If I can: let me be serious about this one thing.

    Fidgeting with my wine glass to avoid eye contact with my parents; I've milked this distraction way too long.  Setting the empty glass back down on the patio table creates a sharp scrape that breaks the awkward silence enough for me to mutter out, "I just think that there's just someone better out there for me."  It's one week before I was supposed to be married and my parents are reeling with the announcement that I have no intent of going through with it.  "You sound like your father."  My mother replies, looking up for the first time in what seems like forever to see my concerned mother alongside her devoted and loving second husband, Greg.  I reply, "Well, wasn't dad right?"  He was and so was I.  

  I knew I was doing the right thing, I didn't need validation or forgiveness, I just wanted to be happy.  It was scary, leaving to be by myself that is, I crumpled up five plus years and threw it away to be written off like everyone of my other failed relationships.  But it was liberating at the same time, in ways you'd expect and some that most of us take for granted; I'd forgotten myself years ago, to paraphrase Pink Floyd: I traded a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage. 

  Seems a bit heavy handed right?  Did you not read the title?  Are you the type of person who watched "Snakes on a Plane" and then complained that it was stupid?  Duh, it's fucking called, "Snakes on a Plane" what did you expect?  To walk out of the theater a changed man?  Well stop reading then.  

  As I was saying, it was hard.  Hitting the reset button at 31 with nothing to show for it was something I expected to do when I was 21, but none of my friends settled for "close enough," there was no reason for me to either.  I rode it out; the loneliness, the rebound, the horrible first dates, my sites narrowed with every outing.  I knew that I wanted something more then attraction, more then conversation, I wanted to be happy without compromising, and I did it, I met Hana.  

  It's the end of my first quarter back in college, finals are coming, I'm being graded for the first time in over 6 years and where am I?  Leaning against the side of my car in the middle of a 30 minute long goodbye, repeating soft words milliseconds between kisses, adnauseum.  I drove up there to spend the few hours I had left before Tuesday began, sacrificing sleep, homework and every sense of rational.  We decided that some time between the constant affection would be good for us, not that we needed some time apart, but because we ran out of time; we reached the point of breaking and we had to do some damage control before we both wound up unemployed with piles of laundry, lists of chores, disgruntled friends and pets.  We couldn't bear it though, one day apart, that's the limit and it seems to be closing smaller and smaller.  I couldn't be happier. 

  The first time I met my best friend, Paul, we got into a fight on the school bus (I won btw), one week after we became inseparable, like brothers.  I knew when I first became his friend that I would know him for the rest of my life, here I am 20 years later, played best man at his wedding, he's still the first one I call.  I never flinched on the first date, I knew Hana for only hours, reaching out for her hand was second nature, the idea that I was making a move on her didn't even occur to me, it was like nothing I'd ever felt before.  Complete, brilliant, engagement that had escaped me as far back as I can remember was in front of me and once it was introduced it was like it had always been there but just out of my grasp.   

  A bit much? Depends.   

I could indulge every known cliche' about these feelings, but it would ultimately fail me, they're trite and this is anything but.  We spend every second we can spare looking, touching, listening, sharing-  See?  Words 

  As my previous blogs would suggest: I'm cynical.  I love to keep my rampant optimism in check with cold hard logic, but logic is failing today.  I have nothing to challenge this with, I've fought hard to hold off these feelings, but I can't.  I can not find anything wrong, and I know what to look for thank you.     

    Fidgeting with my wine glass to avoid eye contact with my parents; I've milked this distraction way too long.  Setting the empty glass back down on the patio table creates a sharp scrape that breaks the awkward silence enough for me to mutter out, "I just think that there's just someone better out there for me."  It's one week before I was supposed to be married and my parents are reeling with the announcement that I have no intent of going through with it.  "You sound like your father."  My mother replies, looking up for the first time in what seems like forever to see my concerned mother alongside her devoted and loving second husband, Greg.  I reply, "Well, wasn't dad right?"  He was and so was I.  

  I knew I was doing the right thing, I didn't need validation or forgiveness, I just wanted to be happy.  It was scary, leaving to be by myself that is, I crumpled up five plus years and threw it away to be written off like everyone of my other failed relationships.  But it was liberating at the same time, in ways you'd expect and some that most of us take for granted; I'd forgotten myself years ago, to paraphrase Pink Floyd: I traded a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage. 

  Seems a bit heavy handed right?  Did you not read the title?  Are you the type of person who watched "Snakes on a Plane" and then complained that it was stupid?  Duh, it's fucking called, "Snakes on a Plane" what did you expect?  To walk out of the theater a changed man?  Well stop reading then.  

  As I was saying, it was hard.  Hitting the reset button at 31 with nothing to show for it was something I expected to do when I was 21, but none of my friends settled for "close enough," there was no reason for me to either.  I rode it out; the loneliness, the rebound, the horrible first dates, my sites narrowed with every outing.  I knew that I wanted something more then attraction, more then conversation, I wanted to be happy without compromising, and I did it, I met Hana.  

  It's the end of my first quarter back in college, finals are coming, I'm being graded for the first time in over 6 years and where am I?  Leaning against the side of my car in the middle of a 30 minute long goodbye, repeating soft words milliseconds between kisses, adnauseum.  I drove up there to spend the few hours I had left before Tuesday began, sacrificing sleep, homework and every sense of rational.  We decided that some time between the constant affection would be good for us, not that we needed some time apart, but because we ran out of time; we reached the point of breaking and we had to do some damage control before we both wound up unemployed with piles of laundry, lists of chores, disgruntled friends and pets.  We couldn't bear it though, one day apart, that's the limit and it seems to be closing smaller and smaller.  I couldn't be happier. 

  The first time I met my best friend, Paul, we got into a fight on the school bus (I won btw), one week after we became inseparable, like brothers.  I knew when I first became his friend that I would know him for the rest of my life, here I am 20 years later, played best man at his wedding, he's still the first one I call.  I never flinched on the first date, I knew Hana for only hours, reaching out for her hand was second nature, the idea that I was making a move on her didn't even occur to me, it was like nothing I'd ever felt before.  Complete, brilliant, engagement that had escaped me as far back as I can remember was in front of me and once it was introduced it was like it had always been there but just out of my grasp.   

  A bit much? Depends.   

I could indulge every known cliche' about these feelings, but it would ultimately fail me, they're trite and this is anything but.  We spend every second we can spare looking, touching, listening, sharing-  See?  Words 

  As my previous blogs would suggest: I'm cynical.  I love to keep my rampant optimism in check with cold hard logic, but logic is failing today.  I have nothing to challenge this with, I've fought hard to hold off these feelings, but I can't.  I can not find anything wrong, and I know what to look for thank you.