Mental health

I just wanted to get a conversation going about mental health, awareness and people's own experiences with mental health conditions.

I've suffered from moderate depression since I was very young, having been diagnosed at 13 and having anxiety too. This has since gone into severe depression, after having a breakdown a few months ago - I've gone through four different antidepressants before settling on venlafaxine 150mg and waiting on a CBT appointment. Currently off work, but hopefully with these new meds I'll be able to recover and get back into normal life.

Anyone else have a history with mental health conditions? Want to dispel any rumours? (No, I'm not crazy, I'm just depressed - stop looking at me like I'm going to throw poo at you) Anyone?

I am depressed but I don't think pills are the answer. I need to get out more and find a lady. But here I am waiting for a halo reach map pack to download on a beautiful Saturday. Fuck.

At times depression hits me too I know how that feels.

I've realized that most of my negative thinking and outlook comes from having high expectations of the world around me.
When I say high expectations I mean normal manners and respect, somehow professionals think that's expecting too much from the world/co workers/family.

I'm trying to not expect anything from anyone, not really working so far.

It's more common than you think!

I have Aspergers, Social Phobia, and am on meds for depression. Im not lying about that ether. I think the reason I have Social phobia is because I cant tell what people are emoting, so I dont know if they like what I am saying, Pissed about what I am saying, or even if they like me at all.

@laserbolts: I think it's down to individuals based on how they want to be treated - I know I'd be dead if I wasn't on my meds.

I posted a big blog post about having depression last year. Since that post I've seen some mental health pros who have diagnosed me with Major Depressive Disorder/clinical depression. I consciously avoid medication because I'm not a fan of anything altering my consciousness (also don't drink, do drugs, etc) so I cope with it by talking with friends a lot.

I think everyone goes through something significant in their life, and have a period where they self-question a lot and maybe fall into some kind of mental disorder - even if it's for a short period of time. The human mind is not a strong thing, it can be broken in a lot of ways pretty easily. For me, I've found the best way to keep it focused and healthy is to have strong relationships with a few other people who you can talk to about absolutely anything. Having trust in some people is invaluable, and it's assuredly the same for them.

=) Hope all the best for you in your recovery, @Clairabel

I'm fine, and as such don't really "understand" mental health problems like Depression.

I have paruresis. Not exactly life or sanity threatening, but it's a huge pain in the ass, particularly on road trips.

@Drebin_893: This video is a bit long, but honestly, really informative and interesting. If you're willing to watch even half of it, it may help you understand the condition a bit more =)

I've had depression. Been there done that. It sucks. Stopped going to school and stopped caring in general about anything. But it has made me stronger, and my girlfriend has had a severe depression too and having had that myself helps understand her. I'm not taking any medication since a few years back. Fact is you never now what life is going to throw at you. I was about ready to give up a few years ago but now I have a job (not a great job but still a job) and a girlfriend (she at least is great). Even when it seems like everything sucks, keep trucking and get help from peopel who care. Not just some psychologist who sit and nod when you say everything sucks, but people who really force you to get your shit together and call you on your "the world sucks" bullshit. At least that is what helped for me, I needed that kick in the ass. But it is a constant battle. Even now I can still start thinking bad thoughts, but it is just part of my mind that is always pessimistic rather than all of it.

I had a few panic attacks in my life. Two in the school, one on the street, and it's pretty terrible. My mom thinks that i have generalized anxiety disorder because of my attacks, my insomnia, fidgeting and etc. but i don't know for sure...

@BaneFireLord: So that's what it's called. I never quite looked into it, I just accepted the fact that urinals were not my cup of tea.

Today's medication is yesterdays drill a hole in your head to get rid of the evil spirits. Being depressed isn't a medical condition that you need to shove pills into your gullet for. Depression is telling you that you need to make yourself happy - usually by doing something productive.

I'm sure I'd be declared clinically depressed, but kids today are diagnosed with ADD/ADHD because they can't focus in school (yet put in 6 hours at a time playing video games).

