table manners quick question

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AURON570

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#1  Edited By AURON570

Quick question about general table manners that has been bugging me for a while. I'm the quiet type, so usually at the dinner table I spend more time eating and listening to others talk than talking myself.

Sometimes when my mouth is full, someone (in this case my mom) will ask me a question when I clearly have my mouth full and stare at me waiting for an answer. Usually one of two things happen, either I garble out an answer she can't understand, at which point she scolds me for speaking unclearly and with my mouth full OR I continue chewing intending to answer after I have properly chewed and swallowed the food stuff (choking is no joke). At which point my mom repeats the question thinking I'm deaf, and she along with whoever else is at the table stares at me waiting for an answer.

I don't really see a good way of dealing with this situation, and it kind of feels like I'm being mildly verbally assaulted each time this (or something like it) happens. When I raised this point to her, saying that I can't talk with my mouth full and how I think it's pretty rude to knowingly push someone to talk who has their mouth full. When I told her this, she just sarcastically replied "ohh okay I'll make sure to not talk to you when you have your mouth full".

So my question is, how do you "properly" excuse yourself from talking with your mouth full?

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Snail

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#2  Edited By Snail

Your mom is in the wrong here. If she does indeed insist with the question whilst you're chewing, as soon as you're done you should yell "I HAD MY MOUTH FULL GODDAMN YOU. ALL THESE YEARS OF TAKING THIS CRAP I'M DONE WIH THIS FAMILY", and storm out of the table.

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TheHumanDove

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@snail said:

Your mom is in the wrong here. If she does indeed insist with the question whilst you're chewing, as soon as you're done you should yell "I HAD MY MOUTH FULL GODDAMN YOU. ALL THESE YEARS OF TAKING THIS CRAP I'M DONE WIH THIS FAMILY", and storm out of the table.

Basically this. Or make some grunting sounds complimented by a couple hand gestures. Works 110% of the time.

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kaos_cracker

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I'd just do a hand gesture to say hold on a moment. Or just spit your food at them if they keep repeating the question.

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Monkeyman04

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Yeah, that's f'ed up what your mom is doing. I think the best thing to do when your mouth is full is to put up your index finger to indicate that you need a moment to chew and swallow before you can answer.

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Zevvion

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#6  Edited By Zevvion

Text her.

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audioBusting

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#7  Edited By audioBusting

Yeah, a gesture and some noise usually suffice. I also try not to eat too quickly in company of other people, so that my mouth isn't full all the time and I don't look rude.

Edit: knowing how to delay a response is also a good stalling technique for when your mom asks difficult questions during a meal!

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RazielCuts

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No offence but damn, how long does it take you to chew and swallow food? Usually for me thats like 3/4 bites if that. It shouldn't take you that long to answer a question. Also if it helps I sometimes cover my mouth when caught in these situations, so you still have food in your mouth but you're just not showing it to everyone whilst you speak.

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deactivated-5c4a6d7d37a3f

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Dood, my mother is the exact same way. This is a no win situation. Nothing works.

Yeah, that's f'ed up what your mom is doing. I think the best thing to do when your mouth is full is to put up your index finger to indicate that you need a moment to chew and swallow before you can answer.

This occasionally works, like 10% of the time but I still get the devil eyes or whatever you call them because I didn't answer quick enough.

I wouldn't recommend this; But whenever I get put on the spot like this I usually take my time to eat then address the rest of the people at the table with something like: "Hey, did I ever tell you about the time my mother locked me in the car as a kid for 2 hours so she could go gamble at the casino?" It's a risky move but it get's her off your back. Only works if you have dirt though. And are willing to possibly be considered a terrible person or get kicked out of the family or whatever other terrible thing could happen, fist fight with your mom on the kitchen table? Something bad.

Or you could just eat super fast. That always seems to work.

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pyromagnestir

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I avoid this situation by eating alone and listening to podcasts. The Bombcast doesn't ask me any questions.

