Its 9pm you are driving through a small town ANYWHERE, over a mile you see these SIGNS for food- where do you stop?

Avatar image for monkeyking1969
MonkeyKing1969

7874

Forum Posts

1241

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 17

Poll Its 9pm you are driving through a small town ANYWHERE, over a mile you see these SIGNS for food- where do you stop? (173 votes)

Hole in the wall, mom & pop - sign just says BURGERS 49%
Hole in the wall, mom & pop - sign just says CHOP SUEY 2%
Hole in the wall, mom & pop - sign just says PIZZA 28%
Hole in the wall, mom & pop - sign just says TACO 11%
Hole in the wall, mom & pop - sign just says GYRO 10%

This is without seeing inside or seeing amount of customers, what do you think is the safest bet?

All these foods are great when prepared well - that is a given. But, what cuisine has the best 'batting average' for hole in the wall business. I choose each sign based on a food items because I want the mystery to still be is the person cooking even Chinese, Italian, Mexican, Greek, etc.

Also I left out BBQ, Fried Chicken, Clam Shack, NY Deli, Falafel, Shish Kebab, Pad Thai, Sushi, and Tikka Masala because those have a greater likelihood of being made by a native chief , so that would throw off results....they are TOO LIKELY TO BE GOOD! The idea here is you have no clue how well prepared or by whom it will be prepared. The choice above are intentionally vague - you are hungry - so choose!

.

..

...

....

.....

......

I'm going to say CHOP SUEY. I think chinese food has a slightly better batting average. And, I don't mean locally because I have had chinese food in 15 American states; in London, in Vancouver, and shockingly enough in Italy. There is without a doubt terrible chinese food, but just at random choose the 'dice are in your favor' at the chinese place.

 • 
Avatar image for casepb
Casepb

933

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#1  Edited By Casepb

At 9pm no food is safe for me. I would be up all night with horrible indigestion. Let's say I was still in my 20s though, I would probably just eat a burger.

Avatar image for creepingdeath0
CreepingDeath0

430

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

I find it's really hard to fuck up a simple burger. Even something like McDonald's is at least edible. Bad pizzas are awful and a bad taco will make the rest of your drive terrible.

Avatar image for alias
Alias

138

Forum Posts

385

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 1

User Lists: 0

@creepingdeath0: There's also more of a bad pizza to eat if you feel obligated to eat all of whatever you buy

Avatar image for bigsocrates
BigSocrates

2048

Forum Posts

42

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

I'm a vegetarian so I'd probably go with pizza because at the very least I can probably eat their plain pizza.

Chinese Food can be an okay bet (though there's a risk that sauces that seem vegetarian aren't) but I haven't seen a sign for "chop suey" since the 1980s, so the fact that the signage is literally decades out of date would make me suspicious of the quality. If it was any good wouldn't they be able to afford a new sign?

The gyro place might have falafal but they don't always. If it offered falafal I would probably go there instead of pizza.

Avatar image for nutter
nutter

2881

Forum Posts

4

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 9

Burger is the safe bet.

If it’s a diner, though, just drive through the hunger. Too many terrible greasy spoons out there to pick one out of a hat and not have regrets.

Avatar image for sparky_buzzsaw
sparky_buzzsaw

9093

Forum Posts

3772

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 39

User Lists: 34

I'm a gambling man and I want to see just how bad the Chop Suey can be, death shits be damned.

Avatar image for monkeyking1969
MonkeyKing1969

7874

Forum Posts

1241

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 17

See it is a real puzzler! Because any of the food could be a 'queasy" mistake. By saying 'Chop Suey' I might have dated the Chinese food place, but I wanted it to be generic as possible.

Its funny, I don't think my family has ordered Chop Suey, Lo Mein, or Egg Foo Young from a Chinese food place since 1973!!! We have had Chinese food monthly from 1969 to 2019, but that 1950s and 1960s style of food went off our orders a long time ago. It almost makes me want to get some again.

Avatar image for joedangerous
JoeDangerous

726

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

Burger is the safe bet. It's the easiest to disassemble and customize if you're wary of the finished product. I'm not disassembling a taco that mofo is getting eaten once I nab it.

Avatar image for zleunamme
Zleunamme

1057

Forum Posts

1056

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 9

#9  Edited By Zleunamme

Of all the choices, burgers are the safe bet. Especially in foreign countries. Just to get a taste of their interpretation of a burger. I am disappointed you don't have listed BBQ or fried chicken.

