I'm Afraid I'm Not Gonna Make It

The title is a double entendre, because I'm dying of a mysterious illness. That's not the subject here though, I just thought that would be funny. Rather, I wanted to do some housekeeping and hold myself accountable, inspired by another Giant Bomb thread about finishing your video game plate.

Four months ago, I mentioned in my questing blog that I finally started tackling my backlog dark horse, Lunar: Silver Star Harmony. Every single time I've started that game previously, I almost immediately put it down. Still, at the time, I had given myself until the end of the year to beat one more game; a gross exaggeration of time needed, I thought at first. Well, I regret to inform you that I haven't finished the PSP version of this Japanese role-playing game (JRPG) and I don't think I will get it done in the week or so I have left in 2021. A non-trivial factor of that is the death part, but more realistically it is all the other usual distractions that have taken me away from the Sony portable. I'll mention those in a bit.

Lunar started off pretty strong. As a first impression, this JRPG is a lot more palatable than most in the same era. Story progresses way smoother than its peers, there are fewer instances of arbitrary stopping points and even grinding isn't a necessity, for the most part. You can absolutely just hop-skip your way through and that's very rare in this otherwise very defined genre. On top of that, Lunar is anime as all hell. Every story beat gets capped with a video cutscene, which is pretty impressive. The baddies in this game are also baddies, you know what I mean? When I loved playing Lunar, I made steady progress; averaging at a risky PSP recharge every two days. As an aside: Check your batteries frequently, because they might not be doing so well.

Around the same time that I posted the blog, however, I started contracting whatever abject bullshit I have now. That event made times where I could play a little more difficult. More than that, still, was Lunar's slow venom itself that did me in. Now that I had less stamina to spend, the JRPG-y-ness started popping it's head out. Around the turn of the second act, the game no longer thinks that breezing your way through is cool anymore. Reject modernity, embrace tradition! Instead, Lunar throws in an old fashioned labyrinth dungeon. Then it does that same thing again. In total, there are three of these grueling mazes and you do them back-to-back-to-back. Ouch. Even with full lucidity, that would've drained any motivation I had to play. I'm no stranger to obtuse dungeon crawling, but that's quite the brick wall to smash on your head like that.

So, whenever I felt less inclined to inch forward, I played some of the usual suspects that I go to whenever I need to distract myself. We all get that urge to just click some buttons for a while, right? At first I played Pokemon GO, which updates surprisingly frequently, until I couldn't stand up anymore. By that time, Pokemon Unite came out on mobile and that gave me an alternative to League of Legends: Wild Rift. I went all-in on that game, until I couldn't stand playing solo anymore. I'm too old to babysit other people's children in online games. Moving on, I dove back into Monster Hunter Stories, which is still an amazing and overlooked gem. I don't understand why more people didn't play it. Fast forward to now, when I bought Kingdom: New Lands and got deep into the Super Auto Pets hole. Both of those are a good time as well. I'll make sure to write about all of them, one day.

About a dozen "distractions" later, I had to stop making excuses for myself that I was getting back to Lunar any minute now. The PSP is still right here next to me on my coffee table, but it might as well be in space. It's safe to say that I haven't touched the JRPG since, despite being more than halfway through. I'm enjoying other games and I suppose that's okay. Maybe I'll pull another NeverDead and suddenly complete it over a year later. I really thought I was going to do it this time though, heck! I even lined up an entire new backlog, for when I was done. Did I mention that I bought every Pokémon game in a ridiculously feverish haze? I just own those now, even though all of their save batteries have died. Also check your Gameboy cartridge batteries, I guess. There's a lot of battery checking when you like old video games.

I'm sorry that I'm a fraud, a charlatan, a filthy casual who can't even finish one tiny JRPG, like some sort of adult baby person. For now, consider Lunar: Silver Star Harmony to be in the aptly dubbed pile of shame. It joins Dragon Quest V on Nintendo DS, whose cartridge I lost in a random DS game case somewhere, as well as 3D Dot Game Heroes and about five more classics that people keep telling me to play. In my defense, it takes quite some time to run daily objectives in this month's biggest MMO release. That MMO is Fantasy Life Online. What big MMO did you think came out this month? It's the Fantasy one, right? Fantasy Life is currently running a Christmas event where you get attacked by angry snowmen. Except the translation in that game is ever so iffy, so the monsters are called "White Devil" instead. Defeat the white devil! It's a creed we can all rally behind.

There are a ton of really cool video games out there and only so much time to play them all. At some point, I'll grow towards some sort of acceptance that I won't play the thousands in my backlog, but I've really only begun the grieving process. I'm bad and I should feel bad. And you know what? I do feel pretty bad.

Blessed holidays to my all of Giant Bomb family and may the new year bring in a tide of change.

So...ummm...I hope that you're not really dying (beyond the way that we're all dying eventually) but if you are I'm really sorry to hear that duder. I really hope for the best possible outcome for you and that you pull through whatever's going on okay.

