First time cat owners, need some help/advice

My wife and I adopted an 8-year-old cat over the weekend. She's a lovely cat, very affectionate, but she's also keeping us up all night with her meowing. We don't want her in the bedroom while we're sleeping (which I understand seems to be contentious for a lot of pet owners), so she just stays right outside the door meowing very loudly and scratching trying to get in. I let her in one night, but she didn't really sleep, just roamed around and made a ruckus, crawled all over my wife's head and under the bed, etc. Does anyone have any advice for us to remedy this solution? I've heard that playing with your cat and then feeding right before sleeping helps tire them out? If we do let her sleep in the bedroom, is there anyway to discourage her from jumping on the bed? Thanks.

Anecdotally, if the cat's in the room, she gon' get up on that bed while you're trying to sleep. Sometimes if there is something similarly comfy in the room (maybe a comfy chair, rolly office chair, basket full of folded laundry, who the fuck knows, cats be crazy), the cat may decide to sleep on that instead, but I've only really had that work in a situation where I had a smaller bed and I think the cat just didn't feel there was enough running around room on the bed to get all up on my head so she settled on the seat of my rolly office chair most nights.

I'm no expert, but my understanding is if the cat thinks there is even a remote chance it may elicit a response of "human opens door, lets me into the room with the bed", the cat will meow and scratch at your door. If you really put your foot down from the start and never let the cat into the bedroom maybe they will just give it up, but you'll probably have to put up with a few weeks of the cat still thinking it's possible and meowing up a storm to try to get in. I make no promises that the cat will actually learn any kind of lesson.

I think it was a bad move adopting such an old cat. I got my first cat when she was only a few month old. We trained her to be fairly obedient, use a scratching post, litter box, etc. can't teach old cat new tricks. I'd say keep the cat outside at night, maybe that will help. Can't guarantee the cat won't run away,

I've only had a cat since it was a kitten, and we always locked it in the kitchen at nights. Sometimes he'd meow, but he learned pretty quick that he was in there all night and would wait until breakfast time to begin meowing.

I think your only option is to suffer the moaning cat for a while if you want to stop it meowing. It seems like the cat is used to being able to roam with its previous owners, so I have no idea how long it'll take to adapt. Cats are smart though, I'm sure it'll get the picture! Good luck!

In my experience, you should stop resisting. The cat is going to win the fight, the battle, and the war. Embrace that kitty cat, and embrace having that kitty cat sleep in your room at night.

It will probably take a little time for the cat and you to come to a pseudo-agreement (armistice might be a better word) on how things will work when it's time for sleep, in regards to where the cat sleeps in relation to you and your spouse; hang in there.

Hey, just had to babysit a cat for a month and a half. It did the same thing. Meowing at night means that they are in distress, which is normal if the cat just moved in.

You have to endure it really. Punishing the cat will make it more stressed and end up making it louder.

The cat I was babysitting did it for three weeks and stopped suddenly. It supposedly can go to a little more than a month. You should be fine after that but any case do not give attention to the cat during the night. Ignore it as much as you can so it understands that it's not the time to be awake.

That's about it. Good luck.

I had a cat who learned that scratching the closet doors was a good way to wake me up and get me to pay attention to it.

Just try and push it down, let it sleep. Don't reward it with attention if it's bad. Give it a shot (on a weekend when you can afford to lose a little sleep).

Good for you for adopting that cat.

By it's demeanor the cat sounds already that humans matter to it. What I do is put a pad on the bed or table-top, the one cat knows it is for him. The other cat doesn't seem to hold sleeping in the bedroom as a thing.

Whether you do that or not, give the cat attention during the day, pretty much every-time you pass by it, a pet or a scratch by the tail. What really works is feeding the cat in front of it. That is a ritual cats love. You filling their bowl, or just stirring the food around if you have a small tank feeder (dry food), means a whole lot to them.

Get some cat furniture (say a cat tower), one that they can both scratch and sleep on, very important. They very quickly pick up on what's theirs, though one cat occasionally likes to fuck with me by scratching the sofa when I am looking, or going after the plant. Hey, attention! That's why I pet them when I can, there seems to be less drive to do that if I put out.

