Meeting up with a girl I met on a dating app

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Wolverine

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I met this girl on Tinder and we immediately hit it off. We share the same interests and have good chemistry. I deleted my social media accounts after hurting myself skiing and we exchanged phone numbers and have been talking every day, pretty much all day, since.

I feel very comfortable talking to her, we're both excited to meet, but I'm a little nervous because I've never met up with someone I talked to on a dating app before. Our relationship already feels intimate even though we haven't met in person. Just thinking about how to go about greeting her at the door causes me a little bit of anxiety. We're already so close, I want my physicality to reflect this when we meet.

She's 20, I'm 23. She lives with three of her friends in a house at a neighboring college town. She invited me to hang out at her place after she gets out of her night class. We might go to dinner, depending on whether she has the energy to do so. (We both have very busy schedules and very much want to meet.)

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Milkman

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Not sure what you're looking for here. Just talk to her like you have been. Meeting someone online or through Tinder or whatever is completely normal. You'll be fine.

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Devil240Z

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I met my girlfriend on okcupid we've been together for 5 years. Just go for it.

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lead_dispencer

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tip #1! hygiene. keep yourself groomed and clean. use a light cologne that isnt overpowering. if she doesnt notice it at first she will subconsciously. then she will associate you with that smell. plus women usually love things that have a nice aroma. i have like 1/2 a sense of smell so i dont notice things that much personally.

#2 brush your damn teeth.

#3 be yo self fool

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Mike

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#5  Edited By Mike  Moderator
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I'm sorry but it's mandatory this gets posted in every girl advice thread. Read the ToS.

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imhungry

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Obligatory.

In all seriousness though, just act normally? All the best duder.

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HatKing

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#7  Edited By HatKing

The longer you wait the more brutal it will be. Not the actual meeting, but actually convincing yourself to do it and the anxiety leading up to it. I've definitely let myself get to that position before. It's nice, and nothing necessarily wrong with it, but it's not ever going to be easier to convince yourself to go meet. And, unless you've been totally dishonest with her about who you are, it's probably going to go very well. I don't think I've ever had a bad first date? Even if I don't see the person ever again, it's always been a pretty pleasant experience. So don't sweat it. Sounds like talking to each other comes easy, that's the hard part.

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IVDAMKE

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Wolverine

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@mike said:
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I'm sorry but it's mandatory this gets posted in every girl advice thread. Read the ToS.

@imhungry said:
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Obligatory.

In all seriousness though, just act normally? All the best duder.

No worries, I was excepting them

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Wolverine

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SpaceInsomniac

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If you don't do something normally, don't do it on your date. Just relax. It sounds like you got the hard part out of the way on the phone, so you can mostly skip a lot of the early getting to know each other type thing, and just get straight to spending some time with someone who you already like. That, and getting to know them ever better, of course.

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rorie

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#12  Edited By rorie  Staff

I met my current girlfriend of almost four years on OKCupid. Met a decent amount of ladies via dating apps/websites before that. Generally speaking, I would recommend meeting up for light meal or a beer (not sure what country you're in; she might not be allowed in bars) before jumping into the "let's meet at your apartment" thing. But then I am an old man of Generation Z and who knows how you kids do things nowadays.

It's great to be enthusiastic about stuff like this! You definitely should be if she seems like a great girl! But I would be wary of moving too fast, especially if you have to wind up meeting all of her roommates the first time you meet her as well. If I were in your shoes (and had my 36-year-old brain), I would ask her to suggest a dinner spot near her apartment where you could meet after her class, preferably something casual like a sushi place that's open late. Nothing too crowded or loud, preferably. Bring enough cash or credit to cover the whole bill for the both of you; if she insists on splitting the check, insist on getting the whole thing but don't be so insistent that it becomes awkward. And be sure to stay sober enough to drive home afterward.

(I'm sure someone's going to lay into me about how sexist/reverse-sexist that suggestion is, but if he's out of college and she is (apparently) in college, then it's just good form to pick up the check, regardless of gender politics.)

Anyway, the important thing is to not put too much import into a first meeting. Try your best to be relaxed and positive, but keep in mind that you're 23 and that you probably have dozens of first dates ahead of you. If she winds up being The One, then great! But that usually takes months of figuring stuff out before that becomes clear. Be yourself, and I hope things work out well!

