Multiple Hobby Paralysis

This topic has been discussed previously in the specific context of video game backlogs, but I am coming to realize now that the problem for me extends well beyond video games. I have so many different hobbies, both existing and desired, and I don't find myself spending time on any of them. I have a huge mental list of things I want to do, not limited to but including:

1) Play various video games - new releases, backlog, retro games
2) Catch up on reading some of the dozens of books I have bought over the past few years
3) Spend more time playing tabletop games and learn to paint miniatures
4) Start fishing again
5) Work on my golf game
6) Expand my coding knowledge to dabble in video game development

I could continue listing more items, but you get the idea. All of these are things that I "want" to do, but I have limited time between work, kids, coaching baseball, etc. Realistically, there is no way I'll ever be able to accomplish everything on my list, but I have a hard time crossing things off and then I usually don't end up doing any of them. I might end up with an hour or two free at the end of the night, but starting anything on my list seems like such a daunting task that I typically just end up sitting on the couch and killing time watching TV before bed. Rinse and repeat while weeks and months go by where I don't accomplish anything that I wanted to.

The answer seems simple - Prioritize the hobbies, decide what is most important, and focus my limited time on a manageable set of activities. But something else always pops up that piques my interest and gets me stuck right back where I started with too much to do and not enough time. I am curious if others have felt this level of paralysis where you haven't been able to spend meaningful time on any of your hobbies, and if so what strategies would you suggest to start chipping away at the problem?

I think this is all just part of managing priorities as an adult, but I haven't been able to figure it out, and if anything it continues to get worse over time. I often have the thought that "maybe when I retire I'll be able to catch up on everything I didn't have time for", but I suspect that is both unhealthy and untrue. How do other people manage the desire to squeeze 100 gallons of hobbies into a 10 gallon hat?

The biggest thing is finding the tradeoffs you're willing to make. Nobody has as much time in the day as they wish they did, but almost everybody can make time for something if they really want to. It's the classical optimization triangle problem; you can get enough sleep, take care of social responsibilities, practice your hobbies, etc., but you can't do them all. If you stay up an hour later, or you don't go to every dinner/bar/party you get invited to, or you meal prep in bulk one day so that you can spend 5m reheating through the week instead of spending 30m cooking every day, or whatever else, you can squeeze out some time that you may not have felt that you had. I'm not saying that all or any of these apply to you, but it's just something to think about as it applies to the things in your own life that you feel like are eating your time.

I bought a new guitar a month or two ago after wanting to learn for years but never willing to commit past dabbling with an old one at my dad's house a handful of times a decade ago. This can be hard to apply to some of your hobbies (like golf or fishing), but the biggest thing that's helped me stick with it so far is not thinking of it like a big obligation ('I need to practice for at least an hour every day' or whatever). It can be hard for people older than college to block out a 30-60m chunk of their day, but it gets easier if you 'trick' yourself. I pick up the guitar and say I'm going to commit to five minutes of playing, and most days by the time I look up it's been 15 or 20 or 45 minutes. Again, hard to apply to several of your hobbies, but you might be able to use the thought process on something like games, reading, or programming.

I agree with ajam up there. Tell yourself you have 5 minutes to practice, or paint, or whatever, and then let yourself be immersed in the task at hand. It's like the mental version of an object in motion tends to stay in motion

I've felt your pain a lot in my life Sargon[OP]. I've enjoyed Magic: The Gathering and Chess, along with gaming and reading for a long time and I've always felt like these hobbies, chess and magic in particular, compete with one another because of the way they feel similar in terms of their strategic gameplay. And like you, I get more enjoyment from my hobbies when I'm really able to dive deeply into something and feel the gains from becoming aware of the meta, or what ever. It feels better to be INTO magic or chess for a few months than always playing a bit of both. For some background, its very difficult to improve in chess without studying, and magic takes a lot of time other than playing because of the physical collecting side of it. So playing both isn't practical, so I allow myself to get pulled into one and from the other pretty much on a rotating basis of 3 to 4 months. But I try not to force it one way or another because despite what I may think I want for a fleeting moment, on the whole, I'm not engaging with these hobbies as a professional, so keeping in mind that fun and things like satisfaction and fulfillment are the objectives and not necessarily improvement for its own sake. With that in mind, maybe hobbies like golf are less important because it feels like work, if you know what I mean. Ultimately this approach keeps me from achieving things like becoming a master-level chess player, but it keeps my enjoying chess and not turning it into a work-like hobby which I think all hobbies have the potential for if we let things like competitiveness or the possibility of 'going pro' get the better of us.

Thanks for reading and hope this helps OP!

Same here. Fortunately my skills with traditional painting, graphic design and photography can play off of each other. Electric guitar, however: I haven't had the alone time to get into it, and my taste for technical death metal and progressive metal makes it a very long journey.

