The Dilemma of Shrinking Gaming Time

I can't say I didn't see it coming, but it's finally really starting to become a reality. I'm engaged and I plan to get married this November. As wonderful as that has been, it had the all-to-easy-to-see conflict of how much of my free gaming time would remain exactly that, gaming time. At first it wasn't too bad, we lived in separate homes, seeing each other often, but I would still go home most nights and have my own time. Now we just got our own apartment together. She's truly a wonderful woman, kindhearted and understanding for sure, not to mention quite gorgeous. Ultimately though, she doesn't share my love of gaming. At most she may entertain something simple and instantly enjoyable, such as a Mario game. After about 15-20 minutes though, that's it, she's bored. I chalk a lot of this up to the fact that she didn't have a television in her house growing up in Belize. As such, she enjoys spending her time outdoors and being active. I don't mind that stuff, but I do also enjoy my "sit on the couch in front of a television" moments and other than movies and the occasional garbage tv session, that's not her cup of tea.

Having said all of that, she doesn't mind my gaming at all. I've just had to adjust my amount of time spent on it as a hobby. I've got friends who's consoles have done nothing but collect dust since they've been engaged or married. I know she won't force me to do that, but the true dilemma now is that in my limited amount of gaming time what do I play? I'd become accustomed to buying whatever game I wanted when it came out and playing it thoroughly until I was done with it. Sometimes buying 2-3 new releases at a time and just working my way through them all. That's just not feasible anymore. For one, I can't go spending my money willy nilly when I've got all this grown up stuff to consider like paying for the wedding, saving money for a house, saving money for having a baby (having babies is expensive!), saving money for the kids to go to school, etc. Secondly, I just won't have the time available to me to play multiple long, 20+ hour, singleplayer experiences which I'm so fond of in a short amount of time. Ultimately it's pushed me more towards experiences that have a quantifiable time investment, like sports games. Something I can pick up and know, "Ok, one game of basketball is going to take X amount of time."

I hope I don't sound resentful, this is just the reality of having more responsibility in my life and not only catering to my own personal wants and needs. I still get to play the games I love, but at a much, much slower pace that I'm used to. When Mass Effect 2 came out, I bought it day of release and completed it in about a week and a half. I also bought Mass Effect 3 at launch and I finally finished it about two days before the "updated" endings were released. She does travel for work from time to time, so I may get a week here or there where I can kinda go nuts on a game. Overall though, my gaming time is shrinking. I've never been one to shy away from buying a game new, I have a job, I make decent money, I'll buy what I want...right? Well now I find myself comparing and contrasting, telling myself I can only buy one game for the next couple months. Trying to figure out which one I'll enjoy more right away, wondering which will probably drop in price sooner and if I could pick it up for $30 a couple months from now. That's definitely not the worst thing in the world, as I'm saving money and getting the most out of the games I do own. I love keeping up with the latest things in gaming, but here I am and I haven't played Uncharted 3 because for me it was a choice of that or Skyrim. Guess what game I'm still playing?

Well I've rambled on long enough. Again, I hope this doesn't sound too bitter or resentful as I truly am happy, I just am slightly mourning the fact that my biggest hobby is having to take a reduced role in my life as my priorities and responsibilities shift and change. As I type this, I'm thinking in my head...Darksiders II or Sleeping Dogs? Either one I get will probably be the last new game I buy until Assassin's Creed III. I really loved Darksiders and am excited to see what they will do with the sequel. At the same time, I love Hong Kong action cinema and the idea of an open world game in that vein is super appealing. Or do I now go finally get Uncharted 3 since it's much cheaper? Choices, choices.

I can't say I didn't see it coming, but it's finally really starting to become a reality. I'm engaged and I plan to get married this November. As wonderful as that has been, it had the all-to-easy-to-see conflict of how much of my free gaming time would remain exactly that, gaming time. At first it wasn't too bad, we lived in separate homes, seeing each other often, but I would still go home most nights and have my own time. Now we just got our own apartment together. She's truly a wonderful woman, kindhearted and understanding for sure, not to mention quite gorgeous. Ultimately though, she doesn't share my love of gaming. At most she may entertain something simple and instantly enjoyable, such as a Mario game. After about 15-20 minutes though, that's it, she's bored. I chalk a lot of this up to the fact that she didn't have a television in her house growing up in Belize. As such, she enjoys spending her time outdoors and being active. I don't mind that stuff, but I do also enjoy my "sit on the couch in front of a television" moments and other than movies and the occasional garbage tv session, that's not her cup of tea.

Having said all of that, she doesn't mind my gaming at all. I've just had to adjust my amount of time spent on it as a hobby. I've got friends who's consoles have done nothing but collect dust since they've been engaged or married. I know she won't force me to do that, but the true dilemma now is that in my limited amount of gaming time what do I play? I'd become accustomed to buying whatever game I wanted when it came out and playing it thoroughly until I was done with it. Sometimes buying 2-3 new releases at a time and just working my way through them all. That's just not feasible anymore. For one, I can't go spending my money willy nilly when I've got all this grown up stuff to consider like paying for the wedding, saving money for a house, saving money for having a baby (having babies is expensive!), saving money for the kids to go to school, etc. Secondly, I just won't have the time available to me to play multiple long, 20+ hour, singleplayer experiences which I'm so fond of in a short amount of time. Ultimately it's pushed me more towards experiences that have a quantifiable time investment, like sports games. Something I can pick up and know, "Ok, one game of basketball is going to take X amount of time."