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marc

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#11  Edited By marc

Hand gesture. Problem solved

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DeadpanCakes

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I usually do the index finger thing. But I always make sure my hand is closer to myself than the person talking to me, so as not to look like I'm suggesting they shut the hell up (even though that's totally what I'm suggesting)

Alternatively, you can stop what you're doing, spit everything in your mouth out onto your plate and respond, prefacing it with, "well because clearly receiving immediate feedback to your small talk is far more important than my sustenance..." and then they'll never talk to you again.

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leebmx

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Each time she asks you a question while you are eating spit the food out into your hand, then simply return it to your mouth when finished talking.

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kentobi

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#14  Edited By kentobi

Or you could cover your mouth as you talk with it full. Don't have a conversation like that, but you can say a few words while you chew.

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ajamafalous

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Just hold up your finger and/or point to your mouth as you continue chewing, then answer. If the other person isn't an idiot they'll get the picture.

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development

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Make eye contact. Slowly open your mouth and tilt your head forward. It should take about 20 seconds. Let all your food gradually slop out of your mouth onto the plate. It works better if it can make some kind of splash and a nice wet 'slapping' sound. After you answer her question lean down and slurp it all up without using your hands.

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HerbieBug

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You need to flip the table.

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

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hatking

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#18  Edited By hatking

Just spit your food back onto your plate, answer the question, then grab it (with your hand, don't gross up some silverware) and shove it back in your mouth.

Make eye contact. Slowly open your mouth and tilt your head forward. It should take about 20 seconds. Let all your food gradually slop out of your mouth onto the plate. It works better if it can make some kind of splash and a nice wet 'slapping' sound. After you answer her question lean down and slurp it all up without using your hands.

Or, this.

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49th

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I hate when this happens. Do the head thing and exaggerate that you are eating until you can answer.

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pyrodactyl

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Take smaller bites/cut your food into smaller chunks

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TrafalgarLaw

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Tap her on the shoulder.

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deactivated-5e851fc84effd

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I eat with people who understand how conversation around a meal works.

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Hamst3r

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Put less food in your mouth, chew faster, prepare answers written on note cards glued to Popsicle stick handles beforehand, don't answer even after you finish chewing just take another bite, blow up the moon, hire an assistant that answers your questions for you, use telepathy, get a restraining order on her that prevents her from asking you questions, flip her the bird, flip her, stop eating food.

The last one is probably the most reasonable, because dinner time is for talking and socializing, not eating.

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UlquioKani

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#24  Edited By UlquioKani

Put your finger in the air to tell them hold on a for a goddamn second while you get done with your food.

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Neonie

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#25  Edited By Neonie

Ear your food in your room while watching The Daily Show or Colbert Report.

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SchrodngrsFalco

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@Hamst3r actually is right though, the answer to solving this problem is to avoid it; smaller amounts of food in your mouth at a time. I can't imagine ever being in this situation and needed more than a couple seconds max to finish the current bite... In fact I've been in this situation plenty of times and never have.

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StarvingGamer

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I bet your mom is real manipulative. Sounds like a power-play.

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smcn

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I'll echo the smaller bites thing. Not only will it help alleviate your specific problem, but you'll probably end up eating less which is rarely a bad thing.

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Haliaeetus

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I agree with the people who said use hand gestures to indicate that you heard the question and need a moment. Then as soon as you are done chewing, you should excuse yourself. If you want to be suave about it, you could compliment the meal (which would be especially effective if your mother cooked it).

Also, you could try to anticipate the direction of the conversation and determine if it could be headed your way before eating.

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Hayt

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#30  Edited By Hayt

Yeah I usually acknowledge I've heard and hold up my finger in a "gimme one minute" gesture. That said actual table manners like they teach in finishing schools are fucking demented. Stay away.

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knoxt

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just slowly look up, open your eyes as wide as you can, then slowly open your mouth and let the food fall out and stay that way, problem solved, I promise.

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Clonedzero

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Uh, in a situation where i can't answer cus my mouths full, i put up my finger as to say "one moment"

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rollingzeppelin

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Do the hand gesture thing, and if she still gets bitchy, wait till her mouth is full and ask her a question that requires extrapolation. Then get mad at her for not answering right away or talking with her mouth full and tell her she's setting a bad example.