I don't have kids, but I do have a house and a full time job. For me, the key has become "momentum". It's a lot easier to pick up something I was working on yesterday than it is to mess with something I haven't touched for a month, and this counts for pretty much everything. Even if you find yourself with only fifteen minutes to spare, do something with that hobby. If it's programming, mentally review some stuff or read over your notes. If it's a game, fire it up and do something, even if that something is sell a bit of inventory or walk to the other side of the map or kill one enemy. If I stop and don't touch something for about a week, it's a little hard to get back into, and after two weeks it's going to take as much to get into it again as when I first started. Not that I can't, just that it's more difficult.

For this reason, I try my best to stick with something until I finish it (preferably), am satisfied with it, or am bored to tears with it. For learning a new skill, like programming or playing guitar, that's something you should devote at least a bit of time (five minutes, ten minutes, whatever) every day - do something with it until you've decided you don't want to do it anymore. For games/books/movies, it's a lot easier because there's (usually) a finite end point you can look at and say "this is where I want to be".

This doesn't mean don't take breaks from something, it's probably a good idea to shelve something and do something else for a little while. But shelve it when you've reached some kind of goal (you programmed a game of Hangman, you can play Smoke on the Water, you launched the rocket in Factorio, etc.) and not whenever you're arbitrarily "feeling something else today".

Don't be afraid to drop something you've lost interest in, but the flip side to that coin is to know when you've lost interest. Don't quit because you've hit a rough spot, or a boring spot, or you're thinking about one of the million other hobbies you want to get into.

And remember that you've got time! You'll need to set aside most of your interests for now and get into them at a later date - pick whatever you're most interested in now and you can work with the others later.

I wish passions and obsessions could come to me as easily as they did when I was a kid, but they don't and that's been the real problem for me. Sticking with something I'm already into instead of following every whim that crosses my mind is tough, but I've gotten a lot better about it over the past few years and I find it more satisfying, even if I still fall far short of where I want to be with... well, anything, really.

It's funny you mentioned guitar, because that could easily have been the next item on my list. Like you, I have dabbled in it for short periods over the past 30ish years, but have always wanted to come back to it in a more dedicated fashion. I might try to pick it back up again when/if the new Rocksmith game releases if it turns out to be a useful tool for learning to play an actual guitar.

A few of you touched on the same idea of committing small amounts of time to starting an activity and then letting that grow as the activity consumes me (if it does). That does make sense, but I have to get past that initial hurdle of actually starting to do something. Instead of thinking "I only have an hour, so I might as well just catch up on a TV show", I need to try to look at it as "I have an hour, so let's enjoy doing as much as I can". Easier said than done though.

As a somewhat comical example of the issue, one of the video games I have really enjoyed in the past is Out of the Park Baseball, a largely text-based simulation that I first started playing nearly 20 years ago. For the past several years, I have had every intention of getting back into the latest version of the game, but here is the cycle of what typically happens:

1) New game is announced - I get excited about it and prepare to purchase it
2) Game is released - I buy the game, but decide that I have many others things to do, so I'll wait for a few patches to be released before I dedicate any time to it
3) Several patches later, the game is complete and stable - I consider playing it, but realize the next version is only a few months away, so I should wait for the new version.
4) New version is announced, return to the beginning

I recognize exactly what I'm doing, and how silly it is, but I am not exaggerating when I say I have looped through that cycle for over 5 years now and still haven't touched any version of the game over that time (although I have bought them all).

In general, I often find myself thinking "I'll wait for X before I do this", but the problem is there is always another X and that can turn into an endless cycle of inactivity.

You're indecisive. You gotta just pick something and stick with it. Forget about "fear of missing out" stuff, just pick something and do it now. If you need spend a few hours getting into something before sticking with it, then pick a weekend day and arrange to get X time off, or perhaps wake up early and work on it before everyone else gets their day going.

If you've actually spent five years bouncing between interests and never doing anything, then you're missing out on everything. Don't worry about some patch a year from now that's going to give a game a nice feature. Just sit down and enjoy it now.

All the advice in the world is useless to you if you can't give yourself the push to get on with something.

If I didn't notice I had an hour of free time here and there, I wouldn't be baking/doing yoga/practising handpan, I would instead just be doing the same old shit of playing videogames in my free time and getting stoned.

It's probably easy for me to say "Just get on with it", since I've "just been getting on with it" since I was 18 and decided I wanted to be a writer. Now I don't want to be a writer, but the habit of working on a passion after my daily grind is over has been set for over a decade.

I lapse now and then, spend weeks doing very little, but most of the time I am able to finish the daily grind, waste 15 mins on Youtube, then get on with my "before dinner" hobbies, which include excercise, handpan and learning to use SAP for better career prospects. Then I cook dinner and wash up, and then its "after dinner" hobbies, which are the more standard games/reading fare.

The key thing is getting into the habit of seeing that free time and actively doing something with it. In the end the only thing that'll get you doing something with that time is you telling yourself to do so. There's no magic switch, no stop-wasting-time panacea, just you and your willpower.

Every time you spend free time doing something that isn't vegetating before the television/youtube will make the next time that much easier.

