Earth to Chipotle

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Edited By BoG

On Saturday morning I stumbled upon a fresh $10 bill laying in the dirt. Being impossible for me to know who the original owner was, I kept it. Today, I rediscovered this bill, and decided to treat my self. I was going to get a Jamba Juice on campus, but decided to wait until after school to make a stop at Chipotle for a tortilla near-bursting with delicious. 
While enjoying my burrito, I read what Chipotle had printed on their bag: A letter to Chipotle from our good planet, Earth. Earth isn't the most vocal dude, so his writing to a restaurant chain is a pretty big deal. The letter reads:  
 

"Dear Chipotle, 
THANKS for keeping me in mind as you go about your business. People seem to just forget I'm around once in a while which is weird considering I weigh about 6,000,000,000,000,000,000 metric tons I would be easier for you to just build the cheapest restaurant possible. But by making strides to save energy you're helping me out a ton. By the way nice job with the wind turbine on the Gurnee, IL store. Loving that. So, thanks Chipotle. Keep it real.  
-earth 
p.s. I love your guac."

  
I did not change punctuation and the emphasis in my quote are found on the bag (kind of). 

Now, Chipotle took all of this as positive, which is why it is found on the bag. However, Earth's message is a bit ambiguous. I don't think the Earth intended to compliment. In fact, the letter is laced with sarcasm. Earth never uses a serious tone, something I'd expect from a 6,000* year old object. One instance that stands out the most is when Earth thanks Chipotle for helping him "out a ton." The use of the word "ton" is of particular interest. Earlier in the letter, Earth states his weight, 6,000,000,000,000,000,000 metric tons. These tons stand in contrast to one antoher. Earth is mocking Chipotle, 1  single ton is nothing compared to 6,000,000,000,000,000,000. This is clearly a sarcastic remark meant to belittle Chipotle's efforts. 
Next, Earth comments on a restaurant in Gurnee, IL, saying "Nice job with the wind turbine." One might see this as a compliment, until they see the store:  
 
 

 
That thing is ugly. Once more, the Earth mocks Chipotle. 
I could go on about the clear purpose of Earth's letter, as it is filled with evidences. I'm shocked that Chipotle printed this on their bag. How could they be so dumb as to misinterpret the letter? Oh well. I still like their burritos.
 
*I was going to put 4.5 Billion, but trolling is more fun. 
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#1  Edited By BoG

On Saturday morning I stumbled upon a fresh $10 bill laying in the dirt. Being impossible for me to know who the original owner was, I kept it. Today, I rediscovered this bill, and decided to treat my self. I was going to get a Jamba Juice on campus, but decided to wait until after school to make a stop at Chipotle for a tortilla near-bursting with delicious. 
While enjoying my burrito, I read what Chipotle had printed on their bag: A letter to Chipotle from our good planet, Earth. Earth isn't the most vocal dude, so his writing to a restaurant chain is a pretty big deal. The letter reads:  
 

"Dear Chipotle, 
THANKS for keeping me in mind as you go about your business. People seem to just forget I'm around once in a while which is weird considering I weigh about 6,000,000,000,000,000,000 metric tons I would be easier for you to just build the cheapest restaurant possible. But by making strides to save energy you're helping me out a ton. By the way nice job with the wind turbine on the Gurnee, IL store. Loving that. So, thanks Chipotle. Keep it real.  
-earth 
p.s. I love your guac."

  
I did not change punctuation and the emphasis in my quote are found on the bag (kind of). 

Now, Chipotle took all of this as positive, which is why it is found on the bag. However, Earth's message is a bit ambiguous. I don't think the Earth intended to compliment. In fact, the letter is laced with sarcasm. Earth never uses a serious tone, something I'd expect from a 6,000* year old object. One instance that stands out the most is when Earth thanks Chipotle for helping him "out a ton." The use of the word "ton" is of particular interest. Earlier in the letter, Earth states his weight, 6,000,000,000,000,000,000 metric tons. These tons stand in contrast to one antoher. Earth is mocking Chipotle, 1  single ton is nothing compared to 6,000,000,000,000,000,000. This is clearly a sarcastic remark meant to belittle Chipotle's efforts. 
Next, Earth comments on a restaurant in Gurnee, IL, saying "Nice job with the wind turbine." One might see this as a compliment, until they see the store:  
 
 

 
That thing is ugly. Once more, the Earth mocks Chipotle. 
I could go on about the clear purpose of Earth's letter, as it is filled with evidences. I'm shocked that Chipotle printed this on their bag. How could they be so dumb as to misinterpret the letter? Oh well. I still like their burritos.
 
