I just can't with 2020 anymore.

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MFDoomLIVE

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Edited By MFDoomLIVE

So here I am 10 years from my last blog post, and I didn't think I would ever post again here. I don't know what I can really say about this year that others haven't already said; however, I do need to vent, so why not do it here.

2020 started out looking so promising to me. I had a good-paying full-time job I enjoyed. I was on schedule to make the most money of my life this year. I planned and asking my girlfriend to marry me. I was, and still am, looking forward to the new generation of consoles. Things were looking to go my way...and then March came.

At the beginning of March, I was getting ready to head into work and was walking in my garage to get into my car when I heard a pop followed by minor discomfort in my foot. I am on my feet walking for most of my 10-hour workday, so I assumed I had strained it from the previous day. I did everything I knew I should do to try and heal it. I did stretches throughout the day, I administered ice treatment of 20-20-20, and elevated it when sitting/resting. Unfortunately, the pain only increased. Like any sane individual, I scheduled an appointment with my doctor. With the rest of the society starting to grow concerned about the spread of Covid-19, I couldn't get into the Dr. until the 24th of the month. I was hoping to get good news, but life had other plans. The Dr. informed me that I had most likely torn a ligament in my foot. I was immediately put on a 1,000 steps per day walking restriction, sent for x-rays, and instructed to start physical therapy. My stomach sank. I knew that the moment I heard the words walking restrictions, my life plans would change. As I said before, my job keeps me on my feet for long periods of time. I also knew due to the nature of the job, and they do not accommodate restrictions. I was immediately placed on short-term disability leave. Four days later, my State issued the Stay-at-Home order, which means my girlfriend will be home with me until further notice.

At this point, I should say that I work in the e-commerce division of a huge retail company. My employer responds to the State order saying that all employees are essential workers and send out exemption letters. Not only are we told we are expected to show up to our respective shifts, but to expect mandatory over-time another gut-punch for me. I knew I was going to be missing out on so much extra money. My employer-provided medical disability coverage only pays 40% of my hourly wages.

The first week of April rolls around, and I head off to finally get my x-ray. It was just my luck the x-ray came back inconclusive. The Dr. orders me to have an MRI to find out exactly what is going on. Two days later, I receive a call back saying that my insurance denied the MRI. I was told they wanted me to do 10 weeks of physical therapy and then re-evaluate. I immediately schedule my appointment to start therapy that week.

At this point, the pain was so bad. I was limping as I walked. I could not stand or walk on my foot for more than an hour before becoming completely fatigued from the pain. My therapist started me out with light stretches and exercises. At the end of that first appointment, they set me up for three one-hour-long sessions a week. Then they hit me with terrible news. Each session was going to cost me $387 until I hit my medical deductible of $6,300. After that, I would only have to pay $110 per session. And another punch to the gut and bank account. Now I get to go home and tell my girlfriend the wonderful news. Luckily she said she would cover our living expenses while I on leave in return for me doing all the house chores. Damn, do I love this woman!

The 10 weeks go by, and I see the doctor again. I have regained some mobility, and the pain has decreased, but at this point, plateau. We try for an MRI, and once again, my insurance denies the request. This time they want me to see an Orthopedic Surgeon. I comply with their request. The surgeon has me do another x-ray and looks at the treatment I've done so far. He agrees with my primary Dr. and orders an MRI. Another fight ensues with the insurance company, but this time I get a slight win. I get to have the MRI, but can't get me on the schedule until July 20th.

At this point, things are moving along fairly well. I had plenty of time on my hands to watch all the GB Lockdown content and play some games. I was able to get the Platinum trophies for Persona 5 Royal, God of War, Horizon Zero Dawn, and The Last of Us Part II.

On Sunday, July 12th, I receive a text message from my best friends' wife. She told me that he was in the hospital in a coma. While she was at work the day before, he had a stroke caused by high blood pressure. The doctors at the hospital were hopeful for a recovery. He introduced me to Giant Bomb all the way back in 2008 with the Pax video, and I've been following the site ever since. We were roommates back then, and we consumed all the site content together. I have always considered him to be the brother I never had. I am only 3 months older than him, and we share a deep love of video games, comics, music, books, and films.

On the following Tuesday, I contact his wife to see how things are going. She tells me that he had just started to have seizures and to swell on his brain. The doctors told her that he would need long-term care if he survives. Knowing the personal risk to my own health, I decided to jump on a plane the next day to see him and be there with her. Neither one of them has family close by. I could only afford to be there a few days, but they were days I will always remember. I could not see him in the hospital due to Covid, but I was able to stay and take care of their house chores and projects. On the night I arrived, he had another massive stroke, and the doctors said there was nothing more they could do. I was allowed entry to the hospital under end-of-life conditions on Thursday afternoon. I was able to say goodbye to my brother and watch one final GB Stream with him. His wife decided to take him off the machines on Saturday, July 18th. Which was also the day I had to return home. While I was waiting to board my flight, she messaged me that he had passed quickly and peacefully. He was one week away from his 39th birthday. You can find his profile here.

