Tips on living with loud neighbors?

I've lived in various apartments for a while. I've dealt with loud walkers, dogs and the like but I just had new neighbors move in that top the cake. Not because their consciously loud and obnoxious, it's actually because of their children and their dog.

Now when it comes to the kids, let me preface by saying I am not a parent, and it is, I'm sure, far more difficult than I could imagine. However, their toddler cries until it SCREAMS. It also seems that their kids are adjacent to our master bedroom. This can happen as early as 3-4 am and has woken me up, before the parents quite a few times since they've moved in. (Please note, I work two jobs and my boyfriend is the closing cook at a restaurant, early morning sleep is vital to us)

The second problem, the dog, I didn't even realize until today (perhaps due to how loud the children are?). As I'm typing, this dog has been home alone and barking loudly for over an hour and a half. Most dogs quit it after a half hour or so but not this one.

These people have only been in the place 2-3 weeks. I've lost sleep multiple nights. I feel bad because it's not something they can remedy easily, or even at all. Any suggestions? Could it even help me get out of my lease a few months early and move elsewhere?

I would take it up with the landlord. I feel this is just a side effect of apartment life. It really sucks that no matter how courteous and quiet you try to be there is always going to be some asshole that doesn't care. I'm currently living above the most obnoxious mother fucker I've ever lived near. He likes to stay up all night and play bass guitar and scream the same 4 or 5 songs. This is a hobby he established maybe 2 years back and he hasn't adjusted his behavior at all. You think he'd get a little fucking sick of his stale ass repertoire but nope. Not to mention the arguments you hear. I'm getting really sick of apartment living. It's great and affordable and you don't have to worry about actually owning property but you have to luck out with your neighbors because there is ALWAYS going to be that asshole. I asked the landlord about it. He gossips for a bit about the dude and his living situation but I haven't seen any improvement. It's all a massive headache. I'm really sorry you're dealing with this because it's pretty fucking stressful. Like you're supposed to feel comfortable and safe at home, not completely at odds with the people in your building.

Short term you could buy some builder grade ear-plugs. I sourced some from a friend while not a total mute button they do help a lot.

I suppose you've tried earplugs already? The polyurethane ones are effective and cheap.

Edit: Beaten!

@polyesterkyle: yeah, it's definitely typical apartment life. I've always been lucky enough to just have loud neighbors who went to bed at normal times, thus the interrupted sleep was never an issue before. At least my situation is one I can empathize for but your neighbor seems like he cares more about his "up and coming career" than who he affects with his practice sessions, ha.

@aethelred: @hayt: looks like I may have to adapt to sleeping with ear plugs then, I've only ever used them at standing room only shows.

I definitely miss the neighbors who preceeded these people. (Stompers, with a whiny dog (only howled for a half hour) and a ten year old girl who would just run around at times.)

1. If you were loud as fuck and were disturbing your neighbors, would you want to know?

2. If you had to be notified of how loud you were being, how would you like your neighbors to tell you?

This isn't a situation that can be easily remedied, but with communication skills you might make it slightly more tolerable. You could also enlist the aid of neighbors who feel the same way you do. It's good to have more than one source.

You could try 1" memory foam toppers meant for beds. Cover them in a fabric of choice and then mount them to the wall. It creates a cocoon of quiet. I used to do this in the dorms because our walls were paper thin.

Touch their shoulders.

Introduce yourself to them, have a nice chat (about where they are from for instance, why they moved, etc,) and then politely bring it up. Chances are they are nice people who are willing to try to adjust the situation. If they don't, you can always go to your landlord afterwards. And don't wait too long, as over time the situation which is currently new will become the normal situation, and they might become less willing to change.

Good luck, this sucks, and I'm glad I have decent neighbours.

There is probably nothing they can do to keep their kids quiet, or to stop their dog barking. They may even see it as not their problem since they are awake at "normal" times, and may see it as not their fault that you guys work night jobs. I have had similar problems before in a block when I had a 8am - 4 pm sleep schedule, and was told by my landlord that there was nothing he could do as people are allowed to make any kind of noise they like during daylight hours. Earplugs were my only option. Once I tried them the problem was complete solved.

That's a hard one considering those issues are natural to a child and dog (depending on the breed of dog, as well as it perhaps having anxiety issues due to being away from its pack, which is your neighbors). I think earplugs is a good idea as people mentioned; I just hope you can hear if someone breaks into your house... It's not like a neighbor listening to loud, thumping music which you can go over and ask for them to turn down.

