Anxiety over online dating, I have never been on a date.

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chobobot

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#1  Edited By chobobot

Hi Giant Bombers,

I am a 26 year old male that has never been on a date or been in a long-term relationship. I've never really had a social life with friends or been in groups where I have had the opportunity to meet women, so dating has been tough especially since I have a 9-5 job + 3 hours commute (1.5 each way) each day which drains my energy.

I consider myself an outgoing introvert where I can hold a conversation with a woman but asking them out is tough challenge. I guess this all stems from being self-conscious of the fact that I have never had a social life which may be a turn off for women.

The only avenue I see know is online dating to meet women, but again feel like a large wall is stopping me through my self-conscious thoughts and low confidence/low self-esteem.

I feel like this stage in my life, I missed out so much in my early youth of making friendships/relationships through school/college/university and now come to a realisation that I don't want to meet someone and start a family when I am too old. I hoped that I would have been one of those young 25+ parents with 2 kids where I wouldn't be that only when they reached 18 (then I can kick them out of the house, lol).

Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

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bigsocrates

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#2  Edited By bigsocrates

These issues seem too "big" for a forum like this. You should consider working with a licensed therapist to process some of this stuff.

Good luck!

Edited to add I am not trying to be insulting or anything, but the Internet, especially a games forum, can be a double edged sword for these kinds of issues. I don't think there's anything wrong with you, but you seem like this situation is bothering you so you should find someone who is qualified to help you resolve the stuff bothering you. No stigma. I have seen therapists and good ones are very helpful.

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glots

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Obligatory advice to touch her shoulder.

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EthanielRain

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I know it's easier said than done, but you need to just do it. Of course you're anxious/afraid/whatever, you've never done it. It gets easier/you'll get better with practice, just like anything else. I'm talking about dating in general...with online dating, you will want to be very careful. It's easy to be someone other than who you really are online, even when you have the best intentions - and not everyone has good intentions. Don't get too attached until you've actually started meeting the person (and always meet in a public place at first). "Having a social life" doesn't just randomly happen, you have to take a part in it. Especially as a guy, it's rare for a woman to ask us out first.

One thing you do have going for you is what you perceive to be your weakness: you have no baggage! No kids, no past heartbreak that's messed you up, no STD's, no crazy ex's, etc. 26 is still pretty young, but the older you get the more people you'll meet who have a kid or an ex-wife/husband or other such things. It can be really nice to not have to deal with that kind of stuff when you meet someone. You just need to see it as a positive and be confident/proud of it, rather than ashamed.

Maybe most important thing I can say, is to expect to have some bad dates and failed attempts. Don't expect your first date to be amazing and perfect, don't beat yourself up when it doesn't work out. It'll probably take a few times before finding someone you really "click" with :)

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onyxghost

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I agree with seeing a therapist.

That said I meet my wife on eharmony. She lived about 3 miles away and went to the same book store I did. We never would have meet otherwise I think. That said, I you want to date go for it. Just remember the opposite sex isn't special. Don't put people in untouchable pedestals. Don't look for a girlfriend a wife or even to get laid. Go look for a friend, a best friend who is into the same stuff you are. The rest will just happen. Don't put up with any crap you wouldn't put up with from a good friend

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Spoonman671

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#6  Edited By Spoonman671

Here's the thing--it's not actually hard to ask a girl out. You'll feel insane anxiety about it before hand, but after you do it you will realize it's not that big of a deal. And the more you do it, the less anxiety you'll start to have. Just be open and honest. Also, understand that being rejected doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. There are countless reasons to not want to go on a date with somebody, and all of them are valid. There are times I've asked someone out, been "rejected", and still felt great about it afterwards, because I didn't let the chance slip by.

Don't feel like online dating is your only option. If you meet somebody that seems nice and you want to spend more time getting to know them, it is perfectly natural to simply ask if they would like that as well.

P.S. I don't have friends either.

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cyberbloke

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You just have to take a deep breath and go for it. It's easy to just plod through life hoping a relationship will come along at sone time, but the older you get the bigger deal it will seem.

Make it your top priority and you will find someone. There are a huge amount of women out there who want a relationship, but they probably won't make the first move because it's just as scary for them, maybe more so because it's expected that it is the man's job to do that.

I actually think online dating is the way to go if you can't see yourself approaching a woman. By the time you meet, at least you know they want a relationship.

It will be scary, but try to view those nerves at a feeling of excitement, as if you are about to go on a theme park ride.

