn't mean I can't say that it is a very bad game and I know because I played two of these for some reason.

My current team, comprised of personifications of the Saturn, Wii, Xbox, Playstation, Idea Factory, Compile Heart, Marvelous AQL, Nihon Falcom, Broccoli, CyberConnect2, and MAGES. are battling a personification of the R4 to save all video games. This game is JAPAN AS F&*# and I love it.

Just don't go into it expecting the greatest narrative experience since Citizen Kane, or something turning RPG mechanics on it's head ala Legend of Legaia. It's a modern JRPG through and through with all the good and bad that entails.

Didn't Jeff say this wasn't a game for pervs at some point? Ummm...

I feel bad for you if you can't enjoy some anime bosoms.

I don't know, I haven't actually played this game, but I thought the screenshots you showed were kinda funny...

How much Nep would a NepNep Nep, if a NepNep could Nep Nep?

@subliminalkitteh: Considering there are 12 games. A lot apparently.

The little I've played of the series is very, very bad. But I'm playing one right now anyway. Because I can veg out and listen to a podcast and watch numbers go up while cringing at horrible dialogue. It's entertaining in its own special way.