@azulot: First off, don't go immediately behind their backs to a landlord or anything like that. That's a fantastic way to create instant animosity, and more than likely there's nothing he/she/they can do about it as it's not as easy as turning down a stereo or changing when they play their guitar. Let's not burn bridges before we find out if we can cross.

Next, try and get to know them. Let's assume they aren't assholes or anything like that, and just normal people that sleep like the dead as their toddler is draining whatever energy they have left by that time, and that's why it takes the kid reaching mega volume levels before they wake up. Simply by getting on friendly terms, you might find that they take you into consideration more often. I know I started being extra cautious with things like noise when my neighbor and I became good friends, as I knew she worked in the day, whereas she did the same for me as I worked at night. Now, neither of us had noise sources that were out of our control, so you might find that nothing changes even if they would like it to, but that's your best opening shot. You don't even have to bring it up directly; just by indicating what you two do for a living and the hours you do it is a great start. If all they do is get a baby monitor that wakes them up quicker to deal with the problem, or perhaps come up with an alternate arrangement for their dog during the day, that'd go a good distance to fixing the problem, right? Such a think is possible with just a bit of communication.

Failing that (either by their good efforts amounting to nought or the fact that they're actually assholes who don't give a shit), you are going to have to look into things on your end, as the dog may be a fixable problem if you went to your landlord (hard to say as that's during daylight hours where most noise is permitted usually), but their kid certainly is not. Beyond earplugs as others have mentioned, you might try sound baffling or acoustic insulation of some kind; double check with your landlord to see what kind of mounting options you would have, as some prefer (small) holes that can painted over rather than mounting via tape (which probably wouldn't be sturdy enough for big acoustic panels anyway). You are probably going to want pretty thick foam, so don't cheap out or you might find yourself with a slightly duller but still persistent problem. A good dampening job will isolate the whole room, which might be your only recourse if you find yourself unable to adapt to sleeping with earplugs in.

Best of luck. In the end, I couldn't take apartment living for long so I got a house. That's probably not a viable solution that most can just decide to do at the drop of a hat, though. :D

As someone with a small baby I can tell you that the noise is much louder when you have the baby in your arms compared to living in the next apartment. It may suck for you but they have it much worse. There isn't much you can do about it. If it was adults you can tell them to think about the noise they are making but babies and dogs are not so easy to control.

My neighbors scream and argue a lot and usually around midnight but I don't mind much. I drown it out with rain noise anyway from my laptop. 9 hours of non stop rain on youtube makes me sleep great.

I've had neighbors complain about me in previous apartments and it sucks. People need to accept noise in apartment buildings to a certain degree and my wife should not have to tip toe around because she is a loud walker.

I've never complained about noise and I think people who do are just too sensetive. I mean there was once as a kid that my neighbor complained when I was listening in fricking headphones! my mom could not hear anything but somehow the neighbor could.

Some buildings though just have really bad noise insulation. Try to move to a place with thicker walls if you are noise sensetive.

I rather have noisy neighbors than have sensetive ones because it is the worst feeling when you feel you need to sneak around in your own home like you are a teenager coming home late and don't want to wake up your family.

As far as dogs go they should not be left alone at home as I understand it. I am a cat person and even if my cat can wake me I doubt he screams loud enough for anyone else to hear. A dog bark can be really loud though so I can sympethize with that.

@dagas: Oh come on, like there is no spectrum of acceptable noise. It's not either having to 'sneak' or be as loud as you want. Yes, walking around should be fine no matter how 'loud' of a walker someone is. That's something entirely different from having your kids flat out scream in the middle of the night consistently. We don't have to be black and white about this. If the kid wakes up sometimes to cry, yeah tough luck. That happens. If he consistently wakes up and screams though, that is certainly something you can complain about. Especially if it's an older kid.

Bottom line is: no matter if they can't control it, unreasonable noise is a problem that you can complain about. Go to them and let them know, then go to them and let them know again and finally go to them and let them know if they don't address it you'll step to the landlord.

There is only one long-term solution and it's moving. If they were playing loud music in the middle of the night it might have been possible to complain and have them change their behavior (and risk getting thrown out if they don't), but with children and a dog there is nothing to be done.

Part of why I take the bullet on "No Pets" Apartment Buildings is that I don't have to deal with dogs during the night. I love animals but I would rather get a good nights sleep more often than not.

