okay here it goes. So a few days ago I smothered a guy to death with my nutsack, if you're wondering why I carry around a nutsack it's cause I LOVE CASHEWS
First one, really bad: A baby seal walks into a club... oh wait.
Second one that I was told recently that I found funny at the time, I was a little tipsy.
A man walks into a bar. he sits down in front of a bowl of peanuts and orders a drink. He starts snacking on the nuts as he waits for his drink. All of a sudden he hears a voice say "you're handsome". The man looks around and there's no one around, but he sits there and goes back to eating the peanuts and all of a sudden he hears "nice facial hair," and "I really like what you've done with the mustache." He looks around, strokes his beard, doesn't know where it's coming from, has another drink, and hears, "I like your shoes." Looks at his shoes and keeps looking around for the voice. The bartender comes up with the drink the man ordered and the man asks, "This may be weird, but there is someone around here saying nice things to me... is it you, man?" and the bartender says, "No, it's the peanuts; they are complimentary"
" Second one that I was told recently that I found funny at the time, I was a little tipsy. A man walks into a bar. he sits down in front of a bowl of peanuts and orders a drink. He starts snacking on the nuts as he waits for his drink. All of a sudden he hears a voice say "you're handsome". The man looks around and there's no one around, but he sits there and goes back to eating the peanuts and all of a sudden he hears "nice facial hair," and "I really like what you've done with the mustache." He looks around, strokes his beard, doesn't know where it's coming from, has another drink, and hears, "I like your shoes." Looks at his shoes and keeps looking around for the voice. The bartender comes up with the drink the man ordered and the man asks, "This may be weird, but there is someone around here saying nice things to me... is it you, man?" and the bartender says, "No, it's the peanuts; they are complimentary" "
I'm also tipsy. Laughed for a good few minutes at this
" Second one that I was told recently that I found funny at the time, I was a little tipsy. A man walks into a bar. he sits down in front of a bowl of peanuts and orders a drink. He starts snacking on the nuts as he waits for his drink. All of a sudden he hears a voice say "you're handsome". The man looks around and there's no one around, but he sits there and goes back to eating the peanuts and all of a sudden he hears "nice facial hair," and "I really like what you've done with the mustache." He looks around, strokes his beard, doesn't know where it's coming from, has another drink, and hears, "I like your shoes." Looks at his shoes and keeps looking around for the voice. The bartender comes up with the drink the man ordered and the man asks, "This may be weird, but there is someone around here saying nice things to me... is it you, man?" and the bartender says, "No, it's the peanuts; they are complimentary" "
I'm also tipsy. Laughed for a good few minutes at this "
I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one with a weird sense of humor then. Random and silly jokes can make me laugh easily, especially after a few drinks
This was a joke a speaker at a family reunion once told.
There was this married couple that once found some mushrooms growing in their back yard. They didn't know whether or not they were safe to eat, so they fed a couple to their dog. The dog didn't suffer any ill effects from them, so the couple decided to pluck the rest and prepare them in some of the food for a dinner party they were hosting.
Later that night, the dinner party was in full swing. As the evening wore on, all of the guests had at one point or another eaten some of the mushrooms. Then the couple's butler walks in and announces to everyone that the dog had just died. The party immediately erupted into panic. Paramedics were called in, and the rest of the evening was spent with the guests all getting their stomachs pumped.
Then, at the end of the night, the butler came back in. "I just couldn't believe it. How could the driver not see the poor dog out in the road like that."
" This was a joke a speaker at a family reunion once told. There was this married couple that once found some mushrooms growing in their back yard. They didn't know whether or not they were safe to eat, so they fed a couple to their dog. The dog didn't suffer any ill effects from them, so the couple decided to pluck the rest and prepare them in some of the food for a dinner party they were hosting. Later that night, the dinner party was in full swing. As the evening wore on, all of the guests had at one point or another eaten some of the mushrooms. Then the couple's butler walks in and announces to everyone that the dog had just died. The party immediately erupted into panic. Paramedics were called in, and the rest of the evening was spent with the guests all getting their stomachs pumped. Then, at the end of the night, the butler came back in. "I just couldn't believe it. How could the driver not see the poor dog out in the road like that." "
This is similar to a scene in the movie "Her Alibi" starring Tom Selleck. In the movie, the girl cooked the food before she left the house, then someone assumed the food was poisoned coz the cat who ate the same cooked food died. So the whole group panicked, went out and tried to vomit, but didn't work so they rushed to the hospital. When the girl came back and found everyone gone, the maid told her that everyone ran out after they saw the dead cat that was actually electrocuted, not poisoned.
" First one, really bad: A baby seal walks into a club... oh wait. Second one that I was told recently that I found funny at the time, I was a little tipsy. A man walks into a bar. he sits down in front of a bowl of peanuts and orders a drink. He starts snacking on the nuts as he waits for his drink. All of a sudden he hears a voice say "you're handsome". The man looks around and there's no one around, but he sits there and goes back to eating the peanuts and all of a sudden he hears "nice facial hair," and "I really like what you've done with the mustache." He looks around, strokes his beard, doesn't know where it's coming from, has another drink, and hears, "I like your shoes." Looks at his shoes and keeps looking around for the voice. The bartender comes up with the drink the man ordered and the man asks, "This may be weird, but there is someone around here saying nice things to me... is it you, man?" and the bartender says, "No, it's the peanuts; they are complimentary" "
this is not a terrible joke! i laughed at this lol!
I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one with a weird sense of humor then. Random and silly jokes can make me laugh easily, especially after a few drinks "
I have a very warped sense of humour, even before I have drink in me
Young Native American: "How do we get out names?" Tribal Leader: "Well, when you are born we name you after what is happening in your surroundings." Tribal Leader: "For example, your father was born in the woods and in the distance was a bear, his name is Warrior Bear." Tribal Leader: "Your mother was born in an open field and above us flew eagles, her name is Majestic Eagle." Tribal Leader: "But why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"
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