If or when it goes wrong, treat it as a learning experience and just keep going.

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@chobobot: Use Tinder if you want to hook up or OkCupid if you are looking for something longer.

It's a lot easier than you think. You get to see what they look like, know their interests, and chat with them all before you even meet them.

So if you manage to find a partner that you click with even before meeting them, I am sure you will be fine.

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colourful_hippie

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@mike: Was wondering why it took so long for that to pop up.

Anyways if you're seriously this anxious about dating I'd suggest you see a therapist to talk things over so you can have someone talk to you straight and help you get outside of your head.

My dating life didn't start taking off till after I turned 20. I also think you should readjust your life goals if you think you should have already started a family by now. On average millennials are putting off marriage till way later, you can sure as well lump the kids thing along with that too.

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chobobot

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@colourful_hippie: You know the weird this is I am confident as a person in my career, but trying to meet someone always seems to have been my biggest hurdle. I guess in my work-life I don't have to open up to people as much compared to when you are on a date.

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isomeri

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@mike: Just came to check that everything is in order. Proceed.

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#13  Edited By colourful_hippie

@chobobot: which is why you should seek a therapist. Everyone has their blindspots. It helps to have a professional help you with providing an outside perspective.

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Zevvion

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#14  Edited By Zevvion

@chobobot said:

@colourful_hippie: You know the weird this is I am confident as a person in my career, but trying to meet someone always seems to have been my biggest hurdle. I guess in my work-life I don't have to open up to people as much compared to when you are on a date.

Here's the good news, you and approximately 100% of all men felt the same way you do now when they were busy trying to get first dates. Been in a firefight? Fought 7 people with broken beer bottles? Dangling from a tree and the branch is about to break? None of them are as scary as asking a girl out. If you'd ask me 15 years ago, I would be far less frightened about getting punched in the face by a prime Mike Tyson than asking a girl out.

I don't think a therapist is a solution here actually. The trick is to just do it. Go ask someone out. Doesn't matter who. In fact, it's better if it's not someone you care about saying yes. Be prepared to be rejected. Not because of who you are, but because you're still awkward about it. You'll feel like you'd rather die, but be brave and just do it. Like ripping a band aid. Get it over with. Do that a few times and you'll start to feel more comfortable doing it. Over time, it'll be like tying your shoes. Just no big deal whatsoever.

Online dating is a great way too. Just try not to care about your first date with whoever. Your goal is to get through it and try to have fun. It's not to get a second date. It's not to get a relationship, it's not to get lucky. Everything needs practice and dating is no different.

Before you know it, you'll be completely cool with all of it and it's the most normal thing in the day.

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FrostyRyan

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I'm just here to say 26 isn't old. It's pretty damn young. Don't worry about long term serious relationships if you're not up to the task. After countless failed short term relationships, I think I'm done trying with that. Right now I'm keeping it casual with whatever girl is interested. I'm 24.

Don't feel like your life is wasted yet. Ask a girl out. Use a dating site. Just have fun and see what happens. and always remember- plenty of people are just like you.

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TehFedro

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With this anxiety a lot of what makes it worse is the fact that you consider every possible person in any scenario. As you said your worry about what women would think about the lack of dating experience and being 26. A big step to take is to look at yourself.

What would YOU feel/think about dating a woman who also has the same experience as you? What do YOU feel about people who don't socialize much/at all. Even anybody else who may have these same issues. Take your answer, for example "that is completely fine, nothing wrong with that" and apply that to thoughts of any other person. Keep it in your mind that though people are different a lot of those think the same way as you do. Indeed there will be people who would look down on you because of this situation but the majority of people don't care all that much either way. Say you wear a strange shirt, yeah people might glance but they're not gonna care that much, it just brought it to their attention for a moment.

And as my therapist would say "live in the moment".

Also for the advice of "just doing it", don't make it into that. By that I mean you need to ease into something when it involves anxiety. If you keep the mindset of "no matter how bad these feels I just need to get it over with" things wont ever get better. When you are just trying to push something away fast it's not going to help at all because you'll feel terrible each time you try and do it. It might even become so bad that you never want to try and date/ask anybody again. Plus online dating has the benefit of being able to just talk to somebody before you even set up a date or even want to date. Well that's how I think it goes, I've never used that stuff.

No advice for the self-esteem I'm sorry to say, I don't have any either ha ha.

My bad for the read, this is basically me just going through what I've learned from my therapist. Also I've never dated anybody either and I'm 22. It's never too late to start, because who cares? Hope this helps in some way.