You shouldn't feel bad for not finishing a game that isn't hooking you. We have limited time on this earth whether we're dying immediately or not, and games don't really matter. Or rather they only matter to the extent that they move us or affect us. If a game isn't moving you then there's nothing wrong with moving on.

None of us will play every game out there and most won't play everything we own, at least not to completion. That's okay. What's better, to throw good time after bad money or to focus on the things that give us joy or fulfillment or something else.

Playing a video game isn't really going to save the world. Lunar has been completed by many people and will be completed by others in the future. You should do the things that bring you happiness, or fulfillment, or closure or whatever.

Wishing the best for you duder. Hang in there.

@bigsocrates: All I can really say at this point is I hope so too, bud... Cheers.

I really just have this nagging in my head that I CAN do it, so I SHOULD. I've played so much worse, to completion. I played all of Dead Island, twice! And even framing it the way feels weird, because Lunar is actually really good? Why brain no want good game? I'll play anything else for dozens of hours, but as soon as it comes to the one thing I have an objective in, I can't bring myself to pick it up. Times are weird right now.

@daavpuke: I think we've all had the feeling that we should play a game and thought about all the other games that we have played all the way through and all the wasted time and all that. And I know everyone who plays a bunch of games has put stuff down without knowing exactly why.

Sometimes it's not the right time or the right mood. Sometimes you need an upbeat game because you're feeling low or a fast game as a distraction or just a different game because the mind wants what it wants and you can't always know or understand why that is. A game can seem perfect for some point in your life and not be for reasons you don't understand.

But games are just media. They're not obligations. Playing them doesn't matter except in how it affects you. You sound like you're going through a lot and feeling bad about a lot of things outside your control. Maybe you're focusing on this thing because it feels like it is within your control, it's something you COULD do but you're not doing it and by focusing on that you aren't so caught up in the stuff you can't do anything about. But you shouldn't feel bad about not playing a video game for any reason or no reason at all.

I have copies of Lunar Silver Star Story Complete AND Lunar: Eternal Blue Complete on my shelf right now. Full Working Design copies with all the fix-ins that I bought back when the games were new. I've played like 45 minutes of Silver Star Story and that's it. Maybe I will get back to them some day. Maybe I won't. You're not alone in this at all.

If you want to play through Lunar then you can but you should let go of any judgment or guilt around it. Playing through Lunar could be fun and a good use of your time. Not playing Lunar and using that time to do other things like take walks or listen to music, or write emails to the Bombcast or play @imunbeatable80's favorite game Billy Hatcher and the Giant Egg could all be fun and good uses of time. What's not fun is being mad at yourself or feeling bad for not doing something like playing a video game. We all have limited time on this earth and there are a thousand things we might have liked that we won't do for various reasons, and that's fine. If we all felt bad because we didn't play the games we might have then it would be a real bad time. I mean there are 8 billion people on Earth and Billy Hatcher only sold 250,000 copies!

@bigsocrates: I friggin WISH I had a copy of Billy Hatcher. The Sonic Racing Transformed track of it is really wild. That's how I gauge all my Sega stuff.

@daavpuke: That's understandable. Whatever you do, do not play a more recent Yuji Naka platformer. It's not worth it, man, no matter how dark things feel.

That way lies infinite darkness.

Play Lunar, don't play Lunar, up to you. But don't go down this path. I'm begging you.

I also hope you can make a full recovery on whatever it is you're going through. I've played and beaten both Lunar games and I actually do see where you're coming from. I had this problem more so with Eternal Blue than I did with Silver Star Story. Both games can be too JRPG for there own good, especially if you've played a lot of them like myself. The games are very formatic and if you're used to that formula, it can get very cliche and boring at times. I also had this problem with Dragon Quest VIII, but eventually finished that one as well. All three games a good, but very standard turn-based JRPG. I could tell you to hang in there the game does get better, but It seems like you already been through that faze. Maybe Vay is more your speed. That game was made before both Lunar games, but is surprisingly more daring with its story and gameplay.

@daavpuke: Somebody said Billy Hatcher and now here I am.. In all seriousness, Socrates is right, maybe not about Billy Hatcher but about how you shouldn't beat yourself up over not finishing a game.

There are hundreds of games in my backlog that I try to convince myself that I'll play someday, but no matter what the excuse I will always find myself playing something else. Life is too short, and if you are facing down some real life bullshit, then it's not worth the effort to play any game that is feeling more like a chore then a joy. If you are determined to play something, make sure it is something you enjoy. Lunar will be there if you want to go back to it, and it's feelings won't be hurt should you shun it for "Hail to the Chimp".

I hope you pull through whatever craziness you are going through and when you feel ready, you tackle that backlog, but it certainly shouldn't be what had you adding to your stress or worry.

Sending good vibes

@ravey: I appreciate the amount of effort that went into this whole thing, thank you.

@Daavpuke: I deleted the post because I lost the nerve. Thanks anyway! I was relieved to hear it and I appreciate it. Take care.