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#1 Posted by Aronman789 (2738 posts) -

Alright, so I just got friend-zoned pretty badly recently, and while I am disappointed, that's not what this thread is about. This thread is about motivation; the reason you work hard and look forward to the next day.

You see, for a while impressing this girl was my only real reason to do anything, and since that road's been closed, I'm now just kind of stuck here with no reason for why I should keep trying. I don't have any dreams to work for, I don't really have any family to take care of, luxury doesn't suit me so being rich would be pointless, and fame is something I wouldn't touch with a 20-foot pole. The only thing I can really think of is the vague notion of "helping other people".

So as a confused man, I'd like to ask you guys: what motivates you? Why do you try? What keeps you going? Are any of you finding yourself in a rut like I am, feeling like you're just burning time with no goal? Has anyone managed to climb out of something like this? If yes, how did you do it?

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#2 Edited by Irish_Giant_Bomber (210 posts) -

Learn, use your free time wisely and broaden your horizons. Read, study a topic you love, travel...The thing that motivates me is this: Life is short and I don't want to waste it.

Even on the days where I feel unmotivated I just remind myself of how precious life truly is and get on with it :)

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#3 Edited by Video_Game_King (36564 posts) -

I've not a clue. The past is permanent, and my control of the future is limited, to say the least. I focus on the present, even if it is an illusion.

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#4 Posted by gamefreak9 (2877 posts) -

@Video_Game_King said:

I've not a clue. The past is permanent, and my control limited, to say the least. I focus on the present, even if it is an illusion.

I disagree, on the control, I think its unlimited, it just takes skill.

Motivation now... dno, I'd say I'm motivated by the idea that I might one day experience limerence(wiki it).

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#5 Edited by TheDudeOfGaming (6116 posts) -

You wanna know the truth? We're here and we do shit to pass the time in the most fun way possible, and also to make the time pass as easily and comfortably as possible. And that's it. Get used to the crushing bleakness that is life! Seriously though, you have to enjoy the little things.

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#6 Posted by Video_Game_King (36564 posts) -


Crap. I made a typo. Does that apply now, after my edit, though?

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#7 Posted by Wrighteous86 (3957 posts) -

@Aronman789: What makes you happy? Find a way to make it a regular part of your life. Also, exercise. It's a known endorphin that makes you happier, look better, feel better (once you push past that wall and it becomes habit).

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#8 Edited by mlarrabee (3904 posts) -

I believe in a God, an afterlife, and that people have spirits, so my motivations extend somewhat beyond those of Atheist or "non-spiritual" people.

Until that point, however, I think we can all agree that the best things in life are improving the depth and breadth of your skills, increasing the depth and breadth of your knowledge, and using both to better the lives of those around you!

I don't believe we're created to live life solely in the moment, but to constantly design, construct, and work for the future. I'm not speaking about this only in a global sense, but also in the here and now. Learn basic car diagnostic and start stopping when you see a vehicle with hazard lights. Teach yourself a musical instrument and then teach someone else. Go to the local park or beach and pick up garbage. Find an elderly person in your apartment complex or neighborhood and offer to run for their groceries. Do anything to make someone's life a little better.

Cue overused video:

Loading Video...

@scalpel said:

@mlarrabee: Must be exhausting to live for others in that way.

And it is the best kind of exhaustion!

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#9 Posted by Everyones_A_Critic (6500 posts) -

Nothing motivates me like my own vices and constant search for pleasure. That's just the way my mind works. I started working out because I was going to a rave on Valentine's Day and wanted to tone up for the ladies. And after that I took working out farther than I ever have, I still do now. I get tickets to shows that are a few months away to have something to look forward to.

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#10 Edited by Chop (2013 posts) -

I've never had a firm grip on the future; motivation has always been something I've struggled with. For the most part, I just live day to day, hour to hour without anything solid pushing me forward. Is it a rut if you've been in it your whole life, more or less?

If that sounds depressing, I didn't mean for it to come out that way. I would love to have a more fulling life but...this is okay.

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#11 Posted by scalpel (326 posts) -

@mlarrabee: Must be exhausting to live for others in that way.

Planning, progressing and achieving motivates me.

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#12 Edited by theguy (825 posts) -

@mlarrabee said:

Until that point, however, I think we can all agree that the best things in life are improving the depth and breadth of your skills, increasing the depth and breadth of your knowledge, and using both to better the lives of those around you!

This but I learn things for my own satisfaction rather than helping others. It's a nice byproduct but I live for myself.

I just have a general live goal of learning as many things as interest me and of achieving. I don't know what I want to achieve, it could be world changing or the most insignificant thing in terms of others but I want to be able to look back at the end of my life and be proud.