What a dick answer on every level. One good for you for adopting a older less likely to be adopted animal. Once again kudo's. Everything is a adjustment period. Do not put a domesticated animal that is not used to the outdoors outside. That's just mean. the howling might stop, it might not. I've seen some people at wits end use a motion detector sprayer, but that seems kind of mean. I would suggest giving him a catnip toy before you go to bed and see how that goes. It could backfire though, some cats go nuts on the stuff. Guitargod maybe stick to guitar advice, cause you can teach a old cat new tricks. Your advice is mean and flat out wrong.

I continue to not understand people who willingly bring these beasts into their lives.

Agree 100% with this man/lady, whatever you may have heard, read, interpreted believe it or not cat's enjoy their owners company and enjoy being around them shutting them out or throwing it outside on a night (like that guitar fella suggested) because it meow's is unnecessarily cruel action to take, especially if you've only had this cat for a few days? It's going to take a while to get acclimatized to it's new home.

Does the cat have a comfortable basket or bed of it's own? We've adopted and brought up many a cat and they've all eventually got used to having a 'night time bed' were it goes when we've all headed off to bed, might take some time to get used to but it's always worked for us.

Edit: And a cat thread without pictures? For shame...

@ichthy said:

Yep. You gotta play with them a whole bunch to tire them out and then feed them so they sleep through the night. You'll probably go through a few play cycles before kitty is well an truly tired out too. The good news is you've got an 8-year old cat, so she won't be quite as energetic as a younger one.

Personally, I wouldn't recommend letting her in your bedroom at night. Cats can be very affectionate and sweet, but this usually just ends up with them sleeping on your head, or in some position where you otherwise can't move. Plus, you get cat hair on everything, which depending on if you have allergies can be a bad thing for sleeping.

If you are absolutely dead set on having her in your room, you need to make somewhere for her to sleep that they view as being more comfortable than your bed. If you put a heating pad on low underneath a blanket and put that on a comfy chair, that might work. But as I said, the better option is to give them somewhere else in the house to sleep.

Hopefully this is helpful and not just a wall of useless text.

I've had my two cats for 6 and 7 years and they have two very different personalities. We leave our bedroom door open. One sleeps on the corner of the bed (like a dog) and the other will cuddle with us and then have his fill and sleep under our bed. They have a feeding schedule and know that sitting on our heads will help nothing. They were raised from kittens though, and the only reason I left the bedroom door open is because they can open door handles (but not knobs).

Like others have said, the cat may be distressed. You probably need to set up a comforting area. Have you tried feliway? There's a spray and a plug in. I believe it has some calming pheromones in it that helps relax cats. We used it when moving the cats and it helped out in the hotel room and especially the new apartment.

Catnip spray is also helpful. Spray it around the tower/post and a little on a blanket for their sleeping area. I did this weeks ago and one of my cats will scratch the post then snuggle up to it for a nap.

Oh and if you have carpet, put a towel under your door so your carpets not getting pulled out.

Keep in mind, the cat unfortunately may be set in their ways. Try a few things to comfort and get it situated but if it's still distressed you may have to give in. They are very finicky animals.

Best of luck and kudos for adopting an older cat!

This may be counterintuitive, but have you considered getting a second cat? Your adopted cat may be used to a more social environment and a second cat may help with the meowing. Or you'll have two cats meowing at the door. In my experience every cats has their own personality and they are how they are. Or I'm a big pushover.

fwiw I would inevitably grumpily knock my cat off the bed if he were to jump on it while I was a sleep and wake me up - he eventually learned not to do that and only jumps up when he knows I'm awake. ymmv

@ichthy: I refuse to offer you any sound advice until I get a picture of the cat. How DARE you make a topic about a cute, little feline creature and not include a picture? How dare you, sir?!

Two cat-owner here, we're total pushovers. :-)

But seriously, this is actually a really good answer. Our first cat became a lot more calm and happy when we got our second cat, and they don't even interact all that much.

Here's my advice:

Keep your door open, your cat will probably prowl around the first few nights since it's new, but it will get used to everything eventually. My older cat sleeps on my bed beside me, has done it for years, it's something I don't even think about anymore, and when she's NOT there, I get concerned. She doesn't sleep on my head or on me or anything, if your cat does that, just push her aside or move her, she'll get the message sooner or later.

