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#1 Edited by NTM (11827 posts) -

My brother and his wife are having a kid in a few months; that's when it's due anyway, and my sister-in-law has invited a bunch of people to it. I've always thought that men generally aren't invited to those, so when she invited me it kind of took me by surprise. I feel like an ass, but to be totally honest I don't really want to go, for more than one reason. There are no issues between any of us, so it's not that I dislike them/her or what have you. I love them, it's just that I feel kind of pressured to come up with some kind of present. Another thing is that I have to work that night, so I don't know if I should tell work I can't come in, or just stay up all day long and be tired when I work. Lastly... I kind of just don't want to socialize with her side of the family/friends. I am excited about the birth of my soon-to-be nephew (my first!), but the baby shower? I am not so excited for. At work, we host a lot of baby showers throughout the year so I kind of know how it goes down, but what are your experiences with them?

Just so no one posts about recommendations/advice. Short story short: went to the baby shower, and the baby has been born already.

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#2 Posted by Jesus_Phish (3885 posts) -

If you're going to buy them anything just buy them baby clothes, a big bunch of baby grows. And not like, nice frilly fancy ones. Just buy them regular baby clothes. Babies go through A LOT of clothes a week, usually a day. Sure people will buy them an ornament or something to remind them of the baby being born - as if the baby itself isn't enough? I know it sounds boring and practical but baby clothes are the one thing that your brother and his wife will be happy to not be short of when the kid has an accident and needs a new change of clothes. I've got 7 nephews and nieces now and the one thing all their parents tell me was that all they needed gift wise from people was clothes.

If I was in your position, I'd see about either going to work an hour later, or getting up an hour earlier. Drop off at the shower to make an appearance and then go off to work.

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#4 Posted by soulcake (2789 posts) -

I have being to way to many baby showers over the years, (a lot of my friends got kids now damn i feel old). Things you do at a babyshower meet up with friends hang at one off those fancy high dinning tables you know those round ones, chug a few beers, get a hot dog for some reason all these baby showers got hot dogs now. And as for gifts i tend to give cold hard cash, most of these baby shower got like a "diaper account" at some bank where you just donate money.

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#5 Posted by Marcsman (3823 posts) -

I wouldn't go. Buy a nice gift and leave it at that

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#6 Posted by Clapmaster (341 posts) -

Over here on the east coast males don't do baby showers.

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#7 Posted by Deathstriker (1174 posts) -

I'd go to work and give them a gift next time I see them. I am used to baby showers being for women, but nowadays people buck tradition. I definitely wouldn't take off work to go to one.

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#8 Posted by nutter (2146 posts) -

Never been. The tradition of “keep men away from social functions they’re sure to hate” is a fine tradition to keep.

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#9 Posted by cmblasko (2940 posts) -

Just go. Why risk hurting the feelings of people I presume you are close to? Dealing with social situations you don't want to be in is a part of life, and learning how to make the best of them is an important skill to have. We've all gone to work tired before, you'll get through it.

Good presents are newborn size diapers, gift cards for pretty much anywhere that baby products are sold (walmart, amazon, target, carters, etc.), or check with other friends/family about going in on a higher-priced item like car seats, strollers, things like that.

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#10 Posted by personandstuff (648 posts) -

Yep. I went to my sister's shower. I didn't bring a gift and actually left a bit early. No one really minded. A little weird to be at a party that really centered on her friends but not the end of the world. I got my niece some gifts for Christmas.

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#11 Edited by reap3r160 (265 posts) -

They are probably just combining what is traditionally a baby shower(women) and diaper party(men). That's what most people do now, my best friend and his wife did it a couple years ago as well.

Don't get them a big gift, or clothes or anything like that. DIAPERS. 2 or 3 bags of DIAPERS and you will instantly be the most thoughtful person there. Parents burn through that stuff so fast, a bag will last them maybe a week AT BEST.

If it's purely a matter of, just not wanting to, just drop off a bag and dip out. I'm sure with them being family they won't take offense to it(imo). That said, I think most people who think men will automatically hate a baby shower, are basing that on nothing but movies. We had a blast at my buddies, the men and women usually just separate eventually anyway and we just hung out, drank, goofed around for a few hours.

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#13 Posted by MonkeyKing1969 (7588 posts) -

Buy a gift and send it with a nice note.

I have been to baby showers, but I think you have MORE than a good enough reason because of work to not attend. Send a blanket or cloths with a nice note.

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#14 Posted by Efesell (4510 posts) -

I have also never really heard of men being invited to these things.

But like you don't want to go and have a great reason not to so I'd just not worry about it and politely refuse.. you'll show up with a cloud of "I don't wanna be heeeeeere" hanging over you anyway and that's no fun.

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#15 Posted by Fezrock (731 posts) -

I've been to one, it was open-invite and probably 50-50 male-female. A bunch of us chipped in money and bought the couple a nice stroller, which is an expensive item that most new parents want/need. It was about 3 hours long and perfectly fine, mostly just everyone hanging out. The only baby-related things were opening the presents and have a pool to guess the delivery date.

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#16 Posted by NTM (11827 posts) -

I'm definitely going. That's not really in question now. I didn't know that my brother (the soon-to-be dad) was going. I thought it would have been awkward for him not to, but now I know he is going. Gift wise, I'm not really worried about it now. I'm just going to go in on something my brother (not the one that is going to be a dad, but his twin) and my mom and dad have in mind. And as said already, I've checked and the time between when the baby shower is over and the time I have to work is long enough I'll probably be able to get in eight hours of sleep as long as I get home on time and fall asleep fast enough.

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#17 Posted by FrodoBaggins (2066 posts) -

I've never been. My wife has been to lots. Where I live men generally don't go, it's a women's gathering. Defiantly buy a gift though.

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#18 Posted by soulcake (2789 posts) -

Hmmm it's interesting to see that men on baby showers aren't really a thing in the US. huh?

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#19 Posted by NTM (11827 posts) -

@soulcake: No, not really. From what I understand, kind of as @reap3r160 had said though, the tradition is kind of starting to change where men are being invited to them more. Typically, it's a woman thing though.

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#20 Posted by Deo_Brando (54 posts) -

If you don`t want to go, then don`t go. You don`t need to do what gives you negative emotions.

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#21 Posted by billmcneal (1254 posts) -

I have been to one and I'm a man. The couple had everyone bring diapers

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#22 Posted by I_Stay_Puft (5578 posts) -

No biggy, I've been invited to them in the past and its more of a celebration of the birth of your nephew. Depending on your relationship with your bro you could probably explain you don't want to go and he'd probably understand.

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#24 Posted by SloppyDetective (1608 posts) -

I've been to one baby shower. I didn't buy a gift cuz I was broke. My role was to offer a haven for my friend (the father) from the majority of the party (his wife's lady friends). Yes it is mostly a party for the ladies which means the father is going to feel jsut (if not more) awkward at it than you. So help him out is my advice.

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#25 Edited by NTM (11827 posts) -

@sloppydetective: @i_stay_puft: Just skimming the forums page, and I saw this was recently updated. Just have to say, the baby shower is way over, and the baby has been here for a month now (a month early). Ha ha. I went, it was fine. Mostly just helped my brother set some stuff up, then ate and played games (as in, baby shower games). Baby is adorable and I love holding him whenever I get the chance.

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