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#13 Posted by Patman99 (1650 posts) -

I'm a fairly self-motivated person so I would suggest find something you are extremely interested in. Be it video games, music, money, or academics, just pick something and pursue that. It doesn't have to lead to a career or anything but it gives you something to look forward to when you come home.

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#14 Posted by aznjon12 (201 posts) -

I am motivated by a desire to be the very best. Like no one ever was. As someone who is addicted to success, just the complete euphoria of doing something well is enough. Of course there are times when it's more trouble than it's worth but when it comes to then I will not do it. Motivation comes to those who learn to take them for what they are, a means to an end. Whenever I feel down, this always raises my spirits.

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#15 Edited by Jrinswand (1746 posts) -

Why is being somebody's friend a bad thing? Just because you're not going to fuck her doesn't mean that you can't still have an awesome friendship.

As for me, I'm not motivated by money or success or anything like that. The only thing that matters to me in the world is my wife and our family. They're really the only reason I do anything. If it weren't for them, I'd probably just be an enormous loser who sits around doing nothing all day.

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#16 Posted by Subject2Change (2971 posts) -

There are literally dozens of girls out there. DOZENS!

Find someone else, make her jealous.

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#17 Posted by Justin258 (15024 posts) -

I want to do something and be something more than another blue collar worker who lives paycheck to paycheck and wonders what he's going to do for retirement. My family has lived that way since my birth, and my mother's family lived that way, and my father's family lived that way.

I won't do that. I'm tired of being the motherfucker who never gets anywhere.

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#18 Posted by Jazzycola (672 posts) -

First mistake, one does not become friend-zoned, one friend-zones him or herself. Second mistake, when all you're trying to do is make a girl be impressed by you chances are you're looking like A) a big asshole or B) some kid trying to prove that he's mature. Also, if she doesn't see through that facade then you're building a relationship on a lie.

As far as motivation goes, well that's a different thing. If you're having a hard time motivating yourself to do simple things you're probably incredibly depressed and you need to get help. That's all I'm going to say on that.

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#19 Posted by AhmadMetallic (19301 posts) -

What motivates me? The fact that I have money, health, good looks and great parents. I just think of those less fortunate and then I find myself getting out of bed.

I honestly have no ambitions or goals, I'm a boring ass dead-inside-ass fuckdrag. I just think of the less fortunate, those who have no legs, those who work in the sun all day while I work inside a building, those who die to have the meatloaf I eat everyday... And then my wheels just get in motion.

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#20 Posted by FluxWaveZ (19844 posts) -

Video games are what motivate me.

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#21 Posted by Sliced_Bread (157 posts) -

@Aronman789: I have found myself in your position many times, and I can tell you that motivation is completely useless without a goal. So we have to play an exciting and dangerous game of "Find your Passion!"

While the rewards of winning are fantastic, it is a very challenging game to play because it has to be played alone. Nobody knows you better than you, and only you can know what truly makes you the happiest. People can and will try and give you a shove in what they think is the right direction, but ultimately the final choice is yours. If you allow anybody else to make the decision for you, you have made a grave and costly error, and will eventually have to start playing all over again.

The actual process of playing is the most fun and dangerous part because the possibilities are endless. This can be incredibly overwhelming and, if you're anything like me, can make you choke and fall into depression. To me it kind of sounds like this is where you are, or at least on the very edge of it. If you agree with me even the tiniest bit, please get help! I've been there, and as embarrassing as it was to admit it to anybody, it was one of my better decisions to do so.

Ultimately, you just have to get off your ass and start trying things. Anything. Everything. Whatever you have even the smallest interest in. A good starting point would be to take a general look at your personality, for instance, are you an introvert or an extrovert. Boom, you pretty much just halved the possibilities, just be loose and don't narrow them down so far as to keep you from stretching yourself. You may be surprised at what you enjoy.

Using myself as an example: I grew up as a generic nerd and I graduated college with a degree in network security because, at the time I enrolled, jobs and money were everywhere. Those were bad reasons, and as interesting as school was, once I started job hunting the market had shrunk considerably and I couldn't really find anything I wanted to do, or anybody that wanted me to do it. So after two years of semi-intense job hunting, I started to get worried that I was going to become my stereotype adult-living-in-moms-basement. Unacceptable. I started grabbing at any job remotely interesting to me, eventually I found a posting for an airport baggage handler. "Sure" I said, "airplanes are cool." And wouldn't ya know it? I absolutely love my job. I've been doing it almost four years now and am starting to climb the airline industry ladder. Ten years ago I would have NEVER guessed I'd enjoy outdoor, four season, manual labor.