I also recently got a kitten, and the first few nights can be pretty rough when they prowl your room, knocking things over and climbing over your dresser, but he only did it for the first week or so. Now, he never comes into my room at night, even though I leave the door open for him.

Basically, the first few weeks are an adjustment period for your cat as they explore your house and get to know their new territory.

If you sincerely don't want your cat in your room, then don't open the door for it at night when she starts to meow. She'll do this for quite a while though, but eventually she will learn that she's not allowed in there. It's going to be difficult at first, and you WILL get that feeling where you wonder why just why the fuck you thought it was a good idea to get a new cat - I think everyone gets that feeling when they get a new pet, but give it a month, and she'll fit in like she's always been there. Just hold tight, and stay committed.

Terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE advice. I sincerely hope the opening post didn't listen to you at all.

Adopting older cats is absolutely GREAT because they typically are nowhere near as wild as younger cats and are way more chilled, if you don't have a lot of time to play with your cat or are at work often, get an older cat, because they are way more low maintenance than younger cats, and they also tend to be way less destructive. And older animals can learn new tricks, the hell are you talking about?

And keeping an indoors cat outside? Genius advice right there.

Thanks for the advice. We fenced off access to the hallway to the bedroom, so she still had free roam to the rest of the apartment, and she seemed a bit calmer the second evening. Still meowed a bit in the beginning, but we fed her right before going to bed. I think at the beginning we just need to adjust her feeding schedule, and have her switch her internal clock to actually sleeping at night and have her adjust to periods of not having us around for stretches. The previous owners apparently just let her out at night, since they were in a small community, but she got moved down to Vancouver and we live on a 15th floor apartment (so yes letting her out is definitely a no). We're trying to play with her before bed, but she's not much of a player, or we haven't found the right toys yet. She seemed to really like a piece of string though.

@do_the_manta_ray: Since you asked, here is potato quality photo of Zena. She purrs a lot.

@ichthy said:

Thanks for the advice. We fenced off access to the hallway to the bedroom, so she still had free roam to the rest of the apartment, and she seemed a bit calmer the second evening. Still meowed a bit in the beginning, but we fed her right before going to bed. I think at the beginning we just need to adjust her feeding schedule, and have her switch her internal clock to actually sleeping at night and have her adjust to periods of not having us around for stretches. The previous owners apparently just let her out at night, since they were in a small community, but she got moved down to Vancouver and we live on a 15th floor apartment (so yes letting her out is definitely a no). We're trying to play with her before bed, but she's not much of a player, or we haven't found the right toys yet. She seemed to really like a piece of string though.

@do_the_manta_ray: Since you asked, here is potato quality photo of Zena. She purrs a lot.

Try a peacock feather if you can find one. We had a cat that was pretty lazy too until I got my mom a bouquet for Mother's Day that randomly included a peacock feather. Cat immediately jumped up onto my Mom's shoulder, grabbed the feather out of the bouquet and took off like shot. Had the crazies for a half hour after that. Then she'd drag it around and stare at you until you played with her.

You cannot tire out a cat for long. House cats sleep or nap 20 hours a day, so any play time is a drop in the bucket.

Cat Psychology 101 : Cats think of you as being the leader of their pride (group). It is natural they would feel safe and happy sleeping or being with you. But some cats will plop down to sleep in one spot, and some will roam throughout the night. Just like people, there are all kinds of personalities a cat might have. If you have a roamer that MIGHT be what they will continue to do.

Cats are not dumb nor do they lack emotions, they are about as smart as a small child. Imagine a small child was scratching at the door and asking to be let in every night. What would you do to solve that? Would you ignore them, or walk out to kick them so they shut-up? No, you would do what all parents do, make a bed room safe and cozy for them - give them love. Any solution you consider should pass the "would I do this to a human child" test. Sure, you could kick a child as well; that works as we know from abused children who get as far away from a rotten parent too.