I can't remember where, but I read an article criticizing American perception of mental health issues. We're not ashamed to go to the doctor when we have knee problems, but when we have brain problems, we're absolutely embarrassed. I know this a bit from my own experience. I was diagnosed with ADD I was younger, something I was ashamed of for years. Furthermore, the doctors encouraged me not to tell anyone. When I finally decided I didn't want to use medication anymore, I became a lot more open about the disorder, and am really not ashamed anymore. Compare that to when I had a colonoscopy, which I was embarrassed about, but not nearly as much as being diagnosed with a minor mental health problem.

ADD is nothing compared to other issues (and it's over diagnosed, so who knows if I actually have it) , but we need to stop looking down upon them. Mental health issues are very common. People ought not to feel ashamed, as this only exacerbates the problem. It's on our shoulders to be nonjudgmental and understanding of mental health issues that other people may have.

@Bassman2112: Thanks man, I'll check that out in a little bit. But to be honest I feel that I may have something of a philosophical disagreement with diagnoses such as Depression and, as mentioned above, ADD. I would continue just to try and elucidate what I mean somewhat, but I'm worried that it might offend and may be based on ignorance. Hopefully after I watch that video I'll feel more comfortable with expressing my position.

@Bassman2112: Your blog was wonderful to read - I always find it comforting to read about other people's experiences with depression. I'm glad you've found a way out, and thank you :)

@Toxeia: I'm sorry but I have to disagree with you. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain - it's not as black and white as simply making yourself happy, or snapping out of it. It is a horrible, uncontrollable illness as damaging as a physical, visible condition.

@BoG: When I first got ill with it, I was very ashamed of it - I felt weak and didn't want anyone talking about me and my condition. It's not my fault, yet I feel like it is.

@MikeGosot: Sounds like anxiety, I have panic attacks a lot of the time as well as general nerves - I'd go see a doctor about it if you can, or research it a little yourself to see how to cope with it.

CBT can be done alone, the therapist doesn't really do much. No need to wait for anything, look it up online and start it yourself. It's pretty basic stuff. As to your depression, try to gain better control of your thoughts and don't let them take you any place that isn't good for you. You'll get better at it with time, really. Medication, particularly Venlafaxine, isn't worth the side effects. If you notice weight gain try to get off them immediately or it will fuck with your metabolism.

I'm fine.

@CaLe: I'm already fat, so if I gained weight I wouldn't notice! Seriously, I'm doing absolutely fine with venlafaxine - I've heard it's like the Marmite of the antidepressant world, you're either really good on it, or really bad on it. Luckily, I'm doing well, the only noticable side effects after four weeks is the occasional headache and tummy grumble. I've read that getting off them is hard because the withdrawal symptoms are terrifying, but the psychiatric nurse told me realistically I'll be on these for at least a year to be safe.

I'm probably depressed. I went through a time where I wanted to kill myself and came close a couple times.

Now, I'm just apathetic and empty about most things. I'd probably go to the doctor if I cared enough about getting better.

Here, read Jeff Green's coming out about having depression for the past 25 years. http://jeff-greenspeak.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/depression-post.html

I'm 5 years in and not any better.

I was diagnosed with moderate depression and anxiety for about 2 years ago. I've been on Wellbutrin 150mg since then. I don't feel indifferent about everything anymore, which is great. not being depressed has helped with my anxiety as well. Depression fucking sucks because it makes you not want to do anything. everything becomes such a bother. I am glad i was convinced to get help. I feel much better now and I don't spend all day escaping into video games and the internet in general.

Mental illness? Guess so, I'm apparently bipolar. I've only experienced one rather protracted manic episode only just last year. Seemed pretty all right at first, until it degenerated into very paranoid delusions and an eventual break with reality that nearly saw me institutionalized. Prior to that I had been diagnosed with major depressive disorder but I always railed against the idea that something was "wrong" with me, similar to the stigmatization BoG mentions.

No meds for about half a year and things are just fine in my life, better than ever in fact.

I wish I was depressed so I could make more music....

@Rockingham: That's great to hear, I want to be off meds eventually, but only when I'm well and ready to come off them. My mom's actually bipolar too, which along with my depression, gives me a 74% chance (so I've been told anyway) of having bipolar disorder too.