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Korin166

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I would say you have to remember that you are dating to find happiness for yourself. Instead of asking "Am I good enough or experienced enough to talk to this girl?", ask "Is she interesting to me?" or "Did I have a good time talking to/meeting this girl?". I think it's too easy to get caught up in trying to please other people, if you find a good one, both of ya should be happy, but it starts with you. Hope this helps, coming from an experienced OkCupid user.

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colourful_hippie

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@zevvion: I agree with what you're saying but telling him to just go do it is the kind of advice you also hear a "pro gamer" say to a novice player like "don't die and shoot that guy".

If he can muster up the courage to to try out an online date (which I recommend as that helped me out a lot in my extreme introverted days) then good for him. But if his stalling turns from days to weeks to years then yes he should seek a professional to hear him out.

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azulot

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#19  Edited By azulot

I'm 27 and although I'm (recently) married, have a few friends who have yet to be on a date and others who are just starting out. It's not so rare, so don't let that notion dampen your confidence.

One of the best pieces of advice I heard on danswers was from the ever-wise (or something) Dan Ryckert. I remember him saying that for the first date he'd typically take girls to this bar he really enjoyed, and if they heavily complained about it, then clearly they weren't right for him.

Basically, be yourself, be honest about the things you like. If someone has a significant dislike of your hobbies or wants to change you then clearly theyre not right for you. Make sure you have a decent idea of what you want, and if there's any red flags, don't ignore them.

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WynnDuffy

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#20  Edited By WynnDuffy

You're a guy, you have less to worry about getting older as it's still far more common for a 28 year old dude to be dating a 19 year old girl than if you swap sexes around. Still plenty of time and you have a larger range of people to date than women usually consider themselves to have.

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Onemanarmyy

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#21  Edited By Onemanarmyy

The cool thing about Online dating is that it immediatly offers a talking point.You know that she's there for the date instead of having to make an educated guess whether the lady at the bar is there for romance or doesn't want to be bothered.

You can always frame the date as

'Well i don't have much experience with dating, so i just signed up to have a fun night with an interesting person and get better at this. Either i find a really cool person or i go home with more experience in dating'

A lot of girls might even like hearing such a thing because it shows that you are flexible and not set upon 1 goal ( BEAR MY CHILDREN WOMAN!) and that your main goal is to just have a postive experience, whether it works out between you two or not. A flirting lady might even reference back at you with the 'so... did i turn out to be an interesting person? ;) which immediatly tells you that she had a good time with you.

Maybe you create a new friend. Maybe you meet a ' terrible person ' to laugh at with your next date. Maybe you meet the love of your life. Maybe you end up talking to someone while eating a nice meal and that's it. Rationally thinking, each outcome is positive. No one will go on a date to make the other person feel like shit, so the worst that can happen is that you both find out that there is no compatability between you two at all and you just eat your food, talk about your surroundings and wish the other person a good trip home once that's done.

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sagesebas

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@chobobot: I've been doing online dating for awhile. You'll go through a lot of people who won't respond, some will and will just stop talking to you after a few messages. I've been on a few dates one I dated for a few months then ended it. If you talk with someone that seems interested and you have sustained conversation just offer your phone number and suggest a date it usually works and isn't that big a deal.

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ripelivejam

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falserelic to thread, that crazy cassanova.

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nnickers

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@wynnduffy:

We need to be very clear here: do not date teenagers unless you are yourself a teenager. Shit's messed up.

Other than that, Onemanarmyy basically said exactly what I wanted to say.

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WynnDuffy

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#25  Edited By WynnDuffy

@nnickers said:

@wynnduffy:

We need to be very clear here: do not date teenagers unless you are yourself a teenager. Shit's messed up.

That doesn't make any sense...so it's wrong to be a 24 year old dating a 19 year old? Obviously don't date underage people but if they're 18 or over eh, people can do whatever. Maturity varies wildly.

I wouldn't personally be all that thrilled at the idea of dating an 18 year old if I was a fair bit older but that can work out for people.

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I used to be a full time college student and a cyclist. When I wasn't in class or studying, I was either jogging or cycling/training. This sort of routine really isolates a person and after a handful of years I found it impossible to have a lot of good social interaction. I was either too exhausted or too busy to have a booming social life. This created a lot of anxiety in me whenever I'd actually engage with others. So I decided to try OKCupid to find a relationship. It took me a good three years of casual, off-and-on dating on OKCupid, but I eventually started dating a woman who basically had my exact schedule (She was a medical resident at the time). As it turns out, all of her friends were in the same boat. As well as most of my friends.