As others have suggested, you are probably going to be better off trying to find solutions you can implement for yourself than ones that involve intervention from others. Earplugs, some kind of soundproofing solution that isn't irreversible (especially if you rent and don't own), and even just rearranging the living space are all plausible, if varying in effectiveness.

In my second year of University we had neighbors upstairs that would smoke weed and play dubstep until anywhere between 1am and 5am every night. I complained to the landlord and other than him sending them emails that I imagine they completely ignored, he did nothing. The solution ultimately was to move out as soon as possible.

Your situation sounds less severe but somewhat tougher to resolve since it's kinda out of their control, so complaining to the landlord might not help. Maybe the dog issue could get resolved but I'm not sure what could be done regarding the child.

You've clearly never experienced the living hell of having completely inconsiderate neighbors and early morning starts.

I can sleep through anything, so I would just live with it.

I think people have covered a lot the basics get some good noise cancelling headphones and ear plugs. Kids are tough and often hard to control. I'm sure they're doing their best (I hope). My only serious suggestion is talk with them first and second time if necessary about the situation, then the landlord. I think most people are a lot more accommodating and understanding if they feel like you're being up-front with them. Good luck.

I run a dehumidifier when I sleep just to drown out the lady above me who talks as loud as one can possibly talk when on the phone. It's basically just a white noise machine for me, it works great. I tried a digital white noise machine and hated it because you could hear it loop, but this thing's fan and compressor do the trick. I actually find it weird to sleep in total silence without the hum of it now.

Check your city ordinance. They may have a something there about noise.

Dogs can be left alone for extended periods of time. If they couldn't be, then no one would ever own one. However, dogs need mental and physical stimulation, and in apartment life that can be tough. Its possible, especially with a baby, that the dog isn't getting enough attention and is bored. Or, since you just noticed the dog, maybe they just brought it home and its adjusting. Is it a pup, or a full grown dog? Are you living in a no pet building? It could be anxiety or the pup may have issues being away from its people.

You could always try the note/talking to the neighbor thing. When I was in an apartment, that didn't work for me. I made some cookies, knocked, introduced myself, and asked nicely if she could move her subwoofer or turn it down after 5pm.

In fact, it just made the new neighbor more hostile with her noise. Apparently, she thought it was her right to listen to the stereo in her living room while she was taking a shower on the other side of the apartment. It literally shook things off my wall. It went from being at 8am-6pm to 8am-Midnight after I spoke to her. And she left it on when she wasn't home to further escalate things.

Complaints to management went unanswered. This happened for two months straight before she moved out. (Guessing she got booted out after bringing in a puppy who yapped non-stop into a non-pet building)

I actually ended up moving to the countryside.

In my last place I shared a wall with an belligerent alcoholic music fan who loved nothing better than getting wasted and playing Van Morrison as loudly as possible, shouting at the local kids and generally acting like a bad neighbour you'd see in a made-for-TV movie.

He also decided to learn the electric guitar soon after I moved there.

Initially, talking to him worked but once he was back on the sauce it would all start up again. I went down the earplug route but that didn't really help in the long term as it was starting to affect my mental health.

Got in contact eventually with the local council (he was in social housing) who sent someone round to have a chat. 2 weeks later he was as bad as ever and I was getting so fried that I almost decked him more than once.

Fortunately for me, a family home that had been left to me had become vacant and I moved as fast as I could. It took two years for my blood pressure to get back to normal.

As someone who lives in a similar situation, I would take it up with the land lord, and regardless if you decide to do that or not, invest in some good ear plugs. Also a box fan to help make some white noise at night to muffle the sounds of your neighbors.

@dave_tacitus: Why did you accept his behavior though? Three necessary police visits and he can get kicked out. At least, that's how it works here. Should've just called the police with a noise complaint, if they consider it accurate, only two more to strike him out.

I did it once. I don't feel bad at all. Fuck those people.

@azulot: I would do 3 things: The first would be to talk to the landlord about the issue. The second thing would be to find out if there's a law against causing a loud ruckus late at night. And the final thing I would do is constantly have the most loudest possible, amazing sex ever with my boyfriend to establish my dominance in the building.

@zevvion: Doesn't work like that here. He had a warning then I'd decided to move before contacting them again.

What they would have done next was to put microphones in my house to measure his noise level ... then it would have gone to court if they were satisfied I wasn't lying. I know, right.

Still, that's not the worst thing I've heard through a wall - Just after I got married, my wife and I heard my neighbour murder his wife...

Don't live in apartments that allow dogs, as far as the kid nothing to be done.