@Clairabel: Yeah, the meds have to be eased off of for damn sure. I had to wean off of some heavy ones that had me dry heaving and such with withdrawals and the like. Me mum is bipolar as well, so I guess it figures I am as well.

I don't believe in mental diagnosis. You are who you are, and the world is what it is. I just go on to love myself, and give fuck all about the world - which works for me usually. And hell, I enjoy feeling blue every now and then.

Oh - I was once in the loonie bin (involuntarily so), albeit it was my parents who lost it, t'was the only to get me to move out. Defiance for freedom I say. Translates mostly to ungodly amounts of disrespect for all people and all beliefs. It's a sinner's life I'm living, t'is true.

That's the kind of shit that gets ye a stay in the loonie bin friends. No fun at all I say. Especially when they come out 2 weeks later, that they only had the right to keep me for 48 hours. Those deliquents. At least now I know all the disrespect I harbored against every and all is well deserved.

btw. I got a clean bill of mental health. Defiance is good for the soul.

@Rockingham: Yeah, my medication has really scary sounding side-effects - this is from Wikipedia (SSRI discontinuation syndrome):

Sudden discontinuation of venlafaxine (brand name Effexor) has a high risk of causing potentially severe withdrawal symptoms. Even missing a single dose can cause symptoms of withdrawal. The high risk of withdrawal symptoms reflects venlafaxine's short half-life as well as its effect as a dual uptake inhibitor. Discontinuations have a tendency to be significantly stronger than the withdrawal effects of other antidepressants including the tricyclic antidepressants, but are similar in nature to those of SSRIs with a short half-life such as paroxetine.
Symptoms of discontinuation are similar to other antidepressants including irritability, restlessness, headache, nausea, fatigue, excessive sweating, dysphoria, tremor, vertigo, irregularities in blood pressure, dizziness, visual and auditory hallucinations, feelings of abdominal distension, and paresthesia. Other non-specific mental symptoms may include impaired concentration, bizarre dreams, delirium, cataplexy, agitation, hostility, and worsening of depressive symptoms. Online help groups consistently mention withdrawal from venlafaxine as triggering dreams of a particularly distressing and hellish quality.
Electric shock sensations have also been reported with many patients describing the symptoms as "brain zaps". It has been suggested the sensations may represent an alteration of neuronal activity in the central nervous system.

@EuanDewar said:

I'm fine.

@Seppli: There's feeling blue, and there's trying to kill yourself because you are in the depths of despair. Each to their own, but without the mental diagnosis, I would be dead.

@Toxeia said:

Today's medication is yesterdays drill a hole in your head to get rid of the evil spirits. Being depressed isn't a medical condition that you need to shove pills into your gullet for. Depression is telling you that you need to make yourself happy - usually by doing something productive.

I'm sure I'd be declared clinically depressed, but kids today are diagnosed with ADD/ADHD because they can't focus in school (yet put in 6 hours at a time playing video games).

It's just not that black & white. Clinical depression is in many cases aided by the consumption of pills. Yes, doing something yourself is an important step, but it's a fucking hard step to take sometimes, & that, at least from what a former GP once told me, is what SSRI drugs are for, to help you find the motivation to go out for a long walk in the park, or to go to college instead of laying all day in your bed in the foetal position. You are just grossly over-simplifying things. Depression is often due to a chemical imbalance in your brain, & if you can take a pill to help that then who the fuck are you to look down on someone like that?

There's already a massive stigma on people with mental health issues, including one leading British employer saying he'd probably not hire anyone who had attempted suicide previously, regardless of their other qualifications. So less of that.

@Drebin_893 said:

I'm fine, and as such don't really "understand" mental health problems like Depression.

I absolutely get what you mean. It's a very hard to understand what goes on in the minds of others, & I think western culture is pretty poor at dealing with issues of the brain. Epsecially as I think that there's a reason why, despite living in relative comfort & ease compared to our ancestors, mental health problems are at an all time high. And it's not just pharmaceutical companies making shit up so they can sell drugs, nor that diagnostic methods & understanding of the brain have come on leaps & bounds in the modern era. A mix of things.