We've been married now for a year and are expecting out first kiddo in September. Most of our friends have met their husbands/wives either directly through work or through online sites like OKCupid. Honestly, it just makes life easier. I could be absolutely honest on the profile I had and knew that if people were not interested, they'd pass on by quietly. The only time I ever had any problems was when people were not being honest about who they were or what they wanted.

Don't be worried about what you believe you've missed out on in life, though. It's gone. It's in the past. Ignore it and move on. I spent most of my early twenties on a bike. I don't regret a second of it, but I have to also acknowledge that I have missed out on quite a bit of life. Well, now that I live a much different life I can delve into what I might have missed. I guess what I am trying to say is don't get caught up in what you didn't have. Focus on what you want and fight for it.

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Superkenon

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@chobobot: Do it. Everything in life is a learning experience, a chance to learn more about yourself, and if you can approach dating that way too, you'll be fine. You open yourself up for rejection, but it's such an opportunity to put yourself, your wants and your needs in a perspective you may never have had the chance to see before.

I never went on a single proper date before the age of 27, myself. The very notion that I might be able to meet someone seemed, to me, crazy and unrealistic. The idea of even trying, kinda scary and weird. I had no self-confidence to speak of, and it didn't take much to make me anxious about anything remotely social. But I eventually got myself over many of my hurdles, and I'm on a good track. Even got myself a nice girlfriend on the way, go figure.

My getting over anxieties and hesitations has been an ongoing step-by-step process... working myself up to getting myself out in the world more, building my character through more interactions with folks. Wish I had a real solid answer that helped me flip my switches, but it was really just a progressive series of "I'ma do this" moments that occurred when I felt ready for them. Chatting up people more than I normally would. Accepting invitations to social events when normally my anxious nervousness would turn them down. Making friends and slowly becoming more outgoing with said friends. Working up the nerve to ask a girl out. I've found myself steadily being rewarded by life as I've begun to be less passive and more proactive -- which kinda sounds like dangerous advice to give, I guess, but that's my experience. It's still important to pace yourself and really have honest conversations with yourself, "am I ready to do this? Do I want to do this?"

Therapy's a good thing too. I started seeing a therapist recently, because even though my situation in life is vastly improved from before, the anxiety I suffer is still very real and I still will get attacks with the right combination of stressers hit. But therapy has helped with that immensely, and if there's one thing I could force my younger self to do, it'd be "go see a therapist." Fear, shame, and pride on some level, kept me from ever considering it an option before. But the therapist I'm seeing, she's really helped me to understand and contextualize how and why my brain works the way it does, and given me good tools to mitigate anxious episodes. She's also done a lot to boost my confidence, managing to instill in me that there's more roads open for me than I ever allowed myself to see before, and is helping me kick my latent mental habits that keep me down. I can't recommend it enough.

Rambled a bit there. Surely not all of that story is applicable to you, but I figured I'd share in case any of it is helpful to hear.

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OpusOfTheMagnum

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#28  Edited By OpusOfTheMagnum

Go to a bar, drink until you can talk to someone, repeat until that someone's a pretty lady/dude and you aren't fuckin' wasted. Or just suck it up, buttercup.

More seriously, don't let being ignored/rejection/people just disappearing on you with online dating. If you're a straight male, it's going to be the majority of the interactions unless you are smoking hot. Even then maybe just because of the volume ladies usually have to sort through. It's not about you, it's about the system you're taking part in and you shouldn't feel bad. Respond to any message you get to help you loosen up, even if you're not interested in the inquiring entity.

Push through, get it done. It's nasty stuff, anxiety, but you get past it by overcoming it.

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afields101

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just do like me, give up.

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mithhunter55

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#30  Edited By mithhunter55

Invest in your self by picking up some new hobbies if you have the time. Things that give you more to talk about or make you feel more well rounded. Focus on career goals and other life goals to keep you going, take advantage of your free time with those new hobbies. Working to improve your mental health would be a great benefit too. Relationships can be a great motivator, but also probably shouldn't be a crutch to maintain your contentedness/happiness.

For the past two years I accepted that I wouldn't be in a good place to find someone until after 2020. Certainly didn't feel confident enough to maintain a relationship anyway, if given the opportunity. Then BAM out of nowhere, Three weeks ago I ran into a friend from college. We hadn't talked in almost seven years and now we are dating. All that stuff that sounds like bullshit like.."stop looking and some one will appear when you least expect it and change your life". Well maybe there is something to that.