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Jesus_Phish

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tip #1! hygiene. keep yourself groomed and clean. use a light cologne that isnt overpowering. if she doesnt notice it at first she will subconsciously. then she will associate you with that smell. plus women usually love things that have a nice aroma. i have like 1/2 a sense of smell so i dont notice things that much personally.

#2 brush your damn teeth.

#3 be yo self fool

Do this, then go meet up at a coffee shop or something.

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Humanity

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@wolverine: if she's inviting you to hang out at her place you may in fact be both too tired to go out and eat afterwards.

As long as the person you presented online is very much the same person in real life then you should be good. Be yourself, aka the guy this girl likes talking to, and have fun. Just make sure that both of you are looking to get the same thing out of this.

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Pop

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You have to be positive, you have to be yourself. Believe me you'll understand what being yourself is when you talk to her like you would with your friends and she likes it. It took me a very long time to realize what being yourself around girls means, I was usually acting different and then not understanding why it wasn't working out and got frustrated.

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Shoguns_Decapitator

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I met this girl on Tinder and we immediately hit it off. We share the same interests and have good chemistry. I deleted my social media accounts after hurting myself skiing and we exchanged phone numbers and have been talking every day, pretty much all day, since.

I feel very comfortable talking to her, we're both excited to meet, but I'm a little nervous because I've never met up with someone I talked to on a dating app before. Our relationship already feels intimate even though we haven't met in person. Just thinking about how to go about greeting her at the door causes me a little bit of anxiety. We're already so close, I want my physicality to reflect this when we meet.

She's 20, I'm 23. She lives with three of her friends in a house at a neighboring college town. She invited me to hang out at her place after she gets out of her night class. We might go to dinner, depending on whether she has the energy to do so. (We both have very busy schedules and very much want to meet.)

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Congratulations OP! :D

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Zevvion

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You're working it up to be more than it is. You're just meeting someone. That's fun. Just be you, don't worry about what she thinks. If she ends up not liking you, it won't be your fault anyway. It's pointless to try and get someone to like you unless your goal is very short-term dating.

I've met a lot of people through online dating apps. It's always fun. The only reason I can see it possibly going wrong is if you're both too scared to take initiative in anything. I've never experienced that, as I'm fairly comfortable with who I am and just talk. But I've had dates where the girl barely even responds to the questions I ask. She mostly answered with one or two words and didn't ask anything back. So in case you notice conversation falls flat, just remember that if she asks you a question, respond more elaborately than 'yes' or 'no' and ask her the same question back. Then try to go from there. I found it often leads to great conversation if you try to reach some depth on what seem like superficial topics at first. Like 'have you done anything fun lately' can turn into a conversation about how you both are interested in traveling to Argentina before you settle down.

But as you describe you already have a ton of stuff to talk about. So that should all work out fine.

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Ravelle

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@mike said:
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I'm sorry but it's mandatory this gets posted in every girl advice thread. Read the ToS.

Every time I see old style Giant Bomb layout a part of me dies, I loved that layout, may you rest in piece Achievement system.

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Corvak

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People crack wise about Tinder a lot but ignore em, go for it. Act normally, and if something happens, it does. If it doesn't, it doesn't.

Spent a lot of time crippled by self doubt and all it does is hold you back, if she isnt into you, at least you'll know instead of thinking what if for months. Tbh the only advice I can give is don't talk your face off about you without giving her some room to talk about her.

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Jimbo

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#21  Edited By Jimbo

Slip her this...

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... then fake your own death.

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poobumbutt

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#22  Edited By poobumbutt

Besides the obligatory "be yourself" suggestions (which I know if I were in your position and thought I needed advice, would help me NOT AT ALL), I'd say honestly just ask her. Ask exactly how intimate she wants to be in person, whether the conversations you've been sharing are a good measure or if you should be more reserved. You definitely seem close enough to at least ask that without it being awkward. Note: I'm 25 and have had my only girlfriend for just three months now. TAKE THIS INTO ACCOUNT.

Other than that, Rorie's advice seemed pretty sound to me.

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Heycalvero

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Try to relax and have fun, it's most likely gonna be fun.

it's always good to manage your expectations though!

