Tell a joke!

A piece of string wearing a Tux walks in to a bar and asks for a beer. 'Certainly', replies the barman,' but, execuse me, are you a piece of string?'

'Yes', replied the string.

A few minutes later another piece of string wearing an Armani suit walks in to a bar and asks for a beer. 'Certainly', replies the barman,' but, excuse me, are you a piece of string?'

'Yes', replied the string, and goes to sit with the first piece of string.

A few minutes later a piece of  tatered,  worn string walks in to a bar and asks for a beer. 'Certainly', replies the barman,' but, excuse me, are you a piece of string?'

'no, I'm afraid not'

I love that one!

???


what seperates man from beast?

the ability to fuck itself

"???


what seperates man from beast?

the ability to fuck itself
"

Here's a riddle. It's not exactly funny, but it took me forever to figure it out. It'll make you think.

Ehhh. that wasn't funny, but i shouldn't be bashing i have none

"Here's a riddle. It took me forever to figure it out.

A guy goes to a restaurant and orders a Carribean Bird as his meal. The bird was cooked to perfection, and there was nothing wrong with it. When he walks out of the restaurant, he drops dead. Why?

There was no poison, and no guns involved.

"

"Commando said:

"Here's a riddle. It took me forever to figure it out.

A guy goes to a restaurant and orders a Carribean Bird as his meal. The bird was cooked to perfection, and there was nothing wrong with it. When he walks out of the restaurant, he drops dead. Why?

There was no poison, and no guns involved.

"

feathers?"

"Here's a riddle. It took me forever to figure it out.

A guy goes to a restaurant and orders a Carribean Bird as his meal. The bird was cooked to perfection, and there was nothing wrong with it. When he walks out of the restaurant, he drops dead. Why?

There was no poison, and no guns involved.

"

No. Not even close. Think about it. It's really simple.

"observer77 said:

"Commando said:

"Here's a riddle. It took me forever to figure it out.

A guy goes to a restaurant and orders a Carribean Bird as his meal. The bird was cooked to perfection, and there was nothing wrong with it. When he walks out of the restaurant, he drops dead. Why?

There was no poison, and no guns involved.

"

feathers?"

No. It was cooked to perfection. Everything was done right."

No. It's really simple. I'll post the answer in 10 minutes if noone figured it out.

"No. Not even close. Think about it. It's really simple."

No.

What did 50 Cent say when he got a sweater for his birthday?

Gee, you knit!

What does Snoop Dogg use to wash his whites?

Bliotch.

A penguin walks into a bar.
The penguin asks the barman: "Have you seen my brother?"
The barman says: "What does he look like?"

Quasimodo, the demented bell ringer of Notre Dame, put an ad in the papers for a assistant bell ringer. One man applied for the job but he had no arms. "How are you going to assist me?" asked Quasimodo. "That's easy!" replied the man and he ran at the bell and banged it with his head. BONG! "That's amazing!" said Quasimodo. "Could you show me that again?" "Sure!" said the man and he ran at the bell again but he missed the swinging bell and fell out of the bell tower. A crowd huddled around the hapless man lying in the street and a police officer asked, "Does anyone know who he is?"


Quasimodo came out and said...

"I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME, BUT HIS FACE SURE RINGS A BELL!"

It was too cold to eat?

No. Cooked to perfection remember?

Man, that's a stumper... PM me the answer, Commando!

Actually just forget it was a Carribean Bird. They're just supposed to taste really good. Just think of a really incredible meal.

"What did 50 Cent say when he got a sweater for his birthday?

Gee, you knit!

Ok well the answer is: It was to die for.

"Ok well the answer is: It was to die for.

Not exactly funny but if you tell it to your friends they'll go crazy trying to figure it out.

"

"Ok well the answer is: It was to die for.

Not exactly funny but if you tell it to your friends they'll go crazy trying to figure it out.

"

"Commando said:

"Ok well the answer is: It was to die for.

Not exactly funny but if you tell it to your friends they'll go crazy trying to figure it out.

"

I cant figure out whether I want to hurt you or praise your name for years to come."

The problem is you presented the caribbean bird thing like a riddle, as if there was an actual answer.  You're supposed to tell a joke and then give the punchline : /

"The problem is you presented the caribbean bird thing like a riddle, as if there was an actual answer.  You're supposed to tell a joke and then give the punchline : /"

What did one wall say to the other?

See you at the corner! :P

A little boy asked his mother, "Mummy, am I descended from a monkey?" 

The mother replied, "I don't know, son. I never met your father's folks

Here's a joke for you: Some people actually believe there's a God in the clouds who watches everything they do! Ha ha ha! So funny!

"

What did one wall say to the other?

See you at the corner! :P

"

"The problem is you presented the caribbean bird thing like a riddle, as if there was an actual answer.  You're supposed to tell a joke and then give the punchline : /"

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef

why didn't the skeleton go to the prom?

he had no body to go with.

Q: Why did the elephant paint his balls red ?

A: So he can hide in cherry trees.

Mine are all racist and tasteless jokes I learned in elementary school, but I'll indulge.  Just don't hate on me because they are terrible.

DISCLAIMER:  I MEAN THEY ARE REALLY REALLY TERRIBLE!! 


How many *ethnic people* does it take to shingle a roof?

One, if you slice him thin enough.


How many *ethnic people* can you fit in a VW Bug?

Depends on how big the ash tray is.


What's the difference between an *ethnic person* and a pizza?

Pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.


Why do *ethnic people* hate aspirin?

It's white, it works, and you have to pick through cotton to get to it.


What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well?

She screamed her hands off.



Ok, that's enough.  I feel dirty now just for typing these, and if you laughed you're going to hell :)

Has anyone heard the one about the two muffins? Well, there are two muffins in an oven. The one on the left says: NOTHING. BECAUSE IT'S A FUCKING MUFFIN.

"what would you do if you woke up one day and you were beautiful?"

"Ok well the answer is: It was to die for.

Not exactly funny but if you tell it to your friends they'll go crazy trying to figure it out.

"

Knock Knock!

Who's There?

Banana.

Banana Who?

Banana Orange Sandwich!

AHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

What's the difference between an *ethnic person* and a pizza?

Pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

I heard this one a while back.

So a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his crotch.  The bartenders asks, "why do you have a steering wheel there."  The pirate says, "Argh, it drives me nuts!"