Enormous disclaimer: I do not, and likely may not ever, have children.

Games are simple, stop buying new games and play the ones that you have which you haven't gotten to yet. I have been trying to do this as well and its not easy. But it saves you money in the long run and if you wait you can try to get it on sale as well. Over the past two years I was able to get to some bigger games that I have an completed them the ones that I bought started and never finished and still working at them today.

Even so, everything you said is completely valid, but I'm just dealing with a much smaller slice of "me" time to operate within. And then there is the added factor of being mentally tired at the end of the day. That is not exclusive to having kids by any means, but kids certainly add to it. After work, dinner, working out, juggling the kids' evening activities, and getting them to bed, I have limited time and energy remaining. It is a matter of figuring out how to focus that remaining energy on something semi-productive.

I have a ton of different hobbies (mostly of the art and/or craft variety) and honestly a lot of it is juggling things in and out of what I'm currently working on (though I definitely have more time than you, it's not unlimited). I feel like golf and fishing don't really factor into it--true, you probably can't just go fish for an hour (unless you're in specific circumstances, those are more like planned lengthy activities), but you could absolutely start painting a set of minis. They'll exist there and be ready for the next space you have time. Just! Start doing it! Hours add up! Minutes add up! If you want to start reading more, just take 15 minutes out of your tv zoning out before bed time and swap to that; it's still a relaxing, passive activity.

There's nothing wrong with riding a wave of passion for a new project either, just leave the old thing in a state where it can be resumed, if you want to resume it at all. If you want to move on, that's fine too. I don't think you have to "drop" any hobbies if you're actually enjoying them, because it's not for work or anyone you need prove something to. (I think this is only an issue if you tend to buy a lot of expensive equipment for a new hobby and then don't do it.) If something strikes your fancy, prioritize it! If it annoys you to feel like you're leaving things unfinished, then your priority is to make sure you carry things to completion. You don't know what the future holds, so waiting for something vague like "when I retire/when I have time" will leave you forever unsatisfied.

Multiple hobbies is a young man game! ;-)

I can only juggle three thing ad not very well - audiobook, D&D group, and watching media i like. Gaming and my half completed Lego project are suffering.

I don't buy games when they come out unless I have nothing I want to be playing or I'm 100% certain I will play the new game to completion in short order. Maybe if a game I know I will eventually play is deeply discounted (as in, it won't likely reach a similar price within 6 months by me just waiting for a natural price decrease or sale) I will add it to my backlog but that's rare. I'm also extremely picky about what I play. The "the game isn't that great but it's free on GamePass" refrain is the exact opposite of how I want to spend my gaming time since I have way less time than money.

As for actually doing stuff, I make lists and set goals. Rather than waiting for the perfect day to spend hours reading I just try and do 20 pages or 3 chapters or whatever of a book. Maybe I read more or maybe I miss a day but I always do some reading every week. I'm currently beating No More Heroes 3 by doing one ranking per day. Some games don't lend themselves to that well (Dark Souls 2 was a recent one) so I tend to chunk out an hour or two if I can. I use guides very proactively so I don't waste my time being bored and stuck.

Kinda simple to say "prioritize and set goals" but if you actually want to do certain things then being organized about it makes it a lot easier.

I understand the paralysis part, but the cure is to just do one. If they're your hobbies you'll probably get some sort of enjoyment out of it. So there really isn't a "better" choice to make. Just pick something, as starting is always the hardest part. You can get to the others later, or spend more time on this one, or maybe the others will fall to the side.

Not a big deal at the end of the day. Just live your life and enjoy what you're doing in the present moment.

I am currently listening to "LOVE ME LIKE YOU DO" playing Silver Pokemon. I am very fond of video games and I play with my friends in online gaming clubs. The games I like most involve using magical powers to attack you. League of Legends keeps catching my eye, but I hear that people can get very competitive and mean when participating in it. That game. Recently, I played in a Creator Merch Shop club. In general, I am drawn to games that involve the ball.

This is an excellent topic and this very same problem has been bothering me some time now. My youngest child is now five years so he requires still a lot of attension and in practice I have only about two effective hours in evenings.

1) Software development (multiple of projects and studying new skills)
2) Electronics
3) Reading books
4) Computer and tabletop games
5) Miniatures
6) Woodwork
7) Sport (jogging, walking and gym)

One of the biggest improvement was bying a e-book reader (KoboGlo HD) couple of years ago. I have been able to read books in gym and while walking, travelling and pretty much every moment I need to wait something. This has been fullfilling my need for reading books and also theory part of studying new tech skills.

Otherwise doing everything during daily two spare hours has been a stuggle. I just needed to prioritize and use those hours for software development and occasionally playing Star Citizen.

Although, I think my youngest is old enough to start spending time with my other hobbies. We have started to do electronics and playing tabletop RPG (Hero Kids) and other tabletop games. That has helped a lot.

So, my advice is to buy e-reader and not to try save time from sleeping hours.