I hope I don't sound resentful, this is just the reality of having more responsibility in my life and not only catering to my own personal wants and needs. I still get to play the games I love, but at a much, much slower pace that I'm used to. When Mass Effect 2 came out, I bought it day of release and completed it in about a week and a half. I also bought Mass Effect 3 at launch and I finally finished it about two days before the "updated" endings were released. She does travel for work from time to time, so I may get a week here or there where I can kinda go nuts on a game. Overall though, my gaming time is shrinking. I've never been one to shy away from buying a game new, I have a job, I make decent money, I'll buy what I want...right? Well now I find myself comparing and contrasting, telling myself I can only buy one game for the next couple months. Trying to figure out which one I'll enjoy more right away, wondering which will probably drop in price sooner and if I could pick it up for $30 a couple months from now. That's definitely not the worst thing in the world, as I'm saving money and getting the most out of the games I do own. I love keeping up with the latest things in gaming, but here I am and I haven't played Uncharted 3 because for me it was a choice of that or Skyrim. Guess what game I'm still playing?

Well I've rambled on long enough. Again, I hope this doesn't sound too bitter or resentful as I truly am happy, I just am slightly mourning the fact that my biggest hobby is having to take a reduced role in my life as my priorities and responsibilities shift and change. As I type this, I'm thinking in my head...Darksiders II or Sleeping Dogs? Either one I get will probably be the last new game I buy until Assassin's Creed III. I really loved Darksiders and am excited to see what they will do with the sequel. At the same time, I love Hong Kong action cinema and the idea of an open world game in that vein is super appealing. Or do I now go finally get Uncharted 3 since it's much cheaper? Choices, choices.

my long term gf that i live with has absolutley ZERO interest in anything gaming.

but she likes to watch shit TV of an evening soap operas and shit like that. so while she does that i game for a couple of hours. been doing that for about 3 years now and it works just fine.

ive never try to 'get her into games' and she never tries to make me watch eastenders

touch her shoulder?

just kidding. I guess i'm lucky that my lady friend loves playing games with me, i'd feel weird about it otherwise i think

Sounds like you're in a good place. My wife and I have gone through a lot in regards to our differing views on time priorities in the relationship, but I think we're finally at a place where I get the time I need and sometimes more than that and in return I make an effort to actually do stuff with her other than sitting on the couch watching tv. Though I wouldn't say I've financially reached your insight just yet, I still buy more games than I probably should. Though I have tried to reel it in a little bit.

I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone who doesn't like gaming. But love prevails over everything else, so I guess you'll have to adapt. Does she have any hobbies you have no interest in? Because you could compromise - 'Okay, if you're going to do that, then I'll play a game or something until you're done.' It's not a negative thing to have differences, you just work around them together. Congratulations on your impending nuptuals, I wish you both the best!

@Pezen said:

Sounds like you're in a good place. My wife and I have gone through a lot in regards to our differing views on time priorities in the relationship, but I think we're finally at a place where I get the time I need and sometimes more than that and in return I make an effort to actually do stuff with her other than sitting on the couch watching tv. Though I wouldn't say I've financially reached your insight just yet, I still buy more games than I probably should. Though I have tried to reel it in a little bit.

Yeah I definitely still am guilty of it from time to time. Earlier this year I bought The Witcher 2 on a whim since it seemed like a game I would love. I've played maybe 30 minutes of it and haven't found the time to really sink into it yet. With a new game I love to just take a couple hours, at least on that first play, to really get my teeth into it so to speak. Still makes me feel a bit guilty that I spent the money and haven't played it yet. It's not that I don't already have a bit of a backlog, but I still want to play new games. It's fighting that temptation to just buy everything new when it comes out.

@Clairabel said:

I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone who doesn't like gaming. But love prevails over everything else, so I guess you'll have to adapt. Does she have any hobbies you have no interest in? Because you could compromise - 'Okay, if you're going to do that, then I'll play a game or something until you're done.' It's not a negative thing to have differences, you just work around them together. Congratulations on your impending nuptuals, I wish you both the best!

Yeah, I didn't think I could either, but her not loving games is really not a killer. She's so wonderful in every other aspect, if she loved gaming I would think it's too good to be true. She does have some things she likes to do that I don't particularly enjoy. Like shopping for a start! So sometimes on say a Saturday morning if she goes off to the shops looking for bargains, I'll use that time to play games at home and then we'll probably spend the afternoon together doing something.

Don't worry dude, I've been married for five years now and have a 15 month old daughter and once the little girl started sleeping through the night, it's all good. At first you and your new wife will want to spend a ton of time together and then after a while when you get accustomed to each other a bit more you will have more free time because you will both want your own time. Usually at night, around 9 or so, she will begin to watch something on t.v. and I'll make my way into my gaming room. This gives me a good 2-3 hours of gaming. Now, this isn't every single night because sometimes you want to spend more time with each other but it gets cooler.

Man, between my job, my wife, and all the chores/necessities that come up every day, I hardly have any time for gaming. I'm lucky if I get to spend one weekend day a week playing something, and by the end of the day after work I'm usually too tired to actually play anything.

But such is life. I imagine it will get even worse when we have kids.

I used to pack in gaming time after my ex-wife went to bed. We worked opposing shifts, so I'd be up late anyway and she'd have to go to bed early to get up early. I had my consoles, TV, and PC set up near the bed so I could lie down next to her with headphones on and she could cuddle up next to me and all that. Although she did sometimes mumble a complaint about the buttons clacking.

So I never really hung it up because of marriage, but I did for school. Didn't play much at all when I was in college, especially with a wife, a kid, and a job on top of it. I'm getting ready for grad school now, so I'm feeling the same dread as you, but I should still be able to get it in: divorced, kid's older, and I hardly work. Perfect!