Bad decisions, a darker side to gaming

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SarcasticMudcrab

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Edited By SarcasticMudcrab

Hello, and welcome to my first ever blog. I will try not to make it too long but be warned before reading on, this is basically a rant about myself, and the effect gaming has had on my life, the good, the bad, and the dumb, the really dumb. Tonight I have made a decision that covers the latter. I have decided to pull the 'all-nighter'. Now on it's own I know that's not a big deal and certainly isn't worth writing a blog about, but there's a little more to this one and I hope that by telling my story I can have some kind of positive effect, or at least show some insight into what I realize is a darker side to gaming. You see, I have a problem, I am an addict, I am a game junkie.

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So, on Sunday at 9am, approx. 36 hours from now I start a new job, I am a chef by trade and the hours are long, sleep deprivation is part of the job, and I'm ok with that, but it's very late now and I am wide awake, there's no point in trying to sleep I know, my body clock is so out of sync with the hours I'll be working the only way I can match them up is brute force...I'm sure we've all been there. The reason for this is video games, or more accurately my almost non existent will power to stop playing them.

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As a child I was obsessed with computer games, starting out on my Dads zx spectum 48k at the age of 3, and I haven't stopped since, I have played some form of video game almost every day of my life, and often not in moderation, although not as obsessively through my teens where silly things such as education and relationships distracted me. A stand-out example of how deep I got then; when I was 9 my best friend got the new TMNT for the spectrum 128k, that thing had a tape deck built into it...so badass. Anyway, after school that day I asked my parents if I could stay at his house, for whatever reason I wasn't allowed to that night and, well, nothing was going to stop me playing that game. So I did one, stealthed off from the school carpark and walked about 6 miles/10 kilometers to his house, not bad for a 9 year old. Of course his parents were sensible enough to phone mine as soon as I arrived and needless to say I never did get to play turtles that night.

This theme of dumb has always been there for me, bad decisions based on this need to feed a gaming addiction. I am 33 now, last night I stayed up until 7 in the morning (that doesn't make sense) playing Shadowman returns, a great game sure, but certainly not as important as being fresh and ready for a new job, given I can play it any time. I live on my own, have a flat that facilitates the basic means of survival and is heavily geared towards gaming. As an adult I have built up the world around me that I wanted as a kid, I was lucky enough to work in QA (yep I said lucky) for nearly 3 years, sadly that ended when the company closed its doors back in 08, but it did go a long way to kind of justify all those hours I'd played for. That's cool! I guess, there is nothing wrong with staying young at heart and just following your passion, but when it notably is having a negative effect on other aspects of life it is something to seriously consider.

That's the point I'm at now, so one big final dumb ass dumb move to finish it off (man it's gonna be a rough 1st day) and from now on sensible, responsible and respectful gaming.

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Holy ramble batman! Next week I will be talking about how tying shoe laces left me feeling devout of velcro based enjoyment and the effect it had on my running.

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htr10

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Dude, stop it, get some sleep. Your life changes today. You can do it. I believe in you.

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ThunderSlash

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last night I stayed up until 7 in the morning (that doesn't make sense) playing Shadowman

Shadow Man is not worth that much of your time. It was like a worse version of Soul Reaver. I'm biased.

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SarcasticMudcrab

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@thunderslash: oh wtf, I meant shadowrun, I have shadow man sat next to me for some weird reason, took me a while to figure out what you were on about, ye shadowman returns wasnt that great lol

@htr10:Don't want to get all sentimental here but thanks man, the correct advice! Im gonna have this one tho, all set with energy drinks, infinite tea, a bunch of games to get through and watching Jeff Greens darksouls videos, soon as they're done it'll be Brads day from the Extra life weekend, appropriate motivation. For the kids!

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Devil240Z

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I wish I had your gift. I have to basically force myself to game even though I really really want to game I just can hardly find much joy in it in spite of the fact that gaming is one of the only things that I do enjoy.

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Everyones_A_Critic

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I believe it was Ryan Davis who said one of his pet peeves was people throwing the word "addiction" around without realizing the weight behind the term. You're good, man. I've labelled myself an "addict" of a number of things but it wasn't until I went through cold-turkey alcohol detox that I realized how desperate and hellish addiction truly is. At least when you shut off the console you're not shitting yourself, shaking like a wet dog, and hallucinating. Not trying to give you a lecture, but addictive tendencies and being a full-blown addict are very different things. Just exploit your "All or nothing" personality traits to channel the energy into something positive if you're truly worried you care about games too much.

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flaminghobo

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#6  Edited By flaminghobo

I have to basically force myself to game even though I really really want to game I just can hardly find much joy in it in spite of the fact that gaming is one of the only things that I do enjoy.

I find myself increasingly suffering from the same dilemma. The only game that I seem to actively want to play nowadays is League of Legends and that's only if I have a group of buddies to play it with whilst talking over Skype. This kind of attitude seems to come and go in phases (I was playing a bunch of Dark Souls not too long ago) but it's bothered me ever since I started to notice it.

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SarcasticMudcrab

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@everyones_a_critic: Yes I dont want to throw the word addiction about too lightly and maybe I have, and unlike alcohol or drugs there are no direct negative effects of playing games ofc (that I know of), I suffer from a bad shoulder from it but that is avoidable and a problem that has built up over time, but as a way of life it can have pretty seriously negative impact on things, education, relationships or a career, that kind of stuff. Looking back to when I was younger I have messed up hard because of my hobby, a hobby I want to keep...but keep under control, I think it's been controlling me way too much. It is a very sensationalized way to look at it especially compared to how full on something like alcohol addiction is. Gratz btw, someone very close to me went through that and I appreciate how hard it is. I am going through a much milder version as I'm giving up weed, or reducing my use massively, in the 3rd/4th? day its the longest break I've had for years, but thats different and more for financial reasons. Not sure if it's cool to talk about that here and its not such a big deal. No idea what it would be like to go cold turkey on gaming, including all media? I would probly just read books and make music....oh shit.

So ye anyway, game on, and stay off the pipe dope.

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Everyones_A_Critic

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@sarcasticmudcrab: Thanks. I deserved to detox in the brutal manner that I did because I was being a fucking idiot and drinking way too much every night. So it's proved to be a lesson for me to learn my limits with alcohol. I'm actually familiar with the "withdrawal symptoms" of weed, benign as they are, but they're fucking annoying nonetheless. I'm far from the pothead I used to be but I remember many a night thinking: "OK, I can't smoke, big deal. But why can't I sleep?" On the nights I couldn't smoke for whatever reason. I recommend Melatonin supplements to east the transition. Give it a couple days and you'll be fine. Not to mention the high you'll get when you return to weed will be glorious....