Avatar image for ginormous76
Ginormous76

87

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 3

Having grown up in a small town, and having driven through many small towns in my life, the correct answer is Pizza. Now, you may ask why that is, and I will break it down going from least safe to safest.

Chop Suey - Never, and I mean NEVER, order Chinese in a small town unless you live in that town and know it's good. There's a reason this restaurant is in BFE and not a bigger city. Bad Chinese can be really, really, really bad.

Gyro - Hole in the wall Greek in a city can be very good. Hole in the wall Greek in a small town has a high likelihood of being really bad. Whether that is dried out meat, bad pitas, or terrible Tzatziki sauce.

Tacos - This one is tougher to get wrong, but a lot of small town places have stale taco shells. Also, they very easily make the meat poorly with either bad spice choices or overcooking.

Burgers - This is the second safest. It's tough to mess up a burger, because as long as it is cooked, you can douse it in ketchup and eat it. However, the danger here is how many small town burgers just drip in grease. This can ruin a burger, but it's still fairly safe.

Pizza - The safest option. Even a bad pizza is delicious, especially if you order safe toppings like cheese and pepperoni. The pepperoni is not likely to be house made, so it's pretty safe. If you order ground beef, it could fall in the same place as burgers above. Even if the marinara is not very good, it doesn't coat the pizza. You can overpower any pizza with Ranch or Buffalo sauce, but even the worst hole in the wall pizza is still good and the safest choice.

Avatar image for rejizzle
Rejizzle

1225

Forum Posts

10

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 2

Hamburger was my go to, but there's a 2% chance that they're just gonna serve you a hamburger steak in gravy. Not sure I could handle that kind of disappointment so late in the evening.

Avatar image for nutter
nutter

2881

Forum Posts

4

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 9

@ginormous76: “even a bad pizza is delicious”

I submit to you Exhibit A:

https://www.giantbomb.com/forums/bombcast-32/pizza-pizza-is-good-pizza-1878986/

Avatar image for merxworx01
MerxWorx01

981

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

My standards are low. If the sign had Sims simlish language up or a rough pictogram of an animal, I would still stop and try it out. I like to pretend I have an iron stomach but time and time again I've paid for it but in the end I still haven't learned my lesson. Bring on the mystery soup and the chunks of unidentified meat.

Avatar image for mezmero
mezmero

3864

Forum Posts

405

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 25

Gotta go with burgers on this one.

"A single dish providing a balanced helping of nature's blessings: meat, grain, and vegetable. How could anyone hate such a magnificent thing?" - Code Talker

I prefer cheese on mine but I see where you're coming from C.T.

Avatar image for nutter
nutter

2881

Forum Posts

4

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 9

@mezmero: Fuck lettuce on a burger...tomato for days, though...I’m down for mushrooms, too.

Avatar image for efesell
Efesell

4809

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

Pizza is always the safe option. You CAN fuck it up but man you gotta really go hard at it to manage.

Burgers are a gamble. You either find the diamond in the rough diner or you find the same sad burger that every truck stop has.

Avatar image for pezen
Pezen

2425

Forum Posts

14

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

In my head I know pizza is the safer bet, but my heart still would never give up on a chance to eat a taco.

Avatar image for sahalarious
Sahalarious

873

Forum Posts

12

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 0

Burger is actually my last choice out of all those options, but given the scenario it's the only safe bet.

Avatar image for theflamingo352
TheFlamingo352

409

Forum Posts

11

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

I love gyro/doner/shawarma, but there's a reason pizza is the best food on earth...well actually there are multiple reasons, but one is that it's *very* hard to fuck up.

Avatar image for rebel_scum
Rebel_Scum

1488

Forum Posts

1

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 1

User Lists: 3

What the heck is GYRO supposed to mean?

Avatar image for nutter
nutter

2881

Forum Posts

4

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 9

@rebel_scum: I asked my wife about this thread. She agreed that the one true answer is burgers.

Gyros were a close second for her. I wouldn’t have thought about it this way, but as soon as she said gyros were number 2, I understood before she explained:

Who the fuck is going to run a gyro restaurant in the middle of some small town without knowing how to make gyros?

I like the logic, but I still probably wouldn’t trust it to guide me through a minefield of potential vomit.

Avatar image for cyrusraven
CyrusRaven

274

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

I actually recently ate at a hole in the wall burger joint. Place was near deserted and it took way longer than it should have to get my order considering but the burger (egg and bacon) was on point. Burger is safest and sometimes you can find a real gem with burger joints.