Be friends first, at the very least it is less pressure and will improve your social skills. It's worth not rushing or being fixated on an idea of a relationship. Being more present and in the moment enjoying the friendship would be my advice. Working on being able to have these friendships without the confusion can be tough. Especially when you are lonely and desperate to make something happen. Don't fall for the trap of forcing the issue. You will just cause your self anxiety. It never hurts to have more friends, except when you feel like you can't keep up with every one.(maybe more of an anxiety I have.)

The take away here is don't pressure your self or any one else. Just go try being friends with people! Go out for a dinner and don't call it a date? Try being honest right off the bat that you are probably going to be super awkward for a bit. You can play it off as a bit of a joke how nervous you've gotten. And could discuss that you are working on getting better that this sort of thing.

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hippie_genocide

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FFS you don't need therapy. Anxiety about talking to girls is about as normal a human emotion as exists in the natural world. Yeah you're a bit of a late bloomer but there's no guidebook to this stuff. If you feel you're ready to date, my advice is to just put yourself out there. It'll be really hard the first time, then a little easier the next time and so on. The thing about meeting women is it's purely a numbers game. Just gotta play it. There's a saying in golf: never up, never in. You'll date zero percent of the women you don't talk to. However I can't imagine starting my dating career with online. Maybe that's just my age talking but that just seems weird.

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chobobot

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#32  Edited By chobobot

@tehfedro: @sagesebas: @mithhunter55: @ethanielrain: @irish87: @superkenon:

Thanks for the advice. I think I have more of a mild anxiety similar to when you go for job interviews than the severe kind.

Some of the advice given funnily enough is what I do when I go for job interviews/client meetings. I just think of the interview as "just a conversation" with no expectation of the outcome which seems to decrease my nerves quite a bit. I know I can apply this to online dating, it's just the process of making a profile, uploading a picture, having my info out there etc., that is the mountain I need to climb.

I also am realistic about who I want to date and would prefer someone around my age and not too young i.e. 24-27, as mentioned in one of the replies above, lol.

@irish87: You mentioned keeping a routine which I currently do, I am always doing self-learning for my job and working out regularly which I enjoy and helps with stress and nerves a lot.

OKCupid seems to be popular, so I will definitely try this out.

Any advice for the dating profile and profile pictures?

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matoya

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Why anyone would stay at a job with a THREE hour commute is beyond me

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chobobot

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@matoya said:

Why anyone would stay at a job with a THREE hour commute is beyond me

It's 1.5 hour door-to-door on public transport.

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Zevvion

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@zevvion: I agree with what you're saying but telling him to just go do it is the kind of advice you also hear a "pro gamer" say to a novice player like "don't die and shoot that guy".

If he can muster up the courage to to try out an online date (which I recommend as that helped me out a lot in my extreme introverted days) then good for him. But if his stalling turns from days to weeks to years then yes he should seek a professional to hear him out.

That comparison doesn't really work though, because the only way to get over a fear is to face it. In this case that notion is absolutely applicable. It has nothing to do with skills of any type. I'm not an anti-therapist type of person at all and it can never hurt, but it's just not the solution you think it is. At some point, that therapist will also point out that the trigger has to be pulled. Perhaps he can feel more comfortable pulling it, but that won't alleviate the fear itself at all. It's not like you can go to a therapist and suddenly be a ferocious ladiesman after X amount of sessions.

I don't know OP personally, but it doesn't sound like he is in deep trouble at all. It very much just sounds like what every single man has gone through on this entire planet, except he might be a couple years later than most, but not even that much.

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Castiel

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#36  Edited By Castiel

@chobobot:

I can really relate to your post. I'm very much in the same situation like you. Well except for the job thing, I'm looking for at job right now, but I'm also 26 without a lot of friends. In all honesty I don't have much of a social life and therefor I also feel like I missed out on my younger years. But I know that I am still relatively young and can turn things around.

I'm an introvert person and I suspect I have a milder form of anxiety. Specifically anxities around social situations. That has led me to a life where I'm very much on my own. But recently I have also come to the conclusion that I don't want to go on like this. Not in a dark depressing "I don't want to go on" any more kind of way but more in a "I want to change my life" kind of way. Specifically this last year or so I have felt a strong urge to actively go out and make an effort to find that special someone. Becuase I don't want to live alone for the rest of my life. But the biggest hurdle is definitely taking that finale step to create an online dating profile and yadda yadda. The biggest reason being my own self-esteem or lack of one.