I'm a month away from turning 28 & I think I went through a good 13 or 14 years up until the point I was 25 before I finally twigged that regular & vivid thoughts on suicide weren't a "normal" thought process for the majority of people. That I had a problem that I couldn't just get over by myself. But part of the issue is that with a condition which makes you apathetic it can be very tricky to find the motivation to get the help you require, or so I've found in my own experiences. The medical system really ground me down, go to a GP, open up to them, get passed along to the CMHT for an evaluation, then some other mental health nurse, & after about 6-8 weeks where my mood hasn't really changed, & I've just fucked about in bureaucracy it gets disheartening & so I start calling up to rearrange appointments, then cancelling outright & just going back to day to day stuff. It hit me really bad in '09 & I ended up dropping out of a college course I was so excited about just 2 months before.

In fact this thread is kind of timely as I've recently been contemplating going to the GP again, probably been 9 months since my last attempt. But I guess after another half-hearted attempt at a suicide attempt (yeah, don't buy the people who glibly dismiss suicide as a cowards way out because it's a pretty difficult thing to do, go against your own programming to stay alive) it's about time to have another go, plus maybe mention something about a suspected eating disorder. Binge Eating yo, not much fun. But self-diagnosis is a dangerous thing, I mean I could suggest a whole host of personality disorders & the like I could maybe fit in with after reading the DSM, but that's really not helpful.

Worst thing about depression, more than the suicidal ideation, the self-harm, the lack of confidence, the apathy, the lack of energy, is the boredom. Because really, 98% of the time it's an incredibly boring thing to deal with. You spend so much time in your own head, over-analysing your own thoughts, & then the lack of motivation means going & doing new things is just so hard when you could spend all day laying in bed watching an entire season of The Sopranos, only getting out of bed to visit the toilet or go to the door to pay the pizza delivery man. And even you find it in you to go out you can be a real drag; I find that I'm pretty dull & quiet to be a round in a large group scenario unless I've had some booze to oil up my talky gears. But then sometimes on alcohol, maybe 5% of the time, it can make my depression worse, make me just intolerable & selfish & whiny to be around. But fuck it, worth that risk to actually get out & see friends, right?

See? Self-indulgent. Fucking nora I wrote a lot of bollocks. TL;DR, Depression sucks, hope you never have to experience it man.

I used to have OCD as a kid (well actually, it's still there), which I've thankfully learned to ignore. Actually, ignore is a bit of a weak word. It doesn't bother me in the slightest anymore, and I wont even notice it 99% of the time.

Various people have suggested I have aspergers, but I don't care for getting a diagnosis, since if I have it at all, I'm not dysfunctional.

I might be clinically depressed, but I'm not too sure about that. I've had recurring thoughts about suicide and I've basically lost all my motivation for anything for a few years now. Started seeing a psychologist who's going to do this whole CBT thing for a couple of weeks now (mostly because of being pushed into it by my mother), but I don't know if that's actually going to help me or not.

Sometimes I think I actually like to wallow in my own misery; as if it's comforting or something. I don't think my mood, condition or whatever I'm afflicted with will ever go away, but as long as I've got video games I'm good. Without them, I'd have no will to live.

@forkboy said:

In fact this thread is kind of timely as I've recently been contemplating going to the GP again, probably been 9 months since my last attempt. But I guess after another half-hearted attempt at a suicide attempt (yeah, don't buy the people who glibly dismiss suicide as a cowards way out because it's a pretty difficult thing to do, go against your own programming to stay alive)

People need to realise that it's not an easy way out, it's the sign of a broken mind losing the will to live with the pain anymore.

Please get back and see your GP again and get the ball rolling on your recovery - the one thing about depression is that it can be dealt with. You never get rid of it, it never leaves you, but you learn to cope with it with the right treatment.

@FluxWaveZ: If you're thinking about suicide then there's something not right there - do you think CBT is something that will help? Maybe you need to see a psychiatrist or a counsellor to talk through your feelings and symptoms. If you ever feel like you're going to kill yourself, get yourself down to the hospital and get immediate treatment for your own safety.