Avatar image for imhungry
imhungry

1191

Forum Posts

1211

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 3

User Lists: 3

I picked burgers because the sign is appropriately pluralized.

Avatar image for efesell
Efesell

4809

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

My question for random burger places is not how well they do their burgers but how they do with their Fries.

Avatar image for jaycrockett
jaycrockett

865

Forum Posts

80

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 13

User Lists: 5

Curious where people are from because I have never in my 47 years of life seen a sign that said "Chop Suey".

Avatar image for soimadeanaccount
soimadeanaccount

659

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

Let see...Burger, Pizza, and Taco are definitely what I am picking between.

Base on what I had before Taco has the best batting average; as in the worst taco I had is still better than the worst pizza and worst burger I had...although that could be due to where I live. If this is a small town in anywhere I think I lean burger. I had bad pizza before, and it was quite terrible. Whereas worst burger is probably cold buns and dry meat...which some condiment and salt + pepper can hopefully alleviate, plus I also feel like a mom and pop burger joint also has the highest chance to be great.

The generic Gyro meat really doesn't do it for me, and assuming the worst I am guessing that's what I will be getting.

I rather go hungry than take my chance with the chop suey.

Avatar image for tellmewhy_not
tellmewhy_not

12

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

tbh pizza is always a good solution

Avatar image for ginormous76
Ginormous76

87

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 3

@nutter said:

@ginormous76: “even a bad pizza is delicious”

I submit to you Exhibit A:

https://www.giantbomb.com/forums/bombcast-32/pizza-pizza-is-good-pizza-1878986/

Based on that thread, I assume you are presenting that as evidence in favor of my argument.

Avatar image for ginormous76
Ginormous76

87

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 3

#29  Edited By Ginormous76
@nutter said:

@rebel_scum:

Who the fuck is going to run a gyro restaurant in the middle of some small town without knowing how to make gyros?

You sir, have not visited enough small towns. It is far easier to run a restaurant in a small town than a big one. Two restaurants in my home town have been open at least as long as I have been alive and still in business. One is a bar and grill, so they make money off alcohol sales in addition to really mediocre food. The other just makes really mediocre food. It was the only place to "go out" within an hour drive that wasn't also a bar, so everyone goes there. A decade ago, the worst Chinese restaurant I have ever eaten at opened there. It's still doing good business, because again, choice is limited and if you've never (or very rarely) eaten Chinese, you would think it was good.

Avatar image for ghost_cat
ghost_cat

2427

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

Anything but a burger joint, because burgers are boring as hell.

Avatar image for nutter
nutter

2881

Forum Posts

4

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 9

@ginormous76: I grew up without good pizza, but really good Chinese.

I moved out of my parents’ place and got an apartment in an Italian neighborhood. The local Chinese place didn’t serve rice, instead they had dinner rolls.

I ordered delivery, so it was a bit of a shock. I assume if I had gone there myself, I’d have seen some warning signs.

Avatar image for nutter
nutter

2881

Forum Posts

4

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 9

@ginormous76: Eh, there are handful of passionate folks without taste buds in there, but even then, there are a lot of qualifiers like “at 3am,” “consistency over quality,” and some references to self-loathing.

Avatar image for monkeyking1969
MonkeyKing1969

7874

Forum Posts

1241

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 17

@nutter said:

@ginormous76: I grew up without good pizza, but really good Chinese.

I moved out of my parents’ place and got an apartment in an Italian neighborhood. The local Chinese place didn’t serve rice, instead they had dinner rolls.

I ordered delivery, so it was a bit of a shock. I assume if I had gone there myself, I’d have seen some warning signs.

I'm always a little shocked at people I meet who have never had Chinese food. Its rare, but I have meet people who have NEVER had take-out or dine-in Chinese food. The other shocks is to explain that unlike most restaurants we eat "family style". Ex: Everyone around that table makes a dish choice, spreading out the types of meats, vegetable, and spiciness of the dishes. We are not sticklers, if someone wants to order two types of pork dish...fine...more the merrier. We drink ice water or jasmine tea, we never drink soda. And, yeah, we are the weirdos who ask for chop-sticks.

The above is not right or wrong, it just how my family does it. I have been to Chinese take-out that served things other than rice..always an interesting experience...I don't think I have had dinner rolls.

Avatar image for nutter
nutter

2881

Forum Posts

4

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 9

@monkeyking1969: It was run by a bunch of Italian guys in Rhode Island...it was really weird.