After a very long and rough week, the day finally came to have my MRI. It will be another 3 days before I get the results from the Surgeon. I have massive damage and need to have surgery. He gets me on the schedule for August 11th. I take a Covid test on the 8th of August in preparation for the procedure. I test negative, and the procedure goes without a hitch. I'm placed in a massive walking boot on the day of the surgery and told to keep it on for 6 to 8 weeks.

During this downtime, my friend and I decided that we should start a podcast. He had just undergone a surgical procedure, and with the upcoming new console releases, we figured it was a perfect time.

At this point, the State Stay-at-Home order has been lifted, and my girlfriend started to return to work in the office two days a week.

I enroll in an IT support certificate program because I love computers and technology to keep myself occupied.

I return to the Surgeon; he removes my walking boot and tells me to do another 6 weeks of physical therapy. At that point, I would be able to return to work. I know I have a hard date of November 3rd.

Things go well, and I inform them of my upcoming return. My HR department was then contacted, asking if I would be interested in applying for an IT position opening up. Of course, I jumped on the opportunity and applied. I had an interview the following week, and three days later, I was offered the position. After being on disability leave for 7 months, I get to return with a better paying position that doesn't require me to walk all day!

I hit my studies hard to learn as much as I can before my return. I also decided to do my due diligence and get another Covid test before returning to work. On Monday, the 2nd, I had the test, and I eagerly returned to work yesterday. Everything was going so well, until this morning. I woke up for work and was getting ready to make breakfast when I received an email that I have tested positive for Covid. I have no symptoms and have not knowingly been around anyone who does. I always wear my mask and practice social distancing.

I've gone 7 months of going to physical therapy, multiple doctors' appointments, and even traveled outside of my State without contracting this virus. How the hell did it happen? Why now?! I'm so fucking done with 2020 right now.

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ht101

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I'm so sorry about all of this duder. Know that we are all here for you and that we'll stand beside you in telling 2020 to fuck off.

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The_Nubster

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That fucking sucks. I'm sorry to hear about this shitstorm you're going through, and I hope it clears up sooner. This year has been brutal like no other.

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sombre

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One of my closest friends is suffering from lockdown blues, and has distanced herself from us because she needs time to herself. It's been two weeks now, and I worry she's gonna leave my life because of this.

I'm sad.

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KashRZ

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I’ve never posted in the years I’ve been a Giant Bomb member but I just wanted to say I’m so sorry to hear all those. I really hope things get better for you, fuck 2020.

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GloveSlipper

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You’ve really been put through it. I’m so sorry. I’m about to share my 2020, not to compare pain (I don’t believe pain is measurable) but to let you know there are so many of us suffering and you are not alone.

I lost my half brother (drank himself to death), two uncles (heart failure and cancer) and my dad before Covid-19 even hit. My wife and I then had the additional responsibilities thrust on everyone with two small kids during the pandemic. One of my kids got diagnosed on spectrum the week my dad died.

I was lucky in that my company responded quickly and got us working from home quickly but my wife is a therapist who specializes in ptsd from sex abuse cases so she had to keep exposing herself to help people in need. She tested positive and 4 days later was in the icu. The day I dropped her off, was the day we moved to a new house. I entered the hardest part of my life in juggling a move and 2 kids who wanted to see their mommy in a new house. Thanks to her med team and front line workers my wife was released from the icu ten days later. She was close to death multiple times but she’s the strongest person in the world. She’s a long hauler now and still on oxygen here and there. Selfishly I haven’t been able to rest since I don’t have my partner.

I haven’t had a chance to mourn my dad (no services due to Covid). I feel that weight everyday. Please make sure you take time to process what you’ve been through. Trust me, if you don’t you pay a price. Let’s just say, my monthly payment to the liquor store and belt size have gone up a lot.

You are not alone fellow Duder! Let’s get through this mess stronger! I always have the Mister Rogers quote run through my head about seeing bad stuff “look for the helpers.” I’m lucky in that I just have to see my wife who is back helping.

We are all stronger then we think.

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TheHT

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I'm sorry for your loss, and for your hardships. :(

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MFDoomLIVE

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Thank you all for your love and support. I'm feeling much better just getting it all out. The day wasn't all so bad, as right after posting this blog I received notification that my Xbox Series X was shipping.

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noblenerf

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That's brutal... I can't even begin to imagine. I'm sorry for your loss, duder.

