Isn't it a Conincidence that Jesus was born on Christmas?

I was in Church the other day and I got to thinking how weird it was that Jesus was born on Christmas, but the more I thought about it the more it Made Sense. 
 
It's why he was born in a barn!! Because the hotels were completely full. 
 
Do you think it might be possible that Jesus is Santa Claus?? 
 
You would think that Santa Claus would be born on Christmas, but I don't think Santa's real. Maybe way back people THOUGHT that Jesus was actually Santa (because of the beard)? And I bet Santa was thin back then too. 
 
And then if they mistook Jesus for Santa who started giving out presents after he died, there wasn't much money to be giving out gifts with. 
 
But then things made more sense, because Santa's Elves could be Jesus' apostles. Plus Jesus didn't have a girlfriend, so Mrs. Claus is really just a fabrication. 
 
Now, If you've been Following Along you should realize I'm onto something. But what does it mean???

Yeah, but Jesus isn't fat.

Two common misconceptions there.
Jesus was not born on the 25th of December, and he was not born in a barn.
 
Christmas itself really just replaced other winter timed holidays that had been around for much longer.

Christmas is the pagan winter solstice, repurposed by Christians to commemorate the birth of a central figure in their fiction. 

Well you're certainly on something, that's for sure. 
 
And what about the elves? Are the elves just former popes that retire to make toys in Santa's/Jesus' workshop for all eternity?

Har har.

Jesus was given a caesarean section from one of the wtich-fallen brood mothers of the Illuminati hordes on the first full cycle of the Grangerian Harvest. 
 
August 6, 1945.
 
Hiroshima.

Apparently Jesus may have been born in the summer. If he's real...