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Broomhitches

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Wow, your mom certainly sounds like a swell gal.

"ohh okay I'll make sure to not talk to you when you have your mouth full".

"Glad we're on the same page, Mother. I'll be sure to put you in the cheapest nursing home I can find when you're too feeble to take care of yourself."

It might be overkill, but if you're going to do something, why not give it your all.

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SharkEthic

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You make a short sound like mmm while making eye contact, look down and act/mimic chewing faster, that way acknowledging that you've heard the question and will respond asap.

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frymillstrum

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Seems weird to me, from my experience people notice you have your mouth full and either wait to ask you something or acknowledge that they didn't realize you couldn't talk for a second...

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bacongames

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Get so good at talking with food in your mouth that you sound like you don't and then she'll probably freak out.

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splodge

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The next time she does this, slowly insert as many peas up your nose as possible. Then inhale and suck them down into your throat. While she is reeling in disgust, smear mashed potatoes all over your face and chest. This will really knock her for a loop. Then squirt ketchup and vinegar onto your crotch and start to gargle the peas. By now she should be slowly sliding her chair away from you. Repeatedly bash your face against the plate until as much of your dinner as possible is in your hair and mouth. For a finale, stand up and pour everyone's drinks down your pants.

Then say, "Sorry, I had my mouth full. What was your question?"

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Niceanims

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Raise a finger to them until I'm done chewing.

THE MIDDLE FINGER

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alternate

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your mom sounds like a real bitch, try explaining it to her - the talking with your mouth full bit, not the her being a bitch bit.

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zFUBARz

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Your mom is a crazy lady, to mitigate this take smaller bites, since you're mostly quiet you'll probably still finish faster than most people at the table who are splitting their time between talking and eating more.

Also when you're really hungry try controlling the conversation, ask leading questions yourself that you know will lead off onto a long tangent, or spin off to other people at the table "Oh, mom, what did you think about the news that sister is going to regionals?" This allows you to get by for a while just nodding and making vague understanding noises. Always remember just nod and smile and you will get through most interactions with a positive reception for your behaviour.

Also you sound young, I hope you're young. Try and build some distance with that relationship some day. It's healthier... I'm just saying.

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Jesus_Phish

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You hold up your left hand until your done chewing, then answer. If she keeps asking you the question, she's now the one with terrible table manners.

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fattony12000

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"Don't talk whilst your mouth is full."

It's quite simple.

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Shortbreadtom

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I do a weird thing where I make my chewing even more obvious and couple it with bobbing my head side to side. Usually gets the message across

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clush

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There is no proper way to excuse yourself from answering, because if you were properly following dining etiquette your mouth wouldn't be that full to begin with. That's the solution right there: take smaller bites. It's healthier, anyway.

Also, don't start chewing like a mad person trying to force down the foods when people do ask a question. Just calmly swallow and take a sip of water if necessary. In case you do need a couple of seconds you can nod, say 'hm-hmm' (not like you're choking, but to acknowledge you heard and understood the question) and raise your index finger or hand while swallowing.

I will add, though, that you're totally right. Etiquette is all about setting some basic rules to make everybody comfortable. Putting you on the spot like that is as rude as answering with your mouth stuffed, as is staring, as is stuffing your face to the point where you can no longer take part in conversation. It works both ways.

How old are you, by the way?

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alwaysbebombing

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Parents just don't understand.

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helvetica

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@splodge said:

The next time she does this, slowly insert as many peas up your nose as possible. Then inhale and suck them down into your throat.

Is that possible? This sounds possible with small peas. I don't live life dangerously enough to try it.

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Tennmuerti

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#48  Edited By Tennmuerti

Develop a bigger mouth, or rather more stretchy cheeks, that's how I get around any talk with your mouth full problems, need to talk? migrate all your chewing product to one side of your face behind your teeth into the cheek, voila now you can talk! (unless you stuff like an entire burger in your mouth or something).

Patent pending.

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deactivated-613c903ddf820

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Just chew faster and swallow bigger chunks of food. It's a high risk high reward system. Either that or take smaller bites from your food so you can instantly react when someone asks you a question.

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