*I was going to put 4.5 Billion, but trolling is more fun. 
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Chummy8

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#2  Edited By Chummy8

Funny, I always thought the Earth was female.

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toowalrus

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#3  Edited By toowalrus

I never realized Chipotle was a chain of stores, always figured they were refering to the blend of spices known as chipotle... though I don't really care if I've been missing out anymore, I haven't been eating fast food lately...

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TheGreatGuero

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#4  Edited By TheGreatGuero

Ha. Well, whatever. Chipotle is pretty awesome. Even if Earth belittles them in a sarcastic manner.

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Everyones_A_Critic

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I always thought the earth was kind of a dick to be honest.

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matthias2437

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#6  Edited By matthias2437

I love Chipotle, but I love the idea of the earth being a sarcastic dick even more. Good job with this post hah, loved it.

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Ravenlight

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#7  Edited By Ravenlight

I'm glad I'm not the only one who overthinks the stupid marketing on their packaging.

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nemt

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#8  Edited By nemt

Earth needs Chipotlaway.

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#9  Edited By skrutop

I actually think the Earth was making fun of Chipotle for putting a store in Gurnee, IL. It wasn't saying that the wind turbine was ugly; it was saying that Gurnee sucks. Seriously, the town is nothing more than a big outlet mall and a Six Flags. It can't even decide if it's a distant suburb of Chicago or a distant suburb of Milwaukee. I guess "fuck Gurnee" is what I'm trying to say.

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DonChipotle

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#10  Edited By DonChipotle

Oh thank God I thought this was about me. Phew. Also as an Illinois resident, nothing good exists in Gurnee.

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wolf_blitzer85

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#11  Edited By wolf_blitzer85

I had a friend who could eat three of those fucking burritos, double meat on all of them.
 
It was a horrendous sight to behold.

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shootermcclay

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#12  Edited By shootermcclay

Who cares about Chipotle when there is Q'doba and their amazing chicken queso burritos? Plus, I get a free burrito for every ten purchases. So, far I have gotten at least 20 free burritos.

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Dolphin_Butter

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#13  Edited By Dolphin_Butter

I passed by that exact store on Sunday. The thing wasn't spinning.

And like everyone else aware of Gurnee in this thread: Yes, fuck Gurnee.

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#14  Edited By BraveToaster

@TekZero said:

Funny, I always thought the Earth was female.

So that makes our galaxy a kitchen, right?

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#15  Edited By gamb1t

cafe rio > zabas > chipotle (YUCK!)

you guys are planters....

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#16  Edited By Chummy8

@Axxol said:

@TekZero said:

Funny, I always thought the Earth was female.

So that makes our galaxy a kitchen, right?

So that makes us Sandwiches then?

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#17  Edited By SSully

@skrutop said:

I actually think the Earth was making fun of Chipotle for putting a store in Gurnee, IL. It wasn't saying that the wind turbine was ugly; it was saying that Gurnee sucks. Seriously, the town is nothing more than a big outlet mall and a Six Flags. It can't even decide if it's a distant suburb of Chicago or a distant suburb of Milwaukee. I guess "fuck Gurnee" is what I'm trying to say.

So damn true. Earth tore Chipotle a new one in that letter, and the schmucks put it on their bag, priceless!

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BraveToaster

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#18  Edited By BraveToaster

@TekZero said:

@Axxol said:

@TekZero said:

Funny, I always thought the Earth was female.

So that makes our galaxy a kitchen, right?

So that makes us Sandwiches then?

I think that we're on to something.

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PeasantAbuse

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#19  Edited By PeasantAbuse

@TekZero said:

@Axxol said:

@TekZero said:

Funny, I always thought the Earth was female.

So that makes our galaxy a kitchen, right?

So that makes us Sandwiches then?

I'm a ham sandwich, I don't know about you guys though.