But I think it's a question of "just" doing it. But that first step will always be the hardest. I have gone through large parts of my life thinking that something was wrong with me and that I was a broken person. Why couldn't I be a "normal" person like everyone else? But it's not that easy. That's the thing with anxities they usually don't make sense for a person standing on the outside. If it were easy I would just go out and meet people. But it isn't that easy because I have this inner anxiety about being afraid of social failure. So for a long while in my life it was easier for me to just not deal with social situations and completely isolate myself from other people because then I didn't have to risk putting myself in a situation where I could fail socially.

Not to long ago I had a conversion with a fellow student of mine and for some reason or another I could talk to him like I couldn't talk with most other people. And for the first time in a long time I openly started to talk about my life and how I felt broken in some way or another and he could relate. Then all of a sudden I actually had a conversation with a another person, face to face, who have had it the exact same way as me. All the same fears and anxieties. And I realised as difficult, scary or strange things might feel at times you are never alone. Even if you have gone through most of your life thinking that you were the only one feeling that way. I know I certainly did.

As of right now I'm also at that place where I need to take the first step and "just" go on a date. I don't have any expectations. I know that my life won't suddenly change because I go on one date. Meaning that it will take time to find the right person. So I'll think I will take it like a series of conversations with people I have never met before and not look at it as a date.

Now I just need to take that first step which is to make a dating profile. Again easier said than done but I think I have to do it.

But at least I have realized that you will never be alone no matter how lonely or broken you feel. And that's a big first step in the right direction for me.

Sorry for the long post. Hope it works out for you. Wishing you all the best.

Update: and done! I have officially created my first online dating profile ever. :)

Now I have no excuses any more.

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matoya

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@chobobot said:

@matoya said:

Why anyone would stay at a job with a THREE hour commute is beyond me

It's 1.5 hour door-to-door on public transport.

I walk 40 minutes each way and even that's torture. I can't imagine how you can deal with 90 minutes EACH WAY every day. You must have the best job in the world

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monkeyking1969

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Really fast advice. Join a club! Find something you like that has lots of people participating and joining a club doing that. That's how you meet people and because you are part of a club there is always a reason to talk or socialize. Second find a better job that might be less of a commute...not crucial but it might help. Online dating is a nice sideline, but as a primary way to meet or chat - it sucks.

  • Clubs
  • Bowling, softball, basketball, D&D, ping-pong.
  • Church
  • Go on a themed cruise or trip
  • Take and art, cooking...or any class.

You want to increase your circle of acquaintances and people who know you. If you joining something, try to help with the administration of the club don't get over your head with being President, Secretary or Treasurer...but be 'the person' who helps.

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Belegorm

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@matoya: Hey I think 40 minutes walking to work would be torture for most people, 1.5 hours on public transit is probably pretty tolerable. I'd hate driving that long because I'd be bored, but on a train or bus I could be playing on my phone or reading.

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chobobot

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#40  Edited By chobobot

@belegorm: Yep it's not too bad going, it's the return journey after work that can be draining. I'm usually listening to podcasts or music.

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csl316

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I'll just say that when I was a teenager, I expected a family and two kids by 25. Until I realized how random that goal is.

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zombie2011

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@chobobot: Download Tinder or Bumble! I moved to SF 2 years ago and didn't know anyone here so I got on both of those and went on a ton of dates. Became friends with girls it didn't workout with, dated a couple (not at the same time of course) and also got to do and see a ton of fun stuff around the city. The girls I went out with loved showing me around the city taking me to their favorite places, it was like having a personal tour guide. It's very casual and so it won't be nerve racking and you can just text back and forth until you feel comfortable and decide to meetup.

Tinder has a bad rap, but honestly it's whatever you

want it to be. You can turn it into a hookup app by just liking every girl and having those conversations. Or you can find some serious connections on there too. It's great! And so is Bumble.

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Zevvion

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@zombie2011: Agreed. I never understood some of the bad mouthing of Tinder. Also people referring to dates that failed on some level as 'Tinder-dates', as if it's the app's fault you're a dickhead. It's a date just like any other date. If you set the expectation to hook up and someone agrees to meet you, that's what it will likely be. That's not to be distinguished as a 'Tinder-date' just because you agreed to meet superficially.