Coping with the loss of a pet

Recently, I lost my dog of 12 years. It has been really difficult to recover from this, and I wonder what are some ways to heal. I know that this process takes time, but I wonder how other duders have handled this kind of loss. I want this to be a safe space to discuss positive strategies.

I'm sorry for your loss. My mourning moves are to go for a long walk, shoot around on a basketball court, or re-play Final Fantasy IX. Basically something familiar that I feel I have control over that brings me joy.

I feel you, I recently lost my pet of 5 years. It hurts more because of how young they were. Just over a week ago. I didn't cope very well during the first few days.

It definitely left a chasm in my life that I don't just want to fill in with another pet, it just wouldn't be right. It goes without saying that time is the best healer, but I just went and splurged on a new phone as a sorta treat to help me deal with the loss. So maybe something new to mess around with would help divert your thoughts.

When my cat died i genuinely was more upset than when some close family had died. I know it sounds absurd but i lived with this animal and spent hours every day interacting with and it was a massive part of my life. The first few days after it died, and it was only a few years old, i felt a sense of grief that actually blind sided me in how intense it was. All i would say is feel no shame in grieving. Its a testament to your compassion and humanity that you cared and these emotions honour that bond.

In terms of how to get over it i dont think theres anything you can do. Just don't turn away from those feelings and bury them. Its trite but time does soften the acute pain but it never dulls the loss. I personally benefitted from expressing these feelings and honestly talking to friends about my loss.

I hope you can find a way to live with the loss.

Find your favorite picture of them and frame it. Maybe place it on a shelf with some of their favorite toys and make a little shrine. Eventually you will find that it brings you happy memories instead of sad ones.

Sounds corny, but my roommate did that for his dog and it seems to bring him some comfort. I'll likely do the same when it's time for my cat to go. Getting all verklempt over here just thinking about it.

It’s different for each pet and it takes a long time. In almost 21 years of marriage we’ve lost three dogs. With one we grieved right away and felt a little better. When the next one died, we had acquired a young dog and her very joyous attitude sort of accidentally covered our grief about the older one until one day we had a moment and both broke down sobbing in the living room. That let us know we needed to talk about it more and deal with it.

Dan Ryckert got me onto meditation which has helped a ton with anxiety but it has also helped me to be able to sit in really bad emotions and live with them rather than try to suppress them. Overall I think it has helped me through some pretty sad stuff in a more productive way in terms of emotional health.

Weird to think a guy who thought egg shells were egg whites would produce such a positive change in my emotional health but here we are.

First off, sorry for your loss. I think there are many ways to grieve. Some people take solace in remembering teh good times with a pet, reminiscing with others. I know some people who find a pet in need and use the energy of caring for another pet to help them deal with the loss. Some people have to wait and process what they feel about one pet and could not imagine having a new pet.

It took me many month to not feel sad about my dog Baron Von Chestnut, a standard dachshund. He was my grandparents dog and when they passed I took him. Unlike many dachshund he was very calm, mellow, and self assured. He grew up with another dog, a bloodhound named Bullet who was an aggressive nervous dog. I think Baron learned that his friend liked quit and calm because he has post traumatic stress disorder from being shot -that was why he was called Bullet. So Baron being a good friend developed a very calm and supportive personality and kept ist his whole life. Baron was a happy, sensitive and wise dog - he is missed.

That is my dog and his story. Maybe, telling you dogs story form time to time to people will help you as it does me.

Sympathies and condolences for your loss. I don't have any advice for dealing with it apart from pass the time somehow, anyhow and it get's easier.

I'm sorry for your loss. I've grown up with dogs all of my life and have felt the pain after they've aged and eventually passed. My current dog is still holding on God willing, but is already going through many issues that elderly dogs have. So I understand the pain of what you're going through.

I've got a good friend who's been in mourning for a dog for 9 weeks and still going.

All I can say is: don't let anyone tell you how to "properly" grieve or how long is "appropriate" because it was "only a pet." That's a personal thing for you, and only YOU get to decide when you're not hurting anymore and YOU get to decide what form your grief takes.

So long as you're not harming yourself or the people close to you, you do you.

We have had dogs and cats not all together LOL. But in all seriousness they become like part of the family there. So sorry my friend.

Beautifully said.

Really sorry to hear that. It happened in my life, too – a few years ago, I lost my beloved cat, Vivian. She was the soul of the house, and I had a strong emotional connection to her.

She was like an irreplaceable emotional support animal because she helped me perform basic tasks when I was depressed and looked after me in some way. I felt that she cared about me, making me think that at least one creature in this universe cares about me and needs me. When she died, I thought that I would be lost again. She was already old, and I knew that the time would have come one day or another. And when it happened, I was devastated for more than two weeks. Then it got better, and I thought she wouldn’t want me to be sad for too long because she loved me and that somewhere there was pet heaven (https://www.esaregistration.org/).

I'm so sorry for your loss! I have to agree with some other duders here, when I lost my cat, it was actually worse than losing a close relative.

We lost our cat to diabetes last year. Well, it wasn't actually the diabetes, it was the lack of care given by the vets, but I won't go into that right now. It was way too sudden, going from our little hairball lying on her favorite blanket to that blanket never being used again in a matter of hours.

It was awful, it was like a piece of our souls had been ripped out, so be both took the next day off work, and basically alternated between crying, reminiscing and silence. It took a good while to get somewhat normal again. Now, everybody grieves differently of course, but it'll still hurt for a while, but it will pass eventually.

For me, it took about two months before I could look at pictures and videos of my cat again, my girlfriend still can't.

Our processes were very different too. I wanted to talk about it, she didn't. I forced my way down to the livingroom after the second day, where she spent most of her time, while my girlfriend didn't go down there for a whole week, and even then, she had to do it extremely gradually.

The one thing I'm really glad we did right after we lost her, was pack away all her things. Through our tears we emptied the livingroom of toys, trinkets, her medicine and food and put it all into storage. There wasn't a trace of her left after that, but it would've been so much worse to do that once we had calmed down for a few days.

So the grief will pass, it'll take time, but it will pass. Find out exactly what works for you. If it's looking at pictures and smile through tears or just locking that out for a while, you do you. Just be happy for the time you had together, and that your pet undoubtedly felt loved and loved you back.