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Jimbo

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#20  Edited By Jimbo

Earth can be such a douche at times. Like tsunami time for instance.

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#21  Edited By Fizzy

Yeah, I thought that was a pretty sarcastic letter lol.

I can't believe they put it on their bags :P

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#22  Edited By Lotus

@Axxol said:

@TekZero said:

Funny, I always thought the Earth was female.

So that makes our galaxy a kitchen, right?

The only female planet is Venus, Earth is just a globe with latitude and longitude, and the rest are male gods.

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#23  Edited By BraveToaster

@Lotus said:

@Axxol said:

@TekZero said:

Funny, I always thought the Earth was female.

So that makes our galaxy a kitchen, right?

The only female planet is Venus, Earth is just a globe with latitude and longitude, and the rest are male gods.

And you're out of you're damn mind if you believe that.

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BUCK3TM4N

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#24  Edited By BUCK3TM4N

i can seriously go for a burrito now

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deactivated-5ba16609964d9

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I think any of the environmental measures taken by Chipotle are instantly negated by the amount of toilet paper that is used by what my friend dubs the "Shitpotle squirts".  
 I swear they put both Taco Bell and White Castle to shame when it comes to causing bowl shattering diarrhea.

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#26  Edited By nemt

@gamb1t said:

cafe rio > zabas > chipotle (YUCK!)

you guys are planters....

Get a load of this guy.

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#27  Edited By TheDudeOfGaming

That motherfucking Earth, it has a dry wit. Remember, whenever it decides it wants to destroy us, it can, by calling her pimp, Father Nature.

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#28  Edited By Jordy_LaForge

Well the letter from Earth got us talking about Chipotle on a public forum that thousands of people read. Regardless of Earth's tone or intent Chipotle wins! Also the burritos are awesome!

Edited for burrito awesomeness.

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#29  Edited By Commisar123

Man Earth is funny. When will he get his own comedy central special?

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#30  Edited By mikemcn

Earth pretends to like Chipotle, but fools around with Moe's Southwest Grill.

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#31  Edited By skrutop

@Jordy_LaForge said:

Well the letter from Earth got us talking about Chipotle on a public forum that thousands of people read.

Hello, thousands of people! Don't go to Gurnee, IL unless you want cheap Levis and some crappy funnel cake!

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#32  Edited By MikkaQ

The writing on their cups tends to be douchey, but boy am I tempted to take a 2 hour trip to the nearest (and only Canadian) Chipotle.

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#33  Edited By Jordy_LaForge

@skrutop: They don't have to go to Gurnee, just to any Chipotle. My point was that the quote on the bag was an advertisement and it worked. Earth is mean and burritos are awesome.

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#34  Edited By ThreePi

Hey! I live in Gurnee and I go to that Chipotle all the time!

But that turbine can get spinning up pretty god damn fast sometimes. It looks like its just going to rattle off the pole and go flying off and kill someone.

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#35  Edited By W0lfbl1tzers

@gamb1t said:

cafe rio > zabas > chipotle (YUCK!)

you guys are planters....

Whole in the wall place with a Spanish name where no one speaks English > chain restaurants.

Oh the joys of living in California.

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#36  Edited By gamb1t

@W0lfbl1tzers said:

@gamb1t said:

cafe rio > zabas > chipotle (YUCK!)

you guys are planters....

Whole in the wall place with a Spanish name where no one speaks English > chain restaurants.

Oh the joys of living in California.

yeah i love the west coast but its mainly cali/nv/az/tx with the best mexican spots. NV its called robertos, CA is albertos? i havent been to cali in 2 months i forget

also you realize whole in the wall chains from the southwest end up getting into chains eventually cause they were good right.. lol

also most those whole in the wall spots, yeaaaaa you kinda dont wanna know how long they keep food or how they keep food fyi so be picky

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#37  Edited By Chirag4

Followed.

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iam3green

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#38  Edited By iam3green

i'm glad that earth is enjoying chipotle. earth is pretty mean sometimes, earthquakes, tsunami, hurricanes.

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#39  Edited By Lies

BoG you can't troll you're a mod

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#40  Edited By Guided_By_Tigers

You make a lot of food threads and I like it.