You really have to make sure you ease off of meds, and make sure you are ready to be eased off of meds. One time, maybe 3 or 4 years ago, I couldn't get one of my meds. And got in a fight with my dad. Ended up swallowing about 8 or so Ativan. Didn't need my stomach pumped or anything. But stayed in the hospital for about a week. One of the most easygoing, and most fun weeks ever. It was like sleep away camp. Except with out belts, and no locks on the doors.

It wasn't a padded room or anything. It was just a floor on the hospital that was locked off, so you needed a key card to get into, or out of. They had a Phone, that you could use any time. A Tv. Couches. A table, A Art room.

Every day you would wake up before a certain time. and fill out a sheet for what you wanted for lunch, dinner, and breakfast for the next day. Then you would attend one of two meetings, one for the Alcoholism, and one for the other people with mental disorders. Then they would just have things for you to do the whole day. Like different crafts, or snack time, or freetime. And when it was freetime you could pretty much do whatever you wanted in the area.

@Clairabel said:

@Seppli: There's feeling blue, and there's trying to kill yourself because you are in the depths of despair. Each to their own, but without the mental diagnosis, I would be dead.

I'm sane. I'd rather kill, than kill myself. Not that that's my solution for any problem I'm likely to have in this life.

My key to being good? It's daily exercise. Cooking my own meals. And a fuck you attitude. And videogames and whores. Maybe a good book every now and then. Taking a walk to clear my head. Going on a bender with friends.

I've been dark places. Maybe I likely was a tad bit insane. Mad even, with voices in my head. Luckily I never was a man to act, to be lost to a moment, but a man to watch from afar. Even myself. Insanity is just a plaything, viewed from a distance.

@mandude said:

I used to have OCD as a kid (well actually, it's still there), which I've thankfully learned to ignore. Actually, ignore is a bit of a weak word. It doesn't bother me in the slightest anymore, and I wont even notice it 99% of the time.

Various people have suggested I have aspergers, but I don't care for getting a diagnosis, since if I have it at all, I'm not dysfunctional.

Often, from what I have seen, only the Insurance really cares about the diagnoses. The therapists, and psychologists just treat the symptoms.

@Seppli: Just so we're clear, I'm sane. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain which makes me depressed, hence the medical treatment. Don't look down on those who need help.

@Dagbiker: I came off my mirtazipine before and that lead to a manic and destructive episode where I hurt myself and wanted to die. I won't be doing that with these meds, I'm too frightened of the withdrawal syndrome.

I'll occasionally have mild depression, but I do have some pretty bad anxiety issues. My mother has had anxiety and depression issues from a young age, and it took me getting to somewhere around 13 or so years old before it all started on me. Had something like 20 panic attacks in a night, and from then on to today have panic attacks at entirely random moments. Along with that I'll have paranoia at times over really dumb shit, obsessive fear over equally dumb shit, and really awful sleep problems.

I pretty much took all the anxiety and bullshit for about 6 or 7 years, until only earlier this year finally reaching my breaking point with it all and seeing a doctor. I was prescribed Paxil, and have been taking it a few months now. I can't really say if it has helped much or not, there are a few things that seem slightly less as fucked as they were before, and others that seem just as fucked. I expect to be given some other medication on my next doctor visit. *shrug*

And for what it's worth, I also constantly look at any medication I've ever taken on Wikipedia and the like, and read every detail, and get real freaked out about it.

OH GOD THIS PILL I'VE NEVER TAKEN IS TOTALLY GOING TO INSTANTLY KILL ME IF I TAKE IT AHHHH

Developed moderate depression and various anxiety disorders around 13, and these grew far more severe about halfway through 15. I went on a few forms of medication to overcome these disorders, but the meds ended up worsening my condition, leading to a stay at the institution at 16. About a month after getting out--and facing more bouts of severe depression--I got on daily supplements and have been fine ever since (17 now).