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Enigma777

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I recommend you have a quick Skype or Facetime call first if you haven't already.

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emanc93

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#25  Edited By emanc93

@rorie said:

you're 23 and that you probably have dozens of first dates ahead of you.

Dear god I hope so. As a 23-year old and a senior in his last semester of college, I've dated exactly one girl in college.

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imsh_pl

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Touch her shoulder.

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Mike

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#27 Mike  Moderator

I recommend you have a quick Skype or Facetime call first if you haven't already.

One of my friends who uses Tinder and OkCupid a lot does this. He said he had so many first dates where the girl looked absolutely nothing like her pictures that he now insists on it before meeting.

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Naoiko

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I knew my now husband online well before I met him in person. The first time you meet someone you know online but not in person tends to be a bit ...awkward. Treat her like you treat her online and you should be fine. Also I wouldn't rush things in the bed department because people loooove to lie online about stuff. They might be like 'sure I'm game' but then when put on the spot they back out, or don't and they end up ending the relationship from feeling 'rushed'. It's your first time meeting someone technically so just treat it as such. I wish you the best duder! Good luck!

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Enigma777

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@mike said:
@enigma777 said:

I recommend you have a quick Skype or Facetime call first if you haven't already.

One of my friends who uses Tinder and OkCupid a lot does this. He said he had so many first dates where the girl looked absolutely nothing like her pictures that he now insists on it before meeting.

Not only that but it helps diffuse a lot of the initial meeting awkwardness so when you actually do meet in person, it feels like you've already done this before so it's easier.

It's what my current girlfriend insisted on doing before we met in person (also met on Tinder) and I'm sooo happy she did cause we hit it off so well our first date felt more like a second or third.

Also a good way to filter out axe murderers.

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lead_dispencer

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@wolverine: ok one more tip! be confident in who you are and what your about. if youre a nerd who loves books or comics dont shy away from that. if she calls you a dork own up to it. people love confidence. but know where the line is, direct the conversation about her if you can to avoid sounding too self absorbed. thats really it. now fly duder!

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Original_Hank

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#31  Edited By Original_Hank

I gotta be honest, I can't get past this, "I deleted my social media account because I hurt myself skiing" thing.

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BackseatBoss

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Dude, just go for it and everything is going to be fine. I met my girlfriend through tinder as well. We weren't looking for anything on the app, more like trying to see what the hell is all the fuss about, we wrote some messages to each other and met up after a few days of talking. And I got to say, never been happier with a girl in my life. Tinder might seem like a weird place to get a girlfriend, since it's mainly seen as a hook-up app, with good reasons honestly, but there are definitely plenty of guys and girls on there that are really good human beings. And don't stretch it out too much, after I've talked with my girlfriend about the whole Tinder beginnings, she said that if I hadn't asked her out after writing between ourselves for like 5 days, then she would've probably just moved on. Now that doesn't mean that the girl you met is the same as mine, but if you keep postponing the meeting part, she'll probably just find someone else and break contact. You have to do it and not waste time. And last tip, when you do meet her, for the love of god don't say that you love her or something ridiculous like that. You seem like you might be nervous around other girls and that might cause you to say some stupid stuff that would be a red flag to any girl after meeting you for a couple of times or less. Again, I'm just assuming, but from your post it sure seems like it.

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Ngilko

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I think I need to be old boring duder and say that if you meet someone you've been chatting to on a dating app for the first time, you should totally arrange to meet in a public place like a restraunt or coffee shop.

Also Skype of face time first.

+ all the other awesome advice above.

Good luck and Godspeed!

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hassun

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#36  Edited By hassun

@wolverine said:

I deleted my social media accounts after hurting myself skiing...

@original_hank said:

I gotta be honest, I can't get past this, "I deleted my social media account because I hurt myself skiing" thing.

I know right?! I'm not sure what this has to do with the topic at hand but damn if I don't want to know more about it.

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deactivated-5916f85d8ea40

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@wolverine:

Knock her up and add to the common ground pool. Consider it a security feature for the time to come... Or just do you and let her do her and it all works fine mate. You did the hard part, kept her interest, now just nurse the foundation of your relation in evolvement. :)