I hope things get better. 2020's been an infamous year.

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Justin258

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#9  Edited By Justin258

Goddamn.

That's a hell of a year.

I hope next year is better for you, and I hope your Covid remains asymptomatic. Just chill out, enjoy the Xbox, and look forward to an IT life of not being on your feet all the time (and hope and pray you've got a good IT job and not one that overworks the hell out of you).

It really does feel like we've had an entire decade's worth of trouble in one year.

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tfuhrman

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I am so sorry man. This year has been hell and you seem to be on the bad end of the scale. I hope things go up from here. I’m really rooting for you.

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Onemanarmyy

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Man what an awful year for you. Hopefully you'll get to enjoy a bunch of amazing years in return for what you've gone through now.

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OurSin_360

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Sorry for your loss man. Try and get another test as well, false positives do happen.

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Mikebill1

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Damn. That is a helluva year. I'm sorry to hear about all that duder. From the sounds of your post everything started to look up right before that final covid result, so here's hoping after your in the clear that everything starts going right for you man. Stay strong duder! And hey. If nothing else, having quarantine for 2 weeks means you'll get a bit of time at home to fuck around with the Series X. Enjoy it!

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Rejizzle

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My condolences. Here's to a better 2021.

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bmccann42

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2020 has been a venereal disease of a year, and doesn't look like it will get much better by the end of it. It has been horrifying to watch competence and intelligence just get drowned out by ignorance and stupidity.

I am probably the worst person to be giving any kind of advice in this, but hang in there. You are stronger than you think, and time will pass.

Stay strong, stay safe, and stay healthy.

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Ulfhedinn

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2020 has been a venereal disease of a year, and doesn't look like it will get much better by the end of it. It has been horrifying to watch competence and intelligence just get drowned out by ignorance and stupidity.

I am probably the worst person to be giving any kind of advice in this, but hang in there. You are stronger than you think, and time will pass.

Stay strong, stay safe, and stay healthy.

@bmccann42 summed everything that needed to be said.

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MFDoomLIVE

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I want to thank you all once again, for the love, and support. Reading all the comments has truly lifted my spirits.

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VeryTallman

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@mfdoomlive: im sorry brother. never stop fighting. we will see the end of this

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Undeadpool

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Sounds like you've got a pretty healthy support network, and as someone who's gone through some real, real, REAL shitty times: that's THE BEST thing you can have in times like these.

Don't be afraid to lean a little harder on people who know and love you best, they'll understand what you're going through and be there for you in some very real ways you might not expect.

Other than that: there's that "Rider Meet Horse, Horse Meet Rider" and Euro Fishing Quick Looks in the carousel today. If that and friendship can't help, I dunno what will.

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Crommi

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The Dr. orders me to have an MRI to find out exactly what is going on. Two days later, I receive a call back saying that my insurance denied the MRI.

This just blows my mind, how can some pencil-pushers in insurance company decide what kind of treatment you need, over an actual doctor that has performed the diagnosis.

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Boss_Zsiga

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Sorry man, sounds awful. Hope you can focus on the positive as you continue on. Kind of cool that you’re asymptomatic at least.

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OMGFather

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Sorry for your loss, he sounded like a good guy.

Fuck American health care though, those costs...

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RobertForster

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I’m sorry. I also lost my best friend and brother to a seizure. I know how hard that is. Hang in there. You are doing the best you can.

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Captain_Insano

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Sorry for your loss, he sounded like a good guy.

Fuck American health care though, those costs...

Yeah - I don't want to turn this thread into a political one but as I read each section about disability pay from work and the medical costs - it's something that I can't even really fathom having to deal with (and I grew up 'relatively' poor, but have always had good access to that stuff, simply by virtue of the country I'm in)

I think it was really good for you to put yourself out there mate - nothing we say can make the year you've had any easier - but work to control the things that you can control and 2020 has clearly been awful, but it's one year for you in a year of many to come (years that will be much better), so in the long run it will be something that you will move on from.

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Sessh

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I'm truly sorry for your loss. And for the other shitty stuff youbare going through.

You'll beat Covid and you'll beat 2020, though. Next year will be better, you'll see.

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SethMode

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I'm so sorry, dude. Not really much else I can say on that front. I will say I totally am enraged by your insurance woes. I'm an expat that lives in Korea and stories like this just make me crazy considering how fucking shitty it all is back home. Best wishes duder, I hope everything works out okay and 2021 is better.

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frenchy789

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#27  Edited By frenchy789

Support from France man, I lived in the USA for a long time and I know how cut throat shit can get. Just hold in there until the next stimulus checks come through. Tell your employer about the Covid test results and as long as you don't have major symptoms, legally you should be back to work in 3-4 weeks.

HOLD IN THERE