Good luck

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#22 Posted by BraveToaster (12636 posts) -

My fear of ending up homeless and doing weird shit for food motivates me to work towards financial stability. My fear of turning into a fat fuck again motivates me to workout. My realization that there are plenty of decent single women in the motivates me to forget about the ones who have rejected me. The way I see life is that I could've been one of those unfortunate people who are born in countries where there are no opportunities to learn and progress; I should at least take advantage of the opportunities available to me. Don't let a man or woman be your motivation to do something, live for yourself. Don't look to others for direction or you'll be dependent for the rest of your life.

Also, pineapples.

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#23 Posted by ajamafalous (13728 posts) -

Nothing, honestly. My life sucks. Two years ago I dated a girl for three months. She "broke up" with me and I've been stuck in fuckbuddy zone with her since then because she has huge commitment issues. It's the worst fucking feeling in the world to hear someone you love dearly tell you that they love you but that you can't be together.

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#24 Posted by nerdsbeware (281 posts) -

Bombcast episodes.. honestly. I've been making my way through the Bombcast from the start, as I like to do every so often, and just listening to the duders talk about achievement points and all that stuff in the super early days really started to motivate me to get the most out of my games and try stuff that normally I wouldn't have gone for before. Something like Sleeping Dogs for example. I finished the main story and started playing Borderlands 2, but I've tried to make it a point to go back at least once and night and get ONE achievement from Sleeping Dogs. Just that feeling of doing something that I wouldn't have normally done, or pushed myself to do motivates me. And that's in all walks of life, not just video games. To try something new. To accomplish something I have never done before or thought I would never be able to do.

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#25 Edited by thedj93 (1260 posts) -

Clear your heart of judgement.

Learn how to forgive the world, and yourself.

Don't lose track of your goals your morals or your mental well-being

Do your best to stay productive, forward momentum is the best motivator there is.

and oh yeah, don't forget to have fun. fuck the noise, do you

STAY CREATIVE! KEEP STRUGGLIN! It'll be worth it if you persevere I promise!


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#26 Posted by Aronman789 (2738 posts) -

@Subject2Change: @Jrinswand: @Jazzycola: Just to clear things up, I'm not very bothered by the being rejected thing, she's a good friend and I respect her decisions, since I did the actually sensible thing and asked her reasons. The part I have a problem with is my lack of motivation, I don't care about the friend-zoning, that's just another learning experience.

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#27 Posted by Subject2Change (2971 posts) -

@Aronman789 said:

@Subject2Change: @Jrinswand: @Jazzycola: Just to clear things up, I'm not very bothered by the being rejected thing, she's a good friend and I respect her decisions, since I did the actually sensible thing and asked her reasons. The part I have a problem with is my lack of motivation, I don't care about the friend-zoning, that's just another learning experience.

It happens, we all get depressed over relationships or ones that never started off. You get over it overtime and move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea and you will eventually learn that. Similar thing happened to me a few years ago but instead of getting friend-zoned from the start we tried it for a bit and it didn't work out, couldn't go back to before and I don't really talk to her anymore and whenever I see her at parties or whatever it can be a little weird. Now I am with someone for over a year and it's fantastic. Just one of life's disappointments that usually works out in the end.

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#28 Edited by Scrawnto (2555 posts) -

I'm into way, way too many things. It's difficult for me to prioritize one. I'd really like to get better at drawing, playing the violin, and parkour. I have an intense interest in the creation of video games. Currently though, my motivation is to not get fired and to keep a roof over my head.

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#29 Posted by biggiedubs (586 posts) -

Roll the Dice

by Charles Bukowski

if you’re going to try, go all the


otherwise, don’t even start.

if you’re going to try, go all the

way. this could mean losing girlfriends,

wives, relatives, jobs and

maybe your mind.

go all the way.

it could mean not eating for 3 or

4 days.

it could mean freezing on a

park bench.

it could mean jail,

it could mean derision,



isolation is the gift,

all the others are a test of your

endurance, of

how much you really want to

do it.

and you’ll do it

despite rejection and the

worst odds

and it will be better than

anything else

you can imagine.

if you’re going to try,

go all the way.

there is no other feeling like


you will be alone with the


and the nights will flame with


do it, do it, do it.

do it.

all the way

all the way.

you will ride life straight to

perfect laughter,

it’s the only good fight

there is.

You've got miles to go before you can sleep, buddy.

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#30 Posted by Hizang (9358 posts) -

All the little things keep me going, whats for dinner, that new game comes out next week, coming home to my bed each night all of that crap.

Appreciate the little things and life becomes enjoyable. So what if there was one girl who decided not to be with you, last time I checked there was a lot of girls out there.