Not a TL:DR. Hooray!

That being said, it is still kind of a work in progress. I am not sure if I am happy with the way it sounds yet. And of course, to those that do read it, I hopeat least some of you like it, just a little bit :P

---------------------------------------------------

Weary and wilted, the rose sags.

Only rose in the sunken valley,

[Reticent remorse.] No recourse. It cries

Tiny grey petals. In the morning

Harrowed dew drops drip down the stalk.

Life seeps, sticky and viscous from xylem severed,

Each day fed upon by ravenous bees.

Shuddering in the shade of a hill up high,

Shivering in the frigid breeze.

Under the gaze of the shining sun,

In full bloom, it’s siblings bend skywards,

Catch and soak up the life giving rays.

In shade, grey and darkening, the rose looks

Down upon the decaying petals it has cried, it’s legacy.

Evening creeps, still, the rose weeps.

[Night slinks down upon the valley.

The rose’s head lolls,

The stalk gives way,

The last petal falls

And lights upon the ground

In front of the other roses,

Closed and cloaked against the chill

winds. Unnoticed,

The petal is whisked away into the night

On a gently sighing breeze].

That being said, it is still kind of a work in progress. I am not sure if I am happy with the way it sounds yet. And of course, to those that do read it, I hopeat least some of you like it, just a little bit :P

---------------------------------------------------

Weary and wilted, the rose sags.

Only rose in the sunken valley,

[Reticent remorse.] No recourse. It cries

Tiny grey petals. In the morning

Harrowed dew drops drip down the stalk.

Life seeps, sticky and viscous from xylem severed,

Each day fed upon by ravenous bees.

Shuddering in the shade of a hill up high,

Shivering in the frigid breeze.

Under the gaze of the shining sun,

In full bloom, it’s siblings bend skywards,

Catch and soak up the life giving rays.

In shade, grey and darkening, the rose looks

Down upon the decaying petals it has cried, it’s legacy.

Evening creeps, still, the rose weeps.

[Night slinks down upon the valley.

The rose’s head lolls,

The stalk gives way,

The last petal falls

And lights upon the ground

In front of the other roses,

Closed and cloaked against the chill

winds. Unnoticed,

The petal is whisked away into the night

On a gently sighing breeze].

TL;DR

@UncleClassy: Damnit! >.<

This is the complete opposite of not TL;DR.

@matthias2437 said:

This is the complete opposite of not TL;DR.

I didn't think it was very long :/

@Still_I_Cry said:

@matthias2437 said:

This is the complete opposite of not TL;DR.

I didn't think it was very long :/

Of course not, you wrote it. On topic though, I thought the length was such that I did not partake in all of it.

@Still_I_Cry: A little bit, nonetheless it was good.

I think its very good. altho i was never much of a poem writer.

@UncleClassy said:

TL;DR

@MooseyMcMan: @matthias2437: Sorry for misrepresenting the length D:

@TheDoorman: Thanks very much!

@matthias2437: Thank you!

@Intro said:

@UncleClassy said:

TL;DR

@TheDoorman said:

I think its very good. altho i was never much of a poem writer.

I think you mean a poet.

Also, TL;DR

@TheDudeOfGaming: @face15: It is only 20 something lines long O_O

Nice piece. I've never been a confident poet and definitely admire the ability in someone else.

I'll stick to my genre fiction haha

@Tim_the_Corsair said:

Nice piece. I've never been a confident poet and definitely admire the ability in someone else. I'll stick to my genre fiction haha

Thanks very much for the compliment. I am not a confident poet either, I just get up enough nerve to post it then look at the replies with one eye shut :P

1/10

Not an acrostic.

@Ravenlight: I'm not sure how it isn't :/ I looked up the form and this fits it. It also relates back to the words spelled. Please explain so I don't make the mistake of calling it acrostic :)

@Still_I_Cry said:

@Ravenlight: I'm not sure how it isn't :/ I looked up the form and this fits it. It also relates back to the words spelled. Please explain so I don't make the mistake of calling it acrostic :)

Oh, I see. The part in the brackets isn't part of the phrase.

Okay, you get a 8/10. More points would have been awarded if the phrase was more entertaining. Next time, go with some existential angst but spell out "Magikarp Hi-Five" or something.

Read it out loud.
 
The words are fancy but too many make the sentences cluttered.
The effort is good however, just remember that flow and simple words can sometimes be as beautiful as fancy words.

@Still_I_Cry: You could have shortened it to

EVERY ROSE HAS IT THORN

JUST LIKE EVERY NIGHT HAS IT DAWN

JUST LIKE EVERY COWBOY SINGS A SAD SAD SONG

EVERY ROSE HAS IT THORN

That's basically what you wrote, but that's not TL:DR

@TaliciaDragonsong: I have read it aloud, which is why I may still change some stuff :P. Thank you, still trying to work out the kinks :D

@Jams: No it isn't :/

@Ravenlight said:

@Still_I_Cry said:

@Ravenlight: I'm not sure how it isn't :/ I looked up the form and this fits it. It also relates back to the words spelled. Please explain so I don't make the mistake of calling it acrostic :)

Oh, I see. The part in the brackets isn't part of the phrase.

Okay, you get a 8/10. More points would have been awarded if the phrase was more entertaining. Next time, go with some existential angst but spell out "Magikarp Hi-Five" or something.

There is no angst there :/

It's about a rose that's sad because it is isolated from the others and they refuse to notice it. That sadness is why the petals are grey and that is what led it to decay. That is why the dew drops are harrowed. The xylem, which gives it nutrients, is severed. Your sarcasm is really unnecessary.

@Still_I_Cry said:

Your sarcasm is really unnecessary.

I could have probably phrased my response better, no offense intended. My one weakness is that I'm terrible at understanding poetry. Your cliff-notes summary is appreciated ;)

@Ravenlight: Ah alright. Sorry for being so thorny then. I was expecting some sarcastic remarks and such so :P

@TaliciaDragonsong: Yup. I think I struggle with finding simple words that describe what I want them to. Oh well, I'll keep at it. Thanks very much for the input.

Up spoke the bold Still_I_Cry, about a rose whose beauty shall die. An attempt to be sure, forums left to endure, far better than a spit in the eye.

@TaliciaDragonsong: Thanks. Wish I could resurrect some of the famous poets and ask them a few things :P