White noise machines and wax earplugs (I found wax earplugs do a worse job blocking sound completely, but are way more comfortable to wear for long stretches of time).

Fundamentally, make a decision: if you can live with it and really value your current apartment, then the white noise earplug combo should be fine. If you're finding yourself dreading bedtime or even being in the flat because the noise is so omnipresent, suck it up and move. It sucks, but that's life sometimes.

Thanks everyone, for all your suggestions and even your stories most of which I can relate to (definitely not to @dave_tacitusthough, I'm lucky to say).

For now ear plugs, and sound dampening on my end seem like the best way to go. My lease isn't up until November so I can't move until then, but the boyfriend and I are hoping for something walking distance from work, anyway. (Note: I have cats, so a no pets allowed place isn't an option for me) The couple is perfectly nice and was very friendly this morning though I didn't yet bring up the topic of their children and the dog.

Some asked why I hadn't heard the dog before last night, and truthfully, every time I have been home so have they, thus the supposed separation anxiety of the dog wasn't really an issue. I'm hoping both the children and the dog are just adapting to a new home, I'd really like to give these people the benefit of the doubt. However, next time I have to come in late to work due to lack of sleep I think I might politely talk to them and ask about the kids' sleeping arrangements and if they are up against a shared wall (luckily, I have a really awesome boss).

Finally, all of you have been far more helpful than my plea to acquaintances on Facebook. The only suggestion I got from people was to complain to management (those words exactly), curiously enough a couple of those people were parents of young children themselves. I suppose it's part of living in the Passive-aggressive Northwest?

This made me laugh. #3 took place almost immediately after the neighbor child's wake up call at 6:30 am on Saturday. Though we closed the window because the child screaming was a bit of a mood killer.

This has been a fascinating read. I don't mean this to sound condescending and I hope it doesn't come across that way, but I would think logically the first step would be to talk to the people involved, and yet that's the scarcest piece of advice in this thread. I get it - there's a baby and a dog, and those elements are likely out of the control of the people in question, but still, suggesting batting on the walls (for example) before having a chat with the neighbors to see if there's anything they can do on their end makes me wonder if non-confrontation is becoming the norm. Anyways, good luck with the situation. i've had a few bad/noisy/problematic neighbors and they're always a chore.

As a parent of two kids, one of them being a 1 year old awful sleeper, they are doing their best and if you thinks it's bad, it's many times more difficult for them so cut some slack for them. A dog on the other hand I have no patience for. Honestly leave a note on the door can help, we've done that before for a very VERY loud newly married couple below us that thought they were filming a porn or something every night

@azulot: I'm a fairly light sleeper, and I have pretty thin walls with my neighbor. I also have a studio, so I don't really have many places to go when things get loud over there. What I have found helpful is pumping brown noise through a subwoofer and speakers into my room; it's a nice, bass-y noise (more bass than white noise, which can get harsh) that tends to drown out a lot of the subtler talking stuff that comes through the walls. When things get really loud I'll wear earbuds to bed with the brown noise pumped in. It helps a bunch and usually fades into the background pretty quick when I turn it on.

No condescension detected at all - I wouldn't ask for advice if I wasn't open to actually listening to it. I definitely want to talk to them before even bothering talking to management. Though I feel like trying to sleep with ear plugs isn't a huge sacrifice at all on my end (I also have mattress topper from the guest room I can put against the wall, behind my dresser, with no nailing needed, ha). Clearly, with the kids, they're having to deal with the screaming as well. Whether it's terrible twos or whatever (kid doesn't just scream when it wakes up at night, also randomly through the day but hey, I'm not losing sleep then so it's not as big of an issue). When I wake up, I hear them run to the kid's aid within a few minutes (longest was about 10-15 minutes before a parent got there), so when it comes to confrontation I'd like to avoid it sounding like hey, I know you're trying to take care of your kid, but could you do it better/faster so I don't lose sleep too?

That's what makes it difficult for me I guess. It's hard for me to justify my frustration when it really seems like they're trying their best.

Edit: @nightriff: I didn't see your post until after I finished this, but that's exactly why I'd rather try to fix something on my end rather than immediately confront them or talk to the landlord. From the few interactions I've had with them, and moreso what I can hear through the walls, it's clear they're good parents.

@rorie said:

I like the sound of brown noise far better than the white noise machines I've heard. I have some really comfortable ear buds (moreso than ear plugs for me, personally) so this seems like a solid option.