Possible solution: Get a cat condo for the cat. Get one without a "chamber" or enclosed space big on a high perch. Since you have one cat that likes to move around at night a bigger space would work well. If the cat feels the condo is safe it will use it as bed as well. You can sprinkle a little cat nip into the "sleeping space" on condo every night to coax the cat to hang out there. Not a lot of catnip, just a 'bump'. The cat will get used to getting a treat at night if you just give it a few crumbs

If you have kids remind them the cat condo is the cat's space. It is not a place to chase the cat or bother the cat. The condo needs to be the cats safe space, that means a low traffic area...not near a doorway or the most used path throughout the house. Also, keep the condo clean by giving it it a vacuuming every week. Wash stains out, if the cat vomits in the condo clean it immediately. Cats are clean animals - their spaces must be clean and they cannot clean them themselves...no thumbs. If the cat ignores the condo look around to where the cat does hang out and put the condo in that spot. Yeah it might not be the spot YOU WANT, but that is a place the cat finds attractive. The choice is your a condo in a spot you don't like, or a cat they yowls outside your door. Keep in mind windows...if you have a spot next to a window that cat will like that.

@ichthy said:

Thanks for the advice. We fenced off access to the hallway to the bedroom, so she still had free roam to the rest of the apartment, and she seemed a bit calmer the second evening. Still meowed a bit in the beginning, but we fed her right before going to bed. I think at the beginning we just need to adjust her feeding schedule, and have her switch her internal clock to actually sleeping at night and have her adjust to periods of not having us around for stretches. The previous owners apparently just let her out at night, since they were in a small community, but she got moved down to Vancouver and we live on a 15th floor apartment (so yes letting her out is definitely a no). We're trying to play with her before bed, but she's not much of a player, or we haven't found the right toys yet. She seemed to really like a piece of string though.

@do_the_manta_ray: Since you asked, here is potato quality photo of Zena. She purrs a lot.

One of my two cats is lazy as hell, but as soon as I whip out the cheap pet store-brand mouse-shaped laser pointer, he goes nuts.

It's not earth changing advice but, I didn't see it here (maybe I missed it): I would suspect she will calm down some and be a little less inquisitive once she's lived there for a little longer. You posted this what? Two days ago after just getting her over the weekend? She probably will want to be into EVERYTHING still, after not being there for a full week yet. Best of luck. We basically just caved with our old tortie, embracing that she was going to be coming in (she would slam herself into the door at night until we let her) and then embracing that we would be her jungle gym, at least in the morning.

Also, kudos to you for adopting an older cat! Cats in general are great and give out the love you put in, regardless of age. It's also heartwarming to see people adopt, and even more so to see them adopt older cats (as the older they get the less likely they are to find their forever home).

Finally: she's a real cutie!

I used to be a vet tech and worked with mostly no-kill shelters. Seems like your cat is exploring and settling at a new place. This can be stressful them. You can try using Feliway in the room/house. It is similar to those plugged in glad scent things.

PS. Nothing wrong with adopting adult cats. Much easier to gauge their personalities. You and your wife are good people for giving her a home.

@ichthy: That's a cute ass cat. Plenty of great advice in here as is. Incentivize her not to yearn for you folks by providing a place she'll enjoy sleeping at, even if you have to resort to drugs. (Cat nip). Best of luck!

So a cat that old that's been adopted probably has some problems with being alone (one of my cats is adopted and she can get a little panicky on occasion when she thinks she's been abandoned). Fortunately the other one tends to keep her company here and there.

You could try leave the TV on with a low volume and see how you go.

Can second this. It sounded like a scam when I first heard of it but it definitely made my cat want to chill out in that room at night. Worth throwing money at if you're about to lose your mind.

This thread has a bunch of great advice, and I don't have much to add. But I will say that time definitely makes a huge difference. If you create a comfortable and loving home for a cat, it'll usually mellow out as it gets used to it. We adopted a 6 year old cat that had been abused (this was over 15 years ago at this point). For the first year he was supremely uncomfortable and people shy, every time we took out brooms to clean he would immediately run away and he was a massive pain during night time. But when he eventually finally realised we weren't so bad he became a real cuddle monster, even started cozying up to our extended family when they came to visit, which would have been completely unthinkable for the first bit we had him.