@Sesiras: I do the same! I look through all the side-effects and think 'Oh my god why can't I not have to take these??' Your anxiety sounds a lot like mine, and you were young too. If the meds are helping, have you asked about having them upped? You might need a stronger dose to get the full benefit.

@habster3: What supplements do you take if you don't mind me asking?

I went through a bad couple of years after I got out of university. The stress and anxiety "real life" caused physical symptoms and I was convinced these were going to kill me. Went to CBT and managed to negotiate my sub-conscious into considering that maybe I wasn't going to die right now and at the moment I'm doing good. Stressed as always by work but gotten better at handling it. Regular physical exercise and the occasional cognac keeps me relaxed.

@Clairabel said:

If you're thinking about suicide then there's something not right there - do you think CBT is something that will help? Maybe you need to see a psychiatrist or a counsellor to talk through your feelings and symptoms. If you ever feel like you're going to kill yourself, get yourself down to the hospital and get immediate treatment for your own safety.

I've never been close to an attempt, but I have often thought about how nice it'd be if I could just die and not have to deal with the shit that comes with living (usually most present when I am forced to do things I have no will to, like school). Guess that isn't normal, huh? Haha... I don't know if CBT will work or if anything will even come from these psychologist sessions, but I'll try it for a while and see.

Though, can't say that if I ever go off the deep end I'll have the sense of going to the hospital to save myself. Though, video games really are the one thing keeping me from that situation, so hopefully I'll always have those...

This stuff's kind of a pain. Would be pretty cool to just be able to be happy.

@Toxeia said:

Today's medication is yesterdays drill a hole in your head to get rid of the evil spirits. Being depressed isn't a medical condition that you need to shove pills into your gullet for. Depression is telling you that you need to make yourself happy - usually by doing something productive.

I'm sure I'd be declared clinically depressed, but kids today are diagnosed with ADD/ADHD because they can't focus in school (yet put in 6 hours at a time playing video games).

I have ADHD and believe me, before i started taking meds i could play games for 6 hours, but that certainly didn't mean i'd play one game for 6 hours straight. In the course of those 6 hours i'd start and stop 10 different games because i'd get impatient or angry or bored. I'd never beat any of them. With meds i can actually do one specific thing consistently whether it be a specific game, homework assignment, music project etc.

@FluxWaveZ: Video games are a great escape, but please think about telling the psychologist about these thoughts you're having.

@Clairabel said:

@Seppli: Just so we're clear, I'm sane. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain which makes me depressed, hence the medical treatment. Don't look down on those who need help.

Did you even try daily exercise? Cooking your own meals? Eating healthy? Going out into nature? Hanging out with a kind spirited animal? Shouting your soul out - outdoors? Saying the sickest things you have in your head out loud, to other people's faces? Being okay with not being okay? Doing various recreational drugs, just for perspective? Fuck whores 'til your dick's sore? Drink yourself to oblivion? Then again, many of these things are well part of my own history of problems. Life's a bitch, ain't it? Good thing's one thing's for certain. Your life's going to end. No need to flippin' hurry. You'll ride the handsome - guaranteed. Do the things you can do, I guess legal meds count too - I just find the whole business wrong to the core. Anything helps, anything hurts - does it really matter?

Everything has an impact on your biochemistry. Medication artificially covers up your symptoms. Face your demons, is all I can say from my experiences. And learn how to live with them. A costly struggle, and it might well cost you your life.

I'm wondering which version of venlafaxin you are taking? The dosage sounds like Effexor, which has a lot of shitty side effects. There's a more refined version of it called Prisitq which cuts out most of the bad ones, especially weight gain, sweating, etc. The one I was put on most recently was the best that I've found. My mood was fine, I was dreaming a lot which means the chemicals were rebalancing and I didn't notice any side effects. It's called cipralex

I had a bad period in the past year where I was mixing clinical depression with booze. I was a few steps shot of becoming a full-blown goddamn alcoholic, one of the dipshits you see crying in AA meetings about how they fucked up their entire life.

I was strongly encouraged by family to seek help. I saw a shrink, went on meds and I've slowly managed to pull myself out of the hole I was digging for myself. I'm better (mostly) now. At least I think.