I also have ear plugs from the last concert I was at so I'll probably attempt this and the ear plugs this week and see which helps best.

@azulot: That would be rough, but I've had a few neighbors who kind of needed that nudge towards good parenting, like maybe they didn't realize their kids' pounding feet at midnight wasn't such a great thing. If they sound like good parents, that really is a bad situation. As far as earbuds and such, I do use a green noise app on occasion more to help me relax than drown out noise. It's not bad - Rain Rain is the name of it, it's on iPad, and I think it's free with the option to buy cheap packages of sound clips. I like it because you can mix and match noises at different volumes, so I can have a quiet thunderstorm while listening to louder waves rolling in.

@dave_tacitus: To be fair, it's socially awkward to specifically complain about noise when someone is getting murdered. 'Hey! Can you keep the murder noise down? Don't you know how to stealth kill? Play some videogames you ass'.

Joking aside, that's pretty horrible. Must've been traumatizing for you two.

The most British response I can give is to just sit their in quiet disgust. When I lived in Gateshead we had a lot of movement above us and we were considering laying the law down til we found out the extra visitors were due to our neighbour's son being on his deathbed.

@zevvion: If that's possible, it's more mundane than it sounds.

There was an old couple next door - He was a nasty old git and she was a sweet little disabled woman. They were always rowing, or rather, he was always shouting at her.

One day we heard an almighty shouting match coming from upstairs (we lived in a little Victorian terrace) followed by two or three huge bangs. About an hour later we heard an ambulance and saw her being carried out, covered in a sheet.

He confessed to hitting her and throwing her down the stairs.

@dave_tacitus: Marriage...

Earplugs. I don't have noisy neighbors but I sleep til after noon cause I work til dawn and the sound of life outside my apartment makes sleep suck. I have started wearing earplugs and a sleep mask. Helps alot.

After you try talking to them and then the landlord you only have one option left. Back that subwoofer up to the wall and let it blast when you aren't there. Will it solve your problem? Prolly not. But the universe will be in balance.

Didn't help me when I was living with the loud roommates. Could still hear the bass woofing.

That sucks. I even found them helpful when they had people re-roofing my apartment and I'm on the top floor so there would basically be hours of the loudest hammering and smashing sounds you could imagine.

Kill them.

@azulot: When looking for a place, see if cats fall under the no pets rule. When I was renting, it started off as no pets cept fish and then changed to fish, birds, rabbits, etc, up to small cats but no dogs for the no-pet buildings.

I did almost that with my noisy neighbor after writing, talking to her, and writing management did nothing. Her regular listening volume, through our shared wall sounded like someone glued their cell phone to my ear, playing dance music from 7am until after midnight. Once I complained, she only turned it up louder until I could hear her crap music in my bedroom which was through another two sets of walls. And since she lived next to the trash chute/elevator, she only shared a wall with me so I was the only one complaining.

I had three woofers (Which I never had hooked up in the 8 years prior) that I pointed at her wall and whenever I could hear her crap through my wall, I'd just loop silly subwoofer tests with the subs on their highest settings. The important part was, when she adjusted her volume, I adjusted mine.

This caused a disturbance that could be felt in the shared hallways and the floor beneath us. This also meant that the complaints for noise went from coming just from me to coming from multiple sources. However, since I was only using my subs, anyone coming to investigate would pin 100% of the noise on my neighbor.

I'm pretty sure she ended up getting kicked out (Not for the noise, but because she brought in a dog to yap 24/7 into a no pet building) and the lack of action by management coupled with a rent increase had me buying a place once my lease was up.

I think the first thing would be to talk to them. As you said, if it seems like they're doing their best, that's a little tough. You don't want to come off as petty or lacking understanding. As for the dog, obviously, you can't tell them to get rid of it, but I've never been a big fan of having them in apartments. Dog need to move and play, go outside. But it is what it is. I would only talk to your landlord if you spoke to the neighbors and they came off as "assholish" or uncaring. If they really don't mean to be an annoyance, getting management involved would just stir up shit.

Otherwise, maybe try to invest in a nice pair of noise cancelling earbuds (if ear plugs aren't your thing/enough) and listen to something that helps you fall asleep. I personally enjoy white noise like a rainstorm with some thunder or something a little more bass-y, like a low hum. Youtube has a whole lot of those that can run for several hours.

It's not always the most comfortable thing if you sleep on your side and you might wake up all tangled in your cable if you move in your sleep, but you might figure something out.

BUT IT WORKED! SCIENCE!

Try talking to them