Basically the gist was. Much like with people. Time will change a cat. And if the environment it's in is relaxing for it, it'll change accordingly.

I'll also double down on the thing where you give it attention and occassioncal scratches when you pass by during the day, but do absolutely nothing during nights. It'll figure out what hours are scratch hours.

Cats are nocturnal, so trying to adjust their schedule really doesn't work. That said, I have a cat now that will sleep beside me at least part of the night. It took her a while, but she eventually learned that I'm not going to play with her at night. She has toys to play with while I sleep as well as windows to look out (open your blinds). I also sleep with white noise so she doesn't wake me up if she comes in to snoop around. Cats hate closed doors. She should eventually adjust—my daughter keeps her door closed at night. In my experience though (20+ years of owning cats) they train you more than you train them. Good luck!

Put it in another room so it can’t scratch the door?

As others have said, time is very key to seeing how teh cat will really be with you. Cats, especially shelter cats, can change so much in the first few weeks of acclimation, and then teh first few months. You might find that your cat settles down and is a fine quiet bedroom companion.

My cat is very delicate, she lays just under my chin, she is a good comparison for naps. She has questionable table manners, all food is shared food in her mind. As queen, she is entitled to half of the kil.. If I have a Philly Cheese Steak, that really just means I just have 2/3 of a Cheese Steak.

In general the advice about not closing the door is likely right. Cats really hate being prevented from getting somewhere and they have way less going on and are likely way more determined then you are.

@dudeglove: why not? My family and I have had single cats all our lives. Cats do fine by themselves unless you are gone for days or weeks. Indoor dogs would be a problem, outdoor dogs not as much.

With the cat being nocturnal, it's hard to tell if it wants in to sleep or for human company. Agreed with the others about letting it in but give the cat a bed or tower or something where it can hang out in the room. If it gets up on the bed early on, move it to the bed/tower & spend time with the cat there.

Growing up I had a cat who would be very vocal if I wasn't around or in the other rooms but when it got to my bedroom it would find a place to sleep quietly. Hard to tell as they all are little furry cute weirdos so just try to figure out what it's wanting & do your best to make the cat comfortable living in the house.

Advice : DON'T DO IT

It is pretty normal for cats to be a bit more restless when they have just moved in a new place. Older cats have also a tendency to meow at night. Playing with her before you go to bed can definitely help. Provide a good place for her to sleep and she'll figure it out eventually.

That being said I didn't let my cat in the bedroom at first but I gave up on it after a while. She sleeps at my feet every night and pokes me with her paws in the morning.

The first thing to understand is that you don't own the cat, the cat owns you :P. Okay, I have nothing to add, I don't own a cat; just a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. I will say don't let it lick your left eyeball and scratch the other. Ha ha.

The cat wants to be in the same room as its owners most of the time. I find this particularly true when sleeping. I'm assuming the cat was probably raised to be in the same room as the original owners. Cats are extreme creatures of habit, and when the habits change it stresses them out. You can keep persisting but I think breaking the cat of the habit of being in the room with their owner as they sleep is probably going to be difficult. Personally, I would let the cat and and yes, its going to make a ruckus for a while since it's in a new space and will explore the area to effectively establish a "perimeter" that it will eventually identify as safe. Once that happens it'll settle down and realize its bedtime. Either way there is going to be a period of adapting to the situation for both you and the cat.

For reference this happens with our cat literally every time we move apartments. It takes our cats, more specifically the older male cat, about two weeks to adapt.

EDIT: I read through a few of the other responses and what @kamikawa4 may be good and bad. We did find that our male cat was less energetic and ready for bed when we got a second cat. But cats are also super territorial, part of the "perimeter" aspect that I mentioned earlier. This means that they really don't like it when another cat comes in to the mix. If you were to get a second cat, this might make things better in the long run but will most likely make things worse in the short term. You're going to have a cat that is stressed out from being in a new environment, particularly an older cat that maybe hasn't been socialized to be around other cats, and you're going to need to gradually introduce them to each other which is a whole other challenge.

Also, I didn't realize until just now this is a month old thread. So OP you probably have a much better idea of the situation now.